You know, I'm always a little intimidated when the first thing I read on an unfamiliar web site is a detailed and very long list of rules.
I was particularly astonished when this headspinningly complex list (below) appeared on a fan site about that rascally social rebel, that mascara-eyed Caribbean ne'er-do-well, that stereotype-shattering gender-bending Ed Wood of the modern cinema, Johnny Depp.
Johnny Depp is a fox- let's get that out of the way first - and ever since my then-teenage daughter told me breathlessly about a painfully-gorgeous young hunk on a show called 21 Jump Street, he has taken on interesting parts, the sort of roles that a Gary Oldman might choose (or a Danny DeVito or a whoever-is-a-subversive-character-but-not-especially-good-looking-or-over-the-height-of-four-feet-one-inch-tall). And he has made a go of it for a very long time, decades in fact, an unusual thing for a slightly off-the-wall leading man. And he has attracted female fans everywhere. Especially me.
Do I have a favorite? I do. Though the movie Benny and Joon is not especially good in story line, and not much acting ever takes place, I love Depp's nearly-mute amalgam of Chaplin, Keaton and even my beloved Harold Lloyd as he swings from a rope past the window of his girl friend who is incarcerated in a mental institution. He's all in, as they say.
So I was kind of, well, ah, er, taken aback when I investigated the web site I recommended at the end of my post about automatons. When I finally looked at it in detail, I found this, this, this - edifice of rules, this - this boarding school, this itchy crinoline, this Little House on the Prairie bonnet of restriction! Compared to this, my Grade Four grammar teacher was a raving slut.
Yes, I appreciate the fact that the comments have to be written in complete sentences. Most of my sentences are complete, and if they aren't, it's
I can see ruling out those lols and rotfl and grmlds and stuff like that. I hate them and fear that the language will become irreversibly eroded if they take over any more than they already have. I can see ruling out abusive language and blatant Depp sexual fantasies, although. . .
Although. People can't express feelings about him, share dreams or fantasies, or post fan art or Johnny Depp coloring pages or anything like that. No good steamy gossip or "hearsay" is allowed, nor can you quote those scumbag entertainment sites. It's completely sexless, devoid of the giddy joy these Hollywood gods are meant to provoke in us mortals. This fan site is under such tight control, it only has something like 33 followers, all of whom seem deeply intimidated when they approach the Headmistress with their timid questions.
I'm just sayin'. All passion seems to have been squashed down by one of those squashing-down things.
Once you've carefully read through ALL the rules, and don't you dare just skim them like you'd do on a surgical permission form or a divorce settlement or whatever, you discover there is in fact very little that you CAN do on this site. I wonder, then, why even have a Johnny Depp fan site, if indeed that's what it is? And what would Johnny Depp think about it?
I don't think he'd read a web site, to tell the truth. I don't think he would read one about himself, in particular. He'd be out there jumping into his next role, which is what real actors do. He'd be out there shattering the dull tradition of good-looking actors mainly functioning as backdrops on wheels.
But that's just me.
General Forum Rules and Guidelines
(For detailed information, please see next post)
- All posts must be written in English.
- No chatspeak or text-message abbreviations.
- Use proper punctuation, capitalization and spelling.
- Do not post chat threads (threads that are not about Johnny Depp). The Morning Thread in the Daily Features forum is the place for off-topic conversation.
- No obscene material is allowed on the Zone. No sexual fantasies and/or dreams about Johnny.
- When posting material from the Zone onto other websites, please give credit to the Zone and the person who posted the material.
- No flaming, spamming or soliciting. This includes, but is not limited to posts on the board, private messages or emails.
- No troll posts—ones that are written to provoke arguments.
- Avoid using profanity. This is not a community that curses. Please use the “censored” board icon instead.
- Do not divulge, discuss, or complain about the contents of a private message from a staff member.
- Do not post tabloid stories, unfounded rumors or gossip. Nothing from ContactMusic.com. No hearsay—information you “heard somewhere.” No “inside sources” from other websites.
- Do not post items for sale or trade on the Zone. In certain cases, items to give away free are allowed to be posted. Please contact a staff member for approval before posting free items.
- Don’t advertise other websites or chat rooms. You may use the website button in your profile or post the site in your signature as long as (1) you don’t promote the site in your posts and, (2) the site link you post does not violate any Zone standards.
- Include SPOILER warnings if you are writing about an unreleased film. Please use the Spoiler button to hide the details.
|(Blogger's note. I only posted the bare bones of these rules! Herein is the expanded, complete version. I note that much of what they post on this forum consists of Johnny Depp jigsaw puzzles. Fan fiction is allowed, but it can't have Johnny Depp in it. Oh dear.)|
NOTE. I don't think it's fair to assume a fan site about Johnny Depp is going to have a Depp-like, devil-may-care disregard for social convention. But it just strikes me as strange, is all. It's so careful, careful, careful, and seems at odds with his rebellious and often very sexual persona. Oh, but we CAN allude to sex if it's done in an earthy, oh-so-English way ("Quite the ripper, is Johnny, eh, Honoria dear?" Assuming this site is English.)
Anyway, I didn't write any of this, I'm just using it as an example of internet curiosa. Oh my God, I think that's a run-on sentence!