Friday, March 20, 2015

You had me at hello: TGC ads




  Visit Margaret's Amazon Author Page!





  Visit Margaret's Amazon Author Page!




  Visit Margaret's Amazon Author Page!
http://www.amazon.com/-/e/B001K7NGDA




Visit Margaret's Amazon Author Page!




Visit Margaret's Amazon Author Page!




Visit Margaret's Amazon Author Page!



 

Dear Sir or Madam, will you read my book
    It took me years to write, will you take a look




"You had me at hello"

Visit Margaret's Amazon Author Page!



Thursday, March 19, 2015

Amazing cat tricks!




What's good about cats?

What's NOT good about cats?




At the SPCA they called him a "stray",
but somehow I think there was purpose in those paws.




Cats always know:

when to jump down
when to stop doing what you want them to
when to stand there looking gorgeous
and how to fill the awful hole in your life.




And how to drink from the sink (it's harder than you think).




And most especially, when to sit down.


Wednesday, March 18, 2015

Song for Mad Men


Captain Kirk No Blah Blah Blah!

Facebook status quotes: suicide is painless




People stick these up because they love to tell other people what to do. Notice that, like most of these things, they're written in the imperative. Do this, do that, do, do, do. Not "I tried this once and it worked", not "I love this philosophy and you should try it".  That's because they are WAY more interested in pushing their philosophy down other people's throats than even trying to live it out themselves. They love to project a certain bold, flaming image with gigantic rainbow-colored phoenixlike wings lifting them to a higher plane of existence, when the truth is they're just like the rest of us. Timid, anxious, downtrodden most of the time, bitchy and irritable the rest of the time, then abandoned. And unemployed.





Try this at work!





It's nice, even true, but who can do it? It's one of those things people say to make themselves nod mentally. Yes, that's just what we have to do! Then the crisis hits, and 95% of your most loyal friends edge away, make themselves unavailable because they "don't know what to say". Or perhaps they give you a self-help book, or otherwise tell you what you should be doing to stop grieving (because your grief makes them so uncomfortable). Your attitude must be corrected, obviously, or you'll never "get over it" (which is obviously the goal of grief). Not only that, it must be corrected to match all the imperatives of the Facebook status quote, which nobody ever follows anyway.




This is a favorite, or a reverse favorite. I once attended a group that promoted this sort of philosophy. Once. The first thing they said was "you chose absolutely everything that ever happened to you". I asked if that applied to childhood and they said "Of course.' I asked if that applied to sexual abuse and psychological torture, and they said, "Your soul draws to itself the lessons it needs to learn in this lifetime". I was out of there so fast the exit suddenly turned into a revolving door.

Hey, universe: I have a request. If I emit the right kind of vibrational attitude, will it help my book sales?




Get me the Tums. No, really. Thunder inside? Another one of those "I am a hero" statements to make you at least look (but not feel) like some sort of epic spiritual voyager. Instead of a schmo like all the rest of us. Anxious, weary, depressed.




And why, you  may ask, do we have to explain why we're sad?



"You had me at hello"

Visit Margaret's Amazon Author Page!


Sunday, March 15, 2015

You had me at hellow


 


"You.       Com.       Plete.       Me."




"You had me at.       Hellow."


Bizarre gifs? We've got 'em







"Foamovers"




Curly's circular dancing




Too creepy by half




Don't ask what else he does with that puppet




Satanic foamover




Seamonkeys. They're here!




One whole bottle of Coke, boiled down and eaten.




Holy shit!



?



Captain Kangaroo gettin' it on.




Just a lovely couple.




Instant pudding ad. Can't you tell?




I am not sure who, or what this is.




George Gershwin's sister Frances. Quick, get the Ritalin!




One of the first movies. Not starring George Clooney.




He's just a pig.




Hercules vs the Thingie-whatever-it-is.




Is it just me, or does this remind you of ever-inflating testicles finally exploding in orgasm?




Willie, the Whale who Wanted to Sing at the Met. I used to think this was the Metropolitan, a "dime store" I loved because they sold turtles and budgies. Here he seems to be playing Pagliacci in drag.




I once proclaimed this line ("IT!. . . COULD! . . . WORK!") to my grandkids, and they fell about laughing, Not only had they never seen Young Frankenstein, they had never even heard of it. God, Gene Wilder is sexy.




The Lord only knows where I find these things. I love saturated color that is somehow washed-out at the same time. A bearded lady and a nude, appreciative gentleman.




George and Ira Gershwin






HOLD IT! Sneeze videos are huge now. If you don't believe me, just search on YouTube and you'll find hundreds of them. 



"You had me at hello"

Visit Margaret's Amazon Author Page!



Wednesday, March 11, 2015

Gimme some Givvies!




In my never-ending quest to find the perfect men's underwear ad, I found this one instead. "Givvies" must have been the main rival of Munchhausen or whatever those other ones were, the ones with the stretchy seat.




Uh, this is sort of strange. But I do love a man in uniform.




I don't know why all the circles on this guy, what they represent. Maybe the areas that most desperately need covering up.




Here's a guy home from the war, and his wife is being praised for knowing "the difference". Good for her! She must've kept her eyes open.




Givvies won't give you "the creeps", apparently, but creeps might follow you home.
And what's in that book? My guess is it's his first marriage manual. He's trying to believe what people are doing in the diagrams.




Just don't get behind this guy.




I could shoot myself. But I don't know why.


POST-BLOG REGRETS: Now that I've had some time to reflect on all this, I definitely want to find some "anti-squirm shorts". With a seamless seat.






Visit Margaret's Amazon Author Page!