Friday, March 1, 2019

Elizabeth Holmes: who's smiling now?


"Call me Balto": Elizabeth Holmes' talking wolf

Though he may look and act like a Siberian husky, Elizabeth Holmes' new dog, Balto, is actually a wolf. How do we know? Because she told us he's a wolf. Just like she told us we could run 200 diagnostic tests on a single drop of blood. So it must be so!

This weird little collage represents images of Elizabeth's most extreme blue-eyed stares, Balto the wolf-dog, huskies in general, actual wolves (which Balto is), and Sgt. Preston of the Yukon, who had the best husky ever, Yukon King. "On, King! On, you huskies," was the cry I remember from my very early childhood (Sgt. Preston was on in about 1957, when I was three years old. By that age, Elizabeth was working for NASA full-time, teaching graduate-level courses on the complete works of Jane Austen, and winning the Nobel Prize for Most Convincing Bullshit Artist of the 21st Century).

Because Elizabeth is newly-enamoured, her dishy young beau William ("Billy") Evans is here, too, he of the very white smile and perfect 2-day stubble. I think she pulled the guy off a magazine cover or called an escort service or something. Or maybe we're just mad that she's so dang happy when she should be miserable! This IS something like dancing on your Mom's grave, completely inappropriate, though we know from the past that nothing touches Elizabeth (except maybe William "Billy" Evans). 

But what worries me most is a certain underlying fear that one of her more heavy-duty sugar Daddies (Henry Kissinger,  maybe?) will pull out a few billion at the last minute and bail her out. It could happen. She may have one more ace up  her sleeve. Mad about the boy! Mad about the dog (who is really a wolf)! Don't count her out just yet.

P. S. When quizzed on the first three words of Moby Dick (the immortal phrase "Call me Ishmael"), a book she professed to read at age nine, she didn't miss a beat. 

"Look! A whale!" 

And do you know what? She's right! It says so, right in the book.