Ethically-culled chicken and other Yuletide delights

Ethically culled chicken from the family coop with extra helpings of re-heated misery - and a blood diamond bracelet wrapped under the tree: It's Christmas at the Sussexes' (at least, according to KENNEDY!

By Kennedy For Dailymail.Com

Published: 12:32 EST, 25 December 2023 | Updated: 02:18 EST, 26 December 2023

It's Christmas at the Sussexes'!

As North Polian gusts slip and sigh their way to Montecito, little Archie and Lilibet's sustainable stockings are bursting at their hempen seams.

The Duchess wakes later than usual - no early morning emails to staff today (it's their holiday too, she says empathetically).

A quick final check of the mailbox confirms a festive sadness: cards from Jay Z, Bey, the Beckhams and miscellaneous family members have indeed been lost in transit.

The table is laid by Harry - weary from the hard past year he's had, notably publishing his ghost-written memoir in January.

Turkey's out - instead it's ethically culled chicken from the couple's garden coop.

Place mats are replaced with excess copies of Meghan's best-selling picture book The Bench. (#Recycling hack!!)

While side dishes of betrayal and woe are re-blended, reheated and served with extra helpings. (Bought from Palestinian-owned stores only).

House rules: Don't mention Spotify, Coronation or car chases.

Auntie Oprah slides into the mix and - despite recent rumors of a cooling in relations - I'm happy to report she isn't seated out in the cold.

Here's Doria and Tyler Perry, too - rocking up in a Hertz electric-car rental.

And what Royal Californian Christmas would be complete without raucous parlor games?

Enter Omid Scobie, Target's answer to a court jester.

Charades is so stuffy Sandringham, he says. Fantastical fire-side storytelling is much more modern. The more stupendously make-believe the better.

And so Omid knits a yarn so hysterically phoney and bold, the Sussex family clan fashion matching cardigans and beanies.

These prove perfect for a post-lunch walk on the beach, where they launch ships in bottles to those less fortunate across the globe who aren't lucky enough to have Netflix, newspapers, access to the internet or really any way of hearing H&M's grumbles of grievance.

Back home it's time for gifts under the family spruce - felled from a private jet-offsetting forest.

For Harry from Meghan, a tube of Dr Freud's favorite todger tincture and a new necklace (his last one broke - don't ask how!).

For Meghan from Harry, a stunning tennis bracelet of shimmering blood diamonds.

For the children, a tough lesson that good things come to those who wait, marry rich, or star briefly on Deal Or No Deal. (That's something Meghan learnt from Mandela.)

Beware: a grinch! Samantha Markle pulls up in an Uber armed with gift-wrapped court papers addressed to her sister. How cruel to treat a sibling that way, Harry says.

Now it's time for the King's speech.

But just then, gathered round the 100' flatscreen, Harry reclining in his hand-carved reclaimed-mahogany throne with vegan pudding in hand, the cable goes out. The TV plunges into darkness.

Asked why she was seen with wire cutters by the fuse box, Meghan says recollections may vary.

And so, in lieu of Charles's festive message, they turn to draw up this year's naughty list of people who have wronged the Duke and Duchess of righteous indignation.

Enemy No.1: The Evil Media. (WAAAGH!)

Enemy No.2: The entire British public. (Colonizers!)

In lieu of Charles's festive message, they turn to draw up this year's naughty list of people who have wronged the Duke and Duchess of righteous indignation

Also included: Bill 'f***ing grifters' Simmons and Disney, who continue to refuse to offer Meghan a well-earned lead role.

Looking ahead to the new year, H&M mentally prepare for another twelve months of being begged for content, lifestyle guidance, therapy advice, and thoughts on how to live in truth.

A 2024 relaunch of the The Tig/Instagram/Suits spinoff/general good works? Just you wait - and wait!

All that's then left is a toast to success, wealth, celebrity friends, humility and freedom.

Sometimes you're just so happy that it hurts.

The decline and fall of a spare heir

 

JAN MOIR: If Harry shovels steaming manure onto the family fruit patch, he should expect a rich crop of raspberries in return

By Jan Moir for the Daily Mail

Published: 17:58 EST, 16 November 2023 | Updated: 08:17 EST, 17 November 2023

It still seems weird and somehow wrong that news about the British Royal Family is discussed first on U.S. outlets such as talk show host Kelly Ripa's podcast and on the pages and website of People magazine — next to stories about the Kardashians and actor Will Smith denying he slept with a man.

However, this is the world the Duke and Duchess of Sussex live in, this is the prism through which they are now viewed, this is where the absurd vanilla puffery of their softest-scoop ice cream is peddled in the hope that it will be swallowed whole.

Reactions may vary, as well as recollections. Some might even choke on the first mouthful.

Omid Scobie's new book Endgame is out at the end of this month and an extract has appeared in People magazine.

American readers might be surprised to learn that, according to this highly partisan account, the death of Queen Elizabeth II was not about the passing of a much-loved monarch and a sombre moment for British people and our shared history — it was all about Prince Harry.

Although Harry and Meghan have indicated they had nothing to do with the book, there is a great deal about who told him what and when about our 96-year-old Queen's final decline.

Also his travel arrangements to Balmoral, his disappointments about this and that, his sour surprise that not only was his welcome home far from warm, but that Meghan's presence at the Queen's deathbed was surplus to requirements, too. God knows what could have caused such family froideur!

Anyone with any ideas should write them on a silenced- not-silent postcard and send it to: The Toxic Racist Windsor Rotters, c/o Broken Dog Bowl Alley, London.

According to Endgame, Harry was especially peeved that his brother did not respond to his texts when he was trying to cadge a lift to Scotland on the RAF jet that flew Prince William, Prince Andrew and the Wessexes.

You have to laugh. What did Harry expect? If you shovel endless steaming manure onto the family fruit patch, surely you must expect a rich crop of raspberries in return?

Every action has a reaction and every piece of treachery is another brick in the royal ramparts.

The walls between the brothers are now so high that apparently William refuses to even 'properly talk' with Harry, while Harry is still moping about, seeking 'an apology or accountability'. From William to him, rather than the other way around. Cue even more sardonic laughter.

No doubt more Endgame extracts and leaks will be coming soon, but I am exhausted by it already.

Dear God, surely not more Sussexian victimhood? When are they ever going to wake up and smell the wellness- focused instant latte or count their many blessings?

Harry and Meghan now have two beautiful, healthy children, a gorgeous home in California, a chicken coop, free tickets to Beyonce and Katy Perry pop concerts and millions in the bank.

They have rich and powerful supporters on their side, including billionaire television producer Tyler Perry.

It was Perry who facilitated their initial entry into America, providing his lavish California estate as a sanctuary. Not many refugees fleeing tyranny are the beneficiaries of such largesse!

Perry was on Kelly Ripa's show this week, revealing how Meghan got in touch with him after he sent her a note of support.

They had not long been friends, but that didn't stop Perry becoming Princess Lilibet's godfather.

Meghan is not the first ambitious mother who selected a wealthy and well-connected patron to become a godfather to her children — but the shock is how little it took.

A few phone calls and the loan of a house? Honey, I pimped the kids.

What I am wondering is how much more of this can we all take? Harry and Meghan have found their freedom, they have made their great escape — can't they now just enjoy it all instead of endlessly picking at the royal scab and whining to their proxy, Omid Scobie? Or to their proxy's proxy?

Of course, as a one-dimensional author of limited scope, Scobie must stoke the fires of grievance and discontent between the exiled Sussexes and the core royals, otherwise he doesn't have a book, a narrative, a purpose, or indeed a pay cheque.

Even he must be alarmed that the Duke and Duchess of Sussex are now denying that they are 'affiliated' with him in any way, although we have been here before. Denials that the Sussex camp had helped with his previous biography, Finding Freedom, turned out to be untrue.

Whatever, however, moreover — I think we can all agree that this endless drip of gripe and spite from a prince is the sign of a man who lost his way a long, long time ago.

Burnt-out Bombsite: What Prince Harry did to his Family

JAN MOIR: Harry may be coming home, but there's a burnt out bombsite where his family used to be

By JAN MOIR FOR THE DAILY MAIL
UPDATED: 03:49 EDT, 25 August 2023s

Royal-watchers spotted a cloud of black smoke rising over assorted palaces and castles this week, part of a sad new ritual called the Bonfire of the Olive Branches. For when it comes to relations between the Royal Family and the Duke and Duchess of Sussex, we're looking at a burnt-out bombsite where a family used to be.

Relations are at rock bottom, clemency is in the deep freeze. The outstretched hand has been withdrawn and the peace pipe has been doused with a thousand duchessy tears. It is over.

In September, Prince Harry will visit the UK to attend an awards ceremony for the WellChild charity on the day before the anniversary of the Queen's death. But there are no plans to meet his father or his brother. Apparently, he is not even going to the private family dinner at Windsor to remember Elizabeth II.

He then goes on to Germany for the Invictus Games, where his wife will fly out to join him.

The message from Meghan couldn't be clearer. She is never going to set foot in the grey, cake-filled, miserable UK again if she can possibly help it.

Perhaps being forbidden to attend the Queen's deathbed at Balmoral — to shed light, to empower, to recommend a turmeric cleanse and some yoga stretches to the woman she never knew as Gan-Gan — was the last straw. And if there is a role for her as wifely appeaser to help heal the rift between her husband and his family, she has chosen to avoid that, too. As is her right.

But there is a puzzling disconnect about all this bitter friction.

The Duke and Duchess keep embracing big themes such as reconciliation and family. They talk earnestly of healing, humanity and hope but, somehow, never apply these messages to themselves and their relationships with their families, which are as toxic as a giant hogweed swamp.

Consider that poor Thomas Markle, living alone in a dusty Mexican border city just 250 miles south of Montecito, has yet to meet his grandchildren. It also seems unlikely that King Charles will ever get a second chance to meet Lilibet, his granddaughter. And that is terribly sad.

I note that the Duchess accompanied the Duke to the WellChild Awards in 2018 and 2019 but is not attending this year. A shame, for it is a moving ceremony held to celebrate the achievements and resilience of children with severe illness and the families who look after them.

That first year, the Duchess was pregnant with her first child, Archie — it had yet to be announced to the public — and the Duke paid tribute to her on stage.

The following year, he broke down during his speech at the same event, saying: 'It pulls at my heartstrings in a way I could never have understood until I had a child of my own.'

He is so right. When it works properly, family is everything. Family is your home port, the wind beneath your wings. Family is more than name-napping your grandmother's nickname for your own child. Family is not a seized opportunity to build a business on a royal name and a heritage you like to denigrate when it suits.

Family is not an ermine-edged cloak under which you can indulge your narcissism disguised as altruism. Family is putting in the hard yards, apologising when you have gone wrong and loving each other despite it all. Dare I even mention the word respect?

It has been seven years since Harry met Meghan. It is five years since they married, three years since they stepped down as royals, two years since their infamous interview with Oprah, one year since the Queen died.

In this time, Harry has cratered his existence as he knew it and lost the only father and brother he will ever know. In elevating his and Meghan's joint status and virtue by ruthlessly tearing down the legacy and reputation of the Windsors, he has reached this bleak point of no return.

Prince Harry is coming home, but there is nowhere for him to go. His involvement in the Invictus Games and charities such as WellChild is the very best of him. But surely the day will soon dawn when he comes to regret losing what he says he prizes the most: his family.

Harry and Meghan. . . don't tell me they're splitting up!

  

JAN MOIR: I’m relieved Harry and Meghan’s carousel of caressing has halted. But it does make me fear for them…

By Jan Moir for the Daily Mail

Updated: 16:02 EDT, 3 August 2023

Can all be well down in the fragrant dell of Montecito? I wonder. The Duke and Duchess of Sussex have made their first public appearance together in months, no doubt hoping to silence increasing speculation about the state of their marriage, their future together and their mutual career as saviours of the world — or whatever it is that they do out there in their fantasyland of compassion and creative activations.

The couple were filmed sitting together on a love seat in the sun-dappled garden of their Californian home as they made congratulatory phone calls to the winners of a grant for young entrepreneurs developing 'responsibly technology'. If this show of togetherness was supposed to quash rumours, it had the opposite effect on me.

Was it wrong to sense an underlying tension and a lack of interaction between the duke and duchess? It was certainly noticeable that the couple didn’t look at each other at all. Well, Harry gazed at Meghan, but she kept her eyes down and never looked at him, not once. At no point did their eyes meet, and no affectionate gazes were exchanged.

Some might think this is a loaded observation about what is only a brief promotional clip, but this is Harry and Meghan we are talking about. Since day one, their every public appearance has been characterised by a glutinous show of overt affection. They hold hands, they constantly pat, touch, clutch and comfort–rub each other like two high-net-worth meerkats enjoying a grooming session.

They delight in showing the world their delight in each other, even if that delight is not always entirely reciprocated in a wholly delightful way.

And whether on Oprah or on a palace balcony, their eye contact is invariably intense and locked on, like radar gunsights. Indeed, Meghan often makes a point of gazing at Harry with the kind of molten adoration you’d expect from a renaissance nun who has just seen a vision of God in a stained-glass window.

But not this time, baby. In their tonal summer neutrals and fixed grins, there was a faint undertow of awkwardness and distance that we haven’t seen before.

I want to be honest. I’m rather grateful for any new briskness in their public relationship. There have been too many moments in the past when Harry and Meghan’s adolescent pawings and moony spoony behaviour has made even an old romantic like me feel the urge to purge into the nearest sick bag. Even if one can appreciate how these relentless, open displays of tenderness had a purpose and were powerful in establishing the Sussex identity on a global stage.

After all, Harry and Meghan built their brand on love; on being the heroic, loved–up couple who fled from the oppression of wealth, privilege and monarchy to build a brave new world built on the very same wealth, privilege and monarchy they had crossed an ocean to escape. And if the course of their true love does not run smooth, where does that leave them?

Tomorrow is Meghan’s 42nd birthday, and I wonder what she will be reflecting upon as she blows out her candles in California. Perhaps she will exult in her triumphant exit from a cruel and wicked British institution which forced her to wear beige, denied her first choice of tiara and wasn’t keen on hugs, the utter b****rds.

Perhaps her mind will turn once more to that momentous New York night in May, when the infamous ‘near-catastrophic car chase’ resulted in an utterly catastrophic negative shift in public perception of the Sussexes.

Overnight they went from being seen as compassion crusaders to deluded fools, mockingly exposed as a couple overinvested in their own importance and whirling around inside a tornado of unjustifiable paranoia. It was a seminal moment which resulted in more bad publicity, including cancelled broadcasting projects and being called ‘grifters’ by a Spotify executive.

Strong marriages can survive worse, but it is becoming clear that the pressure is on for the Sussexes, who have squandered much of their initial commercial goodwill in Hollywood and somehow managed to diminish their own prestige to boot.

The popular narrative about their relationship has always depicted Harry as the poor husband, forced to obey the demands of his ambitious wife — but being married to a privacy–obsessed monomaniac like him is surely no picnic, either. On that fateful night in New York, stuck in the back of a taxi in her pretty gold dress, Meghan’s duchess life didn’t look like much fun at all.

Of course, maybe all this speculation is wrong-headed and unfair. Maybe too much is being made of a short film clip that is supposed to be a celebration of good works. Yet after seven years of behaving like two handsy old hams overacting in a royal romcom set in a petting farm, Harry and Meghan can’t blame puzzled viewers for fearing the worst when the carousel of caressing suddenly stops.

Harry and Meghan: Watching paint dry

CRAIG BROWN: News just in from Harry and Meghan's new hometown of Montecito... yes, watching paint dry CAN save the world

By Craig Brown for the Daily Mail

The Duke and Duchess of Sussex are said to be mulling over an invitation to the King’s Coronation in May.

A statement on behalf of the couple confirmed that they have been emailed about the event but it’s not yet clear if they’ll accept. And that’s the news. The time is three minutes past eight.

March 7: The Duke and Duchess of Sussex are said to be mulling over the a la carte menu at an out-of-town restaurant near their home in Montecito, California. A statement on behalf of the couple confirmed that they have not yet decided between the Cobb salad and the sushi. A decision is expected imminently.

March 8: The Duke and Duchess of Sussex are said to be mulling over whether to go out or stay in. A statement on behalf of the couple confirmed that they have been involved in discussions about the relative benefits of the two options.

March 9: The Duke and Duchess of Sussex are said to be watching paint dry. A statement on behalf of the couple confirmed that they are pursuing their paint-watching in a spirit of universal unity and reconciliation on behalf of all the underprivileged people of the world.

March 10: The Duke and Duchess of Sussex are said to be preparing a statement about how their paint-watching operation is going. In an exclusive interview on CNN — his first in more than two hours — Prince Harry said: ‘I was never given the opportunity to watch paint dry in my childhood. It was always like “Oh, no, no, no, you must be able to find something better to do. You want to do this, you don’t want to do that.”

‘They tried to make out that the paint would dry whether or not I watched it. It was, like, brutal. And that’s something that, as an adult, I’ve struggled to cope with.’

March 11: The Duke and Duchess of Sussex are said to be mulling over an invitation to watch paint dry at the newly decorated house of their neighbour Oprah Winfrey in Montecito, California.

In an exclusive interview with the entertainment editor of Psychology Today, the duchess said that over the coming years they are determined to let their children watch as much paint dry as possible.

‘It’s, like, a very positive experience. It, like, teaches you that though paint of whatever colour or creed may at first be very, very wet, so wet it’s like, really, really wet, well, you only have to, like, wait long enough, and — here’s the amazing thing — it will eventually dry.

‘And to me that’s the most valuable life lesson of them all.’

March 12: The Duke and Duchess of Sussex are said to be mulling over whether to sign up for a major Netflix series, Harry and Meghan: Becoming Dry.

A spokesperson for the couple said: ‘Harry and Meghan are proud to share their passion for watching paint dry with millions of others, harnessing their own expertise to push for safer, more inclusive paint-watching communities around the world.’

Speaking to her friend Gwyneth Paltrow for her podcast Spending And Caring, Meghan said: ‘Harry and I want to shed light on paint and continue to watch it dry so as to empower and inspire others to protect this beautiful, fragile planet we call Earth.’

March 13: The Duke and Duchess of Sussex are said to be gazing at their own navels with great tenderness and compassion, in a specially curated session at the Archewell Navel-Gazing and Enlightenment Retreat (ANGER) in Montecito.

Prince Harry reveals on the My Best Trauma podcast that learning to gaze at his own navel has done wonders for his mental health.

‘As a child, I, like, literally didn’t have a navel, or, if I did, I didn’t know where it was and was certainly not encouraged to gaze at it.

‘Growing up, I suffered from unconscious bias against my own navel. I never gave it a chance to speak, so naturally it felt sidelined.

‘And that’s why Meghan and I are now on a mission to teach everyone to engage with their navels, and to listen to everything our navels have to tell us about our shared values.’

News just in: The Duke and Duchess of Sussex announce their new Archewell Nursing Home, dedicated to nursing all kinds of grievance, from the wholly inconsiderable to the very small.

Trump's nonsensical self-justifying drivel: "What the f*ck is he talking about?"

PIERS MORGAN: President Trump's painfully deluded train-wreck HBO interview proved he hasn't just lost control of the coronavirus – he's lost control of reality

By Piers Morgan for MailOnline

Published: 07:33 EDT, 4 August 2020 | Updated: 11:26 EDT, 4 August 2020

In every great American crisis, there is a moment where the whole world can see the true character of a President.

For George W. Bush it came when he was photographed staring down from the luxurious comfort of Air Force One on the wreckage wrought by Hurricane Katrina, after his government's woefully inadequate federal response. The picture made him look detached and uncaring, and worst of all, a weak and ineffectual leader. He never recovered from it.

For Bill Clinton, it came with his infamous 'I did not have sexual relations with that woman, Ms Lewinsky' declaration. When it turned out he had indeed had multiple sexual relations with that woman, his reputation was badly damaged.

Conversely, for John F. Kennedy, you could point to his rousing 1962 speech challenging America to go to the moon, instilling in Americans a spirit of unlimited optimism, as the moment when he sparked a deep abiding popularity that lasts to this day.

Similarly, for Ronald Reagan, his audacious 'Mr Gorbachev, tear down this wall!' command at Berlin's Brandenburg Gate to the leader of the Soviet Union, cemented his place in history.

For President Donald J. Trump, there have been many grim moments during his catastrophic handling of the coronavirus pandemic that may end up defining his presidency.

For President Donald J. Trump, there have been many grim moments during his catastrophic handling of the coronavirus pandemic that may end up defining his presidency. 

During an extraordinary, toe-curling HBO interview with AXIOS's Jonathan Swan (right), President Trump exposed just why the US has become a horrifyingly bad template for how NOT to combat Covid-19.

But last night, during an extraordinary, toe-curling HBO interview with AXIOS's Jonathan Swan, he exposed just why the US has become a horrifyingly bad template for how NOT to combat Covid-19.

In an attempt to defend his indefensible record, and specifically why the US has one of the worst death rates in the world, Trump suddenly produced a collection of graphics.

'Look at some of these charts,' he said. 'This one, right here, the United States is lowest…in numerous categories…lower than the world.'

'In what?' said an incredulous Swan.

'Take a look,' said Trump, handing the chart over.

Swan, a very good and well-prepared journalist, studied the chart quickly and forensically.

'Oh, you're doing death as a proportion of cases,' he replied. 'I'm talking about death as a proportion of population.'

'Well… well…' Trump stammered.

'That's where the US is really bad,' persisted Swan, 'much worse than South Korea, Germany etc.'

'You can't do that!' exclaimed Trump.

'Why can't I do that?' asked Swan, looking understandably confused.

'You have to go by the cases,' said Trump. 'We're last, meaning we're first!'

It was a stunning exchange.

  

George W. Bush it came was photographed staring down from the luxurious comfort of Air Force One on the wreckage wrought by Hurricane Katrina, after his government's woefully inadequate federal response.

Bill Clinton, infamously said: 'I did not have sexual relations with that woman, Ms Lewinsky'. He is pictured at his impeachment.

Here was the President of the United States telling a journalist that he couldn't mention America's shocking coronavirus death toll because all that matters is not how many people have died, but how many people have been tested.

'You know there are those that say you can test too much,' Trump blathered. 'You do know that?'

Swan didn't know that, because nobody other than Trump has said that.

'Who says that?' Swan asked.

'Oh, just read the manuals,' Trump retorted. 'Read the books.'

'Manuals?' Swan pressed. 'What manuals?'

'Read the books, read the books,' Trump repeated.

Of course, there are no manuals, or books, that say you can do too much coronavirus testing.

Obviously, as any scientist will attest, you can never do enough testing. It's the only way to get on top of this virus until there's a vaccine.

What Trump actually means is that he wishes America did less testing so they didn't have so many cases because it makes HIM look bad.

That's why he doesn't want to talk about America's appalling death toll because, again, it makes HIM look bad.

'A thousand people are dying a day,' Swan told him.

'They are dying,' replied Trump. 'It's true. It is what it is.'

Wow.

'It is what it is' - that was the President's staggering response to the ongoing horrific slaughter of Americans by a deadly virus.

No empathy, no apology, no expression of sorrow.

Just a heartless, dismissive shrug.

The problem for Trump in this crisis is that the stats don't lie like he does.

When Swan pointed out that South Korea has a population of 51 million people but has only suffered 300 coronavirus deaths, Trump inferred, with zero evidence, that the statistics were fake news.

It's his default response to any facts he doesn't like, but now he is being exposed by the cold, hard reality of data-backed truth.

The World Health Organisation reports today there have been 18,100,204 confirmed cases of coronavirus in the world, and 690,257 deaths.

Of these, America has had 4,629,459 cases, which is 25% of the global total, and 154,226 deaths which is 22% of the global total.

Yet it has just 4.2% of the world's population.

So whichever way you look at the numbers, the United States is doing catastrophically badly.

When Swan told Trump that up to 1,000 Americans were dying everyday, the president said: 'It's true. It is what it is.' Pictured: Bodies are transferred to a temporary morgue in Brooklyn during the height of the pandemic.

Trump knows it, everyone knows it.

But he also knows if he admits it, it may cost him the election in November.

So, he's now reduced to lying, obfuscating, deflecting, and anything else he can think of to avoid being held accountable for what has happened on his watch.

Last night, Americans saw their President deny the incontrovertible.

They saw him pretend he's got coronavirus under control when he's completely lost control.

And they saw him challenged relentlessly on all this bullsh*t by a top-class journalist determined not to let him off the hook.

It made for electrifying but very unedifying viewing, combining the detached uncaring conduct of George W. Bush during the Katrina crisis with Bill Clinton's cynical lying about Monica Lewinsky.

There were many other awful moments during the interview, including Trump once again offering weirdly uncritical support to accused child sex trafficker Ghislaine Maxwell, refusing to call the late civil rights campaigning legend Congressman John Lewis, 'impressive' because Lewis hadn't gone to his inauguration, and stoking self-serving fears of election night mail voting fraud.

But it was his meandering disingenuous nonsense about coronavirus that swiftly went viral around the world.

Some people on social media even assumed it must be a comedy sketch given how preposterous it appeared and the fact it was appearing on a network famed for shows like Veep and Succession.

This, sadly, was very real.

I didn't laugh.

Instead, I cringed, I despaired, and then I felt angry.

America is being overrun by coronavirus because its narcissistic President has put his personal ego before doing his job – from spewing his dangerous 'cure' theories to trashing his top medical experts if they dare to speak the truth and boasting inanely about his covid news conference TV ratings.

Trump's made the crisis all about him, not the American people.

As a result, the American people are dying in massive numbers all over the country.

Jonathan Swan's constantly bemused face last night perfectly summed up what we were all thinking as the President brandished his meaningless self-serving charts and spouted his nonsensical self-justifying drivel: what the f*ck is he talking about?

PIERS MORGAN: Meghan and Harry? . . . PLEASE SHUT UP.

PIERS MORGAN: You're right, Meghan, confronting inequality is uncomfortable – but not as uncomfortable as watching unemployed Harry lecturing the world about it from the comfort of your Hollywood mansion hideaway

By Piers Morgan for MailOnline

Published: 09:06 EDT, 7 July 2020 | Updated: 09:29 EDT, 7 July 2020

I've seen less disconcerting hostage videos.

That was my thought this morning as I watched Prince Harry staring blankly into a camera and lecturing the world – yet again - on our need to face up to our privilege.

As he spoke about why we all have to right the wrongs of the past, his wife Meghan stared intently at him, boring her eyes into his skull as if she was virtually transporting her own pre-programmed thought processes into his brain.

I'm not a conspiracy theorist but at one stage it looked like his lips were moving in sync with her blinking eyes.

We're going to have to be a little uncomfortable right now,' said Meghan when she herself spoke.

No s***.

She continued: 'Because it's only in pushing through that discomfort that we get to the other side of this and find the place where a high tide raises all ships.'

This sounded very profound.

Then I remembered where I'd heard it before.

President John F. Kennedy famously said the words 'a rising tide lifts all boats' in a 1963 speech.

Meghan just forgot to credit him. 

An easy mistake, perhaps, when you're desperate to impress everyone with the power of your own world-changing rhetoric.

What was even less palatable than her linguistic plagiarism was Meghan's next claim: 'Equality does not put anyone on the back foot, it puts us all on the same footing - which is a fundamental human right.'

The essence of this assertion is entirely correct.

But there's something quite breathtakingly unedifying about a very rich deeply privileged Duchess banging on about equality from her $20 million borrowed mansion in Hollywood.

One of the few benefits of the coronavirus crisis has been that fame-hungry attention-seeking narcissistic celebrities have been put firmly back in their boxes.

From Madonna sitting naked in the rose-petalled bath of her lavish home as she told us COVID-19 was 'the great equaliser', to Gal Gadot's grotesquely tone-deaf annihilation of Imagine with a bunch of other tuneless virtue-signalling stars, the pandemic has exposed the utter irrelevance of celebrity culture when there's a killer virus on the loose.

For Meghan and Harry, this moment of reckoning has come at a particularly awkward time.

Six months ago, they quit the Royal Family and Britain in a blaze of aggrieved self-righteous glory - and announced big plans to be newly liberated global superstars, trading off their royal titles to make themselves enormously rich.

We were informed that they had 'never been happier' and were 'very excited' about their new lives of freedom from control by evil racist palace courtiers and the even more evil racist UK media.

It was a spectacular two-fingered snub to the Queen and the Monarchy, and to all the British taxpayers who had funded their lavish lifestyle.

And for a few weeks they were one of the most discussed and debated news stories in the world, dominating newspaper headlines and TV bulletins – all fuelling their superstar status.

But then came the biggest health crisis for a century, and suddenly we all forgot about them with the same speed that all their big plans for global domination got cancelled.

Meghan and Harry's terrible 'struggle' that they'd spent months moaning about was now put sharply into perspective by horrendous, chaotic scenes at hospitals around the world as heroic health workers risked their lives to save people infected by the disease.

Frankly, as Rhett Butler might say, we didn't give a damn about them or any other self-absorbed celebrities.

The REAL stars were the doctors and nurses on the Covid frontline.

As the threat of lockdown loomed, the Sussexes faced a dilemma: should they return to the UK from their vast Canadian riverside hideaway so Harry could help his family support the British people in our darkest hour since World War II?

Or should they hop on a private jet to Los Angeles?

They chose the latter, decamping to the sprawling $20 million Hollywood home of American actor Tyler Perry.

And that is where they have stayed ever since.

The house is an eight-bedroom, 12-bathroom Tuscan-style villa, which sits on 22 acres on the top of a hill in the ultra-exclusive Beverly Ridge Estates guard-gated community, offering sweeping views of the city from the backyard and with a massive swimming pool as its centrepiece feature.

It's hard to imagine a more luxurious or spacious place to spend lockdown.

Or a more incongruous place from which to lecture the world on equality.

'It's not going to be easy,' said Harry, 'and in some cases it's not going to be comfortable - but it needs to be done, because guess what, everybody benefits.'

Hmmm.

Again, there's nothing inaccurate about that statement, especially when applied to racism.

(Though his direct attack on the Commonwealth for its racist colonial wrongs suggests a poor grasp of history given it was formed in 1932 to bring an end to the British Empire and make amends for all the racist colonial wrongs with the British Empire.)

But there's something horribly inappropriate about it coming from a jobless prince sitting in a Hollywood mansion, living off his father's money and still reportedly using British taxpayer cash to fund his family's very expensive security costs.

In fact, it's hard to think of a more privileged, elitist life than the one they're now currently living – one that has all the luxury and glamour of royal life without the need to perform any of the duty.

I really didn't want to write about Meghan and Harry today.

I've managed to avoid it for four months and know there genuinely are far more important things to worry about.

But by making such overtly controversial political pronouncements, they are deliberately forcing themselves back into the news cycle and that makes it impossible to ignore them.

Their latest outburst follows last week's extraordinary revelations by Meghan in court documents filed in her privacy case against the Mail On Sunday.

She claimed, with zero evidence and quite staggering delusion, that her wedding to Harry made $1.2 billion in tourism cash so more than paid for itself.

She said she was 'unprotected' by the 'institution' of the Royal Family and was unhappy she couldn't take paid work like minor royals including Princesses Beatrice and Eugenie - who don't carry out public duties, so the comparison is completely irrelevant.

She complained that the Palace didn't correct 'hundreds of thousands of inaccurate articles' about her, which is a laughably exaggeration and, as Palace sources responded, the Duchess didn't seem to understand the difference between untrue stories and negative critical ones that were true.

But honestly, who cares about any of this trivial first world bleating when so many people are losing their lives and livelihoods?

In several weeks, a new biography of the couple, written by friends to 'correct' all the supposed myths about them, will be published and doubtless spray more dirt at the Royal Family, causing further embarrassment and upset for the Queen in her 94th year.

None of this sits well with Meghan and Harry's claim when they quit the Royals that they were doing so for the sake of privacy.

It's now clear that this pair of royal renegades have no intention of remaining 'private' and every intention of continuing to lecture us how to think and behave from behind the protected walls of their gilded new Hollywood life.

This wouldn't matter so much if people weren't suffering so badly from the terrible impact of the coronavirus and the horrific economic fallout as a consequence.

The last thing people want to hear right now is yet more whining from Meghan and Harry about how badly they've been treated, yet more digs at the Queen and other members of the Royal Family like William and Kate who have stepped up so commendably to comfort the British people during the pandemic, and yet more of their haughty, patronising, hypocritical sermons about equality.

So, before I return to more important things, three final words of advice for the Duke and Duchess: please shut up. 

(Please note! I don't own this material and am re-posting it here for educational purposes only, and because Piers Morgan KICKS ASS.)