Tuesday, March 13, 2012

Lovely Erica

Sometimes, when you're having a sucky rotten day, you just have to try to focus on what is good in your life.

I have four things. Well, five. Let's not forget that I've been married to the same man for nearly 40 years.

I just feel bruised, and off my base, and hurt and angry because of something someone posted on Facebook, someone whom I thought was a friend (and used to be, years ago). Did I take it the wrong way? Whatever it was, I felt like I was back on the playground again being spat upon.

Something I was very proud of was mocked and made fun of and demeaned, as if it was stupid of me to put any time into it and as if I had nothing better to do.

There are times when I think you never do get out of the playground, that it's fate, kismet, whatever, and all your efforts to escape are so many headlong runs at the brick wall.

I did try to get all this out of my mind, to delete and delete, but it's more than bothering me, it hurts with that deep howling hurt that makes you wonder if you really can keep on living. If there is in fact any point.

Do I need to explain my feelings? I shouldn't have to. But I have been in exile too long. Perhaps for my whole life. There is no cure for what you are.

Meantime, I have this.