Harry The Happy Birthday Hyena: is THIS the worst infomercial ever?

When I found Perfect Polly, the plastic parakeet, I thought I had hit absolute rock-bottom, but she's nothing compared to this. . . thing. I can't see anyone actually wanting to buy one. I'd kill it if I was in the same room with it, and I'm normally pro-gun-control. I just don't get anyone designing and trying to market one of these. 

Plastic Polly: The Perfect Parakeet Pet!

About this item

Disclaimer: While we aim to provide accurate product information, it is provided by manufacturers, suppliers and others, and has not been verified by us. See our

The As Seen on TV Perfect Polly Pet is the charming new motion-activated bird that comes to life whenever you walk into the room. His tail feathers move from side to side as he sings, and his head turns, as well.

This life-sized motion-activated pet features details so realistic, only you will know it's not real. This Perfect Polly parakeet comes with a perch, or let him sit right on your finger. Listen to him chirp and enjoy beautiful bird songs in your home without the mess and upkeep of a real pet bird.

This As Seen on TV pet comes with a one-year warranty. As Seen on TV Perfect Polly:
Perfect Polly parakeet has lifelike details

Turns on and off

Most popular bird
Tail moves
Sings and chirps
Head turns

Life size
Motion-activated parakeet
1-year warranty
As Seen on TV

BUT WAIT! THERE'S MORE. . .

Blogger's Post-Scream: I love infomercials - As Seen on TV is a kind of religion for me - but this has to be one of the stupidest things. . . I mean. The announcer seems to be telling us that people will treat a twitching hunk of green plastic like a PET. People coo over it. They kiss it. They hold it on their finger (and from the reviews I've seen, you really have to HOLD it on your finger with your thumb, or it will fall off). The narration becomes more "wha - ??" by the second. There are fake birds out there that look a damn sight better than this one, and even a fake parrot that "parrots" back everything you say to it (a parlour-trick item that has been around since the 1980s). This thing just. . . turns its head. Its little plastic head with the creepy seam on it. Franken-bird. The main advantage of it, they tell us, is that it doesn't crap. Well, of course not! Because it doesn't eat, either. Think of the savings. This breakthrough product could lead the way towards Perfect Doggy, Perfect Kitty, and even Perfect Kiddy, a child who never eats or craps or sasses back, or grows up for that matter. Perfectly plastic. 

AMAZING UPDATE! I was delighted to discover that the latest review from my favorite YouTuber, James White (Freakin' Reviews) is for Perfect Polly. He refers to it as the all-time dumbest item on As Seen on TV, and I have to agree. But he made a very cute video about it, in which he proves once and for all that this noisy piece of green plastic is truly useless. The best part is when his golden retriever runs off with it in her mouth. 

I highly recommend James White's channel if you want to see some quality stuff in the vast, seething swamp that is YouTube. It has truly become a den of iniquity, a shadow of its enchanting, eccentric former self. The more it burgeons, the lower it sinks. 

But never mind all that! White is serious about what he does, evaluates each item in detail, re-evaluates them later on for durability, presents a wide variety of items from useful to downright bizarre -  but is also affable, charming, both serious and funny, NOT a grandstander, fair and human (changing his mind about mocking those awful artificial veneers because poor people with severe dental problems might be able to use them), and altogether the kind of guy you'd like to take home to Mother.

I had only the most platonic feelings for this man - he's of son-ly years, after all - until he did a devastating review of My Pillow, featuring him lying in bed in a semi-lit room. I don't for one minute think that he was trying to look seductive. He just couldn't help himself. He isn't beefcake, but he's in pretty darn good shape, and. . . I guess at my age you're not allowed to notice these things. 

God, you're moody today

You are about to witness the most amazing man-made jewellery ever created. The original Multi-Color Mood Ring! This is the ring that senses your deepest feelings. Scientifically developed, the incredible Kroma Stone senses thermal changes deep within your body, reflects all your mood changes, in a fascinating kaleidoscope of color. Responding to your deepest secrets. Your most hidden emotions. The beautifully-crafted Multi-Color Mood Ring reveals your subconscious feelings in a myriad of breathtaking color. From black to brown, yellow, green, to the most desired shade of violet blue. Discover the mysterious powers of the Multi-Color Mood Ring in elegant gold or silver-tone settings. Dare to wear the original Multi-Color Mood Ring with the Fascinating Kroma Stone. Only $5.00 while supplies last.