The Myanmar hot air balloon festival (complete with detonation of a few tons of fireworks) is a new low in jaw-dropping public danger. But it's fascinating to watch. I don't have any mortality statistics on this incredible event, but just watching it - thousands and thousands of people running away screaming as nuclear-intensity bombs go off and live cinders rain down out of the sky - is compelling in an awful sort of way.
Does this distract me from the awfulness that is going on in the world? You bet it does. I don't know what else to do.
Believe it or not, this is an example of a "successful" launch. Even that looks too hair-raising to contemplate.
The more I watch this video, the more disturbing it is.
This is a video of a horrendous accident in a fireworks factory in Denmark. What set it off was one careless slip by an employee who dropped a box of small firecrackers. There was no taking it back.
What's disturbing about it is - well, a lot of things are. It's the sense something is being destroyed before our eyes - something normally associated with joy and celebration. But that's not the half of it. All the fireworks seem to be going off crazily at once, in some sort of mad twisted version of those lovely, orderly, gorgeously-coloured displays we see at picnics in the park.
Every once in a while, there is a hideous white-hot explosion of unbelievable intensity, forming a kind of sickeningly-bright mushroom cloud. Then more chitter-chattering of insane fireworks, their direction lost. It's as if their usual symmetry and beauty has been horribly corrupted. They've gone insane.
I think one life was lost - I don't know much about it, and am almost afraid to find out. Originally I was going to post some video that fascinates me, from a celebration in Myanmar (formerly Burma). Every year they take a gigantic paper balloon, put an immense open torch under it, pack the basket with a heavy load of explosive fireworks, and send it aloft. Something awful seems to happen at this event every year, and the one I was watching earlier today was the worst. The balloon almost seemed to be making its way upward where, at some timed point, the fireworks were supposed to shoot up into the sky. Then it began to sink. Something was happening to the hot air, it was escaping, or the open flame was shooting out sideways, but for whatever reason the balloon landed on the ground and then decided to let go with an upside-down version of the (homemade) fireworks which rained down live cinders all over the spectators. This was followed by the inevitable nuclear-strength explosion, with scenes of panicked people running around in thick smoke with fire hoses gushing everywhere.
That's how they do it in Myanmar.
A little slideshow I made from some spectacular photos of this yearly human roast. How does anyone survive this event? Why is it legal?
I have a feeling the following ream of Valentine poetry was written by thirteen-year-old girls. Having spewed a few reams of it myself, I feel I must be charitable. Emily Dickinson it ain't, but at least this poetry is sincere. One of them sings the praises of Labrador and Newfoundland, which I heartily agree with. Many of the poems praise their love object's lips, fingertips, and physical features generally. And not all of them are written by girls.
I was a little disappointed at the fairly-regular rhyme and meter schemes in these. The truth is, they're really a little too good. But they have a certain charm, a sweetness that made them worthy of a Valentine post of their own. And how can these lines be surpassed for sheer emotional honesty?:
If you don't be my Valentine I'm sure I'll have to cry If you won't be my Valentine I'll look at you and sue
I have one beef, however - a big one. One of the poetesses here shamelessly signs her name to a classic poem by Dorothy Parker (One Perfect Rose). Whether this was meant as quote, tribute, or outright theft will never be known. Oh well. We DO say "she stole my heart", don't we? From that, it's a short step to "she stole my poem". And now that I look more carefully, someone else is "quoting" from the old song, "More (than the greatest love the world has known)". But it's Valentine's Day. Let's pin a big red heart on all our transgressions.
Valentine Postman If I could be a postman For just one single time, I'd choose to carry valentines so lovely and so fine. I would not mind the heavy load, Or mind my tired feet. If I could scatter happiness up and down the street. Unknown A Valentine for You Valentines, valentines, Pink, red and blue, I've made a pretty one Just for you! Unknown A Valentine Today as Valentines go out, To people near and far, This one I'm sending right to you, To say how nice you are. Unknown
Bee My Valentine Won't you bee my valentine And fly away with me? We'll bumble along together 'Cause you're my Honey Bee! Unknown ~Valentine's Day~ The Arrow strikes the Heart Never to be torn apart It is when feelings blossom and more The heart which heals by the Bandage of love and cure Roses, chocolates, cakes and some of the gifts in line just some of the things to make a Perfect Valentine. The hidden feelings of a heart that reveals The boat of love which smoothly sails How fortunate are those who enjoy this day That is the time when one is lost
In the world of fantasy without any cost The day when Cupid plays an Immense role To provoke feelings in a Lifeless Soul. Pamela Daranjo Secrets I have secrets that I hide I want to tell you, but they come from so deep inside I want to tell you that I love you and care I want to tell you that I love your hair your smile, your face and your kindness too but most of all, I want to say I love you Kendra
Valentine Love is precious Love is sweet Love is something you cannot cheat Love is kind Love is not lust Love is special its all about trust Love is for me Love is for you Love is a couple turns one to two Love is yours Love is mine Love is ours BE MY VALENTINE Lilly Mae when I saw you... when I first saw you I missed the comfort of being sad seeing you from far away without telling you about my heart I couldn't bare holding my thoughts about how much I would like to hold you and fill you with joy when I first saw you, I knew my love for you was never going to die. vanessa rodriguez
Will you be my valentine? Will you be my Valentine? I love you with all my heart. Will you be my Valentine? So we'll never be torn apart If you don't be my Valentine I'm sure I'll have to cry If you won't be my Valentine I'll look at you and sue But if you be my Valentine I'll throw you a big parade And then just maybe I'll have to shout HIP HIP HOORAY!!!!!!!!!! Stephanie Morrow Venus and Cupids Oh Venus and Cupids picture of love shining upon the stars above for thee who had melted the hurts and made them love for better or for worst Oh Venus and Cupids I all summon you to help me make my dreams come true and to make this girl love me too so I wouldn't forever be blue... Sherwin
Daydreaming Your eyes are alive and oh so blue. I see you but I'm unknown to you. Maybe one day you'll see my face. You’ll know it's me, I'm in a daze. If ever you saw me standing there... No never mind why should you care I see your smile inside my head so clear to me and I forget why I'm always feeling blue every time I think of you. These things have all been said before so I'll stop here and say no more. Sara The Way I Feel It has been awhile since we last met, but your smile my heart can never forget. Now I try to find just the right words to say, to tell you how I feel each and everyday. However, my heart cannot seem to explain just how I feel, but I hope you believe me when I say my love is real. I pray that you feel that way I do and hope you will tell me you feel the same way too. When I looked into your eyes it took my breath away, and I hope to God that I will be looking into them until I am old and gray Lucy The first and last From the first time I laid eyes on you to the last kiss on my lips, the first time I felt your soft finger tips, the way you held me tight, made love to me at night, always seemed to me that in my heart that you would see a person as loving as me someone whose heart is true someone just like you... Now I sit here all alone nothing but me and my thoughts of you all through my mind. As if I could turn back the hands of time to the moment when your soft lips touched mine
I’m sorry I didn’t mean to make you cry...
Baby, I do try I love you and I do know why... Gerald Lemire (Binky)
Valentines Day Valentines is very near Balloons, bears, and candy grahams. Red, Black, Pink, and White Are the colors that girls really like. Roses can be red and violets can be blue. What else can they prove to you how much they love you On this Valentines Day!! Ashley More More than the Greatest love the world have ever known This is the love I give to you alone more than the simple words I try to say I only love you more each day Longer than always is a long time but far beyond forever you'll be mine I know I’ve never lived before and my heart is very sure no one else can love you more! Jeanine Valentine oh, you are so fine so want you be mine oh, my sweet valentine your eyes are the color of honey and your braids long like ropes oh, would you be my sweet valentine!
Victoria
be mine
the smile that cleanses my soul the eyes that stop time with a single glance the touch of love from his hands I’ve been waiting for this day this special time all I can do is pray for you to be my Valentine
Christina Occhipinti
Night is falling
Night is falling my heart is calling I feel so lonely I need you only but I’ve got a teddy that I take to bed if you'll be my Valentine I’ll take you instead
Jenni-lea
if I’d wish to be anything
If I could wish to be anything I’d wish to be your tear to be conceived by your heart, born in your eye live on your cheek and die on your lips stephanie mcfarlane
Kisses
Kisses Kisses Kisses, Oh, what should I do? All I want is just one Kiss, From a special person like you.
Brenna Copley
break up on valentines
On Valentines we broke up Your friends said it was wrong But you didn't believe them Until you heard our song Maybe you will love me like I loved you But I won't give you another chance Because I won't know if it's really true
Lana
Hearts and flowers
Hearts and flowers on Valentine’s day. heart shaped candy, help me say: I Love you in a special way, because love is the reason for Valentine’s day. Valentine’s day is a special time for songs to sing and poems that rhyme, a happy time for everyone. I’m so glad you're a friend of mine
newfoundland and labrador rule Kelly Russell
such a short time
When I first saw your face I knew you were mine We have both grown to love each other in such a short time you know I’ve been looking for you all my life for the day when I become your wife you have given me security and love which I’ve only ever dreamed of I know there is a heaven and dreams do come true someone up there loves me because they sent me YOU
amanda perkins
My Valentine
I crave your honesty on this day of love, L ove you whole-heartedly my sweet dove. O ut of the blue you shot from the sky, V ividly, beautifully stunning my eye. E ver adoring you is what I do best, Y our smile, your face and all the rest. O n days like these I truly believe, U and I are meant to be!
Dedicated To Daniel Vigil!
Crystal L. Callaway
love
Love is more time to share. It’s really when you care. It’s two people joined. I was in love with you before you could drop a coin. It’s a sense of trust, but not enough lust It’s a commitment to be there, but would you always be there to share and care?
monique
One Perfect Rose
A single flower he sent me ,since we met all tenderly his messenger he chose; deep-hearted, pure with scented dew still wet one perfect rose. I knew the language of the flower "my fragile leaves ,it said his heart enclose" love long has taken for his locket one perfect rose. Why is it no one ever sent me yet one perfect limousine, do you suppose? Ah, no it’s always just my luck to get one perfect rose
monia jackson
baby brow eyes
Baby brown eyes your eyes so brown, hair so light, you make the sun shine bright, your eyes bring many warm things. I love you baby girl for always when you were born and came in our lives, you are the baby brown eyes that we love day or night, we love you always.
judy shaw
One good try
For so long, I’ve had my eye on this girl She's the most beautiful woman in the world
If that’s what you’re thinking, give it an attempt Don’t be so scared that she would resent
why not give it one good try? just to let her know you’re alive
Schick
sea
If all the women lived over sea what good swimmers, you Emen, would be if all the women lived over sea that would leave you for me
Theres been a plane flying over port coquitlam and coquitlam area for several months now. When it gets dark out the plane does not turn on its navagation red and green lights or its strobe light. Its pitch black out and its 12: 17 am now and its still going in circles.It usually flys in circles for six or seven hours every day or second day. The people at the airports say its government surveilance and they cant talk about it.I phoned two different airports.I think it might be time to move out of populated areas if this is going on in so many cities.It cant be just for grow ops.The plane is a cessna 182 turbo prop.You would think its kind of unsafe flying with no warning lights on. Its an accident waiting to happen.
I hear things.
I hear hums. I hear buzzes. I hear pulsating things.
Whatever they are.
I can almost block it out. If I'm concentrating on something else, it almost goes away. But not quite.
Right now, this minute, at 2:58 p.m. on February 13, 2017, I hear something.
It's a low, monotone, hummy, buzzy - but no, not hummy OR buzzy, though it is on one note all the time, like the tone that would not stop resounding in Robert Schumann's head and eventually drove him insane.
I hear this same monotone very late at night, only louder. And it has a different variation. It's definitely the grindy low noise of an aircraft, which at first I assumed was a helicopter because it got louder and softer, and, just when you thought it was gone, louder again. I honestly did not think a plane could do that. They fly over, don't they? So it must be something else.
But it doesn't have the budda-budda-budda sound of a helicopter. It's a low, grinding engine-buzz. Really, it's like a plane out of the 1940s, or something from the TV series Sky King.Earrrrrrooooooo! But that doesn't describe it either.
When I finally dared to poke around the internet about this subject, I mainly got those end-of-the-world trumpet-blast videos. This isn't that. At all. This has a low, grindy, even doom-y mechanized sound.
My cat hates this. The other night, when he was all moon-eyed and lit up with cat-somnia, he jumped up on the windowsill and looked at me. There was panic in his eyes. "Do something," he seemed to be saying.
Oops, right now, this minute, I hear a plane, and I tell you it is NOTHING LIKE what I hear at night. This plane swoops in tone - in music, it would be a glissando - from high to low. What I hear is always monotone.
It sounds like hell.
It sounds like death.
"It's probably the police looking for drug dealers," my husband said. "Or criminals in general."
"But how would you SEE a drug dealer or a criminal from the air, and in the middle of the night? Why do they circle around and around for seemingly hours?"
"I don't know, but they do." He is a scientist and has an answer for everything, usually the opposite of my terrified, panic-stricken, paranoia-drenched explanation.
Someone. Is. Flying. Over. My. House. Late at night, like 12:30 a.m. And it goes on and on and makes the house vibrate. Ummmmmm. Eeeeeeeeeeemmm. Buzzzzzz. But none of these come close to describing the actual sound.
It sounds like death. It sounds like doom, it really does. It's a much louder version of the CONSTANT noise I hear during the day. The endless, almost fuzzy-edged, monotone boomy thrum in the background.
Woaaahhhhwwww. Woaaahhhwwww. Woaaahhhhwwww.
I can hear it right now, but I cannot begin to describe it. It's sort of a soft-edged, solid sound. It has a shape. It throbs, but only slightly. If I go outside, it's harder to hear because of all the ambient noise.
At night in our neighborhood, noise comes alive. We hear coyotes out there trilling and barking, and barred owls who scream so loud they sound like apes. Raccoons crash around, tipping things over to rummage for goodies. But these are the wild sounds.
This other. These are human sounds, or rather man-made, machine sounds. Someone is IN that plane, UP there, FLYING it! I keep seeing some Russian spy or someone like that.
I can't think of it as being anything friendly. I just can't.
I have lived with this for, - how long? I tune it out. I really try to.
Someone is watching, and it is not comfortable. And it makes a hellish noise.
OK. Now I've got it! It's like THIS sound!:
It seems to go on most of the night. I might even be hearing it now.
This is one of those why-didn't-I-think-of-that-anyway (cuz-I-don't-have-the-innovative-skills-in-the-kitchen-and-moreover-I-don't-know-who-comes-up-with-these-way-cool-videos-anyway-but-there-must-be-teams-of-workers-slaving-in-kitchens-all-over-the-world-to-supply-such-crazy-cool-ideas-for-making-heart-shaped-food) videos. I may even try one of them to spring on my man. I'm giving you one day's notice.
Today I found this in my message file, and was about to delete it as trash until I realized it was a real message from a real Facebook friend:
Hi darling can you put a on your FB wall, without comment, only a heart, then send this message to your chick contacts. This is for women to remember its the week of breast cancer prevention! Check your boobies!!
Hold your finger down on the message and hit forward.
I don't like tricksy little FB gimmicks at the best of times, but I have to tell you, I hate being "darlinged" by someone I don't even know. It's cheap and cloying. I especially hate "chick contacts" (who or what is that??), using "its" rather than "it's", and (most repellent to me) "Check your boobies!!"
Why must breast cancer stuff be so annoying and crass? They rake in many times the amount of other diseases, and have given the public the idea that it's the leading cause of death in women. It's not even close. The leading cause of death in women is heart disease. But who cares if a bunch of old ladies have a heart attack in a nursing home? Bouncing your boobies around in a pink tshirt is so much more alluring.
Isn't it?
Stop, already. Enough, already. It's in poor taste, vulgar, and empty-headed. In fact, it cheapens a worthy cause. I don't want to hang out with "chick" friends who express themselves that way. They would irritate the shit out of me even if I had them. Whatever happened to dignity and sincerity? Why must it be "chicks" and "boobies"? Is this to make cancer cool, or show how unstigmatized it now is, or how we're OK with it, we really are, we're not scared of it any more cuz we're cancer warriors? Or did some publicity mill decide this was the best thing to do to squeeze the maximum dollars out of people by fostering ignorance and distortion of the truth?
The breast cancer industry is a mill, and someone besides patients is reaping most of the rewards. Think of all the $$ it takes to make those hideous pink buttons, the tshirts, pencils, mugs, etc. (and especially things like water bottles that are full of cancer-causing agents) which are so crucial to saving women's lives. It's a game of follow the bouncing boob.
This-here infographic thingie tells the story. On the left side is the amount of money raised for a disease; on the right is number of deaths from that same disease. Since the print is too small to read, I made it easy for you, dear reader, with a little infographic of my own. Match the colour to the disease. It's that simple.
A quick comparison will show the disparate sizes of these various planets, and how human attention (and funding) has been drawn to certain diseases with slick advertising and celebrity endorsement.
I am not "against" funding breast cancer research, if that is what is going on. But I am also "for" funding mental health concerns, which look to be pretty much ignored. I am "for" funding heart disease research, which apparently isn't sexy enough to warrant much attention. And the others? When I was transcribing these names, I did not even SEE diabetes, almost passed it over entirely because the "money raised" dot was so small as to be nearly invisible. But compare that dot to the ominous-looking green planet on the right-hand side.
Have I made my point? I am SO, so sick of silly, ill-timed, usually crass or downright rude or embarrassing messages being forced on me. I hate chain letters, always have, always will, and am NOT willing to pass ANYTHING mindlessly on because, on the internet, you never know whether the thing is bogus or not. It may in fact be clickbait, a way for advertisers to get information from you about your likes and dislikes so that they may exploit you ever more ruthlessly.
Sounds familiar. Doesn't it? The following infographic of a pink soup can and a pink bucket of (likely) hormone-laced fried chicken are a case in point.
I found it a little hard to believe this particular person would forward something like that. I answered her message by telling her it wasn't breast cancer awareness week or month or ANYTHING, and that I did not like getting this empty-headed "hey, girlfriend! Squeeze your boobies!" shit. I didn't use those words, of course. I tried to be polite. Ironically, the person who supposedly sent me this thing was an editor I used to try to impress with novel queries, in another lifetime.
I can't quite wrap my head around the irony of the fact that, in a completely anonymous note that might have started with some truck driver in Minneapolis, she addresses me as "darling".
POST-BLOG QUOTE: I'm posting a link to an article which, in my mind, hits it right on the head: it expresses exactly why I feel so offended by the glibness and vulgarity of these "booby" messages that are so ubiquitous, and forced on us even by the most unlikely people. This is just a small excerpt.
Pink ribbon promotions often degrade women by objectifying and sexualizing women’s breasts and bodies. From “save the boobies” to “save the ta-tas” to “save second base,” campaigns like these demean and insult women—and distract from the true focus of saving women’s lives. They highlight narrow standards of beauty (thin, white, able-bodied, and young), depict women as coy sex-objects and too often promote the fantasy of “perfect” breasts. These sexy/cute campaigns hide the lived experiences of women in all their diversity and complexity. NASCAR, for example, is selling breast cancer awareness t-shirts that say “Check Your Headlights” which degrade women by objectifying and sexualizing women’s breasts and bodies.
We must honor women’s rich complexity and full diversity, rather than obsess over narrowly defined body parts as the focus of breast cancer campaigns.
In other words, gals, it ISN'T all about the boobs. We do NOT need to "save the hooters". We need to save human lives. That's what it is all about.
Why isn't anybody getting it?
POST-BLOG. I did hear back from my former editor, who said she passed the message along because it was from a good friend. She also said "it might be bogus" - meaning she didn't question it, just forwarded it to all her "chick contacts". This alarmed me. I have already received some pretty absurd shit in the name of breast cancer "awareness" (and by now, who ISN'T aware of breast cancer? Is it a huge shock to most women that they should get mammograms and do periodic self-examinations?). And a lot of it DID turn out to be bogus, but in at least one case the friend refused to admit it.
Wondering why your Facebook feed is suddenly covered in little heart emojis? Unless you have a number of extra-affectionate friends, it likely has something to do breast cancer awareness.
This isn't the first time we've seen this trend. It's actually resurfaced a few times over the years, but generally during Breast Cancer Awareness Month in October. The concept is as follows: Post a heart on your female friends' Facebook walls, then send a private message explaining that the heart is a subtle reminder to get their breasts checked for lumps. Then, the goal is to cause a ripple effect—your friends posts hearts on their friends' walls, their friends posts on other friends' walls, and so on. They're also supposed to post the heart on the same woman who sent them the message. But, the catch is, if any guys ask what the emojis are all about, the recipient is supposed to stay silent, since the game is meant only for women.
The trend has been stirring up some controversy. Critics on social media find the whole concept offensive, concerned it’s turning breast cancer into a game. Others say the cryptic message is too opaque to do any good, and argue it's counterproductive to try spreading awareness about a condition by staying silent. Rather than use this subtle tactic, some suggest it would be more effective to post something more direct, like a simple "Check your breasts."
(A pissed-off P. S.: why is the game "meant only for women"? Guys get breast cancer too. I know a guy who has it. This just adds to the stigma men feel by excluding them from "breast cancer awareness". Come to that, the secretiveness of this coy little game stigmatizes women with breast cancer, too, by rendering it "unmentionable". FAIL - all around!)
This video vies with the leprechaun sighting in Alabama (below) as one of my all-time-favorite YouTubes. This is a real guy - a real reporter, not some guy pretending to be a reporter, which is what makes it so freakin' funny. I just laugh myself teary-eyed every time I see it, which is usually really late at night so I have to be quiet. Apparently, the TV station never aired the clip! Amazing, isn't it? But someone pirated it, put it on YouTube (back in 2008, when YouTube had about seven videos on it) and it quickly spread like a communicable disease.
Unlike 90% of the gifs that appear on this blog, I didn't make this one. It's a "share" (so it's OK, I'm not ransacking anyone's gif files). It's the longest gif I've ever seen, maybe because it's a stop-motion type thing, but the effect is still there.
Actually, no. I just timed it at 20 seconds, and I used to be able to make 30-second ones (easily!) when Gifsforum was still in operation. Later on, before it completely malfunctioned, Makeagif would make at least a 20-second one. I can still do longer ones on Imgur, but they're far too big to post. All my attempts to shrink them down make them look like crap.
So it's nice to get an unusually-long one like this. The animation works just fine with only a few frames per second. Damn sight better than mine, anyways. And whatever DID happen to Gifsforum?? If I google it, it tells me it's still in operation, but believe me when I say, there is NOTHING there.
I recently found a trove of "As Seen on TV" videos on YouTube, the kind you will never see on TV (or, at least, I haven't). There's even a Facebook page with a daily video. Oh joy! Some of these are just weird enough to appeal to me. I didn't think anyone was religious enough to want a talking clock that spews scriptural verses at you, but then again -. Here it is.
Bentley does NOT like the vacuum cleaner. He likes the carpet cleaner even less. It's rare to see him hide anywhere - he's usually not a fraidy-cat. But here he averages it out: halfway hiding, just peeking over the edge. I wish the light were better here. He doesn't stay long behind it, anyway.
This thing is absolutely inexplicable. It's some sort of cheesy Italian Catholic circus-thingammy, with out-of-tune music that cuts in and out, and so-called acrobats who look like they've been scraped off the streets of Rome. If this IS Rome, which it's not, I'm sure (in fact, I think it's somewhere in Brazil). I don't know what Novena Solena is, but I've found a few more of these videos which are along the same lines. There is one involving acrobatic angels with fur wings and crimplene gowns, and another one featuring little kids carting around bowls with live goldfish in them.
Exceptionally cheesy. All the comments (with a sample below) are indignant and blame Vatican II, whatever THAT is. You know that expression "so bad it's good'? This is so bad, it's bad.
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Fruit of Vatican II....people ignoring Fatima this is what we get. God have mercy on mankind!
Que groserÃa
Totally inappropriate and scandalous to say the least. All organizers and "priest" to be excommunicated asap .
This is total carnival of heresy.
Unreal. I really hope this was not a Roman Catholic Church or Roman Catholics doing this.
Just Evil.
Anh?
I want to freaking puke!! Why was I born post vat 2??? I can see why the orthodox do not want to unite with us!
yep, this makes me want to go bacK u__u
This is sick.
How horrible.
They were thinking Vatican ll with the liberal modernist evils.
Sinful and shameful. THIS IS VATICAN ll. Forgive them Father they know not what they do.
CAN NOT BELIEVED THIS IS TRUE, MAY BE A GRAPHIC DESIGN TRICK OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT.
Is this supposed to be Catholic or something? It looked and felt 100% pagan.
I remember these things from, oh, probably my late teens (when, by the way, I was already married). But they did not die. They went on and on.
Not only did my kids watch Schoolhouse Rock videos (they were called cartoons then) in the early '80s, my GRANDKIDS were fairly recently subjected to them in school. I couldn't believe it - budget restraints, or what?
They couldn't believe it when I began to sing along with them, "Conjunction Junction, what's your function?" and "Anyplace that you can go, and anything that you can know/You know they're nouns/You know they're nouns". (For some reason I keep thinking of the Statue of Liberty part.)
These aren't particularly good, but they're nostalgic, and this one is nicely restored by somebody-or-other. It comes from one of those ubiquitous Facebook nostalgia pages that I increasingly spend my time on, wanting to distract myself from the impending Armageddon which will surely come if that evil prick in the White House isn't impeached within a year.
Come out, come out, come out and get your lovin' Now don't you keep me in suspense Come on, come on, we'll do our turtledovin' Sittin' on a backyard fence Come on, come on, The little stars are peekin' They're waiting for you to commence Uh-huh, uh-huh, I kind of thought I'd weaken Sittin' on a backyard fence
It may be just another little backyard alley Off the avenue But I can see a willow tree, a moonlit valley In the dreams I share with you Meow, meow, the kitty cat is cooin' He shows a lot of common sense He knows, he knows, there's always something doin' Sittin' on a backyard fence!
This is only one of my favorite numbers from Footlight Parade, a classic Busby Berkeley musical from 1933. Pre-code, obviously, though this number is extremely mild compared to the hilariously charming Honeymoon Hotel, in which almost every line is full of double-entendres. But the tune is so lighthearted and the players so delightfully comedic that they get away with it. I can't find a whole version of HH, so can't post it here, and lyrics alone don't begin to get it. This little cat number, much simpler than the other three Berkeley blockbusters in this film, is a sort of warmup for the orgasmic bliss of the movie's last half-hour. And believe me, it IS orgasmic, even though I've had a few revelations about Berkeley lately that have opened my eyes.
I've seen his choreography, of course - anyone who likes old movies has, and my impression of it was always "classy kitsch". But then I couldn't help but notice the grace and precision of his dancers as they played phony violins or pianos in exact unison, or performed water ballet so perfectly synchronized it was a little bit frightening.
It IS a little bit frightening to see all this intentional, mass uniformity, and it fascinated me to find out a bit about Berkeley's background. He wasn't a dancer or a choreographer at all, wasn't even in show business. He was a drill sergeant in the army during World War I, an expert at forming precise military patterns with human bodies. This was some sort of mad genius drill sergeant, of course, and some of his visions are much darker than I realized.
I've just sent away to Amazon for a boxed set with some of his best-known stuff in it, but the one I'm looking forward to the most is Gold Diggers of 1935. His version of Lullaby of Broadway is so spooky that it's hard to see it as part of a musical at all. It's almost like a horror movie, with the singer's face starting as a tiny white dot in the middle of total blackness. Then like some toxic death-lily it gradually blooms and blooms until it dominates the screen in a way that is nothing short of macabre.
The dancing in this number is not like normal dancing, believe me. This isn't tap. I don't know what it is, but it includes aggressive arm-thrusting movements that at first look weird, then violent, then - like something out of the Third Reich. I am not exaggerating.
Hitler was well on his way by 1935, as was Leni Riefenstahl, chronichler of Hitler's rise in the infamous propoganda film, Triumph of the Will. But I was astonished to learn that, fascist as his choreography looked, it was not Berkeley who was influenced by Riefenstahl.
It was the other way around. Riefenstahl idolized American film, and American musicals in particular. She could not have failed to be dazzled by a choreographer who could get a couple hundred identical human beings to move around a stage in exact unison.
Berkeley didn't have a happy life. He married and divorced six times, killed three people in a drunken car accident, and at least once tried to commit suicide. For all that, he lived to be 80 years old. Such longevity is not always a great blessing in a person like that.
But he left these weird artifacts with their disturbing overtones. This little backyard fence number is nothing - except for a dwarf running around in a bizarre rat costume, and the inexplicably weird "thing" that Ruby Keeler rises out of and dances around, a leering, winking, open-mouthed something that might be the moon, or something else.
I wanted to make an animation with that horrible little symbol on the "kill them!" notice that I keep getting. Though I've had it explained to me over and over, I still do not understand what "kill them" means. Do they mean "delete"? Why not SAY "delete"? If a page is unresponsive, WHY delete it in the first place? So I assumed "kill them" meant to nuke them absolutely, to wipe them off the face of the earth as if they had never existed. I could see a miniature mushroom cloud rising from my Facebook page and my blog (nurtured along for SEVEN years now!). I would be left with nothing but blankness, a terrible void. And I didn't even DO anything.
Well, what else COULD "kill them" mean? It had to mean wiping them out completely, or they would not call it that. And why, when the page's only crime was being "unresponsive"? I've gone on various sites that supposedly explained the "kill them" notice, and all they do is repeat, "if it's unresponsive, kill the page". There is software that keeps the notice from coming up that you can buy. But if you hit the wrong button - What happens?? As with almost everything else to do with computers, you're supposed to already know.They talk over your head in glib jargon that makes you feel like a pile of ignorant shit in seconds. I am still convinced that if you hit the wrong button, you are screwed. You will no longer have any trace of existence on Facebook, your blog or anywhere else. You will have "killed" the page or pages.
OK then, if it isn't that, explain it to me! In English! Don't just say, "well then, kill the file", expecting me to KNOW what it means, and whether or not I can bring it back from the dead! But dead means dead. Doesn't it? My animation is the usual jumping-up-and-down-on-each-other thing, but it's hard to do anything else with such a hideous malformation. When I first saw this notice, I literally gasped. It was EVIL and seemed to come out of nowhere. No one else I knew had ever even heard of it. The little symbol on it scared the living hell out of me. It was a whole new definition of ugly, and menacing. Why would would I WANT to kill my pages? Why? And if I do, can they ever be resurrected? I don't see what else this command could mean but total and permanent annihilation. You can't just kill something or someone for a little while. Killing is forever.
on your FB wall, without comment, only a heart, then send this message to your chick contacts. This is for women to remember its the week of breast cancer prevention! 
