Screech! Screech! Steller's jay in the cedars

Burn your bridges!

Married Love: a consumer's guide

I've written about this amazing little book before, but this time I want to can the smart remarks and just provide a word-for-word transcript. It's a surprise in many ways. These kinds of books don't exist any more, as far as I know, for it's assumed couples will already have adequate sexual experience before marriage not to need one. It's one of the great deceptions of our time. As with most of the crucial skills of life (parenthood, anyone?), we receive no instruction whatsoever about sexual congress and how to make it enjoyable for our partner. The assumption is that when the time comes, we'll know.

Funnily enough, no such thing was assumed "back when". Men were expected to be considerate about their wives and their feelings. They were urged to be patient. I wonder where that one went. My girl friends have long whispered to me that most men are plain lousy at this. They honestly believe the goal of sex is to get themselves off as quickly as possible, no doubt conditioned by porn and a lot of fast and mechanical whacking off. I'm not against whacking off, but it seems to me ironic that way back then, when there were so many inhibitions about the whole thing, people were far more concerned about such matters as pleasure and satisfaction on both sides.

Now there's no such guide. I'm not saying every man thinks only about his own pleasure, but it has to be a great majority. And the belief that women don't need sex and shouldn't even think about it still hangs around. It's something you do for guys, to keep them around.

I read a lot more open and honest magazine articles about female sexuality back in the '80s and '90s. Now, mysteriously, women's sexual needs have disappeared again, while "sex" has devolved into a monstrous tits-and-ass show that bears no relation to reality.

Will Their Dream Come True, or will Sex Ignorance Mar their Happiness

Thousands of marriages end in misery and divorce because so many married people are ignorant of the Art of Love. Is your marriage on the brink of ruin? Do you search for the joy of a perfect union? Now YOU can change despair into heavenly happiness - if you know the secrets of the intimate physical contacts of marriage.

Dr. Marie Stopes, in the preface to her world-famous book, said, "In my own marriage I paid such a terrible price for sex ignorance that I felt that knowledge gained at such a price should be placed at the service of humanity." This volume, "Married Love", courageously fulfills this noble purpose.

Partial Contents

The practice of restraint to please the wife.
Surest way to prepare wife for union.
The marital rights of the husband.
What the wife must do to bring her husband's physical desires
in harmony with her own.
Regulation of physical marital relations.
Sleeplessness from unsatisfied desires.
Nervousness due to unsatisfied desires.
Charts showing periodicity of natural desire in women.
The essential factors for the act of union.
Greatest physical delights in marital union.
How some women drive their husbands to prostitutes.
Natural desire for physical union.
Joys of the honeymoon.
Ignorance of the bride and unwise actions of the groom.
The man who has relations with prostitutes before marriage.
Causes for unhappiness in marriage.
Frequency of marital relations.
Stimulation of physical desires.
The problem of the strong-sexed husband and the
weak-sexed wife.
Positions.
Physical relations during pregnancy.
Problems of childless unions.

With remarkable frankness, and in simple, understandable language, Dr. Stopes explains the intimate and important details of wedded life. Point by point, and just as plainly as she would tell you in private confidence, Dr. Stopes takes up each of the many troublesome factors in marriage. She makes clear just what is to be done to insure contentment and happiness. She writes directly, forcefully, concretely, explaining step by step every procedure in proper sex relations.

1,000,000 COPIES SOLD

I can't read the rest of it, but it refers to a federal judge lifting the "ban"on this book - assuming there was one. We laugh at those times and wonder how people could be so prudish, but how much better is it now? I mean, I don't go around asking everyone, but I happen to know a number of women who find sex distasteful - not because SEX is distasteful, but because their partners simply don't care enough to make it any good for them. Women's desires may be taboo, but porn is bigger than ever and can be googled up in less than two seconds. I believe a lot of men - even the majority - are beginning to prefer it, because there's none of this messy intimacy and skill and other things that might hamper the ultimate goal of getting themselves off.

Cat loves music

Bugatti bones

Animated Facebook covers!

I finally found a way to copy and embed these two animated Facebook covers! I took a shot at making one of these for my own page, but it was too complex. Like a lot of "new" FB features, it may eventually become easier, but then people will post a lot of VERY obnoxious ones (with sound that you won't be able to get away from). 

After months of putting up with it with no choice, FB has just now given me the "option" of seeing my notifications while I'm doing something else. For months they have been popping up in the corner no matter what I am trying to do, and my attempts to get rid of them resulted in disabling my precious Adblocker, so that my son had to re-activate it. So now they ASK me if I want it?? The only way I could get away from it was to say, "Ask me later", which is hardly a "no", is it?

Like a lot of FB videos, this isn't formatted for my blog (I'm still looking for a way to do that), but even with part of it cut off, it's pretty cool to watch. Does it represent The Future?

Scientology: the wrong way to cry

Note to shameful-secret-watchers-of-A&E: I am just as hooked on "that Scientology show" as you are - maybe even more so, because I have a thing about cults. And I have a thing about cults because I have experienced devastating religious abuse, and dealt with it by walking away from it. I have yet to come to the point where I can write about it in any detail, but in two instances, trusted spiritual leaders were ejected or went to jail for breaking every moral and ethical law that exists, up to and including sexual assault. The fact that the religious trauma of my childhood somehow, unbelievably, happened again in adulthood still makes my head spin.

This means that shows like this can "trigger" me. And they do. Boy do they. Why do I keep coming back for more?

But I have to admit, the above video by a former Scientologist (I used only a snippet, and purposely didn't put a name on it) got to me. He literally stuck his face right into the camera and wailed. This is the opposite of what I see on "that Scientology show", where people seem to have an awfully hard time dealing with tears.

It's understandable that everyone cries on this show. If it were me, I would have committed suicide a long time ago, so to a person I think they are heroic, and have the right to display any and all emotions that are left over from this bizarre quasi-military UFO cult.

But to a person, including (and especially) Leah Remini, they cry in a funny way.

I don't think I have ever seen anyone allow a tear to trickle down their face on this show. It's always very carefully dabbed away with a tissue before it escapes the bottom eyelid.

I've seen people cry like this before, and it makes me wonder if they have trouble with emotion, or are even afraid of it, afraid of letting it overflow. 

Is this the Scientology way? Or are these people so emotionally brutalized that they are afraid to let that particular emotional rain fall?

In the case of Leah, the careful dabs are like a science experiment with blotting paper. I wondered at first if she were trying to preserve her perfect makeup. She IS pretty free with the lip collagen, after all (her lips are a different size and shape every week, which is a distraction), and maybe doesn't want puffy eyes to match.

But then I saw others doing it, and it was even more mysterious. In this one, the lady even seems to be offering up her single tear as a kind of sacrifice.

Dab, dab, dab. No nose-blowing either, no rivers of snot such as you'd get with a real flood of tears.

In case you think I'm being flip - all right, I am, but as compelling as it is, this is a reality TV show, which (as with all of them) you have to take with a tiny grain of salt. I have no doubt these people suffered horrendous trauma and will spend a lifetime trying to get past it. But I also get the feeling their ordeal is being packaged by the producers in a way which will appeal to the largest possible segment of the public. And this isn't fair to them any more than it's fair to the rest of us.

Scientologists are lunatics, in my book, and their ugly paramilitary organization is an offshoot of Nazi Germany more than anyone yet realizes. Some day, the connections will be found, whether from Hubbard or that insane little pipsqueak who comes up to Tom Cruise's belly button (and never mind the ramifications of THAT). Scientology rallies have a Nuremberg flavor to them, the wide, dizzying camera angles reminiscent of Riefenstahl's Triumph of the Will. The histrionic announcer on those pep-rally-style videos is so ludicrous that it's almost funny, sort of a cross between Adolf Hitler and a spokesman for Ron Popeil.

Right. So we've established that this is an evil regime, and brutal for people to exit without consequences. But what about the guy in the first video? I confess I didn't watch the whole thing, because I couldn't, but I know that it's about Scientology and his attempt to escape it. He has a whole series of them, written from the perspective of a persecuted gay man who was lured in by the promise of acting gigs. I've never seen anyone cry "at" a camera before, to the point of nearly jamming it down his throat, and it kind of turned me off. I also noticed there were no tears - I mean, none at all, not even the blotting paper kind, though he wiped away "something" at the end. But he did not have the red or inflamed or even the watery eyes of weeping. HE WASN'T CRYING, folks, which means that he was pretending to cry, trying to make us think he was. And he wasn't.

This video produced a flood of sympathetic comments, the usual Greek chorus of deliberately elicited/stage-managed support. I don't know what's going on here, but my solar plexus gong is ringing, and I feel as if I'm being played. It's powerful stuff, which means it should NOT be played with, at all. Ever.  People have been jerked around enough, haven't they? But here it is, and I know there is a lot more. It just seems offensive to me, like a plea for my sympathy. I also see all sorts of tweets and loyal fan comments and even a "documentary" this guy made, but I have to say to you at this point, I really doubt if this guy was ever a Scientologist. My spidey sense/fake-o-meter is telling me he wasn't. 

Even if he was, I think it was peripheral. He saw an ad in the back of a comic book, walked in and out of his own volition and never spent time licking floors in the Hole. Maybe he even did it to have something to blog about? I don't think he was ever enmeshed or entrenched like the survivors on the Leah Remini show. He walked out, disappointed that he wasn't getting gigs. The YouTube thumbnails are a bit depressing: Sex with Scientology Celebrities and my $5000.00 Tshirt! Mom Interviewing Me about Scientology, Big Blue and Masturbation! Offer to Star in Scientology-Themed XXX Gay Film! etc. etc. etc. He even boasts of meeting Tom Cruise. 

Scientology is a way for this guy to get the kind of attention he thinks he needs, and it's working. Behind it is that peculiar stew or fever that means he is working his way relentlessly towards a reality series of his own. 

For after all - isn't that the ultimate goal of every one of us?

Post-blogservations. I noticed today - not that I notice these things - that the above YouTuber announced the reason he went so over the top the other night. He says his grandma died. He never said anything about this last night when he was swallowing the camera lens. At least he could have made it his dog! His Nana must be really pissed, because now he can't write about her any more.

Chase the wind: girl on a flying pony

I made these not-entirely-satisfying gifs from a Facebook video I loved, mainly because the video won't fit my antiquated blog space (and I can't find it on YouTube, except for the short excerpt I posted above).

This little girl is hell-for-leather, and if her riding style sometimes lacks finesse (she loses a stirrup near the end and begins to bounce around alarmingly), girl and pony somehow come through with great bravura. Together, they are fearless. At first I thought this video was on the wrong speed, the pony seemed so fast, but I think it has to do with the photography - the cinematography, I'd call it, which has some sort of understanding of show jumping and the way horse and rider move around the course. None of this wretched miles-from-nowhere stuff shot on a phone.

Cat rescue: whiskers in the night!

 

The living saints at Canopy Cat Rescue have done it again, beguiling a scared little tuxedo (with white whiskers to die for) out of a high and scary place. I made these gifs out of a video that didn't quite fit my screen, and it's too bad they don't have sound, because the miaaaawwwws are plaintive and beseeching: translated, they'd say, "Get me the fxxx DOWN from here!"

Pastry hacks at the speed of light

This is more of a watching video than a doing video. Fun and fancy, but I'll probably never try them. I'm more of a butter tart person myself, or a cheese straw person (mmmmm . . cheese straws. . . ). I haven't made a pie in a very long time. Eons ago, I would turn out a raisin pie with a lattice crust (I mean a true lattice, weaving the pastry strips in and out like a basket, not a faux lattice such as you see here). The kids didn't like it, but I think it kept my marriage together through many a storm.

Pastry is a hereditary condition, like certain diseases. I inherited the knack from my mother, who got it from HER mother, etc. etc., all the way back to Old Ireland and the most primitive, poverty-stricken kitchen, where women nonetheless turned out warm, juicy, delectable fruit pies, the cherries and apples picked the same day from their own trees. The pastry would be like a bit of heaven in the mouth. It must have helped to make a scraping, strivingly hard life more bearable.

We had a sour cherry tree in the back yard in Chatham, a gnarled thing with a big branch at the bottom that kept almost falling off, so that we had to tie it back on with rope. It didn't help that I kept climbing it to get over the picket fence to my neighbor's house and their fascinating pigeon coop. Once I saw the Dad flick the head off a live chicken and watched it flap around, while the head sat on the step, its beak opening and closing.

The sour cherries, when combined with just the right amount of sugar, were the kind of Proustian memory you take to your grave. I can see them now, and feel them in my mouth, the tart pink slipskins. Too bad the best stuff in my life had to happen so long ago.

My daughter picked up pastry-making from me, her light hand making her a natural. Caitlin then got it almost right away, perfecting it on second try. She just got it, understood that you must handle the pastry gently but firmly, not working the gluten. 

Many people never learn the knack. I don't put much into it, don't fuss, don't use a marble slab or ice water or anything (but I DO wipe the plant dirt off the counter first), sticking the bowl under the tap, when it's supposed to be some sort of distilled Alpine water or whatever. The pastry tells you when it is right.

(If you want to hear the sound track to this, click play, click on the Facebook symbol on the bottom right corner, and you'll get a sound version. Not much to write home about, but there it is.)

Julia Child's Classic French Madeleines




Prep time
1 hour

Cook time
20 mins

Total time
1 hour 20 mins

Ingredients
2 eggs
⅔ cup sugar
1 cup plus 1 tablespoon All purpose flour (Maida)
140 grams unsalted butter
¼ teaspoon pure vanilla extract
¼ teaspoon lemon juice
¼ teaspoon lemon zest
pinch of salt
Powdered sugar (optional)


Instructions

Slightly beat the eggs in a bowl. Measure ¼ cup of eggs into a bowl. 

Then beat in the sugar and the cup of flour. Add little more egg ( a tablespoon at a time), if the batter is too dry. When thoroughly blended, set aside and let it rest for 10 minutes. 

Meanwhile, melt the butter in a sauce pan, bring it to the boil, and let it brown lightly. Set aside.

 
Place the 1 tablespoon of flour in a small bowl and blend in 1½ tablespoons of the browned butter. Paint the Madeleine cups with the butter-flour mixture. Set aside. 

Stir the rest of the butter over ice until cool but liquid. Mix the butter with the last of the eggs along with salt, lemon rind and juice and vanilla. 

Add this mixture to the resting batter and stir well. Allow the batter to rest for 10 more minutes. If you want a big hump in the middle which is so characteristic about Madeleines, allow the batter to rest for one hour at room temperature or couple of hours in the refrigerator. 

Preheat the oven to 375 F, and set the racks in upper and lower middle levels. Divide the batter into 24 lumps of a generous tablespoon each, and drop them into the Madeleine cups. Bake in the preheated oven until the cakes are slightly browned around the edges, humped in the middle, and slightly shrunk from the cups. 

Un-mold onto a rack. When cool, turn shell side up and dust with confectioners sugar for serving. (dusting is optional). They will keep in the refrigerator for a day or two in an airtight container.

Are You Lost In The World Like Me

Just stumbled on this when looking for something else - specifically, the animated Facebook cover for Meowingtons (which I MIGHT be able to post a link to). This just started playing on Facebook, as videos are wont to do, and I was snipped. I mean, snapped - I mean, soaked into it, because it is so very real. It humbles me to think that a real cartoonist (someone named Steve Cutts) animated this, when I aspire to make jerky little figures move with a rinkydink gif program. It's based on the animation style of my beloved TerryToons from the early '30s, with a macabre side of Max Fleischer expressionism, but its message is as "right now" as it gets. It expresses everything I feel about Phone Culture, which I still refuse to join (though I do have one, and you'll never guess what I do with it!. . . That's right.)

Watch this more than once. More than twice. I'm going to watch it again later. And again.

LOOK - a real live PONY!

This is one of those sinister comic book ads from the 1950s that promised naive, trusting children all sorts of extravagant "free gifts". They claimed to be just GIVING away dolls, wristwatches, jewelry, guitars, strange dark rectangular things (?), and - most seductively - "a real live PONY". (Note that they don't say "we're giving away a pony" - no, we're just supposed to look at it.)

Coyly displayed below the splendid image of a "free" rifle is the announcement "OUR 60th YEAR" - our? Who or what is this "our"? Look closely - no, don't, because you can't, the type is too small. But back then, when we all had better eyesight, we would eventually realize that to attain any of these "free" ponies and radios and cameras and other things, we had to do something.

To sell something.

To sell something door-to-door. Cloverine Salve, to be exact. As a kid, I had no idea what salve was, and even now I wonder what could have been in it. Goose grease, perhaps?  I guess it was something like Vick's Vap-o-rub, stuff that you smeared on yourself or others. At any rate, you had to sell a tremendous amount of this stuff to earn any of these premiums, and I really doubt if anyone ever had a live horse slipped through their mail slot.

Just the tone of this ad and its feverish captions (GIVEN - GIVEN - GIVEN, ACT NOW, ONCE IN A LIFETIME, BE FIRST, WE ARE RELIABLE, and, strangest of all, WE TRUST YOU) - all these exhortations have an evangelical quality to them, a sort of religious fervor which reminds me of Elmer Gantry at the pulpit. This is old-timey salesmanship at its cheesiest, and I can only imagine those poor children trudging up and down the neighborhood having doors slammed in their faces. Child exploitation at its most heartless. 

But soft! Cloverine had not yet  finished its cruel deception. In subsequent ads, likely in the early '60s, children were lured by exciting comic-book adventures, only to be seduced by the promise of "getting stuff". One wonders if some sort of legal boundary had been crossed with that early ad, with its dastardly "look - a real live PONY" scam. The premiums look similar, but they are actually squashed down at the bottom of the comic-book adventure. This time you actually see a can of Cloverine salve (which I couldn't even find in the older ad). Truth in advertising?

I found a lot of these, so I made a collage. You can't read the typeface anyway, but they're pretty much the same. Two of the four still mention the Live Pony, so I wonder if you actually DID get one if you sold a million dollars worth of salve (and owned a farm).

I don't want to think about all those unsold cans of Cloverine salve. As with those waxy chocolate-covered almonds my kids had to sell for Brownies and Cubs, parents no doubt took up the slack. But at least you could eat the almonds.

And I found this. I don't know what to make of it. An old-fashioned meat grinder, and a. . . 

Black Arabian stallion

NOTE. Some of the Facebook videos I've been posting have no sound. I'm working on it. Maybe a silent movie is better than the lame music behind some of them! This has only a wind sound, so try whistling while you watch it.

Abomination: the Spaghetti-o gelatine ring

I have no words for this, so will say naught. My never-ending quest to find the most abominable retro recipe might just have come to a dead stop. 

Put a smile in your smoking!

Wings Tracking Shot

Explosion in the sky!

A meteorite exploded dramatically in the night sky over Western Canada tonight. And I didn't see it! But everyone was talking about it on Facebook, and someone posted this from their security camera. Some felt their house shaking, heard loud bangs, others thought of North Korea and that fat little man that everyone hates. Fortunately, nothing happened. This is just about the coolest video ever.

Bentley does nothing. . . again

Bentley knows how beautiful he is, and yet he's modest about it. He is a gentleman cat. Bill and I agree he's special. There's just something about him. He knows when the camera is on him, and glimmers his eyes accordingly. He becomes Majestic. He would be great in commercials or something, because he knows how to work the angles, but we'd never let him. We're waiting for a feature film, with his name above the title.

Tastes as good as it smells

Cake

400 Years in 4 Minutes

                 The ultimate in time-lapse.

Everything emptying into white

I built my house from barley rice
Green pepper walls and water ice
Tables of paper wood, windows of light
And everything emptying into white.

A simple garden, with acres of sky
A Brown-haired dogmouse
If one dropped by
Yellow Delanie would sleep well at night
With everything emptying into white.

A sad blue eyed drummer rehearses outside
A Black spider dancing on top of his eye
Red legged chicken stands ready to strike
And everything emptying into white.

I built my house from barley rice
Green pepper walls and water ice
And everything emptying into white

- Cat Stevens

CORVETTE!

                  You know you waaaaaant it.

Small Men for Scientology

Still the best place on earth

Helmcken Falls, Wells Gray Provincial Park,  B. C. (Canada)

(Sorry about the lack of sound! Click play, then click the Facebook symbol on the right for sound version.)

Two-tone '53 Oldsmobile

Magic words!

Don't you wish you could do this?

Having absolutely no ability to draw, paint, or make any sort of art, seeing even this kind of clever doodling impresses me. I don't know how people do it. It must be innate, like being able to see maps in your head or doing feats of mathematics without a pencil. I can only look on in awe.

A duck's ass

There was this duck, see, and all I could see was its ass. It went on that way for a long time, so I filmed some of it. The duck's feet were coming right up out of the water, a strange sight, so its bill must have been touching the lake bottom. As humourous as all this is, it's a sign of something not-so-funny, and we all know what it is. Climate change affects everything, from falling lake levels to tropical storms, not to mention forest fires. We separate them out, push them away from us - because don't we have to laugh, once in a while? Especially when a duck keeps showing its ass.

Amazing predictions! (and why none of them came true)

This series of weird futuristic paintings was done around 1900, in an attempt to project an image of that War-of-the-Worlds-sounding, impossible date: The Year 2000. The strangest one of these has to be the device that fits on the kid's head to force learning into his brain. I guess back in 1900 or so, they predicted information would be beamed in directly, perhaps through electricity, or injected like so much brain juice. 

These are interesting, but of course almost none of it came true. We didn't end up flying everywhere on bat wings, after all. It echoes what I kept hearing all through my childhood: "By the year 2000, we'll. . . " (be able to levitate off the ground, eat all our food as pills, have a talking robot to clean the house, etc.)

None of THAT came true either, but the phrase "by the year 2000" hung around until. . . well. . . you know.

Does anybody remember Y2K? Remember the panic and doomsday feeling everyone had, running around in tiny little circles waiting for the end of the world? Whole books were written about the mass rioting, famine, billions of refugees and general-all-around catastrophe that would happen when the date rolled over from all those 9s to all those 0s.

None of it happened.

My favorite moment in 2000, perhaps in my entire life, was when I looked in a remainder bin at Chapters and saw fourteen titles on the same subject: The Y2K Disaster, Millennial Catastrophe, Mankind's Final Hour, Goodbye to the Human Race, So Long It's Been Swell,  and blah blah blah, pure bullshit!

My point is. . . if I have one. . . humankind does tend to brace for the worst, and it usually doesn't happen. I'd like to apply this to Trump, but it's difficult. When the "worst" happens, it usually jumps out of nowhere. But there are times, my friends, there are times. There are times we have plenty of opportunity to prepare.

And we don't.

Now that I look at it more closely, the schoolroom scene is even more sinister. Textbooks are being fed into a giant machine with a crank, presumably ground up, then fed into the brains of the zombie-looking children. They look to be wearing headsets. Did they have headsets back then? If not, then this painting at least predicts something about the future (though they left out the iphones).

Or are the kids' brains actually producing those textbooks? This is getting too weird.

BOMPH!

National Catfish Queen, 1954

I honestly do not remember if I posted this already. If so, here it is again. I refuse to believe that she caught this, and with that puny little fishing rod! But they made women tougher back in 1954. The fact this took place in New York City is even more mystifying.

Hardest instant noodle to cook!

           Noodle or science experiment? You decide.

Cactus flower

Fleur de Cactus, ma petite sœur, tu es choisie par le Seigneur
Pour fleurir en Sa maison tout au long des jours de ta vie.
Fleur de Cactus, ma petite sœur, tu es choisie par le Seigneur
Pour chanter la gloire de son nom sur les sentiers du Paradis.

Burning reels

I wish this were mine. . . 

. . . but it isn't. It's the work of a filmmaker named Sam Spreckley, who has a number of interesting experimental films on YouTube. Some of them have only had 7 or 8 views. While this makes me feel just a little bit better about my own wretched, nearly-nonexistent total of views, it's a shame, and it shouldn't be like that. His sparse description of himself in the "about" section hints at a career beyond YouTube, which is merely a catch-all for his bits and pieces:

Description

Scottish video artist and film maker... here and there... dumping ground for assorted projects....

SURFACE ii is described as

Published on Feb 5, 2012
exploring sound and vision through the destruction of 8mm

It's one of the few which had a decent number of views, but that's after five years! Though the description of the film is very short, it appears to be old 8mm film which has been melted down or scorched and burned in some interesting way, with accompanying sound effects.

My own efforts at animation and making still things move are pretty weak, and I know it, but I work at it because it's fun. I can't draw or paint or do anything visual worth a damn, so to me this is new. But I need reminders of what real filmmaking is.

But seven or eight views? This is what is wrong with the internet, among many other things. 

On wings of strange