💀The JOY of SMOKING! (Bizarre '60s Propaganda Film)💀

I promised myself I wouldn't fuss over how many views I get on YouTube, but I must confess it seems a bit bizarre to have 20,500+ subscribers and only 30 views/video. There are a VERY few that got absurd views, such as the one with Motormouth that got 14 MILLION+, and rising, with a hundred thousand or so comments. Just ridiculous, and it has not helped my views whatsoever. 

I don't know what I'm doing wrong, but it could be I MUST be monetized to be recommended anywhere, and I'm not going to do that. I wouldn't make anything, and it causes endless problems in that you get demonetized at the drop of a hat (or a swear-word). I want to just enjoy this, and it HAS been nearly 12 years, and it DOES incorporate all my favorite hobbies, but why do they get such wretched views when I work just as hard on them as on the very few that got freakishly high ones? Checking my channel every morning has become abysmal, one of the low points of my day. Yet I keep on. I don't know what else to do.

As for the ads, how bizarre can it get? I found these on Internet Archive, which must be one of the first websites on the internet, as the format has not been updated in 30 years and is ridiculously hard to search. It's really completely random. But I have never heard of Century cigarettes, and having these historic figures puffing away is one of the more bizarre methods of smoking propaganda. The thumbnail is from another ad, but has not been altered in any way. Madness.

Bullwinkle's Corner - the 1961 commercials

In times of trouble, in times of horror and dismay, what do I turn to? Old ads, of course. And these are classics from the Rocky and Bullwinkle era: Cheerios commercials that were actually better than the show itself. It's not that I don't trust you, William Tell. . . (and we even have guest appearances by Boris Badenov and Dudley Do-right!).

Completely incomprehensible: Monkey's Uncle by Transogram!

My pick for worst board game ever. You run around the room doing completely inexplicable things, and it makes you a Monkey's Uncle.

Teeny tiny terror: the doll that pees!

My doll history: frightening.

Actually, I didn't have much of a doll history until now. Until I cracked the code, or something, and came to realize with a subversive little shiver just how pleasurable it can be to dress and undress dolls. . .especially with clothes you've made yourself.

As a kid, I was sullen, uncooperative, usually bad-natured and mainly interested in bugs and half-metamorphosed tadpoles, awful blobby things with legs that my mother wouldn't let me keep in my room. Murky jars abounded in the basement right next to the preserves.

I just wasn't a proper little girl. At all. My mother, at a certain point, noticing I wasn't Quite the Thing, pressed a doll on me. Her name was "Deb" and she wasn't even a real doll, not a baby doll or a Barbie. In fact, she looked a little bit like my mother, bland-faced, her hair a perfect helmet of black. Deb was short for Miss Debutante, and how an eight-year-old would understand that word or be able to prounce it is beyond me, but my parents howled  when I referred to her (coldly) as "Miss De-BUTTON-ty." She was quickly discarded along with the manicure set designed to make me stop biting my nails.

I don't know, I guess a Barbie or two drifted my way, I'm not sure I recall, though I do remember one of them ended up in a sarcophagus wrapped in perfume-soaked strips of white pillowcase. Most Barbies, no matter how impeccably dressed, always seem to end up at the very back of the closet, naked with their legs obscenely splayed, their hair in a feral, impossible frizz. No one knows what happens to the clothes.

Not long ago I became fascinated with the dolls of Marina Bychkova, a Russian-born Vancouver dollmaker who creates disturbing pubescent creatures that exude an air of captivity, their eyes often brimming with tears. Their alabaster skin suggests a strange sort of necrophilia, their identical bodies (all hideously jointed) a uniformity that is kind of scary. They're often naked, elaborately tatooed, with realistic genitalia and even pubic hair, or  else heavily costumed to the point of suffocation. Here is where Bychkova truly excels: it's hard to believe what she is able to create with beads and brocade. And those tiny, tiny shoes.

I couldn't own one of these dolls because they cost upwards of $10,000.00. But some time ago, a couple of years maybe, I was scouting birthday presents for my granddaughter Lauren, a sunny soul who so valiantly carries what might be the burden of Type 1 diabetes that she seems to send it whimpering into the corner.

Every year the family takes part in a jolly occasion, the Juvenile Diabetes Research Foundation Walk for the Cure.  Our team is called Lauren's Ladybugs (or "wadybugs" as she used to call them), so anything ladybug-esque is of interest to her.

I was dithering around not finding anything, standing in an upscale toy store too expensive to think about buying in, when!

I saw THIS.

Me, who hates dolls? who never played with dolls? who thought dolls were dumb? who didn't know why anyone would even purchase a doll? let alone play with one? Oh my goodness. This was LOVE. Then I turned and walked away, talked myself out of the whole thing. Far too expensive! I was on the other side of the mall when I realized Lana Ladybug was only twenty bucks, and how could I NOT buy her anyway??

But that's not the last of it, or even the beginning, because as L. L. slept in my closet awaiting wrapping, "something" began to eat at me.

I WANTED that doll. I wanted to hold that doll, take its dress off and put it back on again, set it on my bookcase to watch over my most cherished books.

It took a while before I gave in, and even at that, it's only recently I've started to make clothes for it. Actually, not for mine (and I have two of them now - only two - so far, that is - ) but for my granddaughters'. They must have at least ten of these Groovy Girls stuffed in a box (and they're almost always naked, perhaps a sort of tribute to their ancestral goddess, Barbie).

 These little doll-smidgens are ideal to knit for: long, slim and tubular, so that you can make tops, skirts and dresses all along the same lines.

So that's what I'm doing, to surprise them. I had to try them on my own dolls, of course, and that's when I got this strange feeling. What was it? Intimacy? Can't be that. The doll's pliable arms and legs made it possible to bend her limbs in half. So she was malleable. Vulnerable. Recognizably human. Her face was sweet, her hair a tousle. I don't know! What's happening to me? Am I going all soft? Is this weird or what?

It feels good to dress these dolls, as if the little girl in me, the one who never had a chance to develop because she was too busy being a tough little survivor, is finally coming out to play.

I see my blondies, my grandgirls, all done up in their sparkly butterfly tshirts, their glittery shoes that light up when they run, fluffy little tutus, stripey candycane tights, and I think: I missed that. All that. I was all done up in my brother's castoffs. In some cases they'd been through two brothers, who were five and ten years older than me.  So those clothes were very old and very shabby indeed, usually held on me with big safety pins.

Is this Cinderella awakening in me, or what? Why now? I'm not happy, don't ever get that idea. I'm one of the unhappiest people I have ever known. But I'm not dead inside. Not quite. Bad mental health, rotten luck and being thoroughly cursed has not quite stamped out that tiny ladybug of joy at the centre of my heart.