Monday, July 23, 2018

The Ballad of Elizabeth Holmes

The Ballad of Elizabeth Holmes

She made her name in blood -
"It's just one drop", she said.
But red will turn to orange soon
Or so the judge has said.

Black turtlenecks like Steve's,
Unblinking eyeballs too,
She soon had them believing
"With us she'll never screw".

A girl in science - what a thrill!
They've waited all these years!
She faked them out most masterfully,
And bypassed all their fears.

She stood up there just like a man,
Was never soft or weak.
And though her voice was basso,
Her dead-white skin looked chic.

How odd that all those power guys
Fell for that blood-drop bit.
Those rich old white men on the board
Were shocked it turned to shit. 

It made them blush to realize
They'd taken such a bath.
But now their golden girl's been nailed: 
She's just a sociopath.

One drop of blood has done her in,
Poor Lizzie paid the price.
But maybe she will come to see
That vampires just aren't nice.

(Or not. She is just as likely to work an elaborate con in prison. You CAN kid a kidder, and you can con a con, especially if you've had this much practice.)

Elizabeth Holmes
Elizabeth Holmes 2014 (cropped).jpg
Elizabeth Holmes backstage at TechCrunch Disrupt San Francisco 2014
BornElizabeth Anne Holmes
February 3, 1984 (age 34)
Washington, D.C., U.S.
ResidenceLos Altos Hills, California, U.S.
Alma materStanford University (withdrew)[1]
OccupationHealth-technology entrepreneur
Years active2003–2018
Net worthAs of June 2016, USD $0[2]
TitleFounder and ex-CEO of Theranos
Parent(s)Christian Holmes IV
Noel Anne Daoust
Elizabeth Anne Holmes (/hmz/; born February 3, 1984) is the founder and former CEO of Theranos, a privately held company known for its false claims to have devised revolutionary blood tests that used very small amounts of blood. She is under indictment by the United States Department of Justice for wire fraud.In 2015, Forbes named Holmes as the youngest self-made female billionaire in the world due to a $9 billion valuation of Theranos.The next year Forbes revised the value of her interest in Theranos to zero dollars, given an updated $800 million valuation of Theranos and the fact that many of Theranos' investors hold preferred shares and so would be paid before Holmes (who holds common stock) in a liquidation event).