The circuit-breaker: how long can you hold your breath?

My brilliant daughter Shannon Paterson reports again. Here are my thoughts from the comments section.

These two-week bursts of severe restriction are called "circuit-breakers", and what they generally do is force everyone to hold their breath, figuratively speaking. But sooner or later you have to breathe again, and when normal human social impulses are kept suppressed, they tend to burst out again as people try desperately to re-connect. It's so hard-wired into us that I doubt if we can adhere to such brutal abstinence from the way we have evolved as humans. 

Besides, statistically, the circuit-breaker method is a desperation ploy which so far shows no clear signs of working. It's a fire-break against a raging blaze. Health experts are trying it, inflicting it experimentally on populations, because THEY DON'T KNOW WHAT ELSE TO DO. This is all just one big seething petri dish of experimentation, worldwide, and it has never happened before so NO ONE knows what to do. But they can't say that because they need to instill trust in people so they will "believe the science". If only it were that simple!

Right now, most of us are shoving the thought to the backs of our minds that there won't be any Christmas this year - and there won't, not like we have ever known it. People are carrying around, not just resentment at what they're having to do without (human contact being the most desperate), but a lot of shame if they feel angry about it or don't want to adhere to it or feel they want to rebel. Myself, I've had wild, subversive, "wrong" thoughts that this is all a bad joke and an attempt to force people to obey and toe the line, a la Big Brother. Then I give myself a shake and say, What is wrong with you? and feel shame. So the anger gets pushed under. 

There are teeny peeps here and there, sparsely-written and infrequent news items about how some "vulnerable" people who are already in heavily-marginalized categories (chronic mental illness or addiction) are having negative emotional effects, but they are people who are going to get more depressed anyway in the winter, or are never going to get better. Then, quickly, comes another stat - we HAVE to have stats every day, you see - that suicide rates are actually DOWN, so everything is obviously OK unless you're one of "those" people (who would be messed up anyway, and we all know most of them can't be saved. Harm-reduction is the best we can do.) If these remedies turn out to be as effective as society's remedies for addiction and mental illness, then God help us all.

It's Good News Week!

"It's good news week!" A sprightly announcement on my local news broadcast: "And there's some GOOD news on the mental health front! Suicide rates were actually DOWN during the first few months of the pandemic. Mental health experts are attempting to analyze this unexpected development and generate statistics for further study." So that means if you are suicidal, you are definitely in the minority.

BUT. . . I just had a thought. Perhaps there was no one in the mental health field who was available to KEEP accurate statistics, or even notice them. Suicides often fly under the radar as "accidents" anyway, to spare the family stigma and shame. Meantime, all the "professionals" were hunkered down at home, particularly in the first couple of months. There's a pandemic on, for God's sake - let's get our priorities right! It also seems to prove all those distressed souls actually do better without all that attention paid to them.

Unmet needs: why we're afraid to talk to our doctors

 

This is a Facebook comment that I want to turn into a blog post, because these are important issues, and I assume I am hardly the only one who is struggling. It's an unpopular view about which hardly anyone speaks, and I think this is due to guilt, shame and being intimidated by the labyrinthine nature of the medical system right now. It causes more stress than it solves, so I try to avoid it as much as I can, and avoiding medical issues and hoping they will go away is NOT a good strategy over the long haul - and I don't even think we're at the midpoint yet. I normally use a lot of images to break up text, but this is going down as is. 

I have one of those phoned-in "doctor's appointments" scheduled in a few minutes and am waiting by the phone with my stomach in knots, though I was told the call could come any time between 8:00 am and 5:00 pm. 

I am dreading it. After six months, I have so many unaddressed issues built up that I don't trust myself NOT to spill them, become angry and alienate the only source of help I have right now. She has a history of discounting and countering virtually everything I say. Medication is also a huge problem, and based on past experience I fear she will withhold some things in a way that "shouldn't bother me" because it didn't bother anyone else she has treated. 

I am being told, not WHAT to feel, but the only way TO feel, because, surprise surprise, there's a pandemic on and we're made to feel very guilty and even shamed for having medical needs that have gone unmet for half a year (and most of this stuff has been going on for 2 years or so while I have actively searched for a better doctor). 

In my case, it's psychiatric, so I virtually don't have a leg to stand on, and based on 50 years of dismal experience, this almost cannot go well. Everyone has their own bag of bricks to lug around, and each one is different, but I have been trying very hard to convince myself that this stuff isn't important, and I should just be a big girl and suck it up. That is the impression I get, anyway. 

I try to keep negative medical things off my Facebook page because it is NOT a popular view to criticize doctors, who have been lifted up to the status of selfless heroes when many of them are just not doing their regular jobs and are leaving people (not just me) with no safety net, which is considered some kind of indulgence, I think. My main hope is that she will have an anonymous intern handle it, which she has frequently done over the past two years. My encounters with her, though rare, are incredibly stressful and leave me feeling drained and discounted. And I can't "just get another doctor", so that door is closed to me. 

Wish me luck, please.

Carol McGiffin: "People still think someone is going to touch them and t...

Though I was never even remotely a right-winger in anything, I am beginning to see some truth in what that side is saying now. A lot of this is excruciatingly true and seems to conclude we WON'T get out of this thing if the issue is managed in the dysfunctional, dystopian way it seems to be now. 

We can't live on the edge of Armageddon! And it's not happening anyway. It won't, in spite of all the dire predictions. We can't have the Emmys on Zoom, cancel Christmas and basically give up the precious and crucial (to mental health and wholeness) rituals of civilization forever, which is what I see coming. 

Already young people have had to cancel ALL their rites of passage which are a crucial part of their identity as emerging adults. A big chunk will be missing forever. We're stopgapping our way along in ways which I see as bizarre and even grotesque (a choir practicing singing with masks on!).

People have cancelled their weddings, for God's sake, changing the entire course of their lives, and some relationships may not last through the anxiety and strain. And let's not talk about the small businesses that are crashing down like a great row of dominos. So what is the answer? Good sense may be a good start, something between Trump's idiotic, blustering denial and the rantings of the left, which are becoming more and more narrow and militant. 

You can't put a foot wrong or say one single "wrong" thing or the Twitterati will attack you en masse and in public, and meantime the narrow, intolerant rules and the lingo become more complicated and confusing all the time. If you're gay, you are now identified as LGBTQRST+2, whatever THAT particular equation means. But get it wrong, and you're suddenly "homophobic".

Meantime, the culture continues to sexually exploit little girls in a movie like Cuties. Sometimes I want to throw in the towel myself. 

COVID spikes: don't blame the kids!

I decided to copy and paste the text of this article from Global News, so they can sue me if they like. But this article makes some very valid points from the standpoint of young people who are now being blamed and even scapegoated for spiking numbers of COVID-19. The problem is much more complex than the media and the public claim. I have four teenaged grandkids who are experiencing tremendous frustration and have protested the confusing muddle of misininformation and conflicting advice from health care experts, rules that seem to shift and change every day.

These are KIDS, people. Like all of us, they're tired of this shit and don't see an end in sight. But they haven't yet gained the maturity to take the long view, and neither have many adults, who have no excuse and should be setting a better example. These young people are missing the milestones of their coming of age, a situation that could affect them for the rest of their lives. What they are experiencing is real grief, not just youthful rebellion. And yes, bar owners should not stand there smoking a cigarette and ringing up the cash register. If they see COVID violations, it is their responsibility to close up shop IMMEDIATELY and stay that way until it's truly safe to re-open.

HEALTH
Here’s what B.C. youth have to say about the province’s coronavirus spike

By Simon Little Global News

Posted August 15, 2020 4:01 pm

A public health expert says telling younger survivor stories is much more effective in flattening B.C.'s curve.

As British Columbia faces a second wave of the coronavirus, youth in the province are speaking out about how they’re being affected by the pandemic.

It comes as new modelling shows that the recent surge in new COVID-19 cases is being driven largely by young adults, aged 20-39 years old.

READ MORE: Why one expert says B.C. fumbled its coronavirus message to young people

The issue has prompted the province to redouble its efforts to communicate with youth, including recruiting social media influencers, and calling on celebrities to add their voices to the campaign.

CKNW Radio’s Lynda Steele Show spoke to some of B.C.’s youth, who say their voices aren’t being heard in the debate.

Life on pause

Olivia Barbieri of Surrey says youth are being bombarded with “exhausting” messages about staying safe during the pandemic.

The 20-year-old understands the concern, but argues that older adults also need to recognize that her demographic is being uniquely impacted by the virus.

“There are some events in certain stages of life — like weddings, graduation, like having different study plans — that are very unique to these times of our lives,” she said.

“It’s really hard, especially as young people, to be like — okay, well our parents and everyone else have had these opportunities, so it’s hard to be like, okay, this isn’t happening for us.”

Barbieri, a third-year university student, was supposed to go to the Netherlands for a semester abroad this September. That has now been scrapped.

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She’ll now be studying online instead.

But she says many of those cases don’t involve giving up once-in-a-lifetime opportunities.

“I’ve been struggling,” she said. “You know, I would be packing up, I would be getting on a plane.”

Barbieri says she understands that all age groups have had to make sacrifices during the pandemic.

Back to school fears

Burnaby’s Ervin Cadiz, 16, is slated to head back to school next month, and says he doesn’t want to go back unless he can do it online.

“It’s upsetting to be forced back into school when the government has told us to keep our bubbles and contacts small,” he said.

“I followed all the precautions and guidelines set by health care officials ever since quarantine happened. So why is it now that we’re being put in groups larger than 50?”

Protesting B.C’s back-to-school plan

Cadiz said he’s worried he’ll be regularly exposed to large groups of people at school who may or may not have been following precautions, and will have to rely on transit daily to get there.

He worries he could come in contact with the virus, and bring it home to his family.

“It’s like we’re being given this ultimatum. Risk getting your parents sick, risk getting your relatives sick, or don’t go to school and get the education that you need,” he said.

Mixed messages

Tanysha Klassen, 24, of New Westminster says the province’s youth aren’t getting a consistent message from officials.

Klassen says she’s been working from home during the pandemic, wearing a mask and limiting her trips out for essentials, such as groceries.

But she says the way the province has reopened has suggested to young people that going out is fine.

READ MORE: Coronavirus exposure reported on 2 nights at Vancouver nightclub

“Things like restaurants and bars and nightclubs have been given the go-ahead to open up by the provincial health officer,” she said.

“Then we’re getting these announcements every day with the cases going up, saying that these are often coming from bars and nightclubs. And then we hear the media blaming it on young people because young people are the ones that go to these places.”

Klassen said it’s unfair to pin those new cases on youth when it’s the responsibility of bar operators to ensure safety protocols are in place and being followed.

She said if those establishments aren’t doing enough, it’s up to the province to crack down on them for breaking the rules.

“It seems like young people are just following the rules,” she said. “If people shouldn’t be going to bars and nightclubs, then they shouldn’t be open.”

Getting tougher?

Shumail Javed, a 29-year-old from Burnaby, says the province should have taken a clearer and tougher line in its messaging from Day 1.

He says he’s seen crowding at “party places” such as the beach and few people wearing masks.

“Maybe all people from different segments of society should have come together, form a digital campaign that could have helped people understand this,” he said.

“Make sure that it was simple, strictly like wearing face masks. Or enforcing fines in the party places like Kelowna or Tofino.”

Javed said the messaging around masks, in particular, has been too casual, leaving many people to feel like the pandemic had eased back to business as usual.

He said the province has also failed to open up more outdoor spaces and activities where people could congregate and have fun safely, prompting people to head back to bars and clubs.

So how DO we get through all this shit?

I find myself posting outrageous Trump stories (most of them connected directly to a jaw-dropping denial that COVID-19 even exists), then feeling bad about just passing all that negative energy along. But there are times I honestly do not know what else to do.

I keep vowing I'll learn to ignore all this, but if you're a sentient being who cares at all about the world, you can't just tune it all out. You can't "process" it, as the expression goes, because nobody wants to swallow toxic shit. It just runneth over, kind of, and though I do try to deal with one day at a time, and though PART of today was really good (sandhill cranes on Burnaby Lake, a blackbird eating out of my hand), my day can take a hairpin turn towards incredulous dismay and even depression. And I keep saying to myself, my God, why are you getting depressed about THIS? 

I have no control over it, except, as the trite saying goes, "my attitude towards it". So am I supposed to be optimistic, neutral, or what? I don't know how to feel about it. I am not at all surprised liquor consumption is through the roof now, especially with people who do not usually drink heavily. I stopped drinking in 1990 (darn it all), so that rather self-defeating avenue is closed to me. I want to stop posting Trump stories, but I feel like I have to share them to take some of the crushing load off. I try to not post long blurts, and at least part of today was great, but one thing does not cancel out another. The evening news is now so breathtakingly grotesque that I sometimes flee the room halfway through. 

We cannot escape the primitive workings of the reptilian brain which is supposedly in charge of the free world. I also realize with dismay how heavily satirized and sent up Trump has been for more than four years, and how it has done nothing at all to change an astonishingly dangerous situation. In fact, satire and laughter is a way to escape and make things LESS awful. Humor is a distancing tool and a survival mechanism, but it's also a way to put unpleasant things away from you. I always used to think: yes, Alec Baldwin is brilliant in this role, but it just ain't funny, folks. It's making a completely unacceptable situation palatable through the endorphin-burst of a good laugh. Not that much different from taking a few stiff shots.

I have bipolar disorder and have started writing about it more lately, thinking, well, what have I got to lose? I'm not protecting anything, and (as the kid in the playground said long ago) nobody likes me anyway. But if this revelation affects how people feel about me, either way, well, that's not why I'm doing it. Right now, I'm doing it because some days, like today, I am trying to hang on to a rope bare-handed that is coated in a particularly deadly, slick oil, and though my desperate hand-over-hand is now so fast it's a blur, I feel I'm losing ground a lot of the time because there is nothing but an abyss below me. At present, I have NO medical support whatsoever, NO avenue for counselling, and basically have to keep my problems to myself. So the hackneyed exhortation to "reach out for help" isn't very helpful right now, as it doesn't seem to apply to me.

Will I get through this? I really don't know. Everyone is doing an awful lot of whistling in the dark - again, as a survival mechanism, and as a way to put the unpleasantness away from us so we can get on with some kind of a day. I have never known the world to have this many overwhelming problems on this scale, all at once, and even with the best President in the world, things would still be harrowing, a long and heavy grind for everyone, and downright catastrophic for some.

I tell myself: OK then, I'm a Canadian, I might have this mental condition but I'm not quite hospital material (yet!), my husband and I are well and have a roof over our heads, our kids are employed and doing well and so are THEIR kids. I tell myself all this, many, many times a day, but the dismay still pours over me and creeps into every crevice like a thick and very toxic fog. 

So. . . I keep getting up in the morning like everyone else, with no safety net medically or mentally (and it's ironic that during my long years of stability, I had more "help" than I ever needed, even if it was the wrong kind). Now there's just nothing, and many times a day I say, OK then, I'm being thrown back on my own resources, and might this not be a test of my ability to - to - oh fuck, I give up! It's not like that at all. I want my Mum, and even when she was alive she was indifferent to me, to the point that I was not even mentioned in her obituary, a fact which most people find hard to believe. But I want SOMEBODY'S Mum, and I am tired of trying to reflexively "mother myself" when I just don't have anything left in me to nurture anyone at all. 

Pandemic Blues: my cat, my dolls, and getting through sober

My pandemic 'do (and Bentley, too!)

I was astonished to look at my calendar and realize that it has been FIVE MONTHS since I went to the salon. In that time period, I have given myself many DIY hair cuts/styles/colouring. Yes, colouring, though I use a very cautious method: something called "hair mascara" which is actually a root touch-up, but which can be worked into my natural colour in a few minutes. It does wash out, but that's what I wanted! 

I don't feel that happy all the time, or even most of the time - this whole pandemic thing is a big, wet, soggy dark cloud that resides an inch or two above ALL our heads, and we can never quite forget it, particularly when it begins to leak miserably all over us. But something about Bentley fills me with joy, even though he was a bit reluctant to pose for this shoot. Actually, I did it to help my morale, and to illustrate the things we CAN do if we HAVE to.

MEGHAN MARKLE FOR PRESIDENT???

Thoughts on Meghan Markle and her coming political coup. This was a comment I left after a video about the royals and MM in particular, and as it evolved I felt it deserved a longer life here.

ferociousgumby 15 minutes ago (edited)

At this moment the United States is in the worst crisis since WWII, but unlike WWII when they had superb leadership, there is NO leadership and things are in utter chaos. The Democrats are not strong enough now to instill trust in the people. Like newly-hatched ducklings, the majority of people will gladly toddle along behind anything that even remotely resembles "leadership". This has happened before in history, but I leave you to guess when and where. 

I have often heard that in Chinese, the word "crisis" can also be translated as "opportunity". Meghan is about to step into a historically-unprecedented vacuum, a Meghan-sized hole in American politics which she may well fill, absurd as it seems. A sketchy background and having NO idea what you're talking about is obviously no deterrent to being President. Ronald Reagan, the "great communicator", gave speeches with no meaningful content whatsoever and inspired huge loyalty because he came across well on TV. 

Narcissism is hardly a drawback, but rather a huge asset. The free world is now being led by a lunatic, and Meghan can at least speak in full sentences, no matter what the lack of relevant content. The States is just crazy enough to welcome her with open arms, because 90% of the voters HAVEN'T been following her exploits. Everything in her background will appeal to the left: she is bi-racial, "young", a woman, a "royal", and an American who can represent Black Lives Matter AND "girl power" at the same time. She is ticking every possible box, and everything is poised and ready for a devastating coup.

I'm in a Harold state of mind

This blog was originally set up as a kind of extended ad for my novel, The Glass Character, a fictionalized account of the life and times of Harold Lloyd as seen through the eyes of an obsessed fan. This was done at the request of my publisher, along with a Facebook page which I still update when I feel moved to do so. Over the years, the blog evolved and changed and spread itself out, and continues to, but Harold Lloyd is still at the root of it all.

Having researched the novel for a couple of years, I have thousands of photos, gifs, videos, artwork, a handmade doll (yes!), and other bits and pieces of Lloydiana which I sometimes still feel moved to share. Though the novel did not do well at the box office and was considered a failure by most, writing it was by far the most positive experience of my life as an author. I had had a disastrous mental breakdown in 2005 and was not sure I would even physically survive, let alone write again, let alone write a novel, let alone get it published! Harold, and the four grandchildren who were born over the next four years, literally saved my life, and I'll always be grateful for that.

Harold comes around again in cycles, because whatever happened or didn't happen with the novel, I will always  believe my connection to him is positive, lifeward, even uplifting. I had a spiritual connection to him, and still do. He was not a perfect human being, as he was well-known to be a womanizer with a fierce temper, but he was also big-hearted, exuberant, brilliantly inventive, a constant enthusiast, unquenchable even in the worst adversity, and in all, just a hell of a good influence on me during an extremely dire time.

So I'm once again looking at Harold as a way to muddle through all this mess. I am not in a good place medically now, in constant pain, unable to see a counsellor (booked solid 'til well into September!), and if I have any mental health issues I've been ordered to "just go to Emergency". Since going to Emergency even for a cut on my foot can trigger unbearable panic (just a little quirk of mine!), it's not on. So whatever I'm going through, I'm going through pretty much on my own. Everyone has their trials and tribulations now, and the admonishment to "reach out for help" is now more hollow and hypocritical than ever before.

So. . . here he is, and I'll be digging around in the archives to see what else I can come up with. 

I! CUT! MY! OWN! HAIR!!

I! CUT! MY! OWN! HAIR!

It was madness, I know. But it made me even more mad to look in the mirror  at the sticking-out-in-every-direction MESS which could not be combed, styled or even flattened down. 

I had a razor comb (not scissors, God forbid) so began carefully, gingerly thinning out the flapping wings at the back. Gradually I grew more bold as the bits of hair accumulated in the sink. Hey, why not – go for broke! It can’t look any worse, can it?

 When I thought I had taken off enough, I ran downstairs, all excited, and said to Bill, “Notice anything different about me”? He looked at my face, then at my blouse, and said, “Yeah?” and I said “WHAT DO YOU MEAN you don’t  see anything different!” and he made a “shrug” expression with his mouth and said, “You look nice.” 

Then I made him take my picture, which he never does because I hate it. This mad impulse came after I read a four-page manifesto from my stylist (likely a generic one from Health Canada or somewhere) which basically described the salon as a police state. The tone of it was: things will never be the same, and you will never enjoy a trip to the stylist again. So I thought: how long is this going to be, and how could it look any worse than it does now? 

I don’t think it does – I think it looks better – my head is lighter – and though I’m definitely greyer, I can more or less look at myself without alarm and have SOME hope I can keep it in shape until, gowned, masked, in full hazmat suits, my stylist and I will meet again, don’t know where, don’t know when.

Elizabeth Holmes Cures COVID-19!

Elizabeth Holmes is at it again! With one prick of a finger (or finger of a prick,), she will CURE the coronavirus and win the Ignobel Prize for ignorance.

FLATTEN THE CURVE!

Canada turns the corner. . . we hope.

Melania rocks the mask!

Just read what I hope is the lowest point of journalism in all this mess:

Melania Trump sports face covering in public service announcement

Melania Trump wore a face mask in a new photo tweeted from the first lady's account Thursday as part of a message urging fellow Americans to follow the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention's recommended coronavirus guidelines.

Blogger's notes. I just find this headline completely bizarre. At first I just saw "Melania Trump SPORTS", and I wondered if they had invented a new leisure-time activity/distraction from the two thousand Americans dying of Covid-19 every day.  Then I realized they did not want to use "rocks the new fashion craze", so they used "sports" instead, confusing everyone. Please, guys, things are confusing enough.

Facebook comments:

Note that she is  wearing the kind of mask that should be reserved for healthcare workers. She should write, "I don't care. Do you?" on it.

But hey - she looks so stylish in it! It's so pure, so gleaming, so snow-white, as if a deathly virus has never even been near it. 

And wow, even in the midst of an unprecedented global pandemic, her gleaming white blouse matches her gleaming white mask!

Actually, she found a nice, pure-white linen napkin in her favorite restaurant (which stays open just for her) and had her private White House seamstress measure her mouth for a custom fit. 

Come to that, hasn't she ALWAYS worn some sort of gag on her mouth? I've always imagined her making those marks on the wall that they do in prison.

And note how very carefully made-up her eyes are. But the longer I look at this (and I think I'll stop now), the more ambiguous her expression seems to be. I am really not so sure that's a smile - actually looks kind of predatory.

Reptilian? Maybe she's one of those reptile people.

COVID-19 presents its bill.

New rules of social distancing

 

Trump's answer to coronavirus: "Just get a flu shot!"

PANDEMIC: the fragile web

Most of my writing energy lately seems to go into the comments sections of YouTube and Facebook. I think it's a way to get my thoughts together, figure out how I feel about things, and sometimes even discharge some static in my brain. 

This is a response to one of those"Ask a Doctor!" videos of which there are so many thousands. These "doctors" do not need to show any credentials, but in this age of anxiety people are hungry for accurate information and advice. This one, like almost all of them, began with, "OK! Is this coronavirus likely to affect you? No, it isn't." 

He then spends eleven minutes recounting what is actually going on in the world, contradicting his initial statement in the space of a few seconds. People are  hungry for reassurance and crave some sort of de-escalation of their emotions, but many are being told they're silly and alarmist to be so concerned. It's minimizing, a form of denial which is often seen as healthy. It isn't. In this case, it may even be deadly. 

Here is what I had to say about all this in response to a particularly infuriating video, and it is NOT a popular view. It's not a polished essay, though I will say it took me more time to write than a hundred badly-spelled Presidential tweets. 

"I find this video not just misleading, but infuriating. How can you say "don't worry, this won't affect you", then in the next SECOND say there are cancellations and shortages everywhere, with even necessities becoming less and less available? People are blandly being told, "Oh, just be patient and wait until the store restocks their shelves." But warehouses are closing, factories are closing, and we are finding out just how dependent we all are on overseas sources for everything, including medical supplies and food. All our vegetables and fruit are imported at this time of year. ALL. But we need to keep up our nutrition, right? Can't live on macaroni (if we are lucky enough to have it).

But who has thought of that? We haven't had time to think.

People are having to cancel their weddings here. But that's just what immediately comes to mind. Yes, it's affecting ALL of us, A LOT. That doesn't mean "we'll all die". It means that these reassuring, "informative" videos by doctors do more harm than good, because they are so misleading. My doctor sent me an email saying they can't test everyone, not to come in unless you're really sick, and that "this story is changing moment by moment" so she could give us no meaningful projections at all, which is at least honest. 

If what we're seeing is overreaction, think of this: how are parents going to get child care? MANY day cares have had to close at a time when they are needed most. Will parents lose their jobs from just not being able to come to work? Will they get paid leave (almost surely not)? How many small businesses have already died from this, leading to still more unemployment? How will families with their income cut off get food in communities where it is already scarce?  The more I think about this, the more dire it seems. 

My daughter, a hard-headed, seasoned TV news reporter for 15 years, phoned me in a panic yesterday to say the local Superstore had a lineup of carts that stretched all the way around the store, and the shelves were almost bare. I have never known her to react like this, EVER, about a story she is covering. Today she stated we will very likely be on lockdown within a week, like most major cities in Europe. She has her finger on the pulse of world events as no one else I know, and she's finding it hard to sleep at night. Every time I get an update from her, my stomach turns over.

We live in a fragile web, and it is seriously breaking down worldwide. These "informative", "reassuring" videos, designed to keep silly old people like us from developing ridiculous, outlandish ideas, do MUCH more harm than good, because they are not realistic. People are shoulder to shoulder at O'Hare airport, fresh in from Europe and statistically MUCH more likely to be carrying and spreading the disease, many with no symptoms at all. The three feet of social distance and finger-wagging admonishments to "wash your hands" are like trying to put out a forest fire by pissing on it.

Are we not supposed to consider what will happen next? How are people on multiple meds (like me) going to be sure they can even get a refill? Many, if not most drugs are made overseas. Pharmaceutical warehouses are closing down everywhere, as are factories. Shipping is not happening. Whole countries are shutting down. What about deaths from people not being able to get their medications? My guess is that it will lead to a second wave of fatalities. The horrible, insensitive jokes people always make about psychiatric patients "going off their meds" are going to be a lot less funny to those assholes when it actually happens and people's mental health collapses. It might even happen to "someone you know". 

In Italy, a developed country with a fine health care system, the death rate of those infected is now 7%, and HUNDREDS died in the space of one day. Many people quote flu deaths as being many times higher. No. Flu deaths are approximately one tenth of one per cent of those infected. (I had to check that with my daughter, thinking it was one per cent.) Seven is just a little bit higher, and worldwide it is well over three. Those numbers are  only going in one direction.

If you're passing through O'Hare airport right now, as we speak, it is almost literally a petri dish for potentially fatal disease. If ONE person says, "oh, you're obsessed with this" and "you need to find something to do with your time", fuck them. I am sick of seeing these remarks every time I post a literate and carefully thought-out comment.  But there are worse things going on. What I hate most of all are pandemic experts getting up there at press conferences and urgently saying, "Don't touch your face!", then MOMENTS later licking their fingers, swiping their hands across their noses and rubbing around and around their mouths. One smoothed back her hair, her hand swiping across her face, AS SHE SPOKE. 

Another queasy moment came when I saw an item on the news about your phone being nothing but a tiny toilet constantly contaminated by your nose and mouth. It should be cleaned many times a day, as often as you use it. How to do this? "Just take a disinfectant wipe. . ." Oh yes. From that empty shelf over there! This is a sort of entitled "cake-ism", a feeling we'll always have a wipe handy because we. . . because we always have, haven't we? The thought that those literal billions of wipes should be saved for medical purposes never enters anyone's mind.

The truth is, we don't know what is happening here. And we don't know what WILL happen. Lack of information is the most stressful thing there is, and the human brain is wired to fill in the gaping hole because it abhors a vacuum. But constant reassurances that it "won't affect us" and admonishing people for their silliness is WRONG. Saying "just wash your hands" as a sort of magic charm is bullshit, and I am tired of all those earnest videos showing me how to do it. I predict the statistics quoted in this comment are already obsolete. It's not either/or (a choice between panic and denial). We need to be realistic, stay open, change our perceptions as well as our habits, and stop reassuring ourselves and each other that everything is going to be just fine. It won't. My hope is that we will, somehow or other, as we have with everything else, get through it. But we can't even be sure of that yet."