🌺SPACED-OUT: Hippies on the Enterprise!🌷

This has got to rate as ONE of the worst episode of the original Star Trek series, along with the half-white/half-black guys and the Jolly Green Giant called Apollo (a. k. a. "appalling"). For some reason, almost everyone names Spock's Brain as one of their worst, when I'd likely put it in the top five. Why the worst, when it was an eerie foreshadowing of Star Trek III: The Search for Spock? Spock's "katra" had to be united with his physical being, which was walking around in a white bathrobe looking mystical. In this one, instead of sticking his katra into Bones' head for safekeeping, Bones actually PUTS SPOCK'S BRAIN BACK IN HIS SKULL and hooks everything up, later regretting he hooked up his mouth. So what is so bad about Spock's Brain? Why does no one else see it? Anyway, THIS one, Return to Eden, is pure kitsch, but good for a laugh, especially that part where the crew is bopping along to the music and Spock plays his space zither to the accompaniment of a bicycle wheel. I REACH, man! 

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Rare Behind The Scenes Star Trek Footage

What is so rare as an outtake on the Desilu lot? Spock smoking, maybe.

Captain Kirk and the Mugatu: a love story

An animation I made in homage to Captain Kirk's intense, if sometimes painful relationship with that loveable, horned albino space gorilla, the Mugatu.

And some outtakes. . . 

Special Action Figure version

Captain Kirk and tribbles

Why Shatner is sheer poetry

   






Though I have always loved Le Chat (originally known as William Schattner), I find I'm becoming more of a fan all the time. I can't watch that awful Old Man's Adventure Hour thing that he's in, because it's too raucous (I'd have preferred a saner, more Michael Palin-esque travel and adventure show, which would still be fun no matter what), but I have seen bits of it, and though he's at least 15 years older than the other 3 guys (whoever they are - who cares??), he looks a good 15 years younger.

He's going to be 87 in a few months. Eighty-seven. Let that sink in. One critic described him as "eerily ageless", and this seems to support my long-held theory that he made a deal with the devil long ago. He's like that Star Trek character who was a whole lot of famous guys like Brahms and Galileo while on earth, and who faced the bizarre dilemma of not being able to die.

When you see him in his early stuff, you seldom see the histrionics that made Captain Kirk such a hit (and which saved the show from the dullness of the first Kirk, Jeffrey Hunter, who nearly sank the whole series before it even launched).  One of the two Twilight Zones he was in had him making a deal with a devilish machine which would answer all his questions about the future - about HIS future - if he put a penny in the slot. He quickly became obsessed with it,  craving knowledge of his fate and equally dreading it. THAT Shatner was incredibly good-looking, what they used to call a matinee idol, brooding, sizzling with barely-disguised panic (not to mention knock-the-camera-dead beauty). In other words, a lot of stuff was going on at the same time. Watch this man - he is far more subtle than you think.

And the biceps. Don't get me started.

I've seen him do Shakespeare convincingly, because that's what he started off doing. He can make those antiquated phrases sound like something he just thought up. It's called acting. The man is everywhere still, doing this and that, making appearances and doing one-man shows. Since he can't stand for 2 straight hours (and who can?), he uses a rolling office-chair as a prop that he can do all sorts of business with. It seems so natural that no one notices it's a "device", something to allow him short pit-stops. His energy is so hyper that I doubt if I could keep up with him, but I know there is a thoughtful, even tender side to him. 

And there are the horses. The horses! But that is for another post.

Herbert!

The Way to Eden is one of the more memorable episodes of the original Star Trek series. Basically, it's about a bunch of space hippies searching for an idyllic planet called Eden, led by a sinister cult leader with stranger ears than Spock. Since this is a series of 15-second gifs strung together (one of my long-gif experiments), there's no sound, but you can hum along. Meanwhile, some memorable quotes:

Memorable quotes

"One."
"We are one."
"One is the beginning."
"Are you One, Herbert?"
"I am not Herbert."
"He's not Herbert! We reach!" - Spock and Sevrin and Adam, as Spock opens a dialogue


"Many myths are based on truth, captain." - Spock, on the existence of Eden


"There are many who are uncomfortable with what we have created. It is almost a biological rebellion – a profound revulsion against the planned communities, the programming, the sterilized, artfully balanced atmospheres. They hunger for an Eden – where spring comes."
"All do. The cave is deep in our memory." - Spock and Kirk, on why Sevrin's followers embrace the primitive lifestyle

"They regard themselves as aliens in their own worlds – a condition with which I am somewhat familiar." - Spock, to Kirk


"Herbert was a minor official, notorious for his rigid and limited patterns of thought."
"Well, I shall try to be less rigid in my thinking." - Spock and Kirk, after Kirk was called Herbert


"Gonna crack my knuckles and jump for joy! I got a clean bill of health from Doctor McCoy!" - Adam, in sickbay


"I thought all the animals were kept in cages." - Chapel, when Sevrin's followers angrily try to enter sickbay

"I am proud of what I am, I believe in what I do. Can you say that?" - Chekov, to Irina, in hallway after leaving sickbay with her.


"Because you disapproved of me, just as you do now. Oh Pavel, you have always been like this, so correct. And inside, the struggle not to be. Give in to yourself, you will happier, you'll see." - Irina, in response to Chekov ("Why did you stay away?")


"You don't belong with them! You know what we want--you want it too! Come! Join us!"
"How do you know what I want?"
"You're young. Think young, brother!"
"You make it tempting." - female space hippie, to Sulu

"Captain, I just had to give one of those barefooted what do you call 'ems the boot out of here. She came in bold as brass, tried to incite my crew to disaffect." - Scotty, to Captain Kirk, about one of Sevrin's young followers

"I could never obey a computer."
"You could never listen to anyone. You always had to be different."
"Not different, what I wanted to be. There is nothing wrong in doing what you want." - Irina, before kissing Chekov


"I don't understand why a young mind has to be an undisciplined one."
"I used to get into some trouble when I was that age, Scotty, didn't you?" - Scott and Kirk, on Severin's young followers


"We cannot allow them to come after us. It will not reach us in here; I can control it all. I have adjusted it so that it will suspend its effects after a few moments and allow us time to escape. Then, after we've gone, it will automatically reactivate. Rejoice, brethren! Soon we shall step together into Eden." - Doctor Severin

"His name was Adam." - Spock, seeing Adam's corpse next to the half-eaten fruit


"Be incorrect, occasionally."
"And you be correct."
"Occasionally." - Irina and Chekov, after their last kiss


"It is my sincere wish that you do not give up your search for Eden. I have no doubt but that you will find it, or make it yourselves."

- Spock to Irina, just before she leaves the ship

This one is an extra:

But I can't post this without a sample of the music. Here's the main jam:

William Shatner's Shatoetry

Everyone should know by now that I ADORE William Shatner. The man has mastered the eerie art of reverse ageing, so that he looks a little younger every time I see him. I'd say he looks about 62 now, and is . . . I have to take a breath to say it - 86. Even Betty White, the infamous hot dog-eater of my recent animation, is not quite so ageless, and though she's an attractive old lady, she is just that - an old lady. This guy is  just - what? An anomaly?

If I ever get to meet him, I need to ask: so what's the deal here? Did you really make a deal with the devil when you were 25 years old, or what? And what was the deal? To serve humanity until the end of time? It's all so enthralling. He just seems to go on and on. And that's not even getting into the horses, and how he rode that horse at full gallop in Alexander the Great, without a saddle and in a short skirt.

I saw an incredible video that said he's going to be in Cirque de Soleil, but I couldn't quite believe what I was hearing. Maybe it's even true?

OMG, yes, it was last March! The last time I saw such agelessness, such an easy vitality and effervescent life, was when I watched Ringo Starr in concert. He has reverse-aged as well, in his own way, going from hangdog to hip, from mutt to marvelous. 

I don't know how these guys do it. Put it in a jar for me, will you?

"Edith Keeler must die!": Star Trek romance music

I found a lovely YouTube video of all the romantic music from the original Star Trek (as if there were any other Star Trek!) - but it was marred by the most HORRIBLE thumbnail I have ever seen. Totally inappropriate. It screams of clickbait, since people are more likely to click on a cheesy picture of Kirk and the Gorn than on Kirk kissing Edith Keeler.  These are such incredibly beautiful images, capturing the romantic essence of the series (which was, in case you didn't notice, very romantic indeed), making me wonder why on earth someone would ruin it with a stupid Gorn image with an even stupider caption.

I took some screen shots and made a slide show from the images in the video, then realized it was sort of redundant because the whole video IS a slide show. Mine is Spock-heavy, but that's not just because I favored Spock back then (and now!) - it's because Spock's romances were more intense, more significant, and much more tortured because they went against his Vulcan nature.

The music for the Jill Ireland episode (This Side of Paradise) was borrowed from Shore Leave, in which Ruth, Kirk's old flame from the academy, suddenly pops up out of nowhere, but she doesn't do very much except stand there in her prom dress. The Spock romance is wrenchingly poignant, the music heart-perfect - and Ireland, who died tragically young from breast cancer, stands in front of Spock with real tears streaming down her face: "And this is for MY good?" It is one of the most compelling moments in the entire series.

So please enjoy this, but don't pay any attention to the awful thumbnail because it is fake news. Or whatever. But the rest of the visuals are stunning, and the music more romantic than Tchaikovsky.

These are my personal favorites.

Turkish Star Trek

Some have called this the first Star Trek movie ever made. Gulp! It's surely a close knockoff in certain ways. Music is blatantly stolen, as are sound effects. That's good, because it anchors us in a kind of reality.

I think this was made on a budget of $200.00 or so, whatever that is in the Turkish currency of the day. Where they got the tatty costumes for the monsters is beyond me. But back in 1974, this was prime entertainment in Turkey, and to tell the truth, it's every bit as entertaining now, if for different reasons.

This is all over YouTube, of course, but in fragments. I looked at a lot of them before deciding to post the whole thing. Don't ask me what it means, because there are no subtitles; the video title lies. But who cares? We're too busy saying things like, "Gawd, that's Uhura?"

Just hearing the Star Trek characters speak rapidly in Turkish is amusing, and I nearly posted the inverse, an original Star Trek episode dubbed into Turkish. The voice actors couldn't be more inappropriate, which is where the ha-ha-ness comes from.

But do you know where the ha-ha-ness DOESN'T come from? Lame English subtitles that really aren't funny at all. Too many videos are ruined by this, along with sappy music superimposed on breathtaking natural scenes. Why gild the lily? It stomps all over the amazement you feel at such sublime ineptitude. Certain late-night-monster-movie TV shows are the worst at this, breaking in at every opportunity with stupid remarks like, "Woah, look at that, dude!" and "Yeah, like the monster isn't going to see them!"  One host named Elvira used to have her head pop into a corner of the screen every five minutes and say something snappy (meaning, totally stupid and unnecessary). Why would this enhance anybody's viewing of anything?

So this is a pretty pure experience. I think this movie has a little bit of every Star Trek episode ever made in it. It also includes a kind of Turkish stock figure, a tourist who ends up blundering into all sorts of bizarre locations/situations (including the Starship Enterprise). I won't attempt to spell his name.

 

  

    

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  

 

Hell! Who needs this new Star Trek movie?

"I'm talkin' 'bout you! I'm talkin' 'bout me!" The strangest thing about this Star Trek episode is how Spock "gets" (understands, groks) these bizarre people. It's as weird as Wesley Crusher in The Next Generation, a gee-whiz, clueless Leave it to Beaver kid who seemed to "get" everything in the universe.

But the jam sessions are, well. . . One garish-looking chick plays a bicycle wheel, and Spock grooves on a thing that seems to be a combination organ, bass and electric guitar, with harpstrings thrown in for good measure.

The costumes for this particularly awful Trek are pure Desilu, made up of bits and pieces of whatever was left over in the costume department. Those musical instruments look like weapons to me. I particularly  like the way Zargon (or whatever his name is - NOT Herbert) keeps - apparently - "tuning" his axe, or at least he's doing something to it.

Maybe the writers were beginning to think Spock was just a little too straightlaced (straitlaced?) to be interesting. God knows they went outside the boundaries of his character a lot, having him fall in love with a woman in a cave (Mariette Hartley - no wonder!), cry for his mother, and half-kill his captain in the name of Love.

The whole episode reminds me of the Hitler audition in The Producers, the Dick Shawn character, complete with boots (or whatever they are - leggings? Stay-ups?) that go over his knees. A sort of Sonny Bono look.

SO. . . I just had to gif these! So in case you miss those cartoons you watched when you were a kid - here are your Saturday morning gifs.

It never ceases to amaze me what turns up in Wikipedia: individual episodes of Star Trek "TOS"! Makes me wonder if they're all there, but I am not about to find out. Maybe just the "clinkers"? To my mind, comparing this one to Spock's Brain is an injustice. That one was somewhere in my Top Ten (which I'd have to think about, since I've forgotten most of them). In this case, though, I think the analysts have missed the boat. It's the gorgeously cheesy, agonizingly kitschy atmosphere in this thing that "makes" it - makes it memorable, anyway. Particularly that big half-naked guy, whatever his name is (do you really think I am going to find that out?).

Reception

The episode has generally been seen as one of the weakest in the show's history, but its portrayal of characters representing the counter-culture of the late 1960s has produced widespread comment. Zack Handlen of The A.V. Club gave the episode a 'C-' rating, describing the "space hippie" characters as "too strange and irritating for me to view them sympathetically" and finding fault with the singing, which he described as "the worst kind of padding". Handlen noted as a positive aspect that the episode did allow for the voice of dissent against the "utopia" portrayed by Star Trek. In their compendium of Star Trek reviews, Trek Navigator, Mark A. Altman and Edward Gross both viewed the episode negatively, describing it as having aged badly because of the hippie characters and also noting the poor musical parts of the episode. Grace Lee Whitney, who had played Janice Rand in early episodes of the show, described the episode as a "clinker" on a par with another slated third season episode "Spock's Brain".

Several writers have discussed the way the episode represents the "space hippies". Aniko Bodroghkozy touched on the topic in her book Groove Tube: Sixties Television and the Youth Rebellion. In it, Bodroghkozy noted a negative and positive portrayal; on one hand Sevrin's followers have been duped and must return to "civilization, apparently contrite, chastened children". On the other, they challenged the supposed benefits and superiority of the Federation, which Bodroghkozy described as a "reading of the counterculture." Timothy Brown argue that Dr. Sevrin is "a clear stand in for Timothy Leary." Like the acolytes of Leary and other counter-culture leaders, Sevrin's followers are "under the spell of charismatic but dangerously unhinged leaders" and "stand for a sixties generation in the thrall of misled idealism."

POST-BLAH. OK. I made one. I made one of those Star Trek Top Ten thingies, and a bottom twelve because the more I thought about it, the more shitty ones I thought of. Funny, because at first all that came to me were the good ones, or at least the ones I liked/like. Many don't hold up, of course. And some, I love only because I was going through puberty and all sorts of emotions and sensations were surging through my body and mind. Star Trek will forever be associated with puberty for me. I'll try to give a brief description of each episode, unless I get bored with it.

Top Ten (you've seen these? They're good ones, so you'll remember them.)

10 The Naked Time (everyone reverts to their "true self" - Spock cries).

9  Trouble with Tribbles

8  City on the Edge of Forever

7  Assignment: Earth (Terri Garr and the black cat and Gary Seven! Way cool, even now.)

6  Journey to Babel (Spock's Mom and Dad. Also Lassie's Mom.)

5  Amok Time (Spock gets it on, or wants to.)

4  Space Seed ("KHAAAAAAAN!" Actually, Kirk doesn't say that 'til The Wrath of Khan, but there couldn't BE a Wrath of Khan without the Maxwell House Man, Ricardo Montalban.)

3  Shore Leave (Whatever you imagine becomes real. Bones dies,comes back to life with two women with fun fur stuck to their breasts.)

2  This Side of Paradise (Jill Ireland. I confess I still weep when I watch this one. At the end, she is truly heartwrenching and really crying.)

1  Miri (Kim Darby, Michael J. Pollard. . . the episode is absurd, because these kids are supposed to be entering puberty, and the boys have these deep man's voices. But it still gets to me because when I first watched it I was alone in the den, and I think that is the exact moment I reached puberty. Note: particularly memorable for its quintessentially Shatnerian line, "No blah-blah-blah!")

What interests me about this, and I am already losing interest because I haven't eaten anything yet and it's twelve to 1:00, is that quite a few of my "bests" ended up on other people's worsts. For some reason, Spock's Brain, which I thought was pretty good but didn't make the cut, is rated low. Apollo ended up in the top twenty, as did the gangster/OK Corral one! 

Bottom Twelve (no order to these, though some are worse than others.)

The Savage Curtain (Lincoln appears out of nowhere and calls Uhura a "handsome Negress").

Let That Be Your Last Battlefield (Frank Gorshin is painted half black and half white. Jesus.)

Who Mourns for Adonais? (Who, indeed? He looks like an indignant Jolly Green Giant. A member of the landing party falls in love with him, then must spurn him for the sake of duty! "Really, Apollo, You didn't think I was some simple shepherdess you can awe." Only one word for this episode: appalling.)

A Piece of the Action (Gangsters - Spock in a porkpie - just fucked).

Patterns of Force (Nazis - Spock in a Nazi uniform. Actually, he makes a pretty convincing Nazi.)

The Squire of Gothos (Beyond obnoxious, ends up being a little kid whining to Mommy and Daddy, but he has been whining for the past hour, so what else is new?)

Spectre of the Gun (Western)

Journey to Eden (which see)

Arena (Gorn - only memorable for Kirk's famous drop-kick).

The Paradise Syndrome (Mirimani - synthetic Indians, Kirk knocks one up while he has amnesia)

A Private Little War (Mugatu, guy in a white fun-fur gorilla suit with spikes down the back).

The Omega Glory ("We! The! People!!!"). Actually, I keep thinking Americans might like this one.

But the only problem is, he left out "the right to bear phasers".

What's most ironic about all this is that William Shatner is a Canadian.