My strange obsession: the auto-erotic car

Behold, the only car I've ever been truly obsessed with: the 1940 Mercury Westergard convertible. I thought I saw one of these driving around town years ago, before a local car show, but I may have been wrong. It was painted maroon and cream, with a lot of chrome trim. But it was basically the same enormous, bulbous shape, with rear wheels completely obscured (so how did they ever change a tire?).

It was only by digging around that I found out anything about this. There's nothing at all in Wikipedia except some sort of vague reference to the Ford Mercury line, started in 1937 by Edsel Ford (and we all know who HE was!). This wet dream of a car came later, when an auto-erotic genius named Harry Westergard  revamped the whole design.

In showrooms, they almost look pornographic. The universal gleaming cherry color, like a red lollipop that has been sucked and licked and set out in the sun, makes it look as if it would be hot to the touch. The car is both male and female, with a great thrusting phallus at the front (not to mention round, staring eyes and a bow-shaped, frowning mouth) and a big round ass in back, crouched almost as if in submission, waiting to be fucked (or for that tire to finally be changed).

When you think about it, it's downright obscene.

I want to slide down that fender-thingie (and I'm not even sure I should call it a fender, it's so odd-looking, like some sort of elevated running-board), curl up in the curvature of that massive trunk. I can only imagine what the interior looked like.

 Whew.

But that's not why we're here today, boys and girls. I am about to show you some truly-over-the-top Popeye porn.

It's from a cartoon called (strangely) Service with a Guile, and it's about an "admiral" (this must've been a wartime cartoon) who drives up in the car pictured above, wanting "just some air in the tires". Popeye, Bluto and Olive Oyl manage to  make a hash of the whole thing.

You know things are getting a little symbolic here: Olive rubs and rubs and rubs the fender, while the tire swells and swells.

Popeye goes into crisis mode. The fender suddenly bends up, looking alarmingly erectile. This car seems impossibly aroused!

But it just goes on and on. Though Bluto thinks he has solved the problem by shutting off the air, the tire just begins to "pock", burgeoning with straining balls of air like so many swelling breasts or engorged testicles. There is definitely something disturbing about this!

And I can't find the fifth one. Perhaps I saved it somewhere else? It pictures Popeye, Olive and Bluto being blown back through several walls, leaving them-shaped holes, before falling into a clothesline and into various outfits (Bluto is in some kind of corset) and taking off back to the ill-fated car.

Which, except for the color, looks exactly like the 1940 Mercury Westergard.

(Found it!)

http://margaretgunnng.blogspot.ca/2013/04/the-glass-character-synopsis.html

http://members.shaw.ca/margaret_gunning/betterthanlife.htm

Forget it's by P & G, and it will tug at your heart, I guarantee

Simply hair-raising

It's cool, what Harold does. I like to think so. Probably next-in-line to his famous clock-dangle is his famous "hair-raising" move. This was actually achieved with static electricity, and if you don't believe me, try rubbing a cat on your sweater real hard and see what happens.

This probably wasn't his first hair-raise, as it's from a movie called Hot Water that I think he made in 1923. In this one, he thinks he sees a ghost, and as we all know, thinking you see one is even worse than actually seeing one.

This one's from High and Dizzy, and it may well be the first Harold hair-raise. This time he's terrified to realize he's  teetering along a ledge 20 stories off the ground. It has two parts: he manages two hair-raises in rapid succession. Good for you, Harold!

This is probably my favorite due to the symmetry of the hair (he had a good, thick head of Welsh hair that stood up like porcupine quills) and the open-mouthed, childlike facial expression. There are one or two other examples of this signature Llloydian effect, but I don't have clips of them now so can't gif them. 

This is the emblem we so often associate with Harold Lloyd, the screaming man with his hair standing on end. Neat effect, and I don't think anyone else achieved it. And look into those eyes - real terror, telegraphed directly into the camera lens in a way that was almost disturbing. We always forget what a great actor Harold Lloyd was. Hal Roach famously said he didn't have a funny bone in his body, but studied his craft so meticulously that he was able to act the comedian to perfection.

So what is all this leading to??

I can't tell you yet, but let me tell you this: after much trepidation about approaching him, I got a blurb for the back of The Glass Character from Kevin Brownlow, one of the most distinguished film historians/producers/directors/authors the world has ever seen. He is singlehandedly responsible for rescuing hundreds of silent films from oblivion/destruction, and has spent a lifetime educating the world about the irreplaceable worth of these films. Even better, he's quite approachable and easy to connect with: if you love silent film, then he's happy to talk to you.

 AND HE HAS DONE A BLURB FOR ME! I can't keep this to myself, but the other part of it - the cover - well, yes, we're almost there with it, we have a mockup that - well - made my hair stand on end! So it isn't quite official yet, but if all goes according to plan we'll have a cover which is quite surprising, even shocking. Both comic and a little disturbing.

I hope Harold would be pleased.

Eli Wallach, Francis Ford Coppolla, and Kevin Brownlow all received  Lifetime Achievement Oscars in 2010.

SPECIAL BONUS HAIR-RAISE! Just found another one, in two parts, from which movie I don't know because it was taken from a YouTube compilation. But it's cool. It's the only one I've found where he smiles that sweet adorable smile of his. 

 

Dear Sir or Madam, will you read my book

    It took me years to write, will you take a look

Order The Glass Character from:

Amazon
http://www.amazon.com/-/e/B001K7NGDA

Barnes & Noble

http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/the-glass-character-margaret-gunning/1117863913?ean=9781927068885

Thistledown Press

http://www.thistledownpress.com/html/search/genre/Fiction/the_glass_character_p580.cfm

Chapters/Indigo
http://www.chapters.indigo.ca/books/the-glass-character/9781927068885-item.html?ikwid=the%

       

Since I will get absolutely nothing done today. . .

I don't know why I do these things. An obsession is an obsession. But it's a fun one, for the most part. It's waiting for something to happen with my novel that is gruelling. Meantime, since I don't actually own these Harold windup toys, I can play around with them in other ways. I've seen video, a few seconds long (in fact, I'll pull out the gifs I made from it) of the standup figure "walking", or sort of shuffling along. Harold Lloyd memorabilia can cost in the many thousands, including a signed photo I saw for $7,000.00. Some of these may be knockoffs, but they're still valuable as collectables.

Not sure what all the wincing is about, but maybe it's the best they could do to represent a smile.

POST-BLOG: There are variations on the Walking Harold, including a black Harold  who may have been modelled after one of the Nicholas Brothers (named Harold Lloyd, so his parents must have been a fan). I already dealt with this in a former post. But I just now found something very sad. And please be aware that this isn't photoshopped! It's a tin Harold for sale, yes, but "as is". Something happened to his arms and one of his feet, so it's doubtful that he can walk. Maybe we can fix him up with one of those bumper-car-type things?

http://margaretgunnng.blogspot.com/2012/01/synopsis-glass-character-novel-by.html

http://members.shaw.ca/margaret_gunning/betterthanlife.htm

People suck

My attempt to post this "elsewhere" was met with a nasty swipe by someone I don't even know (and does not use his or her real name). But I will post it here in hopes it won't inspire comments about my own mental health. They aren't hilarious and hip, but they do isolate and insult. Such bravery when we have no face and no name!

If I thought my son was gay

Actual conversation, recently overheard at a party.

(Her) So they're saying, you know, he's (blblblb)

(Him) He's bi-whut?

You know. Bipolar. That's where -

Yeah, I know what it is, baby.

So he says he's like, on this stuff that's like, um I guess it's like lithium, and I'm like

What sort of shit is that?

You know, it's like when you have mood swings?

Shit.

And you take this and it like, levels them out?

Bipolar. That's all I ever hear about. All of a sudden everybody'sbipolar.

Like, I don't think so? Like, he's never been what you'd call normal.

If I thought my son was bipolar, you know what I'd do?

(seductively) Whuu-uut?

I'd take him out back and shoot him.

You would?

Put him out of his misery. Hell, I'd do it for my goddamn dogs.

So, you'd like. . . I mean, kill him if he was like. . .

Like I said, put him out of his misery. I'd rather he be dead than fucking crazy.

What if he was, you know?

(mockingly, but she doesn't get it) Whuuu-uuut?

You know, gay.

Jesus.

What would you do?

Well. (Thinks, with difficulty). I don't know, I guess if he has a job -

And a haircut? (giggles)

If he was, you know, holding it together. If he kept on going to church.

Does your son go to church?

What the hell are you talking about?

I mean, do you know anybody like that.

Of course not. But I mean a person can change.

They can change if they're bipolar?

Shit no. I just told you I'd shoot him in the head and it would be the best thing for him.

But they can change if they're you know. . .(coyly) gay?

I saw this thing on TV. Gospel camp, a bunch of ex-gays. Sure, a person can if they want to.

Can they?

Hey, listen. If you were in love with your boss, would you just come up to him and say. . .

Doubt it (giggles).

So you'd keep it to yourself.

So it's OK to be gay if you keep it to yourself.

That's what I'm sayin'. It's a decision, you just don't act on it.

So if you're like, heterosexual, you can just decide not to act on it.

I guess maybe. . . I don't know, that's different. But I guess so.

So being gay is OK so long as you don't act on it.

If you don't make a big deal out of it. Just keep it to yourself.

But if you're bipolar -

I told you, I'd blow his brains out.

What if he like learned to, like, keep it together? Kept on going to church. 

I see where you're going. No thanks, dear, it's a whole 'nother issue.

I don't believe you.

I told you already. I'd do it out of love. I'd do it for one of my dogs, and I'd do it for my son.

But is it OK if you, like, keep it to yourself?

Forget it, darlin'. Mental illness is the end of the line.


http://margaretgunnng.blogspot.ca/2013/04/the-glass-character-synopsis.html

http://members.shaw.ca/margaret_gunning/betterthanlife.htm

A Harold Lloyd Mystery: SOLVED!

While waiting for my literary ship to come in (and based on past experience, that could take a long time, i. e.the next lifetime maybe,) I like to make Facebook covers featuring my hero, the Glass Character of the silent screen, Harold Lloyd.

In my incessant bloodhound search for new material, I recently turned up this caricature, at first completely unknown to me. But the answer was in there somewhere. It looked like one-o-dem things they used to hang on restaurant walls during the 1930s, sketches of famous people who used to sit in dem-dar booths. 

Turns out it was. It was drawn by a man named Vitch, a nickname based on the last 5 letters of an unpronouncable name. He frequented the legendary Brown Derby restaurant, the place where Hollywood types flocked after a long day's shoot, and drew (for tips, presumably) caricatures of celebrities. Based on this one, he was pretty good, because in a few deft lines he got a very convincing likeness of Harold.

The legend is that he did these clever, quick sketches on the spot. Perhaps it started out that way. But note the similarity between the photo (one of Harold's stock head shots which he autographed for fans and friends) and the caricature. One could easily have been based on the other. You have to tilt the hat just a little, but the jaw line, the glasses, the position of the nose and mouth are identical. Though the chin is only half drawn in, you get the idea of it. The sideburns are definitely the same. The shadowy right side of the face is also shadowy in the photo. In fact, the whole face and head are in such an identical position that the caricature almost looks like it could have been traced from the photo.

Clearly, this was not done from life. That would give the artist a lot longer to work on making it look effortless. He could also throw away all the attempts that didn't work out.

I hope he got a good tip for this one. But not too good.

http://margaretgunnng.blogspot.com/2012/01/synopsis-glass-character-novel-by.html

http://members.shaw.ca/margaret_gunning/betterthanlife.htm

Harold and the Vitch Mystery

While waiting for my literary ship to come in (and based on past experience, that could take a long time, i. e.the next lifetime maybe,) I like to make Facebook covers featuring my hero, the Glass Character of the silent screen, Harold Lloyd.

In my incessant bloodhound search for new material, I recently turned up this caricature, at first completely unknown to me. But the answer was in there somewhere. It looked like one-o-dem things they used to hang on restaurant walls during the 1930s, sketches of famous people who used to sit in dem-dar booths. 

Turns out it was. It was drawn by a man named Vitch, a nickname based on the last 5 letters of an unpronouncable name. He frequented the legendary Brown Derby restaurant, the place where Hollywood types flocked after a long day's shoot, and drew (for tips, presumably) caricatures of celebrities. Based on this one, he was pretty good, because in a few deft lines he got a very convincing likeness of Harold.

The legend is that he did these clever, quick sketches on the spot. Perhaps it started out that way. But note the similarity between the photo (one of Harold's stock head shots which he autographed for fans and friends) and the caricature. One could easily have been based on the other. You have to tilt the hat just a little, but the jaw line, the glasses, the position of the nose and mouth are identical. Though the chin is only half drawn in, you get the idea of it. The sideburns are definitely the same. The shadowy right side of the face is also shadowy in the photo. In fact, the whole face and head are in such an identical position that the caricature almost looks like it could have been traced from the photo.

Clearly, this was not done from life. That would give the artist a lot longer to work on making it look effortless. He could also throw away all the attempts that didn't work out.

I hope he got a good tip for this one. But not too good.

POST-BLOG OBSERVATIONS: More on Eddie, that son-of-a-Vitch!

Eddie Vitch

From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Eddie Vitch (April 6, 1903 – September 1, 1985) was born in Skierniewice, Poland and made his way to the USA in the 1930s. In 1931, he approached the Brown Derby owner Robert H. Cobb and offered to draw caricatures of the famous patrons who dinned at the restaurant.^[1]

In a very short time, Eddie had drawn hundreds of pictures of Hollywood stars and the Brown Derby became famous for the caricatures which adorned it walls. For aspiring actors having their caricature on the walls of the Brown Derby meant they had finally 'made it' in Hollywood. For Eddie Vitch it was to become his ticket into the world of entertainment.

By the 1940s, Eddie had created a comedy mime act and was traveling the world in variety theater alongside some very famous stars such as Edith Piaf, Maurice Chevalier and Josephine Baker. His career took off during the 40s and 50s and he performed with the Folies Bergere,^[2] Paris, in the Berlin Wintergarten theatre, the Hippodrome, London and the Tivoli Gardens in Copenhagen.^[3]

He went on to perform his comedy shows on TV and had guest appearances in several movies. In 1966, he retired from theater life and moved to Australia.

At long last, and after much digging and sleuthing, I've figured out the mystery of the Harold Lloyd caricature I liked so much, the one that bore the mysterious signature "Vitch". 

I'm not sure how I found this information, but it must have been somewhere. This led me to the (of course, definitive) Wikipedia version of the story. Everyone who loves Old Hollywood (and I'm so tired of it by now I want to cry) knows all about the crowd who dined at the Brown Derby, a restaurant so ugly I won't even put up a picture of it. It appalls me that anyone with taste would even go there. Anyways, after a hard day of shooting, Mickey and Judy and Ted and Alice and a host of others would all romp arm-in-arm along Sunset Boulevard, blocking traffic for miles, until they got to the Brown Derby and ordered, I don't know, something brown. 

But one day, an enterprising young Pole entered the room just as Al Jolson was dancing on the table in blackface, and approached the proprietor. "Gimme bowl of zoup," Eddie Wolowosiezevoskivinkizinovitch said. "Get out, ya bum," he replied. Eddie (Whatever) then proceeded to throw chalk at the wall until Jolson stopped dancing. From that point on he became a hero, and got a free bowl of soup. When no one could pronounce his name, he said, "Shit!" which someone mis-heard as "Vitch!", the last five letters of his name. 

That's MY version, and you must admit it is a hell of a lot less boring.

  Visit Margaret's Amazon Author Page!

http://www.amazon.com/-/e/B001K7NGDA

Sure, I'm obsessed, but can you blame me?

This is one of those things that came out of nowhere. No, not quite: I googled "Harold Lloyd caricatures", because I had yet to see one I liked. Most of them were ugly, bizarre and didn't look anything like him.

Oh how I wish I knew anything about this, as it appeared in a mishmosh of internet images. It's signed by "Harold", who usually uses his full signature, so it's something for a close friend. I can't make out the name. Kent, Kert, Hart? Impossible to say.

And the artist's signature: Vitch? Equally incipherable/untraceable. But the caricature itself IS Harold Lloyd in a very few deft strokes, with the right side of his face not even drawn in. At first I thought this was a mistake, or the artist losing interest before he was quite done. But like the best caricatures, the likeness is implied, not spelled out. With a very few lines, you "know". It's poignant that the right side of his face is a mere shadow: this was the side of his body that was most damaged by the bomb that went off in his hand in 1919, just as his career was in liftoff.

I don't know how an artist gets such a compelling likeness, so much with so little: 1/4 of a nose, a tiny fraction of a lip, a jaw-line, brows. He even got the expressive arched left eyebrow that drove women crazy. The thick black hair is implied with one bold stroke. It's all perfect, as are the eyes that softened and grew kinder with the years. This could be Harold at practically any age.

The longer I look at this, the stranger it gets! Even the hat is only half-drawn. But anyone would know who it was. This out-Hirschfelds Hirschfeld by a mile.

Fashion tips for gals on the go:: how to dress for your shape!