Mug shot: HAVE YOU SEEN THIS APE?

 

It's not Bigfoot, though if Bigfoot looked this scary I'd be crashing through the bush trying to get AWAY from it, not chase it to ground in order to capture grainy, indecipherable footage which would be analyzed frame-by-frame on the History Channel. 

No, it's a reconstruction of Paranthropus Boisei, one of the earliest and most primitive human ancestors, with intimidating apelike faces and the upright bodies of hairy, stocky humans. You know - men. 

BTW, this photo from an anthropological museum display has been mislabelled (by ME, including) as Orang Pendek, a Bigfoot variation from somewhere, oh who cares. They're all fakes anyway, except for THIS one. We know it's real. . . 'cause it's on Wiki.

Paranthropus boisei is a species of australopithecine from the Early Pleistocene of East Africa about 2.3 to 1.34 or 1 million years ago. The holotype specimen, OH 5, was discovered by palaeoanthropologist Mary Leakey in 1959, and described by her husband Louis a month later. It was originally placed into its own genus as "Zinjanthropus boisei", but is now relegated to Paranthropus along with other robust australopithecines. However, it is argued that Paranthropus is an invalid grouping and synonymous with Australopithecus, so the species is also often classified as Australopithecus boisei.

(So's your old man.)

Martin Scorsese, Martin Scorsese

  

 

A little Italian let’s praise today:

The Topo Gigio of pictures, let’s say.

 

When Taxi Driver comes on TV,

I always drop what I’m doing, you see,

For Travis Bickle is my main man,

Because of DeNiro I’m such a great fan.

 

When first I saw this story bleak,

I had to through my fingers peek,

For though the end was a gory mess,

I couldn’t stop watching, I must confess.

 

 

 

 

Then I saw a picture of Marty,

Who supports the Italian Munchkin party.

Like my Uncle Aubrey his eyebrows were dense,

And his movies didn’t always make much sense.

 

But to the soul they spoke without fail,

For Raging Bull's a morality tale.

And fluids red from DeNiro’s face

Went gushing and flying all over the place. 

 

 

 

When we saw Jake LaMotta bash his head,

It filled us all with horror and dread.

But for our director, comedy was king,

For sociopaths were Marty’s favorite thing.

 

I can’t tell you all the movies he did,

For I’d be here all day, I do not kid.

But some of them were a big surprise,

Like Age of Innocence, pure sex in disguise. 

 

 

And Alice by Bursteyn, my what a trick,

For feminist views he laid on quite thick.

And when he did that movie of Jesus,

He went far out of his way to please us.

 

Then there was Goodfellas, my what a pic,

And I can’t say it was my favorite flick.

Every time I try to watch this thing,

It doesn’t exactly make me sing. 

 

 

 

No, there’s pictures where human flesh does rip,

And he and DeNiro seem joined at the hip.

It’s an odd sort of duo, a big guy and small,

With both of them Cosa Nostra and all.

 

Real genius is rare, so let's praise this guy,

And hope that his pic on Sinatra will fly.

His turkeys are few, though with Liza Minnelli

He went on a coke binge and turned into jelly. 

 

 

Martin Scorsese, Martin Scorsese,

Your pictures are great and drive film students crazy.

So some day I hope, in my brief mortal span

I can call you just Marty: cuz you is de man!

 

On a magical Halloween night. . .

 

A little girl was born. I watched the miracle happen on that Halloween night, and have seen her grow and change, struggle and rejoice - and now she's a young woman, so all these photos I collaged for her are kind of out of date, but still beautiful. What a lot of work I put in on these projects, but it was the best time of my life. Happy Sweet Seventeen, Caitlin! 

After a hectic day. . . kick back and drink some bromide!

 

At the watering hole

A fountain in the desert draws all manner of fauna, even in the middle of the night. (CLICK ON BOTTOM RIGHT for full-screen).

2020: The Year in Review

 

Dear God, who wrote this prayer?

A prayer as I put on my mask:

Creator,

as I prepare to go into the world,

help me to see the sacrament

in the wearing of this cloth -

let it be "an outward sign

of an inward grace" -

a tangible and visible way of living

love for my neighbours,

as I love myself.

Christ,

since my lips will be covered,

uncover my heart,

that people would see my smile

in the crinkles around my eyes.

Since my voice may be muffled,

help me to speak clearly,

not only with my words,

but with my actions.

Holy Spirit,

As the elastic touches my ears,

remind me to listen carefully -

and full of care -

to all those I meet.

May this simple piece of cloth be

shield and banner,

and each breath that it holds,

be filled with your love.

In your Name and

in that love,

I pray.

May it be so.

May it be so.

Attributed to "unknown" (things get replicated like viruses on the internet), but probably someone trying very hard to extract some sort of spiritual meaning from the blizzard of chaos that is 2020. Put on your masks, folks - this is serious stuff, worse than we ever expected.

UPDATE: Here is the original source of the prayer:

https://www.facebook.com/ModeratorRichardBott/posts/3443694935674496

To that, I say "amen". 

NOT DISNEY! The Blue Danube, 1939

NO, not Disney, but a gorgeous seven minutes of old-time animation, drawn one frame at a time, yet fluid as the Danube itself. It took me years and years to track this cartoon down, and it has been up and down on YouTube more times than I can count. It`s so wonderful to see it again in its entirety! 

If Hugh Harman doesn`t ring any bells, don`t worry about it. Like Ford and Edison and Bell, Disney pushed his way into the public consciousness as the only ``brand`` in town. Meantime the artists in this studio turned out something as magical as anything Uncle Wally ever produced.

I was surprised to be able to find it. This was one of those mystery stories in which I had only a tiny fragment of memory of the thing, the scene where the little cherubs let loose the dam and the water cascades madly down the rocks and hills. I made a few grainy little gifs of it years and years ago, but then COULD NOT find the original cartoon anywhere. I even tramped through dozens of Silly Symphonies and everything I could find with little cherubs frisking around in it. Then I thought of Jerry Beck, the guru of traditional animation, emailed him with the gif attached, and he IMMEDIATELY gave me the title of the cartoon, which I quickly looked up and watched. The next day, it had been taken down, likely by Jerry Beck.

But it`s back now. . . until it isn`t. 

Favorite cat gifs

  

It's Good News Week!

"It's good news week!" A sprightly announcement on my local news broadcast: "And there's some GOOD news on the mental health front! Suicide rates were actually DOWN during the first few months of the pandemic. Mental health experts are attempting to analyze this unexpected development and generate statistics for further study." So that means if you are suicidal, you are definitely in the minority.

BUT. . . I just had a thought. Perhaps there was no one in the mental health field who was available to KEEP accurate statistics, or even notice them. Suicides often fly under the radar as "accidents" anyway, to spare the family stigma and shame. Meantime, all the "professionals" were hunkered down at home, particularly in the first couple of months. There's a pandemic on, for God's sake - let's get our priorities right! It also seems to prove all those distressed souls actually do better without all that attention paid to them.

Cinderella Rockafella

You're the lady, you're the lady that I love 

I'm the lady, the lady who 

You're the lady, you're the lady that I love 

I'm the lady, the lady who 

You're the little lady 

I'm the little lady 

Ooohhhh

I love your touch (Thank you so much)

I love your eyes (That's very nice) 

I love your chin (Say it again) 

I love your chinny chin chin

You're the fella, you're the fella that rocks me 

Rockerfella, rockerfella 

You're the fella, you're the fella that rocks me 

Rockafella, rockafella 

You're my rockerfella 

I'm you're rockerfella 

Ooohhh

I love your face (It's in the right place) 

I love your mind (That's very kind) 

I love your jazz (Razzamatazz) 

I love your jazz razzamatazz

Yeah, bring it money yeah

You're the lady, you're the lady that I love 

I'm the lady, the lady who 

You're the fella, you're the fella that rocks me 

Rockerfella, rockerfella
You're my rockerfella 

You're my cinderella 

Ooohhh

I love you

I love you

I love you

I love you

I love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu

Meghan Markle was NEVER pregnant!

MEGHAN MARKLE WAS NEVER PREGNANT. I call bullshsit!

The Raven (guest appearance)

 

"Bent-ley!!" Cat crashes my breakfast in bed

A cat for breakfast??!

QUEEN BEE: a mystery worthy of Hitchcock

 

(I've been promising you a rose garden of triviality and fluff, but I rediscovered this post from years and years ago and wanted to re-post it.) 

Can I piece this together, or should I just leave it in its natural pieces?

Years ago, when the internet was still somewhat Jurassic and YouTube was all new to me, I kept trying to find something, anything, about an episode of a sci-fi TV show I saw in the '60s. Wasn't sure if it was Twilight Zone, Outer Limits or (my personal favorite, the one that scared the bejeezus out of me) One Step Beyond. 

I don't think I even saw the show, in fact. My much-older sister was reading a description of it out of TV Guide. "A woman doctor awakens to discover that she has become extremely obese." My sister said, "Oh, that sounds like me." I didn't even know it at the time, but she was pregnant and hiding it from the world, including me.

But that wisp of memory is ALL, I swear, that I had to go on.

I did find this on a message board, and thought: I think, I think she's talking about the same thing:

Does anybody remember an episode of Twilight Zone or Outer Limits about a Queen Bee? It isn't the one with the sexy queen bee trying to breed with a human male. This was about a woman who wakes up and discovers she is enormously fat because she is a queen bee and she is never allowed to do anything but breed and be fed. Program, episode and names of actors would be appreciated.

Update: Zzzzzzzz is the one about the sexy queen bee. I'm looking for the one about the morbidly obese queen bee.

Answers

Best Answer: Outer Limits: Zzzzzz 

Season 1 Episode 18 

Actors: Vic Perrin, Bob Johnson, Ben Wright, Robert Culp, Robert Duvall

It wasn't the Outer Limits, and I believe it was in black and white. I can see the actress, but I can't think of her name. She did a lot of stuff in the 60's and 70's. Sorry to be of no help. Good luck.

It wasn't Zzzzzz, I checked on YouTube. It wasn't even Twilight Zone or Outer Limits or any of those, I obsessively checked the synopsis on every single episode and watched the ones that were available, and no obese doctor. So I gave up. Every so often, every few years I mean, I'd take another half-hearted stab at it. THEN!

Then, just tonight, I found this - this description on IMDB, and bingo-bango.

The Alfred Hitchcock Hour (TV Series)

Consider Her Ways (1964)

Plot Summary

Dr. Jane Waterleigh wakes to find herself in an obese body, having just given birth to her fourth baby, and is called "Mother Orchis" and "Mother 417" by an all-female medical staff. The other Mothers, all of whom are corpulent and much larger than their helpers, the Servitors, tell Jane that there are no men, their only responsibility is to give birth, and Mothers neither read nor write.

Jane, however, remembers her past life as a physician and wife, so two policewomen try to arrest her for "reactionism." The Doctors refuse to surrender her, and send her to sick bay, then to Laura, the historian. Laura explains that all of the men died decades ago, when a Dr. Perrigan developed a virus to control the rat population, but the strain mutated, killing all male humans, but sparing females, who were immune.

Now only women survive, and they are sorted at birth into four classes--Doctors, Mothers, Servitors, and Workers--and raised in learning centers. When Laura tells Jane that she will now receive an hypnotic treatment, a drug-induced amnesia to remove all of her memory, she becomes hysterical, and returns to her earlier world. 

She is in the office of Dr. Hellyer, her boss and the Chief of Staff at her hospital, who reminds her that she volunteered to test a new narcotic, Sonadrin, which apparently took her to the fantastic matriarchal world from which she just escaped. She discovers that Dr. Perrigan is a real biologist, who is working on a myxomatosis strain to exterminate brown rats.

She meets Perrigan and tries to convince him to discontinue his project, but he refuses, so she shoots him, lights a fire using all of Perrigan's research notes, and burns down his laboratory. She is tried for murder, but refuses to plead insanity, and insists that her sacrifice is worthwhile, since she is saving humanity from a terrible future. 

Then her attorney, Max Wilding, tells her that Perrigan has a son, another Dr. Perrigan, who promises to complete his father's work.

OK THEN! Great episode, based on a short story by John Wyndham (which I now have to find!). I decided to post the entire (detailed) synopsis because it's so fascinatingly bizarre. It DOES have termite queen aspects to it (and dear GOD do not get me going on termite queens, those seething bags of - ). I do not have the video, and the only photos are these godawful grainy things I scrounged and blew up. There is a mere snippet from the ending on YouTube, from which I have made a few not-very-good gifs.

But it's gratifying to realize that from that tiny wisp of memory, I have been able to retrieve something this tangible. Hell of a good story, too - too bad I didn't watch it.

BADDA-BOOM: There's got to be a rim shot to this. The actress in this episode was catching my mind at first - boy, she looked familiar (one of those!), until one of my Google image searches just sort of stuck her name in my face.

I remember her from Barney Miller! And many other things, of course - she had one of those long careers character actresses used to have.  And now that I think of it, my older sister - the pregnant one - (the termite queen, I mean) - used to watch The Alfred Hitchcock Hour all the time, and wouldn't be caught dead watching One Step Beyond. That sort of show was for the common rabble. Hitchcock was Art.

So I should've remembered. Eh?

POSTLY POST: So the next day, like ripping a bandaid off something barely healed, I began to look for some more. Can't leave it alone, it seems.

Enthralling as that story outline seemed, there were holes in it, and parts of it that didn't make much sense. This was the only other detailed synopsis I could find, from Wikipedia:

The story is mostly a first-person narrative. It begins with a woman (Jane Waterleigh) who has no memory of her past waking up and discovering that she is a mother of some description, in a bloated body that is not her own. After some confusing experiences Jane's memory gradually returns and she recalls that she was part of an experiment using a drug (chuinjuatin) to see if it enabled people to have out-of-body experiences. It seems that the drug has worked far better than anyone could have anticipated: Jane has been cast into the future. She also realises that she is in a society consisting entirely of women, organised into a strict system of castes, and that she is now a member of the mother caste. Jane's initial contacts have never even heard of men, and believe her to be delusional.

When it becomes clear to doctors who attend Jane that something strange has happened (since she can read and write, while the mother caste are illiterate) they arrange for her to be taken to meet an aged historian named Laura. It seems that Jane is in a society somewhat more than a century after her own time. Laura relates that not long after Jane's own time a Dr Perrigan carried out scientific experiments that unintentionally created a virus that killed all the men in the world, leaving only women. After a very difficult period of famine and breakdown, a small number of educated women, found mainly in the medical profession, took control and embarked on an urgent programme of research to enable women to reproduce without males. The women also decided to follow some advice from the Bible ("Go to the ant thou sluggard, consider her ways") and created a caste-based society in which Jane has become a member of the Mother caste.

Laura does understand what Jane means when she talks of men. However, she is certain that they were oppressors of women and that the world is far better without them. Jane disagrees and feels the demise of men to be a terrible blow.

Distressed at the prospect of spending her life as a bloated producer of babies, expected to be unable to read, write or reason, Jane requests that she be administered a dose of chuinjuatin in the hope that she might return to her own time. It works, and once transported, Jane decides to stop Dr Perrigan at all costs. The story has an ambiguous ending, which may suggest that it is the narrator's own actions that will lead to the catastrophe she hopes to prevent, an example of the predestination paradox.

This is actually the synopsis of the original John Wyndham short story, though the Wiki entry says the Hitchcock adaptation was "fairly faithful" (though transplanted to the U. S. Note the word "programme" in the synopsis - even we Canadians don't use terms that antiquated and bulky).

But here's one more snippet: a review posted on a Hitchcock fan site. Gives a little more insight into this strange and twisted thing. This just makes me want to see it all the more, but I'd have to order it on DVD or something, along with 576 other episodes.

This was a weirdly disturbing episode...but NOT for the reasons presented. In the future, men are dead and the surviving woman have become a single-gender society, with classes and levels organized along the same lines as the Ants. A woman wakes with no memory of who she is...and finds she's a hugely obese, barely mobile woman named "Mother Orchis" who (as a mother) is genetically designed to have babies...and nothing else. She gradually remembers she has a husband (nobody even knows what a 'man' is), can read and write (something Mother Orchis can't do) and was in fact a doctor. The story's pretty facinating (involving mental projection and time travel) but the the whole "No woman is complete without her man!" message has an ugly ring to it. Still, I'm charmed by the effectiveness of the primitive fat-suits and the sight of those huge woman, reclining on couches and eating...being massaged by servants (drones) and existing in this strange society that survived the loss of the other gender and adapted.

(I have just one question. Wouldn't they still have male babies? Did they kill them all off, or what? Unless perhaps they cloned themselves, but that part of it is never explained.) 

POST-POST-POST-IT (LAST last postscript to this post!): OK, since I posted this thing a few years ago, the episode DID appear in full on YouTube. So you can watch it now, and make up your own mind about it. 

Top 20 Celebrity Commercials From Before They Were Stars

I promised you nice, shallow, fun stuff, so here it is! I actually LOVE videos like this and love to see what kind of work actors had to take to keep bread on the table, and how child actors  had no choice but to do what the director said. Jason Alexander is the weirdest, maybe because we are not used to seeing him with hair! 

VICTORY MENU: Creamed brains on toast!