So is this the last of the blankies? (Once again, a knitter wonders.)

You're never too old for a blankie from Grandma!

What do you give a woman who has everything?

Knitted corn!

Bentley with knitted corn.

The corn knitter with knitted corn! Crystal liked these very much.

 I am now working on the next thing. . . Nanny's Pizza Parlour. .How did I evcr get into this?!

"I feel like a fool for buying this"

So this is the subject of this post, but this bland yellow cotton skein of yarn doesn't begin to convey what the problem is.

I recently went into Michaels during a yarn sale and began to grab handfuls of this stuff, all different colours, because it was on for $1.50. Small as they were, that's still a good price.

Bought them. Then they were crammed into a plastic bag and sat there for a week. Then last night, when I opened the bag - 

It was a "what the - ?" moment. There was this - stink. It seemed to be clinging to the bag, permeating it. I thought of those horrible scent cards in magazines, the kind that make my eyes immediately start burning.

Only this was far worse. It was Cat House No. 5, a French perfume you'd buy at the dollar store by the gallon, something you'd use to disinfect the cat box if you really hated your cat.

At first I didn't know what the hell was going on. I began to paw through the balls of yarn. The smell was getting stronger and stronger, until I found the yellow, and - 

I came pretty close to gagging. I noticed that on the label, there was a tiny little symbol that said "scents", printed on a nearly-illegible red circle. It would not be obvious to a consumer at all, and if you were in a hurry like I was, you'd just grab it as if it were any other skein of yarn. I'm sorry, but it doesn't occur to me to pick up and smell the yarn before I buy it. It's like checking it for fleas - just does not make sense.

Even as I write this, a phantom headache threatens. I can't describe it. The smell has taken up residence in the lining of my nostrils, as only very acrid and overwhelming scents do.  It's Aunt Dorothy's cheap perfume, applied layer by layer because she didn't bathe very much. It's that headspinningly stinky Febreze furniture deodorizer shoved up your nose with a shovel. It's one of those reeking pieces of cardboard you hang up in the car to hide the smell of Junior's last heave. It's  - 

One day on the bus, I sat next to a very Goth-looking woman who obviously worked in a meth lab. The chemicals coming off her literally burned their way into my sinuses, which had to heal over the next few days. This isn't quite that bad, but why can't I get rid of the smell?  I haven't touched the yarn in hours! The rest of it, the stuff that was in the bag along with the "scents", have caught the contagion and now reek almost as badly. They just absorbed it like a sponge. I threw them all in the clothes drier and they've been in there for an hour, but -  

I don't think so.

I may well have to return the whole lot. But the problem is, Michaels is obviously cramming this "scents" yarn in the same bins as the regular stuff. By now, it'll all be pretty much permeated. 

Scented yarn. OK.  I'll try to wrap my head around the concept! If you, say, knitted a sweater or even a scarf with this stuff, your body heat would fully release its gagging, wafting ponk. It would follow you around all day and set off everybody's allergies, not just your own. You would move in a cloud of stink that blares "cheap! Cheap! Cheap!" all day long. And I doubt if something this obnoxious could be washed out.

Maybe it's like pizza crust, constantly being reinvented: stuff it, put hot dogs in it, chop it up into rippable bits, dunk it in some sort of sauce that probably won't improve the experience. But for God's sake, don't just leave it alone! Keep "improving" the product with bizarre innovations that fall down in the execution.

This yarn is booby-trapped. I'm not the only one who has bought it without realizing just how evil it is. Maybe they should put steel bolts into the skeins that shoot through your hands, nailing you to your chair as if you're Christ on the cross. 

I know I am within my rights to return all the yarn, but what new stink might I find in the bins? There are three or four of these "scents", including - gag - lavender. The one I mistakenly bought is supposed to be some sort of migraine-inspiring vanilla, but if you added a little Chanel No. 5 to skunk spray, you'd just about have it.

I find it gratifying, having dug up the few reviews of this product that exist on the internet, the degree to which other customers are on the same page with me. I feel vindicated and a little less shitty about the whole thing. I hereby quote a few of them anonymously:

I just bought this yarn not knowing it was scented. I like the colour but the scent was giving me a headache! My fingers even smelt after. I had to wash my hands when I was done knitting. I really hope the smell comes out in the wash. I will not be purchasing anymore scented yarn. Frankly, I don't understand the purpose of adding perfume to yarn.

No,

I do not recommend this product.
smelly

Bought this in creme white not realizing it was scented cotton. It is cheap, not a nice scent and I put it in the trash.

No,

I do not recommend this product.
Nice color, not so nice scent.

Purple is my favorite color and one of the reasons I purchased this item. I like the soft lavender color but I do not like the scent.

To me the scent smells like cheap soap. Luckily it's not too overwhelming (although it is strong), so it's bearable even though I don't care for the scent.

Awful

I ordered 3 different yarns and they all smell exactly the same and nothing like the description for any of them. The scent is AWFUL. I don't even know how to describe it; it's just an annoying smell that is really strong and almost burns your nose and throat. I would not purchase this again, and unfortunately I have to finish my project so I don't have time to return it. I am just working a little at a time and taking breaks from the horrible smell.

Would recommend to a friend? No

smell horrible

Could not get by the smell. There is no words for it. Just no good. I thought that there would be much more little bundle of yarn. Just no good. Brought it back to the store. Waste of time and money

The skeins were a whole lot smaller than what I had purchased prior from another source. I thought they would be all the same size.

Top positive review

One person found this helpful

4.0 out of 5 stars Not quite vanilla, but not bad.

I bought it for the color & it is a good cotton yarn. The scent is not unpleasant, but it's not exactly vanilla - it is more reminiscent of a laundry detergent scent.

Top critical review

One person found this helpful

1.0 out of 5 stars  I feel like a fool for ordering this

Well, I feel like a fool for ordering this. It is a teeny, tiny skein. I kept looking in the shipping box for the rest of it. And it does not smell like lavender. at all. It rather...stinks. There goes $9 wasted. I expected more from Bernat. A teeny, tiny smelly bundle. lol. Not my usual joy in opening a package of new yarn !

Smelled harsh and chemical-y. Had to return.

i ordered this yarn and recieved this color yarn but it was not as described it was bernat handicrafter not scented at all

It's ok, very skimpy .not much of a scent wouldn't buy this again....

NEXT DAY'S REFLECTIONS. Second verse, same as the first! I found yet another review that resonated with me. And how.

Does not smell like vanilla

This yarn does not smell like vanilla. It is VERY perfumey. Bought it for a child hat but it smells like grandma's perfume gone bad. Additionally some of my skeins were stained with what appears to be coffee.

No, I do not recommend this product.

Visit Margaret's Amazon Author Page!

Knit one - no, don't knit one

This is a case of federalizing the simple.

The following is a standard, free pattern for knitting slippers, the kind everyone makes five minutes after they learn to knit -  followed by a "variation" by something called the Authentic Knitting Board. This must be some obscure organization whose purpose is to spoil the pleasure of everything you do. Kind of like the Ministry of Love, which deals in hate; the Ministry of Peace, which deals in war; etc. etc. So this must be the Ministry of Knitting, which deals in unravelling your mental health.

Original Pattern

Using two strands of wool, cast on 30 stitches.

Knit in garter stitch for a bit less than the length of your foot (they tend to stretch, so don't worry if they seem a bit tight at first).

Then in the next row, knit one, knit two together to the end of the row. The final row is knitting two stitches together all across the row.

Then break off the yarn, thread it through the remaining stitches, and pull them up. Use the rest of the yarn to sew up the top, and the casting-on yarn to sew up the heel. Repeat for second slipper.

Ministry of Knitting version: Made to Fit Double Knit Slippers

By: Authentic Knitting Board

With a few simple measurements and calculations, you will be able to make slippers for anyone, from your child’s baby doll up to Great Grandpa! Not only that, but you will be able to use any weight yarn, the stitch of your choice, and different gauge knitting boards. You truly get to be the designer. Make them big and bulky or lightweight. Design them with a stand up, bootie style, or moccasin cuff. Or, make them with no cuff at all. Stripes, novelty yarns, and different stitch patterns are all ways to make slippers that are unique. Let your imagination soar. These make great gifts, and are quick and easy. This may be the last slipper pattern you will ever need, thanks to Authentic Knitting Board!

One of our loyal readers came up with this helpful guide to creating these slippers. View the Slipper Calculations Guide to gain some valuable assistance in knitting these cute slippers.

Skill Level-Beginner

Skills Required-Casting on, Binding off, Decreasing, Stitch pattern of choice

Materials:

Double sided knitting board with the number of needles required to cast on
Yarn of choice
Notions-Yarn needle, crochet hook

Samples were made with the 28” Authentic Knitting Board with Lion Brand Chunky USA—Purple Slipper, KK Blue Long Loom with 2 strands of worsted weight yarn—Red/Blue Slipper, and Décor
Accents 12” Fine Gauge AJAL with Lion Brand Magic Stripes—Striped Slipper.

Important--Read the “Help Section” before starting.

Calculations:

The first step in making these slippers is to measure the size of the foot. Four measurements are needed (measure to the nearest ¼”): A. From the top of the ankle bone down under the heel to the top of the ankle bone on the other side. B. From the heel to the middle of the arch. C. The width of the foot at the widest part. You may want to add ½”-1” to this measurement for more ease. The amount of ease your slipper will have will vary with the stitch you choose. A stretchy stitch won’t need as much ease, while a firmer stitch will require more. The amount of ease required also depends on how snug or loose you like your slipper to fit. Adding no ease will make the slipper snug and close fitting. Experience will tell. D. From the heel to the toe. You may want to add ½”-1” to this measurement if you want “grow room.” Record these here: A._____ B._____ C._____ D._____. Make sure to measure carefully so that the slipper will turn out the right size. There is also a place to record these numbers on page 2, for ease in doing the calculations.

Now you need to make a swatch with your chosen yarn, stitch, and knitting board. I recommend casting on at least 12 needles, more for smaller gauge boards, and knitting for about 3-4 inches. Keep track of how many rows you knit. You will need that number later. Remove the swatch by binding off with a crochet hook (see step #3 in the pattern). Now, measure the width of the knitted piece. Record this here:_____. Divide this number by the number of needles cast on. Record this number here: W._____. This tells you how much knitting you get per needle. Measure the length of the knitted piece. Record this here:_____. Divide this number by the number of rows knitted. Record this number here: L._____. This tells you how much knitting you get per row. Make sure to measure carefully so that the slipper will turn out the right size.

Divide (A) by (W). Record this here:_____. Add 8 to this number. If you added some ease to (C), are using thin yarn or a fine gauge board, or you just want a taller cuff, you may want to add 10-12 to the first calculation in the place of the 8, to give you more cuff. If you want a stand up cuff, you can add 6 or less in the place of the 8. If you want a “footie” style slipper (no cuff), don’t add anything to the first number. Round to the nearest whole number. Record this here: E._____.

Divide (B) by (L). Round to the nearest whole number. Record this here: F._____.

Divide (C) by (W). Double this number. Record this number here:_____. Now, subtract this number from the total number of needles cast on (E). Round to an even number, if necessary. Record this number here:_____. Divide by 2. Record this here: G._____.

Divide (D) by (L). Record this number here:_____. Subtract (F) from this number. Record this number here:_____. Subtract 3 from this number. Record this here: H._____.

A._____ B._____ C._____ D._____ (From page 1)

Decimal equivalents for common fractions (to help with calculations): 1/8=0.125 1/4 =0.25 3/8=0.375 1/2 =0.5 5/8=0.625 3/4=0.75 7/8=0.875

Sample Slipper: For those, like me, who like to “see” what they are doing, here’s an example of using the calculations to make a slipper on a fine gauge board with worsted weight yarn. First I’ll list the measurements and then show the calculations step by step.

1. Foot Measurement: A.—7.5”, B.—3”, C.—3”, D.—6.75”

2. Swatch Measurements: W—4” / 16 needles = 0.25” L—2.5” / 13 rows = 0.2”

3. 7.5(A) / 0.25(W) = 30 8 = 38 E.—38 (Cast on stitches)

4. 3(B) / 0.2(L) = 15 F.—15 (Knit this many rows)

5. 3(C) / 0.25(W) = 12 x 2 = 24, 38(E) – 24 = 14 / 2 = 7 G.—7 (Bind off this many stitches from each end.)

6. 6.75(D) / 0.2(L) = 33.75, 33.75 – 15(F) = 18.75 – 3 = 15.75 (I’ll round this up to 16) H.—16

(Knit 16 rows)

Pattern:
Cast on (E)____ stitches with your favorite method. Leave a long tail that will be used to sew up the back of the slipper later. Instructions for the Stockinette cast-on are at the end of the pattern.
Knit (F)____ rows in stitch of choice.
Bind off (G)____ stitches on EACH end of the board. To bind off on the end opposite the working yarn, simply slip a crochet hook into the first stitch on the front and back board, and pull the first loop through the second loop. Now, pick up the next front stitch and pull it through the loop on the hook, then the next back stitch. Continue until the required number of stitches are bound off. At this point, you’ll still have one loop on your crochet hook. Place this loop on the end needle on the back board. There will now be 2 loops on the end back needle. (See top picture.) Do the same to the other side with the working yarn, but pick up the back stitch first and then the front stitch (where the working yarn is attached). Also, it is very important to lay the working yarn across the stitches as you bind off. (See middle picture.) It will be buried inside and then be right where you want it when you are finished binding off.

Knit (H)____rows. On the first row, knit 2 stitches over 1 on the two back needles that have 3 loops on them from binding off. After the first row is knitted, all the needles should have 1 loop on them. Continue knitting the remaining rows as usual.

Decrease half of the stitches. Do this by lifting stitch 1 onto needle 2 then stitch 3 onto needle 4. Repeat for the whole board, both front and back. You will end up with every other needle being empty. If you have an odd number of stitches cast on, the last 2 needles will not have an empty needle between them. Wrap the row, skipping the empty needles (see bottom picture). If an odd number of stitches are cast on, you will wrap the last 2 needles consecutively. Knit the bottom 2 stitches over the top stitch. You should now have 1 stitch on every other needle. Shuffle all the stitches together so that there are no empty needles.

Knit 1 row.

Repeat step #5, except you don’t have to shuffle all the stitches together after decreasing.
Remove slipper by cutting the working yarn, leaving a long tail. Thread the yarn tail onto a yarn needle and slip the stitches, starting with the far left back needle (the one opposite the working yarn), back and forth across the board (1A, 1B, 2A, 2B, 3A, 3B, etc.) onto the yarn needle. Remove from the board.

Finish up by binding off the cast-on stitches (if the stockinette cast-on was used). Bind off is the same as done in step #3 of the pattern starting with the stitch on the end opposite the yarn tail. After binding off the last stitch, wrap the yarn tail around the hook and pull it through the loop. The piece will look like a capital T. Fold it in half from side to side. Sew up the back seam using the long tail left from casting on. When about 1”-1 ½” (more for larger sizes, less for smaller sizes) from the bottom, bring the bottom of the slipper down to meet the seam you are sewing (this will look like a capital T—see picture below right) and finish sewing closed. This gives the back heel a nice shape. Thread the yarn tail at the toe onto a yarn needle. Run the needle back through the toe stitches again and pull tight, then sew up the top of the slipper. You can sew just the top of the slipper and leave the cuff open to fold over moccasin style, or sew all the way up the cuff and then fold over for more of a “bootie” look, or sew all the way up the cuff and leave it standing up. Weave in all the loose ends.

Turn right side out.

Congratulations!! You’re done. Now make another slipper.

Read more at http://www.favecrafts.com/Loom-Patterns/Made-to-Fit-Double-Knit-Slippers#xKr2WDGTo4Gp4UAc.99

WAIT! THERE'S MORE! I just discovered a "help section" which is meant to make this project MUCH simpler.

Help Section:

When referring to the front board, this is the board nearest you when it is lying flat. The back board is the board furthest from you when lying flat. When making your calculations, you will run into partial numbers. You can either round up or round down. A lot depends on how stretchy your stitch or yarn is, if you want to leave “grow room”, and how you like your slippers to fit. I usually round up so the slippers won’t end up too small. When calculating (W) and (L) round the number to the nearest hundredth (2 places to the right of the decimal). For example if (W)=0.34373, record 0.34. But if the number in the thousandth place is 5 or above then you would round up. So, 0.34573 would become 0.35. If you have measured correctly, your slippers should turn out the right size. If you are unsure, or just want to check your measurements, measure the knitted piece at the end of step #2 and step #5. It should be the same as (B)(after step #2) and almost (D)(after step #5). If it’s shorter, add a row or two. If it’s a little longer, you could just leave it, or you could pull back a row or two. Remember when measuring after step #5 that the piece will be a bit shorter than (D) because you still have 3 rows to knit. When in doubt, take the time to measure. You’ll be glad you did. After binding off from each end, you may have to adjust how you wrap your needles to keep your stitch pattern. For example, when using ribbing you may (not always) have to switch from (1A to 3B) to (2A to 4B) to keep in pattern. By observing the pattern in the knitting, you will be able to tell if you need to adjust your wrapping. If using stockinette stitch, this will not be a problem. When wrapping the last 3 rows, I usually switch to stockinette stitch, as it’s easier to wrap with the empty needles. For a nicer finish when sewing up the front and back seam of the fold down cuff, sew the cuff seam on the right side (outside) of the slipper. The stitches will be hidden when the cuff is folded. This applies only to the part of the seam that makes up the cuff. The rest of the top and back seam is sewn on the wrong side (inside). Any size yarn can be used, but chunky/bulky yarn will give you more thickness and last longer. Ribbing is a very nice stitch to make slippers in, as it is thick and comfortable. If you are using a larger gauge knitting board, it may be helpful to wrap the board 3 times, when casting on, and then lift the bottom loop over the top 2. Then wrap as normal, always lifting 1 over 2. This will give more thickness. Using two strands of worsted weight yarn, held together, will make a nice thick slipper and give you many color combinations. Baby booties can be made by using baby or sport weight yarn and a small or fine gauge knitting board set at ¼” spacing. For closer fitting, lightweight “footie” style slippers, sock yarn and a fine gauge knitting board work well. Crochet a chain and weave it through the cuff of the slipper and tie into a bow. Be creative!! Keep a record of your swatches. That way when you want to make a pair of slippers out of the same yarn, you’ll already have that part done.

Definitions and Stitches:

Working Yarn—The yarn attached to the skein.
Stockinette cast on and stitch—Place a slip knot on the back left needle of the board. (“Back” meaning the board furthest from you when lying flat.) Call this 1A. Bring yarn down from 1A to 2B.
(This is the front of the board.) Wrap around 2B and go back up to 3A. Continue wrapping every other needle for the desired amount of stitches. Then take the yarn straight across to the needle directly across from the needle that was wrapped last, and wrap back to the beginning, covering all the needles that are empty. Lay a long piece of yarn (this is called the anchor yarn—see picture), about twice as long as the stitches, across the stitches and then wrap again. Every needle will now have 2 loops on it. Hook the loops over by lifting the bottom loop over the top loop and off the needle. Push the ends of the anchor yarn through the boards and tie loosely under the boards. You are now cast on. Continue wrapping in this pattern for the stockinette stitch. You only lay the anchor yarn on the cast on row.

If you love making slippers, check out our 14 Cozy Crochet and Knit Slipper Patterns!

Read more at http://www.favecrafts.com/Loom-Patterns/Made-to-Fit-Double-Knit-Slippers#JBJYO8JjYyB2t2BS.99

(No, don't.)

BUT WAIT, THERE'S EVEN MORE -

Yes! The comments section echoed much of what I felt about this Byzantine pattern. (Look it up.) Only one lady complained about all the whining.  The rest were definitely indignant. Knitters are strangely protective of their craft or science, and don't want it adulterated by newfangled gizmos, thank you very much. Most of them gave it one star. My favorite comment was from the disgruntled lady who had been knitting for 71 years and could not make head-nor-tails of this thing. I think the problem is that it was filed under general knitting rather than loom knitting. They call this a "knitting board", which most people have never heard of, and which is definitely confusing: I truly thought at first that it was an organization, like the Board of Education. (A darker connotation might be waterboarding.) Given the complications, I think I'm going to give knitting boards a miss.





I can't believe that this is exactly the pattern I want to knit but, after reading all through to try an understand what it was all about, I discover it required a loom! Why on earth is it under "Knitting"?

I too was looking for a double knit slipper pattern using regular needles. I don't own a loom either

What is a knitting board??? I agree with the lady that knitted for 71 years!!

I have been looking for slipper patterns for a friend. These patterns look great. I made the mistake of copying out a couple not realizing a knitting board is required. What on earth is a knitting board first & why can't you give us some good patterns without requiring one of these boards. Very frustrating. Jan

And just what is a knitting board? Knitting is with two needles, please have this pattern for knitting and keep "novelty" crafts under a different section. Thanks

First of all, "loom knit" should have been included in the title so those who were looking for loom knitting patterns would know to look here and for those who use needles would know NOT to look at this pattern. Two, it is hard to find loom knitting patterns whereas it is not hard to find knitting patterns for needle knitting. SO, for those who don't even like the idea of knitting looms, you should go look for needle knitting patterns. There are PLENTY out there, I've seen them.

I cannot believe the whining people who are complaining about a FREE pattern. Obviously a lot of work went into this pattern whether it is for a loom or straight needles. Show a little gratitude ladies. BTW, guess how I found this pattern? I clicked on "Loom Patterns" in the sidebar. Don't believe it? Here's the address to this page where the pattern is. http://www.favecrafts.com/Loom-Patterns/Made-to-Fit-Double-Knit-Slippers/ct/1

Hello, I don't use a knitting board and really don't want to go out and purchase this high priced item. When knitting slippers, why didn't you add the directions for standard knitting instructions? It would really made this so much easier for me and everyone else to read these patterns.

Never mind knitting boards! I have been kitting the usual way for 71 years - can't you put this pattern into a straight pattern, NO "KNITTINGBOARDS"????

I have never used a knitting board. Is there a way to convert this pattern to hand knitting? Thank you!

wonderfully complete in every way! thanks

Visit Margaret's Amazon Author Page!

Knit your own cat: the story of Mini Mia

This is Mini Mia, the replica in wool of Shannon's new cat. Nothing could quite capture Mia's charm, but I took a shot at it because it has become a family tradition for me to knit the cats. I gave this to Caitlin for her 12th birthday. I only lightly stuffed the tummy on this one, making it much more poseable.

To be honest, the only cat I haven't knitted is my own. Bentley's tabby-markings are even more elaborate than Mia's. But I've knitted Oscar, Shannon's old cat who died a year or so ago, and Tiger and Autumn, my son's cats, one of whom has gone to his reward. OK then, I wasn't going to do this, but here they are.

Oscar, in memoriam. This was the first, and may well be the best cat I've knitted, because somehow, like Pinocchio, he became animated and catlike and could be posed in a way that seemed realistic to me. I got the face right, too, which believe me is hard. Beginner's luck, or not trying so hard, or something. I never quite equalled this one.

Tiger, who is no longer prowling with us. He had fairly intricate mixture of tabby and grey/brown/white markings. I did the best I could with it. His body was also longer and leaner, which I tried to replicate. As he got older, the stripes on his body virtually disappeared, making him a little easier to knit. His personality wasn't so sweet however, and he was prone to hooking me savagely as I walked by him.

Tiger with his meow-mate, Autumn, also quite intricately-marked in tortoiseshell. I cheated a bit on the body and used a variegated wool that implied her tortie markings.

AMAZING TIGER STORY! Tiger was a one-person cat and jealously guarded my daughter-in-law Crystal all through her first pregnancy. When she went into labour, there was time for Jeff to go gather up some things while Crystal sat cross-legged on the floor to ease the contractions. Tiger walked very deliberately up to her, placed his paw on her belly, and held it there for a couple of minutes. Crystal yelled, "Jeff! Come quick, and bring the camera!" I am sure he misunderstood what she meant.

Autumn, a woolly and very sweet cat, still hangs in, but quite a lot fatter than this. It has been suggested I add extra stuffing, but I declined.

The real Mia poses with  Mini Mia. Crystal has told me that when Autumn goes to her reward, she plans on getting TWO new kittens. I told her, please, please, make them one black and one white.

At least they don't melt

Every summer, we have a tradish - or I do - of knitting something for the girls while they're away on their camping trip, usually animals of some kind. Not sure when this started, but apparently it led to squeals of delight: "Look what Nanny made!'.

This is the first time I have knitted food for them (though I did an assortment of vegetables in a basket for their Mum): ice cream cones, and they're harder than they look. There are two components (I won't tell you what they are, eejit), the bottom half usually being harder. Displaying them without them falling over is a challenge. I used those plastic molds that you use to make juice popsicles. They had to be good for something.

The element of surprise in these projects is crucial, though I never get to see it. This all started small and escalated, a little alarmingly. A couple of years ago I made a tableau called Snail Valley (still reverberating in memory) that I am particularly proud of:

This is only a tiny percentage of it, as I photographed the snails before I knitted the leaves, branches, mushrooms, rocks, trees, etc. that completed the scene. I don't know how many snails I completed, probably at least ten, all different from each other.  I must say they're cool. The pattern had the snail's eyes in a jolly, winky position on their head. SNAILS DO NOT HAVE THEIR EYES ON THEIR HEADS. They loll out on gooey, freaky stalks, the ends of their slimy retractable antennae.

This is the Megasnail, about ten inches long, commissioned for an 8th birthday. 

The body was harder to make than the shell.

Oh well.

  Visit Margaret's Amazon Author Page!

http://www.amazon.com/-/e/B001K7NGDA

"Knit me a Minecraft Creeper, Grandma!"

. . . and so I did.

Turbo Snails and Mochi-knitting

There's some kind-of-a movie coming out about snails. Damned if I know anything about it, but I know my granddaughters, sweet little blue-eyed blondies with bouncy hair, LOVE snails and will probably go see it.

They love slithery, antennae-y, slime-trail-leaving snails, which they keep outside in the backyard in a sort of plastic box which serves as a snail ranch. Every so often Daddy shakes it out over the garden, and the snail-collecting starts all over again.

Snails this size are surprisingly easy to knit, though I had to refresh myself on the Magic Loop method which essentially knits a tube that doesn't require seaming. I could never knit on four needles to save my life.

The hardest part, of course, were the antennae, which had to be knitted as i-cords. It was only recently that I discovered this stands for "idiot cord". It's a way of getting around the four needles, I guess. There is snobbery and elitism in knitting as in everything else, and the four-needle, double-pointed crowd often looks down on those poor sods who only use two. Never mind, I just wanted to get the job done.

This is the original mega-snail I knitted for Erica, who must be 9 or 10 inches long. The pattern is out of a book of knitted amigurumi, but this one is atypical. Amigurumi are usually tiny, crocheted, and represent imaginary creatures. This one was honkin' huge and nearly impossible to knit. Surprisingly, the shell was relatively easy because it involved relentless decreases that pulled the tube into a curled ram's-horn shape.

The body, however. . . the instructions were woefully inadequate, only two pages, with NO illustrations. The patterns I frequently order on the net often run to twenty pages, with instructional photos on every page. So it's a wonder I completed this project at all. Having done the shell, however, I knew I couldn't stop, so I made up my own body which was more of a beanbag, stuffing it with plastic shot to give it stability. The plastic shot slowly leaked out of tiny holes in the body, however, necessitating a major repair job.


http://mochimochiland.com/2008/03/free-pattern-snails-and-slugs/

This is a link to the pattern on a charming site called Mochimochi Land. I approve, except I altered the pattern a bit (as I usually do), making the end of the snail shell a bit narrower (they're hard to curl under) and correcting a problem with the eyes.

Snails' eyes aren't placed the way they are here. They're on the ends of their icky, probing, viscous antennae.
The way the antennae look here, they're more like bunny ears. I made mine longer, with a bit of a blob on the ends so I could embroider on eyes.

The kids would never forgive me if these things were inaccurate.

(This doesn't look much like a real snail either. The movie I was talking about is called Turbo and it's about some sort of snail race. Actually, for their size, snails aren't slow. We've had the experience of looking at a snail in the back yard, going away for a few minutes, and coming back only to find it several feet away. All that determined slime-gliding must pay off.)

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