Tuesday, November 20, 2018


Though I've posted well over a thousand of my videos on YouTube, they haven't figured large on this blog, for reasons I'm not sure of. Maybe I don't want to duplicate myself? But then again - why not? I post lots of other people's. This is one of my rare "message videos", in which I actually appear. On YouTube I am called ferociousgumby, and on this blog (more or less) The Glass Character, which was really Harold Lloyd's character's name. So who knows who I really am. But I want to post this, just because I've found it creepy of late to have "sticky" people adhering to me on the internet, or trying to, even jumping media from Facebook to YouTube expressly to stick to me some more. One woman, a complete stranger, after messaging me for two weeks on Facebook, proclaimed her undying love for me and asked me to move to Los Angeles to live with her. This same woman attempted to scale a fence around Harold Lloyd's grave, and wore a nickel he once owned around her neck and never took it off, not even in the shower. The other was a dubious high school friend who WOULD NOT be rejected by me, for reasons I still haven't figured out. Looking back, I never liked her much to begin with, and was out-and-out abused by her in one particularly harrowing memory. 

Why does this happen? I know I am hardly unique. It's this boundary-less quality, this  sense that everyone belongs to everyone else, in the same world, and we don't. Not even close. I'm glad the past is the past, because it belongs there. It's the past because IT HAS PASSED, and trying to somehow recreate it out of silly putty and string just won't work. Plus it gets in the way of the strange bliss that is Today, and I mean that in the most ordinary, even semi-boring sense. I wrap the day around me, and all I want is some peace, peace from my own screaming inner voices, and how can I have THAT if these weird people keep on chasing me?

Setting up a YouTube channel specifically to leave cloying messages on someone else's videos is beyond creepy. But these people never see themselves. They are too busy being Nice. I have no time for Nice. Kind is a different matter, because it seems more volitional. Or is it just an innate quality, after all?

I have been happily obsessed with Christopher Walken, realizing he is me, and one interviewer described him as having "unexpectedly kind eyes". I think, myself, that he radiates kindness, and warmth, and that "steepling"  thing that he does with his hands on TV interviews is just a way to protect his heart. Those earth hands are beautiful and solid and deeply connected to earth in a personal way. He has often said "I don't do anything" and "I don't have any hobbies". He has been married for longer than me, even, and seems to like it and want it to last. Good for him.

So what does any of this have to do with any of this? Nothing at all. Just -  keep creeps away, don't be "nice", but be unexpectedly kind if you can manage it.