Sunday, March 31, 2013

Easter terror: bunnies from hell

It wouldn't be Easter without a few of these. I've found some that look suspiciously doctored, so I won't use them. What stands out is the terror and dismay on the faces of the children. Why? Why would anyone be afraid of an old man in long pink underwear and erectile ears putting his arm around you, when you KNOW you're not supposed to talk to strangers? Why would you take candy from them, when Mom and Dad have jackhammered it into your little head that you are NOT supposed to do that, ever? I am sure this is why small children scream and cry at the Easter Bunny and Santa and all those other creepy characters, until custom and convention slowly wear down their natural instinct to survive.

Why must Easter bunnies look like Fascist dictators? Why must their heads be larger than their bodies? Would this scare YOU?

The Space Alien bunny is a genre unto itself. They're really here to harvest our children.

I'd like to know who would sit down and design a costume like this. There are apparently no holes for oxygen, so let's hope the guy suffocated.

This is my personal favorite. Don't be fooled by the frightened smile on the little girl's face. She's just trying to get it over with as soon as possible.

Whatever happened to the Rich Egg?

Easter morning, and I'm wondering whatever happened to the Magic Treat of my childhood.

We had the usual stuff in our messy Easter baskets, stuffed in with that shredded cellophane that gets into everything, and I seem to remember a lot of jellybeans and a large, waxen egg with a white centre. Nobody liked these, but who were we to argue with the Easter bunny?

I would go along with anything when I was a kid, including the idea of a Harvey-esque full-sized rabbit hopping all over the universe to distribute candy and toys. But mostly candy. The piece de resistance (never mind if I spelled that right, it's Easter) was the Laura Secord egg, usually called by us kids the "rich egg" because if you had more than a small bite of it at a time, you'd gag on the sweetness. It had a fairly thick milk chocolate shell, a fondant-y centre and a yolky-looking middle, which we assumed was made of entirely dfferent material. Yolk candy.

Though I remember it as being about the size of my fist, it was a child's fist. But still pretty big.

Lots of people have fond, even mooshy memories of the Laura Secord Easter Egg, which apparently is still available in Canada's Far East. They remember Mammy or Aunt Dora or somebody-or-other giving them the rich egg on Easter morning, the ritual opening of the box and removal of the paper grass, the malty sweet smell of the chocolate. Memories like these are powerful stuff. But though the egg is still manufactured, like so many things, it has changed. On the internet I found a taste test of the egg as it stands today, and it fell rather short, getting something like a 6 out of 10.

But has the egg changed, or have we? Perhaps both. Today, I am sure people would not cut small slices off the egg and eat maybe one slice per day until the thing was gone (carefully keeping the leftovers in the refrigerator). They'd have at it and eat the whole thing in one go, if the 400-pound young woman we saw in the lineup at at McDonalds yesterday is any indication.

People wouldn't know what to do with a rich egg if it bit them.

I found several recipes for a replica of the Secord egg which are no doubt improvements on the goopy new version (which probably resembles the blandly sweet Cadbury cream egg). I like this one because it purports to be "healthy". Well, there are 22 servings here, so unless you eat them all at once (which probably most people would, in this age of dangerous gluttony and overconsumption - and hey, whatever happened to the concept of gluttony as a "deadly sin"? Nobody even uses the word any more. Call Marlon Brando.) I'll just let that thought dangle. It's Easter.

(Before this "healthy recipe" I will display an example of a homemade egg that is probably excruciatingly good, way better than our "rich egg" ever was. This probably takes approximately one million  hours to make.)

Easter Eggs (Like Laura Secord) Recipe

Looking for an easy Easter Eggs (like laura secord) recipe? Learn how to make Easter Eggs (like laura secord) using healthy ingredients.

(Homemade easter eggs like laura secord) chocolate covered sugar eggs with a yellow yolk and white sugar dough surrounding the yolk. Makes 22 servings.)

Recipe Ingredients for Easter Eggs (like laura secord)

3lbs icing sugar
300ml Sweetened Condensed Milk
1tbsp corn syrup
1/4lb butter
2tsp salt
16oz baking chocolate

Recipe Directions for Easter Eggs (like laura secord)

  1. mix all ingredients, except chocolate in a food processer or mixing bowl, adding the icing sugar a little at a time.
  2. take 1/4 of the sugar dough and mix yellow food colouring into it, which makes the yolk part of the egg. then form the yellow dough into 20 -22 balls, cool in fridge. Then take the remaining dough and cut it into 22 same size pieces which you will wrap around the yellow yolk balls, to form your egg. Chill these again, and then dip them in the chocolate which is melted in a double boiler.(pour the chocolate over the egg as opposed to dipping the egg directly into the melted chocolate


Nutrition Facts
Serving Size 106.6g
Amount Per Serving
Calories from Fat
% Daily Value*
Total Fat
Saturated Fat
Trans Fat
Total Carbohydrates
Dietary Fiber
Vitamin A 4%Vitamin C 1%
Calcium 9%Iron 3%
* Based on a 2000 calorie diet

Nutritional details are an estimate and should only be used as a guide for approximation.


Calorie Breakdown
Nutrition Breakdown
Daily Values
Daily Values

Health Information

Nutrition Grade
96% confidence
Good points

  • Low in cholesterol
  • Bad points

  • Very high in sugar