Friday, January 16, 2015
Telephone to Glory: the ultimate infomercial
Telephone to glory, oh, what joy divine!
I can feel the current moving on the line.
Made by God the Father for His very own,
You may talk to Jesus on this royal telephone.
Central’s never busy, always on the line,
You can hear from heaven almost any time.
’Tis a royal service, built for one and all,
When you get in trouble, give this royal line a call.
Telephone to glory, oh, what joy divine!
I can feel the current moving on the line.
Made by God the Father for His very own,
You may talk to Jesus on this royal telephone.
There will be no charges, telephone is free,
It is built for service, just for you and me.
There will be no waiting on this royal line,
Telephone to glory always answers just in time.
Telephone to glory, oh, what joy divine!
I can feel the current moving on the line.
Made by God the Father for His very own,
You may talk to Jesus on this royal telephone
Visit Margaret's Amazon Author Page!
"Slices, dices, makes julienne fries": Ronco gifs
I.
I love.
I love old.
I love old ads.
I love old ads on.
I love old ads on YouTube
Cuz then I can gif them good.
This lady
does spazz
over dried-out
food
cuz it's good
for you and me.
Come see!
In times of old,
when everything was orange,
a thing you cranked
spewed food
that you then fried,
and then you died.
Here Grandma cleans her teeth
and Fido cleans his teeth
we all have cleaner teeth
but she does complain
about that funny taste.
Throw popcorn at your records, boys,
while the tone arm hums
its seductive song.
"Oh-oh! Dropped the garbage?
AGAIN??"
AGAIN??"
Punch that thing in the thing, make an ugly design
And pay for the thing that makes that thing!
Men!
Steam your coat,
Steam your coat,
Men!
Steam your tie,
Men!
Steam your pants,
Men!
Till you die,
It's the STEAM-A-WAY!
This thing
grinds up your hair,
dries your panties to a frizzle.
But your fresh drawers
and puffy head
will make you rightly sizzle!
Drying tip: put your panties on your head
and dry 'em both at once!
Great for pubic hair, too.
Your date will go wild with desire,
And you'll say,
"Thank you, Tidie Drier!"
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