Sunday, December 31, 2017

The year, not in review

The more it snows (tiddely pom)

For my friend David in Abbotsford - hell, my BEST friend David in Abbotsford, let's not spare the horses! Abbotsford was clobbered yesterday with an ice storm and widespread power outages, and I'm waiting to hear from him (which, with a power outage, I might not for a while). New Years might be a tad of a trial, but I hope not. Piglet to Pooh, I hope you're someplace warm.

Friday, December 29, 2017

Maui kitchen: view from the window

Up to now I haven't even posted any pictures from our vacation in Maui. We got back shortly before  Christmas, and it was the biggest bummer. . . I mean, to have to suddenly get myself in some kind of mood for holly-jollity, when all I'd been doing was soaking my brains in guava and turning them into a quivering green jelly. I'd gotten into "oh, I'll do it after Hawaii" mode, leaving stuff undone, which is not my usual compulsive way. And we were hosting this year, doing the turkey, etc. etc. So things had piled up nastily, making for a rough homecoming. It's not that I didn't want to be home. I just wanted QUIET, and that's not what you get at Christmas. I wasn't ready for something I didn't want to be ready for to begin with. It was not dread so much as total disorientation, the bends I usually get after going away, only worse. I did not even have time to look at any of the hundred or so videos I took, or the photos Bill took, which I still haven't seen.

So today. . . still feeling fried, but having survived Christmas and Boxing Day and a few more days after that, I started looking at my trove. I published this one mainly because of the incredible bird song on it, along with audible yelling and arguing among the staff working for the condo. I stood in the kitchen and shot it out the window when the birds were at their noisy peak. I make an appearance in this, looking just dreadful, with no makeup on and bedroom hair. Oh well. Does it matter, in sweet Hawaii? No, it does not. It's a no-bra zone, as a friend of mine once said. This was a sentimental journey for us, the fifth time we've gone to the same part of Maui (Kihei), and we were amazed at how little it had changed, even down to the restaurants and menus (Aloha Lunch Plate: coconut prawns by the ocean!). But it was bittersweet, because we know we'll never be back. Between health issues (for both of us) and money issues (check), we just can't do holidays like that any more. And the cat was so heavily traumatized by being boarded (even in a luxury cat hotel) that we can't imagine putting him through that again. 

I am likely to post at least a few of the slew of videos, once I get them figured out. I hate people posting their expensive holiday videos, wagging their asses at me, so this is my revenge.

Random acts of weirdness

Wednesday, December 27, 2017

Plastic Polly: The Perfect Parakeet Pet!

About this item

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The As Seen on TV Perfect Polly Pet is the charming new motion-activated bird that comes to life whenever you walk into the room. His tail feathers move from side to side as he sings, and his head turns, as well.

This life-sized motion-activated pet features details so realistic, only you will know it's not real. This Perfect Polly parakeet comes with a perch, or let him sit right on your finger. Listen to him chirp and enjoy beautiful bird songs in your home without the mess and upkeep of a real pet bird.

This As Seen on TV pet comes with a one-year warranty. As Seen on TV Perfect Polly:
Perfect Polly parakeet has lifelike details

Turns on and off

Most popular bird
Tail moves
Sings and chirps
Head turns

Life size
Motion-activated parakeet
1-year warranty
As Seen on TV


Blogger's Post-Scream: I love infomercials - As Seen on TV is a kind of religion for me - but this has to be one of the stupidest things. . . I mean. The announcer seems to be telling us that people will treat a twitching hunk of green plastic like a PET. People coo over it. They kiss it. They hold it on their finger (and from the reviews I've seen, you really have to HOLD it on your finger with your thumb, or it will fall off). The narration becomes more "wha - ??" by the second. There are fake birds out there that look a damn sight better than this one, and even a fake parrot that "parrots" back everything you say to it (a parlour-trick item that has been around since the 1980s). This thing just. . . turns its head. Its little plastic head with the creepy seam on it. Franken-bird. The main advantage of it, they tell us, is that it doesn't crap. Well, of course not! Because it doesn't eat, either. Think of the savings. This breakthrough product could lead the way towards Perfect Doggy, Perfect Kitty, and even Perfect Kiddy, a child who never eats or craps or sasses back, or grows up for that matter. Perfectly plastic. 

AMAZING UPDATE! I was delighted to discover that the latest review from my favorite YouTuber, James White (Freakin' Reviews) is for Perfect Polly. He refers to it as the all-time dumbest item on As Seen on TV, and I have to agree. But he made a very cute video about it, in which he proves once and for all that this noisy piece of green plastic is truly useless. The best part is when his golden retriever runs off with it in her mouth. 

I highly recommend James White's channel if you want to see some quality stuff in the vast, seething swamp that is YouTube. It has truly become a den of iniquity, a shadow of its enchanting, eccentric former self. The more it burgeons, the lower it sinks. 

But never mind all that! White is serious about what he does, evaluates each item in detail, re-evaluates them later on for durability, presents a wide variety of items from useful to downright bizarre -  but is also affable, charming, both serious and funny, NOT a grandstander, fair and human (changing his mind about mocking those awful artificial veneers because poor people with severe dental problems might be able to use them), and altogether the kind of guy you'd like to take home to Mother.

I had only the most platonic feelings for this man - he's of son-ly years, after all - until he did a devastating review of My Pillow, featuring him lying in bed in a semi-lit room. I don't for one minute think that he was trying to look seductive. He just couldn't help himself. He isn't beefcake, but he's in pretty darn good shape, and. . . I guess at my age you're not allowed to notice these things.