Sunday, May 27, 2012

Why my experiment failed

Oh OK, I've been having you on and I don't care. Not at all. I get pissed off sometimes, cuzzadafact that lots of my best posts get very few views. A few get in the hundreds, and my top post of all time got something like 18,000, and I still don't know why. So to try to drag people in, I inserted the name Fifty Shades of Grey into my labels/tags, and/or the title itself, to see if anyone is lame enough to bite.

And it's Sunday and I feel tired and fat and a bit off. Maybe more than a bit. But there's something I'd like to Share With You Today: some bizarrely wonderful patterns from old Patons and Baldwins/Beehive knitting books.

I don't know what rung of the modelling ladder these two stood upon (probably in kitten heels). The knee socks look like they would actually stay up, and the sweater looks preternaturally (is that the right word?) perfect, not hand-knitted at all. My own hand-knitted stuff is full of holes I have to fix, knots that poke through, and what I like to call "fuzzbugs".

No fuzzbugs here.

Someone, somewhere, at some point, must have knitted a set of golf club cozies and/or a dickie worthy of Howard Wolowitz on The Big Bang Theory. Not much call for dickies nowadays, but that patchwork beanie sure looks primo to me.

I like to make stuffies for the kids, but Jesus Christ, they sure don't look like this! To me, this crocheted Scottie looks almost Satanic. It appears to stand with one foot in a bowl labelled DOG, while the other foot has a pea-sized ball glued to it.  For years and years I refused to go near the concept of knitting stuffies because of this pattern, which haunted my dreams.

Headwear for the Whole Family. Including balaclavas and Quaker helmets (kind of a contradiction in terms, isn't it?)  Some of these were post-war and had a vaguely military connotation.

I'm getting sick of these already, cuz who-in-their-right-mind would knit them even if they could find Paton's fingering in heather-green-whatsis? Fingering also gives me a queer feeling, as in the following:

We won't speculate on these guys and their sexual orientation, but is this any better?

No doubt a graduate of the Maila Nurmi School of Deportment.


  1. Don't forget Peyton Place for the older set.

  2. Speaking of the older set, we went to the movies last nite. First time in ages. The in-laws treated. The Best exotic Marigold Hotel. You will love it.

  3. Oh, it's got all those good people in it. Judi Dench? Ever see her in Notes on a Scandal? She was positively Satanic. I was gonna go see Hysteria about the invention of the vibrator, but I never seem to get out of the house any more.

  4. Sounds like a movie for girls nite out. Haven't seen Scandal - or very many movies, actually. But whenever I've seen Dench in something she's been good.

  5. In Scandal she was supernaturally evil and looked SO unattractive, scrungy hair and really unforgiving wrinkles, as if she wanted to look as ghastly and unkempt as possible. The novel by Zoe Heller is also very good, but different in a lot of ways. More sympathy is skewed towards the Dench character, or at least she is a bit less hideous, whereas the teacher who has the affair with the 15-year-old student is painted as really sociopathic. In the movie she's just clueless.

    I'm in another Dorothy Parker phase: rereading Marion Meade's superb What Fresh Hell is This?, and - today, in 10-minute YouTube installments - watched Mrs. Parker and the Vicious Circle again. It's worthy of a review on the blog: I both liked it and found it frustrating. But who could truly capture Dorothy Parker? Jennifer Jason Leigh seemed to have lockjaw and could barely get her lines out. I know DP had a rather (rawther) affected manner of speaking, but this sounded like caricature. I liked how they handled the relationship with Benchley however.

  6. How'd we go from grey wool to Dorothy Parker?

  7. Ah! I get it. Dorothy Parker loved to knit. She even knitted in the movie. They strained so hard to pack in biographical details, it was almost painful. It should have been an interpretation of DP, not a boiled-down bio. The seams of research showed. I kept going, aha, she really said that, etc. until halfway through when I said, all right, what else did she say?

  8. I'd like to see it anyway. When did it come out?