Two seriously creepy sitcoms of the '80s

We know these two shows wouldn't play today, and their creepiness even then was monumental, which is why each series lasted only a few weeks. To say the least, they were cutesie, lame, and expressed none of what really goes on in the Catholic church. The wise old Father O'Malley/Boystown/hip-and-with-it model of priest is so dead, it's as if he never existed at all, which he probably didn't. I can't get into the subject at all without becoming infuriated, and have deleted this post several times already. So I'll let you judge for yourself just how lame, unrealistic, irrelevant and damn stupid these shows were. And how they wouldn't play today - at all, nor should they ever have.  And that's all I have to say about it. Fucking bastards.

Two bad shows in a row (or: did James Coco really look like a hippo?)

Blogger's apology. I am so sorry! I thought I had found the worst TV sitcom in human history - Calucci's Department - but I was not even close. For some reason, when James Coco starred in anything, it only lasted eleven episodes. This one was so bad, episode #11 was destroyed before it had a chance to air.

The Dumplings - 1976


One Season - 11 Episodes

TV Historian's Blurb: This show aired before (PC) political correctness was popular. The show followed an overweight married couple that owned and operated a New York deli on the first floor of an office building. This one may have survived had it not been so fat joke "heavy."

Network: NBC

I have taken YouTube by the heels and shaken it, and I cannot find anything about this show. But I found the theme song, and it is putrid. The lyrics are:

Arms and legs
Ham and eggs
The great team of pipe and slippers
And there's the daily double
Good things come in pairs
Heart and soul
Rock and roll
An old fashioned horse and buggy
A song's got words and music
Good things come in pairs
You can bet Noah knew just what he was doing
When he began all the two-by-two-ing
He and she
You and me
A sweet blend of milk and honey
Always together
We'll go through life discovering
Good things come in pairs!

The Dumplings theme song

MORE INFO:

Aired: Wednesday nights at 9:30 pm Eastern U.S.
Premiered: January 28, 1976
Ended: March 24, 1976
Theme Song: Listen here The Dumplings Theme Song
Writer(s)/Creator(s):
Fred Lucky

Don Nicholl
Michael Ross
Bernie West

Developer: Norman Lear

Cast:

James Coco as Joe Dumpling
Geraldine Brooks as Angela Dumpling
Marcia Rodd as Stephanie
George Furth as Frederic Steele
Jane Connell as Bridget McKenna
George S. Irving (1) as Charles Sweetzer
Mort Marshall as Cully

Series Premise: Fat married couple, Joe and Angela, own a deli in New York.

Season One Episodes:

1 - Pilot - Aired: January 28, 1976
2 - The Ultimatum - Aired: February 4, 1976
3 - To Drink or Not to Drink - Aired: February 11, 1976
4 - The Parting - Aired: February 18, 1976
5 - Gourmet's Delight - Aired: February 25, 1976
6 - Sweetzer's Image - Aired: March 3, 1976
7 - Cully's Sister - Aired: March 10, 1976
8 - The Other Woman - Aired: March 17, 1976
9 - The Foundling - Aired: March 24, 1976
10 - Joe Takes a Fall - Aired: March 31, 1976
11 - Joe Gets Jugged - Unaired.

Show canceled after episode 10.

And here are details about each episode. I am particularly intrigued by the suicide one. Hard to wring merriment out of someone wanting to die. The show lasted one more episode after that.

Title	Plot/Notes
Pilot	Joe and Angela try to celebrate the anniversary of their first meeting. NBC rebroadcast this episode on January 28, 1976, as the first episode of the weekly series in its regular time slot.
"The Ultimatum"	The Dumplings' landlord orders them to move their luncheonette out of the building after Joe calls Mr. Steele a thief.
"To Drink or Not to Drink"	The Dumplings inherit a $900 bottle of wine and must decide whether or not to drink it.
"The Parting"	Joe and Angela must be apart for the first time in their 15-year marriage.
"Gourmet's Delight"	A newspaper columnist praises Angela's soup.
"Sweetzer's Image"	Mr. Sweetzer seeks refuge with the Dumplings after a fight with his wife.
"Cully's Sister"	Cully's twin sister makes a surprise visit – and reveals an even bigger surprise.
"The Other Woman"	Stephanie becomes hysterical when she sees her boyfriend, Mr. Steele, with another woman.
"The Foundling"	Angela talks a woman out of committing suicide.
"Joe Takes a Fall"	Joe is injured in a fall from a broken apartment step. Vernon Weddle guest-stars.
"Joe Gets Jugged"	Joe is arrested after he accidentally knocks out a policeman.

NEWS FLASH! A discerning reader sent me a YouTube video of The Dumplings theme song, so now you can SEE what I meant, not just hear it. Thanks, Brian!

And as a glorious (inglorious?) p. s., here is the intro to a truly clenchworthy show about zany priests. Didn't age well at all. 

The second-worst sitcom in human history?

I very vaguely remember this '70s (or '80s?) sitcom, with James Coco working in some dreary office from hell, doing God knows what. The preview has a Dante quality to it, with everyone working in thick, slow-mo, zombie-faced torpor. Coco looks like he wants to commit suicide. The show lasted a few episodes, maybe made it through a season. But it definitely wins the prize for worst opening credits. 

BLOGGER'S INCREDIBLE DISCOVERY! Here is a summary of every episode of Calucci's Department - eleven in all. One can see why it failed, but it failed with such a . . . clunk! The last episode had Calucci on a quest to discover the meaning of his life. It sure wasn't this.

Episode #	Episode Title	Original Airdate	Episode Summary
1	"The $80 Heist"	September 14, 1973	After the $80 he has collected from staff is stolen, Calucci does some detective work to find the culprit, but becomes a psychoanalyst and peacemaker in the process.
2	"Calucci, His Brother's Keeper"	September 21, 1973	Gonzalez asks Calucci for $400 after having his life threatened by loan sharks.
3	"Calucci, the Matchmaker"	September 28, 1973	When Calucci's date with Shirley also involves finding a date for Elaine, he and Gonzalez go to great lengths to find her a date.
4	"Calucci Goes on a Diet"	October 5, 1973	Calucci's trip to the doctor for stomach pains results in a directive to lose weight, an edict he finds it increasingly difficult to focus on.
5	"Winners and Losers"	October 12, 1973	After Calucci is told that a member of his office staff must be fired, it becomes an incredibly difficult decision for him.
6	"The Bloom is Off the Rose"	October 19, 1973	Calucci is upset when he finds out that his secretary and girlfriend, Shirley, once had another man in her life.
7	"Life is an Anchovy"	November 2, 1973	The office staff is concerned when the usually sour Woods is even grumpier than ever because of problems at home.
8	"A Mother's Love"	November 9, 1973	When Cosgrove begins to act neurotically, Calucci attempts to diagnose his problems. However, he doesn't count on the prescription for the cure from Cosgrove's mother.
9	"Gonzalez's Thrill"	November 16, 1973	Confirmed bachelor Gonzalez appears ready to take the plunge into matrimony when he buys an engagement ring after meeting Samantha.
10	"Calucci and the Chicken or the Egg"	November 23, 1973	Calucci finally gets up the courage to take Shirley home to meet his mother.
11	"Calucci's Raison D'Etre"	November 30, 1973	Gonzalez decides there must be more to life than the office, setting Calucci off on a soul-searching quest for the meaning of his own.

Beyond awful: two more shitcoms that never should have existed

This is the only epsisode of Heil Honey I'm Home ever aired. No one knows how many were made. The rest were buried in a concrete bunker, or set on fire, or ran away to Argentina. It was a sort of I Married Adolf thing that reeked of bad. The disclaimer at the beginning insists this was a great work of art and tragically misunderstood. I am not against Hitler parody. I kind of like SOME of the Downfall parodies, though somebody decided to beat it to death and it's no longer funny. Mel Brooks took it to sublime heights in The Producers, one of my all-time favorite movies which I still laugh at after watching it at least 27 times. But this. . .

This is Hitler as Archie Bunker. I bailed partway through. And you will, too!

And this is Woops.When I heard about the idea for this show, I groaned but disbelieved it. This was during the height or depth of the nuclear panic in the mid-1980s, and everything teetered on the point of a pin as Reagan's doddering finger fumbled around for the button. He probably thought he was ringing for the nurse. Meanwhile, I just dismissed it as somebody's sick idea of a prank.

And then. . .

Anyway, Woops (strangely misspelled)  is a comedy about the last survivors of a global nuclear war. To get a more accurate picture, watch The Day After, Testament, or Threads. Anyone involved with this appalling, jaw-dropping crime against humanity should be tied to a chair and forced to watch Threads in its entirely. I coudn't. I was sobbing too much.

Some things, believe it or not, just ain't funny. The end of civilization? Hitler in a sitcom? Television, get your head out of your ass.