The Glass Character

Saturday, April 15, 2017

Bentley beauty shot

Balloons don't suck, but they blow

My God, I am so glad I am not the only one who hates this horrible, disgusting practice! It is ubiquitous for all sorts of occasions, happy or sad, weddings and funerals and christenings and divorces and this and that, and apparently not one person considers the consequences, or else they'd stop it. For some reason most people don't even think about where all that latex goes, or just sort of assume it dissipates into the air and disappears. If we can't see it, it can't be there, and certainly couldn't be doing any harm.

I'd like to know the stats on how often this is done every day worldwide, and how many TONS of filthy shredded latex end up casually discarded in the environment, the air and the water and the forest and city streets, along with countless masses of those nice curly lengths of ribbon that can choke magnificent marine life to death. Slowly.

Aside from all the animals it kills, balloon releases are kind of like firing tons of used condoms into the air and somehow seeing nothing wrong with the practice, even viewing it as something so beautiful and meaningful that other concerns are trivial and unimportant. Yet if you say anything about it, you get hurt or astonished looks from people, as if you've said, "I like to stomp on Easter chicks".

And just try NOT attending a balloon release in protest. Whether you explain it to people or not, it will be extremely awkward, the kind of thing that prompts a down-inflected "oh," while you honestly wonder if they think you're just an antisocial crank. "Oh come on, we know you don't like it, but they're going to do it anyway, you know? Be a good sport."

Everyone loves balloon releases, don't they? They're a way for people to express their deepest emotions. To "let go and let God". And for heaven's sake, they can't be harmful or they wouldn't sell them. (You're not one of those whackjob environmentalists, are you?) There it is right on the package: biodegradable.

Alternatives to the colorful aerial spectacle, whatever they might be, aren't given much play because nobody has really thought about it. It hasn't occurred to them they could do something else. Why should we, when we can go down to the dollar store and have them fire up the helium tank? It's what we always do, we do it every year, the kids would be disappointed if we blah blah blah, and anyway it hasn't done a bit of harm.

Has it?

What's behind this bizarre and extremely selfish practice is something so naive that I can barely wrap my mind around it. People still seem to think God lives "up there", and that these overinflated multicolored condoms are somehow going to carry everyone's grief and hope and joy STRAIGHT UP TO GOD, where it will of course be dissipated into pure light by the power of divine grace. Soggy multicolored condoms raining down from the sky don't even enter the picture. So it's worth "whatever", isn't it, all that stuff you're so bothered about? It's a spiritual practice, for heaven's sake, and God wouldn't mind if we do it just this once.

https://balloonsblow.org/

Low-flying planes: this is bad for my health

Why are there helicopters and planes flying over my town, day and night?

My face was in shadow for this, but perhaps that's just as well. Bentley is in silhouette.

Friday, April 14, 2017

Strange tendencies

Strapping 12" wheels onto your ankles. What could possibly go wrong?

Creepy Easter bunnies!

I wasn't gonna do it. No, I mean I REALLY wasn't gonna do it - that thing I do every year, where I find photos of really hideous, creepy, scary Easter bunnies and post them here. As a matter of fact, I've barely thought of Easter at all this year - that wonderful time of violent death and bloody crufixion and Cadbury cream eggs.

Then somebody asked me, "So what are you guys doing for Easter?"

I thought: you mean we have to DO something? I thought Easter was a holiday, and the whole purpose of a holiday was to do nothing.

Then I told myself: no, Margaret, you will NOT make a photo montage of Easter bunnies in hideous costumes with screaming little kids attempting to flee from them. It's sadistic, isn't it? - because these little kids aren't just upset or uncomfortable. They are TERRIFIED. They fear for their lives. They hold their arms out begging for rescue, while their parents. . . their parents take pictures.

These montages at least explain WHY kids cry like that. I can't say as I blame them at all.

Techno Bike Wheel Chicken

Thursday, April 13, 2017

Bentley's morning laps

Magic fail!

When Magic Goes Terribly Wrong

Ginger ninja

Tuesday, April 11, 2017

Yes sir, that's my Bebe

A two-frame animation I made from gorgeous photos of Harold Lloyd's first leading lady, Bebe Daniels.

Donald Trump's film debut in STARCRASH (1978)

Long-suppressed by Trump's advisors, profoundly censored by the White House, seen by practically no one: it's STARCRASH! In 1978, Donald Trump decided that though he was rich and famous and excelled at everything, he had not yet tried movie acting. His agent Bugsy Siegel signed him to this tawdry low-budget sci-fi picture, sight unseen. Co-star Marjoe Gortner was a famous fake evangelist with a 5-minute movie career, though whether or not he was actually green (or actually an evangelist, or actually an actor) is still hotly debated in sci-fi circles.

The following Highly Secret Conversation was tape-recorded via hidden microphone by a spy hired by George Lucas:

I gotta tell ya, it's a mistake to put me under that dome.

(director) But Mr. Trump. This is the only special effect we can afford in the picture. Besides, you won't be under the dome. It'll be added later.

Because I don't wanna look like some kid's birthday cake or a pheasant under glass. Nobody told me about all this shit, the green skin, the lobster hands.

But Mr. Trump. Isn't it an honour to play the most formidable movie villain since Darth Vader?

My guy will call your guy.

PRODUCTION NOTES. The Wizard of Oz atmosphere in this scene is only partly intentional. It just kept turning out that way.

Those lobster arms are actually asparagus spears being overcooked in a microwave, another dazzling special effect.

The backdrop for the globe/"cake dome" is a defective lava lamp that Marjoe had lying around.