“I became insane, with long intervals of horrible sanity.”

Poe goes in circles in my life, or in cycles, or orbits, coming around and around again with his own spooky timing. I wasn't expecting to like the PBS documentary I saw a few weeks ago, but I did, and wanted more. Even the actor they chose to portray Poe became more convincingly Poe-like as the show went on. They interviewed the usual suspects, scholars who basically spend all their working life trying to understand him. But they also kept interviewing an author named Lynn Cullen, who had written an intriguing-sounding book called Mrs. Poe.

At that point, I didn't know if it was biography or fiction. Turns out, not only is it fiction, it isn't even about Mrs. Poe! It's about the "lady friend" who almost took Poe away from his fragile wife (the fabled 13-year-old first cousin he married to save her from penury, or worse). So I ordered it from Amazon, with my first question being, "Will she 'get' Poe? Will she be able to 'do' Poe? Will he be at all convincing?" I haven't even finished it yet, and so far it has me in its thrall.

I see Poe differently from the usual perception of a half-mad, emotionally-frail alcoholic who barely made it in the literary world. Hah! Barely made it? The man was a literary rock star.  He didn't "barely make" anything, from his youth as a tough, wiry athlete to his adulthood as a tough, wiry poet who bore all the slings and arrows of his trade (and handed out more than a few in his blistering book reviews).

We're all affected a little too much by that famous photo (which see), where he really DOES look half out of his mind, with unfocused and even unmatched eyes staring into the unknown. Maybe he just disliked having his picture taken, in keeping with his bristly personality. I think if you saw Poe in a room with other poets of his time, you'd be hard-pressed to pick him out. I see him as a serious-looking man, thin and intense, with a big head and untidy hair, and though I have no way of knowing this, I keep thinking he had an educated Southern accent (having been raised in Virginia). He had enough of the thespian in him to give great drawing-room performances of his work.  The Lynn Cullen book is delicious in its imagining of an incredible literary salon where "Walter Whitman" basically makes an ass of himself, Horace Greeley pontificates, Louisa May Alcott shows up for tea, and everyone sucks up to Poe because he just published The Raven and is now terribly, terribly famous.

I've walked around and around inside this epic poem before, of course, but I just now read the whole thing out loud (with no one listening - I didn't even record it, but wanted those cadences inside my mouth and throat and lungs). Stuff sprang out at me, and for the first time I kept bursting out laughing, for this is a really funny poem. At least, it's funny in spots, when it's not absolutely gut-twisting in its loneliness and horror.  Poe was one of these people who had a huge hole in him where the wind blew,  a chill wind that never stopped. 

I realize that for the most part, my longer posts never get read or even opened, like gifts that just stay under the Christmas tree. But it's my blog, and I will do verse-by-verse literary analysis if I want to! 

ONCE upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered, weak and weary, 

Over many a quaint and curious volume of forgotten lore,— 

While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping, 

As of some one gently rapping, rapping at my chamber door. 

"'T is some visitor," I muttered, "tapping at my chamber door; 

Only this and nothing more." 

The first thing you notice is the clean, impeccable meter, the highly complex, perfectly balanced syllables glittering like gems in the dark. This is what makes it so challenging to read aloud, but if you work at it a bit, it's perfect.  As Poe usually does, he immediately sets the scene, plunks the narrator into our lap, and lets us know that this is a man who likes to sit in a dark room alone and read weird books which are completely forgotten (kind of like my three novels). This implies that he's feeling pretty darned forgotten himself, perhaps on the romantic scrap-heap. The rhyme scheme kicks in very soon, and he plays it to death, along with the famous Poe repetition: napping, tapping, rapping, rapping again, then taking one neat step backward to tapping. Well, if you and I did this verbal cha-cha, it would be a bad poem. The "only this and nothing more" already clues us in on his mood - both dismissive and wary, already reassuring himself, whistling in the dark. 

Ah, distinctly I remember it was in the bleak December 

And each separate dying ember wrought its ghost upon the floor. 

Eagerly I wished the morrow;—vainly I had sought to borrow 

From my books surcease of sorrow—sorrow for the lost Lenore, 

For the rare and radiant maiden whom the angels name Lenore: 

Nameless here for evermore. 

Oh really? "Nameless here forevermore"? All he DOES for the rest of the poem is blather on and on about Lenore, who is likely some pure and virginal, consumptively lovely maiden (and as a matter of fact, that sounds an awful lot like his wife). Calling her rare and radiant, well, I've seen a few people who were radiant, but only for moments. Soon that candle will be snuffed out. He sets this thing in December, of course, the dying of the year, and don't forget he has Christmas and all its disappointments in mind. I won't get into "and each separate dying ember wrought its ghost upon the floor", as it makes me want to howl and/or burst into tears because I should just stop writing forever. 

And the silken sad uncertain rustling of each purple curtain 

Thrilled me—filled me with fantastic terrors never felt before; 

So that now, to still the beating of my heart, I stood repeating 

"'T is some visitor entreating entrance at my chamber door, 

Some late visitor entreating entrance at my chamber door: 

This it is and nothing more." 

Those first two lines, among the best-known in English literature, are so incredibly sensuous that you can only read them out loud to fully appreciate them.  There isn't a syllable that's wrong - we're in geniusland here. Silken, sad, uncertain. Such words for a mere curtain, not just any curtain but a purple one - no, "each" purple curtain, so how many of them ARE there? I like how he juxtaposes "thrilled me, filled me" with "fantastic terrors" - don't most of us love having the bejeezus scared out of us, even paying for the privilege? And now, repeating and entreating have replaced rapping and tapping. He is the sceptred king of internal rhyme. 

Presently my soul grew stronger; hesitating then no longer, 

"Sir," said I, "or Madam, truly your forgiveness I implore; 

But the fact is I was napping, and so gently you came rapping, 

And so faintly you came tapping, tapping at my chamber door, 

That I scarce was sure I heard you"—here I opened wide the door:— 

Darkness there and nothing more. 

Oops. There's nobody there. I'll bet HE felt the fool. Here he is talking on and on to someone who doesn't exist, or at least not in fleshly form! And I really love that "Sir", said I, "or Madam" - is he hoping it might be the lost Lenore showing up, as if to deliver a pepperoni pizza from another dimension? But it's funny, too, reminding me of those awful old "Dear Sir or Madam" form letters (rejection letters? For Poe got a lot of those, too. "Ravens, Mr. Poe?" - perhaps from the same editor who said, "Whales, Mr. Melville?").

Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there wondering, fearing, 

Doubting, dreaming dreams no mortals ever dared to dream before; 

But the silence was unbroken, and the stillness gave no token, 

And the only word there spoken was the whispered word, "Lenore?" 

This I whispered, and an echo murmured back the word, "Lenore:" 

Merely this and nothing more. 

Well OK, then, he misses his girl friend! But we really know nothing about her, except that she's a "rare and radiant maiden" - and not there. For some reason a Bob Dylan line leapt into my head: "But she makes it all too concise and too clear that Johanna's not here."

Back into the chamber turning, all my soul within me burning, 

Soon again I heard a tapping somewhat louder than before. 

"Surely," said I, "surely that is something at my window lattice; 

Let me see, then, what thereat is, and this mystery explore; 

Let my heart be still a moment and this mystery explore: 

'T is the wind and nothing more." 

I love this verse. There is so much to love in it! When I saw that he had rhymed "that is" with "window lattice", I laughed out loud, but it was nothing to what I did when I got to "let me see, then what thereat is". This is a sly joke, no mistake, a little clever turn of phrase meant to relieve the bleakness just enough to keep his audience on the hook. For Poe was seductive, along with everything else he was. 

Open here I flung the shutter, when, with many a flirt and flutter, 

In there stepped a stately Raven of the saintly days of yore. 

Not the least obeisance made he; not a minute stopped or stayed he; 

But, with mien of lord or lady, perched above my chamber door, 

Perched upon a bust of Pallas just above my chamber door: 

Perched, and sat, and nothing more. 

We knew it was coming, the grand entrance. But how it comes is rather strange. The word "flirt" is not used casually, and fluttering eyelids are almost always seen as flirtatious. But suddenly, "in there stepped a stately Raven" - the thing WALKS in to his gloomy old chamber, looking positively royal. If you've ever studied a raven, though, they're exactly like this; they give no quarter. They really do just sit there, in a hunch. Unlike crows, they don't twitch or dart. They stare at you. It's unnerving.

And in case you're curious:

PALLAS was the Titan god of battle and warcraft. He was the father of Nike (Victory), Zelos (Rivalry), Kratos (Cratus, Strength) and Bia (Power) by Styx (Hatred), children who sided with Zeus during the Titan-War. Pallas' name was derived from the Greek word pallô meaning "to brandish (a spear)". He was vanquished by the goddess Athena who crafted her aigis (a goat-hide arm-guard) from his skin.

Then this ebony bird beguiling my sad fancy into smiling 

By the grave and stern decorum of the countenance it wore,— 

"Though thy crest be shorn and shaven, thou," I said, "art sure no craven, 

Ghastly grim and ancient Raven wandering from the Nightly shore: 

Tell me what thy lordly name is on the Night's Plutonian shore!" 

Quoth the Raven, "Nevermore." 

This is just another sly joke, a clever turn of phrase. It's "Who's on first, What's on second" all over again. No, quoth the Raven, I WON'T tell you my name, so there! So Poe assumes his name is "Nevermore", a nice play on the "nothing more" which he has already used SIX TIMES (!! I counted). 

Much I marvelled this ungainly fowl to hear discourse so plainly, 

Though its answer little meaning—little relevancy bore; 

For we cannot help agreeing that no living human being 

Ever yet was blessed with seeing bird above his chamber door, 

Bird or beast upon the sculptured bust above his chamber door, 

With such name as "Nevermore." 

He's sure he's the only one. Ever. In all of human history. No ego here! And maybe he's right. I never encountered such long raven poems from any other author. "Ever yet was blessed" must be sarcasm, for a moment ago he was cursing the damn thing. I like how quickly he switches from words like stately, lordly, grave, stern, etc., to "ungainly fowl" (homonym time!), as if it's just a big black chicken.

But the Raven, sitting lonely on the placid bust, spoke only 

That one word, as if his soul in that one word he did outpour. 

Nothing further then he uttered, not a feather then he fluttered, 

Till I scarcely more than muttered,—"Other friends have flown before; 

On the morrow he will leave me, as my Hopes have flown before." 

Then the bird said, "Nevermore." 

Oh, you'll just leave me like everybody does. Oh, no I won't. But I wish you would. And it's funny how HIS hopes are capitalized. I wonder how he does that?

Startled at the stillness broken by reply so aptly spoken, 

"Doubtless," said I, "what it utters is its only stock and store, 

Caught from some unhappy master whom unmerciful Disaster 

Followed fast and followed faster till his songs one burden bore: 

Till the dirges of his Hope that melancholy burden bore 

Of 'Never—nevermore.'

So! So now he's so desperate for an explanation for that gloomy triplet that he's telling us this bird's owner had a vocabulary of ONE WORD.

But the Raven still beguiling all my fancy into smiling, 

Straight I wheeled a cushioned seat in front of bird and bust and door; 

Then, upon the velvet sinking, I betook myself to linking 

Fancy unto fancy, thinking what this ominous bird of yore, 

What this grim, ungainly, ghastly, gaunt, and ominous bird of yore 

Meant in croaking "Nevermore." 

This is one of my favorite passages. It completely deflates all the horror he has been building up: the guy wheels up a soft, cushy chair - I didn't know chairs had casters then - and lounges on the lavish velvet, tipping it back, yawning and stretching, linking fancy unto fancy - maybe even lighting a cigar or swigging a little laudanum - can't you see it? 

This I sat engaged in guessing, but no syllable expressing 

To the fowl whose fiery eyes now burned into my bosom's core; 

This and more I sat divining, with my head at ease reclining 

On the cushion's velvet lining that the lamplight gloated o'er, 

But whose velvet violet lining with the lamp-light gloating o'er 

She shall press, ah, nevermore! 

Ah yes, now we get to it, the repressed sex. It had to come some time. Once more he's nodding off into some sort of erotic reverie, using a bloated word like "gloated" not once but TWICE, a word so pregnant and ready to burst that it reminds me  of the seethingly fertile abdomen of a termite queen - and then, all of a sudden, here she is, back again for a return engagement - LENORE! Or at least, we can assume it's Lenore who was pressing that velvet violet lining, or having her velvet violet lining ("with the lamp-light gloating o'er") pressed. Never have I seen sex so subtly expressed.

Then, methought, the air grew denser, perfumed from an unseen censer 

Swung by seraphim whose foot-falls tinkled on the tufted floor. 

"Wretch," I cried, "thy God hath lent thee—by these angels he hath sent thee 

Respite—respite and nepenthe from thy memories of Lenore!" 

Quaff, oh quaff this kind nepenthe, and forget this lost Lenore." 

Quoth the Raven, "Nevermore." 

He likes words which were probably antiquated even then. Quaff I get, nepenthe - well - not so much. So here's what it means:

Nepenthe: a potion used by the ancients to induce forgetfulness of pain or sorrow 

Something capable of causing oblivion of grief or suffering

I assume it was a sort of laudanum used by the gods in ancient times. Some sources say it didn't really exist. Laudanum did, as did alcohol, and it's my belief that Poe mixed them freely.

"Prophet!" said I, "thing of evil! prophet still, if bird or devil! 

Whether Tempter sent, or whether tempest tossed thee here ashore, 

Desolate yet all undaunted, on this desert land enchanted— 

On this home by Horror haunted—tell me truly, I implore: 

Is there—is there balm in Gilead?—tell me—tell me, I implore!" 

Quoth the Raven, "Nevermore." 

I have always loved this line, and think it's one of the finest ever written: "Is there - is there balm in Gilead?" It brings to mind the old hymn, "There is a balm in Gilead to make the wounded whole/There is a balm in Gilead to heal the sin-sick soul."  The original Biblical line read, "Is there no balm in Gilead?" Poe's version clings to a shred of hope, but the repeating "is there - is there - " is completely heartbreaking. Strangely, almost all versions I've heard treat this as a kind of sarcasm, but I think it's a cri du coeur from a man who has almost given up.

But then again. . . it could also be a test. 

"Prophet!" said I, "thing of evil—prophet still, if bird or devil! 

By that Heaven that bends above us, by that God we both adore, 

Tell this soul with sorrow laden if, within the distant Aidenn, 

It shall clasp a sainted maiden whom the angels name Lenore: 

Clasp a rare and radiant maiden whom the angels name Lenore!" 

Quoth the Raven,  "Nevermore."

OK, I'm going to stop looking things up, so you can take a guess at who or what Aidenn is. These classicists bug me to death. The important thing is Lenore. Lenore, Lenore, Lenore! By now she's not just radiant but "sainted". Did Poe ever have sex, I wonder? I think he worshipped women and even held some of them in high regard as writers, but there is a sense - well, maybe it was marrying that thirteen-year-old cousin. It would render you a little cautious. 

"That God we both adore" is a nice touch. Come on, we're both on the same side, aren't we? And I don't think anyone who rants and rages this much is particularly religious. It's yet another attempt to seduce. Devious man.

As for the Raven's response, I'm beginning to think Poe was right the first time: he was taught just one word, and that's all he's going to say.

"Be that word our sign of parting, bird or fiend!" I shrieked, upstarting: 

"Get thee back into the tempest and the Night's Plutonian shore! 

Leave no black plume as a token of that lie thy soul hath spoken! 

Leave my loneliness unbroken! quit the bust above my door! 

Take thy beak from out my heart, and take thy form from off my door!" 

Quoth the Raven, "Nevermore." 

I like this guy, I really do. I can see him stamping around and jumping up and down, and probably quaffing as Poe was wont to do. "Take thy beak from out my heart, and take thy form from off my door!" Which prompts the inevitable response: Polly want a cracker. And the black plume! Isn't that a nice touch - the horses wore them for funeral processions. "Leave my loneliness unbroken" is a plea, which tells us a lot about how he really feels about being alone.

And the Raven, never flitting, still is sitting, still is sitting 

On the pallid bust of Pallas just above my chamber door; 

And his eyes have all the seeming of a demon's that is dreaming, 

And the lamp-light o'er him streaming throws his shadow on the floor: 

And my soul from out that shadow that lies floating on the floor 

Shall be lifted—nevermore!

Edgar Allan Poe

So we all know this is a Poem About Death. But it's also a poem about Poe. It's about the things that were important to him. Privacy. Quiet. Introversion. Womblike chambers of refuge. A sort of carefully cultivated loneliness. Shock and fright as delicious physical sensations that were perhaps a substitute for sex. Radiant, unbesmirched, angelic women, the kind that don't exist. Scholarship, the classics, escape into literature. Thwarted romance. Abandonment, rejection. Being angry and upset with something external, which is really a problem he has generated himself. Ranting and railing at God, the Fates, demons, annoying symbols of mortality roosting on his doorframe, and all those things over which he has absolutely no control.

So let's look at Nevermore. What does it really mean? "No"? "Never"? I always thought it meant "not any more". The things that were, are no more, and love has bloomed and died and been swept away. So the bird just keeps on saying it, in case Poe didn't get it the first time. It's a grim thing to teach it to say, but for a raven it seems more or less appropriate. Ravens don't budge, it's true. Lately I have seen seven at a time on my back fence, and it gave me a thrill, let me tell you. They just stay, is what they do. They stand their ground. Sometimes they make a gritchy sort of grinding sound, or a hollow rattle. Personally, I love them - I think they're magnificent, and creepy. What other bird could have stood its ground through a whole long poem such as this?

Is God dead? The gospel according to Pogo

This has got to be one of the most obscure things on YouTube, and if I hadn't stumbled on it many years ago and saved it, I never would have been able to find it again. The title is a mystery, until you figure out what the initials mean. When you try to share it, a notification comes up about it being an "unlisted video" and that you should share it with care, though I had no trouble posting it. The comments are closed, so there's no help there.

I was raised on Pogo, still think it's the most brilliant comic strip ever, and I'm aware that the genius artist Walt Kelly started his career as a Disney animator (and traces of his characters' facial expressions peep out in Dumbo). So he knew animation, and though this is obviously a rough draft of something that had not yet been formally produced, you can more than see what he is getting at. The whole story is here, with the immortal punch line, "We have met the enemy and he is us" - the mystery initials of the video's title. The familiar comic strip characters are also here (all introduced at the beginning), and Kelly, incredibly, does all the voices himself.

Though this preliminary sketch features only a few frames per second, or even less, the fluidity of movement is almost unbelievable, and the facial expressions so vivid that the characters transcend the spasmodic jerkiness that made Paddy the Pelican so surreally atrocious (whether surreally is a word or not - ed). One man doing all the voices is better than the sixteen in the cringeworthy Chuck Jones special that Kelly hated so much. I honestly wonder why he agreed to work with Warner Bros. at all.

I wonder, too, if this was in the works before that misguided attempt. Or was it his answer to the atrocity, the cheapening of his unique and inspired strip into a bland commercial disaster? For there was no second Pogo special, and even the first one wasn't very. Special. This one may not have made it because it was too "message-y", and might still be considered that today, as we have a million more reasons to be very afraid when it comes to the ruin of the environment. Kelly was a visionary, to be sure, and too often they fade from public view when their message becomes too uncomfortable.

June Foray as Pogo (Rocky the Flying Squirrel) grates on the nerves. I could never stand Foray as a voice artist and thought all her characters sounded exactly alike. Her lowest point was dubbing a girl character in The Twilight Zone (the last episode ever broadcast), with astonishingly bad results. Kelly gives Pogo a higher male voice with a Southern drawl, which is just right. Albert the Alligator is nothing short of brilliant. It IS Albert, cigar-chomping, outrageous, the kingpin of Okefenokee.

I remember in the Pogo strip seeing those amazing backgrounds of the swamp, and though I didn't appreciate the artistry back then, I do now. Pogo was criticized sometimes for being too talky, too smart-alecky or just too smart (gasp!), but who else could have come up with a statement like, "New-clear fizzicks ain't so new, and ain't so clear"?

I rediscovered a few gifs I made from the Kelly cartoon special, the one that was never fully realized. The improbably graceful few frames per second is especially poignant here. He could never have envisioned - or maybe he could, given the dreck that was being made for TV at the end of his life - what would happen to cartoons, how they would become computerized and devoid of human feeling. How brilliant wit and quixotic story lines would be replaced by witless schlock.

This is an ancient holy relic from the swamp of my childhood: the first of many Pogo books we owned, and the best-loved/mutilated. I am not sure whose attempts at cursive writing festoon the frontispiece, nor do I know who did that awful math (probably me - I still can't add). Many of the pages are crayoned, which could have been done by my siblings. Although the colouring doesn't stay in the lines, so it could well be mine.

I think that's my mother's handwriting at the top. My God.

The Picnic Panic

Whatever this is, it's absolutely beautiful! I found it on animation historian Jerry Beck's Facebook page, which is chock-a-block with schlock (the good kind) and animation obscurities. One thing he does, which I like, is trace the influence of old-time animation (like this) on modern stuff, and it surprises me to learn that some of those traditional techniques are coming back. Most of it seems to be used in games, which strikes me as a waste. But I'm glad about the resurrection of old methods, because the modern stuff is so bloody sterile, I don't want anything to do with it. Mind you, I am a bit fed up with Disney features now and see Fantasia as downright hokey, too self-consciously arty. My fave cartoon characters are still the ones I grew up with: Clyde Crashcup, Choo Choo on Top Cat, Foghorn Leghorn, Yosemite Sam, and even Hoppity Hooper, Tennessee Tuxedo and Cool McCool. (And Mighty Manfred, the Wonder Dog.)

I remember all the theme songs, for some reason, proving my theory that my head is stuffed with information that will never be of any use to me.

The Picnic Panic has a weird aspect ratio, and looks like an almost perfect square, with SOME of the corners blunted like an '80s snapshot, though it seems suspiciously squished. The colours are so gorgeously saturated that I wonder if it has been tinkered with. The combination with live-action is intriguing because the figures are so doll-like. I have a vague memory of a Rainbow Parade series - all the studios had to have something to go up against Disney's Silly Symphonies. They would have been on TV on Saturday mornings, along with 1930s TerryToons. Oh, those days of penny candy in tiny brown paper bags, of going with my mother to Peck's grocery store, and Lenover Bros. meats, then coming home and watching The Mighty Hercules.

Jerry Beck has answered (very promptly) not one, but two of my animation questions so far, and that's remarkable, because according to his Facebook page he bounces all over the globe like a pinball, speaking at convention after convention, so when does he have time for this? But animation continues to fascinate me. I have the bloody nerve to do those experiments and post them, just because I want to see if I can make things move. I get the feeling that, surprisingly to me, Jerry Beck isn't an animation snob - not by the lovely kitsch he posts, pictures of Popeye projectors, metal Porky Pig windup toys and hideous Bugs Bunny cardboard marionettes. It all seems to be valuable. Not just because it's a slice of history - but because it's cool. 

A smoggy day in London Town

Loving Pink: the little angels of Camay

Belong Movie Trailer

There's a very long story behind this, the story of a church meltdown and the crisis of leadership that caused it. But I can't tell it now, it's too long and harrowing, except to say that I was right in the middle of it. This was about 15 years ago, so it's truly incredible that the person at the centre of it is still posting "trailers" for a revenge movie which has gone through about four titles (including Church Bullies) and does not, in fact, exist. This in spite of the fact that it was listed with the IMDB and announced as an entry in the Sundance Film Festival.

It just goes to show how long one person can hold a grudge. 

(Later thoughts) I'm not sure why, but I watched this a couple more times, and was even more baffled. The woman playing "Mrs. Sanborga" (a name very close to the real name of someone in the church) seems almost comic, and why is it a pew is parked out in the vestibule or the lobby or whatever it is? I've never seen that before. The things hanging on the wall are also pretty incomprehensible.

This is the shortest of the half-dozen or so trailers I've seen for the non-existent movie by "Reverend Shaka", leading me to believe that his budget is now pretty lean. His first entry had stock footage of African dancers bidding him a farewell from his native country so he could serve in Canada, only to be thwarted by a bunch of insensitive, ungrateful racists.

The Reverend did start his own church after the meltdown, towing along an assortment of disaffected former members. It lasted a few months. The web site hinted at conflict that could not (or at least wasn't going to be) resolved, with resolutions nonetheless that "next year we will make a new start".

It was one of the most painful things I ever lived through, and I never even connected the dots with the physical and emotional collapse I experienced in the year after he was fired, until now. I had enough other reasons, I guess. And besides, he was gone now, and everything was going to be all right. 

All right. But out of four or five candidates, the church chose him. He did not fall from the sky, any more than bad husbands or bad jobs or bad auto mechanics fall from the sky. WE CHOOSE THEM.

I wonder why no one ever even considered that.

Life in slow motion

Frankenstein meets the Space Monster (1965) Trailer

It's better to watch just the trailers of these things, because the movies themselves are unbearably boring. They're made on a budget of about $200.00, so no wonder, but the monster effects are still gratifying to watch. They're so bad because they tried to be good. 

Do you notice the bald-headed guy looks just like Dr. Evil? 

Kitty up a tree (come rescue me!)

These rescued kitties all look alike - hugely dilated pupils, whiskers at full span, ears tensed, and they all meow in that "help me, help me!" way. 

Ringo Starr: silent movie

The original has a different format and just won't fit, but I made a couple of really handsome longer gifs of this short video. I like what he does with the flower. Watch them while you play this song:

I loved Ringo then, and I love Ringo now. From the sad-eyed mutt of the Beatles, he has become ultra-hip and cool without being obnoxious. And he still has his lovely Liverpool accent.


[Intro]
Huh-huh! Huh-huh
(Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah)
(Aye-aye-aye-aye)

[Verse 1]
A lady that I know just came from Colombia
She smiled because I did not understand
Then she held out some marijuana, ha ha!
She said it was the best in all the land

[Chorus]
And I said
"No, no, no, no, I don't smoke it no more
I'm tired of waking up on the floor
No, thank you, please, it only makes me sneeze
And then it makes it hard to find the door"

(Ah-ah-aye-aye)

[Verse 2]
A woman that I know just came from Majorca, Spain
She smiled because I did not understand (Parazzi! Parazzi!) (Olé!)
Then she held out a ten pound bag of cocaine
She said it was the finest in the land

[Chorus]
And I said
"No, no, no, no, I don't [sniff] no more
I'm tired of waking up on the floor
No, thank you, please, it only makes me sneeze
And then it makes it hard to find the door"

[Bridge]
(Aye-aye-aye-aye)
(Aye-aye-aye-aye)
(Aye-aye-aye-aye)
(Aye-aye-aye)

[Verse 3]
A man that I know just came from Nashville, Tennessee, oh (oh no!)
He smiled because I did not understand
Then he held out some moonshine whiskey, oh ho
He said it was the best in all the land (and he wasn't joking!)

[Chorus]
And I said
"No, no, no, no, I don't drink it no more
I'm tired of waking up on the floor
No, thank you, please, it only makes me sneeze
And then it makes it hard to find the door"

Well, I said
"No, no, no, no, I can't take it no more
I'm tired of waking up on the floor
No, thank you, please, it only makes me sneeze
And then it makes it hard to find the door"

[Outro]
Hey, yeah!
"I'll just have another drink, barman, have you got a large brandy?"

High School Hellcats -1958

This was a whole genre in the '50s, "bad girl" movies which showed young women in compromising situations - in other words, screwing their brains out, though it was always implied rather than shown. Usually they came to ruin, but it was fun watching them come to ruin, and also fun to sit there in judgement after being so highly entertained. Nothing more fascinating than watching someone skid out of bounds and crash, then say to yourself, "What can you expect? She had it coming." 

Though the '50s are thought of as a dull, Eisenhower-stifled time, they actually weren't. This type of low-budget, girls-going-wild movie was immensely popular, though few of them became mainstream (except the male-dominated Rebel Without a Cause and The Wild One). The Beat Generation was making itself known and heard. Elvis burst on the scene, a white man singing like a black man, and obscenely thrusting his pelvis so that Ed Sullivan had to show him only from the waist up. Civil rights suddenly became crucial, whereas in the 1940s people couldn't understand why black folks were so "uppity" and unappreciative of all they were allowed to do now that they were out of chains. Cultural metamorphosis was already unfolding, though after the '60s we looked back and saw it differently. The truth is, hippies represented a tiny fraction of the culture then, and the rest of us were paisley-coloured, bead-wearing wanna-be's.

I wonder how many prudish young women watched movies like these and then just decided to burst their chains and become High School Hellcats. Doesn't seem too likely, but maybe somebody did.

Mothra: THE RETURN!

I was going to post old Mothra gifs/videos with these, but why? They are so sublime the way they are. Moths are spookier than butterflies, dustier, furrier, with thicker bodies and legs like one of those exotic, plushy Amazon spiders. I believe these are both cecropia moths, which I had never heard of, though for some reason I was aware of the cecropia beetle. Metamorphosis is a strange thing, and I don't know why anything in nature happens the way it does. Is there a God? Too early in the morning to contemplate such a question (even though it isn't early at all), but it knows how to happen, which sorrows me all the more that we seem to be systematically destroying the natural world. The puzzlement over how this can possibly be, as if it too is just happening all by itself and can't be stopped, dismays me most of all. But the internet asks only that we enjoy these images, even marvel at them, and then get on with our day.

The ruins of happiness

Now I know why some places are considered "haunted" - not just because they look creepy, but because past joy and vibrant life have fled. People see shapes moving about in these places, feel creepiness and cold spots where normal physics has caved in. This does not happen by itself. People leave for all kinds of reasons, but a lot of it (like those abandoned malls popping up everywhere) is financial. These places just don't pay any more, or are out of date or too expensive to keep up. So people move on to some other playground, which in turn will also be abandoned. The human race gobbles through pleasure and resources until it all collapses, wonders what could have happened, then moves on to some newer, finer place to exploit. 

"Why? Why did you leave me?"

I must admit I've never heard of MaraNatha almond butter (and in fact, I thought Maranatha was some sort of religious reference) until last night, when I saw this ad while watching Dateline. 

I thought it was pretty cool, and wanted to make a gif of it and then reanimate it. This involves shifting the order of the frames, subtracting frames and duplicating others, changing the speed, and going forwards and backwards. 

Below is the gif from the original ad, and then the reanimated version I made from it.

P. S. I was right about Maranatha:

maranatha [mar-uh-nath-uh]

Word Origin

interjection

O Lord, come: used as an invocation in I Cor. 16:22.

Another translation:

Word Origin and History for maranatha

Expand

Maranatha

late 14c., a Bible word, from Greek maranatha, untranslated Semitic word in Cor. xvi:22, where it follows Greek anathema, and therefore has been taken as part of a phrase and used as "a curse." Usually assumed to be from Aramaic maran atha "Our Lord has come," which would make the common usage erroneous (see OED entry), but possibly it is a falsetransliteration of Hebrew mohoram atta "you are put under the ban,"which would make more sense in the context. [Klein]

. . . So what does all this have to do with almond butter?

Giant Cat Japanese Commercial (2014)

The only thing better than a giant cat head is a giant cat. For some reason, ads from Japan are so much more clever and imaginitive than anything we produce here. I guess this is an ad for gum, but who cares? It could be an ad for anything.

My cat attacked me tonight, and I'm worried about it. He's usually so gentle and sweet. He kept jumping up into my new office chair every time I got up to do anything. When I tried to pick him up to turf him out of it, the way his claws all shot out at once reminded me alarmingly of the shark's teeth in Jaws. He had taken such possession of my arm that I had to pull it back out of my sweater sleeve for self-protection.

Bentley!! 

Is it the fact it's a new chair and therefore foreign to him, weird-smelling? An intruder in the familiar territory of my office? Is he trying to protect me from it? I think it's more likely he's trying to own it. It got so bad tonight that Bill had to tip the chair almost upside-down to get him out of there. I was even afraid to go in the room.

We have since made up, but it was a reminder once more that no matter how sweet and loving, a cat's a cat. For a' that.

Books I haven't forgotten

This, my friends, is the whole reason I began this blog. The Glass Character, in case you haven't heard, is the name Harold Lloyd gave to his glasses-wearing screen persona (and why he said glass instead of glasses, nobody knows, but it was a hell of a lot more poetical). It is also the title of my third novel, which practically no one has read. I gave up on posting links to Amazon, my author's page, etc. because it made no difference whatsoever. I sold, like, three copies last year. Nevertheless, it IS a good novel, even my daughter liked it (and like Mikey, she hates everything), and though it quickly disappeared into oblivion, and the Lloyd family treated it like some sort of poison, I am still proud of it because I am basically out of touch with reality. 

A friend of mine wondered why I was so hurt when he wrote an article about The Glass Character in a feature called Friday's Forgotten Novels. He simply could not understand it, and thought I should appreciate the attention and publicity. Hey, no one remembers this book at all! I'm sure that would make you rush out to buy it.

But never mind all that, it WOULD make a good feature film, because it's about Harold Lloyd, and no one has ever made a feature film about Harold Lloyd, or ANY sort of film. Eventually, someone will, and if it is ripped off of my novel, which it might be, there is really nothing I can do about it.

Visit Margaret's Amazon Author Page!

Calendar girl

Hilda: all wet

Friday on my mind

This squirrel needs Dr. Now

Fattest squirrel I have ever seen. They're never exactly thin, but in the fall they begin to fatten up for a winter that never really arrives. Oh, sometimes we get a dump or two of snow, but to call that "winter" in Canada is an insult. But it's hardwired into these creatures to squirrel away food, to gather it and leap around with it in their mouths for a while, to look industrious, then scrabble away in the dirt and bury it, almost immediately forgetting where it is, then digging up some other squirrel's plunder and eating it on the spot. They don't hibernate around here, any more than the geese migrate, so they just keep on eating all winter and getting fatter. I don't hear all the swearing and scolding now that I did in September-October, but I'm not sure what that means. (Most bizarre moment: hearing a sound kind of like a squirrel scolding, then turning around and realizing it was a Steller's jay imitating a squirrel). I also haven't heard that nasty little red squirrel for a while (click on bottom to watch it on YouTube):

This guy was just furious for a couple of months, though at first I was sure it was some territorial bird. The red squirrel appeared to own the clump of bushes in the corner of the yard, though once I saw THREE black squirrels in there, thumbing their little black noses at the red squirrel, who went absolutely insane. Squirrels do this on purpose, just to be annoying.

I hear a lot less chattering and squeaking and swearing now, but I see a whole lot more eating.

Cats do nothing

                                               Cats do nothing.

Hercules: NOT the Disney version!

Is this the worst animation in recorded history?

I have a certain fascination with "worsts", though it's often a matter of personal opinion just what constitutes a worst. But this must be one of them.

I mean.

I found this animated Italian version of Hercules several years go, then promptly forgot all about it. I think I featured it in my Festival of Bad Animation at some point, but it was only a snippet. This is an attempt to make three 45-second gifs from it (nine full-length ones in all, a real spectacle) representing the "highlights" of the story, which isn't really a story at all but a series of vignettes vaguely based on some kind of Greek myth about somebody. (Don't worry about sound, or the lack of it, because the soundtrack is completely unintelligible anyway). This thing makes the old Trans-Lux TV series The Mighty Hercules look like high art.

Though I had a few excerpts, I wasn't able to track down the whole movie for the longest time, because I kept searching under Hercules and getting that wretched Disney version. I finally took a screenshot of one of the videos, put it through Google reverse image, and matched it to another video I didn't know about, and found the magic word in the description that unlocked the mystery.

DINGO!

No, not "bingo". Dingo is the name of the animation studio which turned out this baffling thing, and many others which are almost worse. Armed with that information, I found the whole movie in Italian, without subtitles (for don't the characters tell the story? Sort of), plus another version dubbed in Finnish! 

This is an international production, obviously, for Dingo Pictures isn't Italian OR Finnish.  After a lot of digging around, I was able to find this snippet on an animation fan site:

Dingo Pictures is a German animation company, consisting of the husband and wife team Ludwig Ickert and Simone Greiss. The studio is infamous for creating traditionally-animated cartoons based on fairy tales and concepts plagiarizing the works of Disney, Pixar, Don Bluth, and DreamWorks. These cartoons are highly regarded as some of the worst animated films ever, with extremely low-budget animation,  disjointed plot lines that almost always go nowhere, repetitive dialogue, reuse of music and sound effects, lack of dub actors (usually two voice actors, one male and one female, in some cases only one), and shoddy character design, often looking as if it were traced from another cartoon.They have gained a cult following over time.

One of the most bizarre Disney ripoff appearances in this movie is Pongo, the leading dog of 101 Dalmatians. No kidding, right in the middle of Greek mythology we have this handsome spotted dog sitting there, totally out of place, and - yes - looking very much like he has been traced. I was also to discover - oh, this just gets worse and worse - that they DID do a ripoff of that movie, called Dalmatians, a pastiche of every dog movie ever made, including Lady and the Tramp, Rin Tin Tin, and Lassie Come Home. 

Though it does not quite sink to the rock-bottom level of Paddy the Pelican, which looks like a pencil test for something which was never actually made, Hercules is still pretty bad, with lots of laughs to get you over the boring parts. And there ARE boring parts. Believe me.