Sunday, January 24, 2016

Alien abduction: out there


This is an excerpt from one of the very first web sites I ever went on, Stop Alien Abductions. It's a step-by-step tutorial on how to make a helmet to keep aliens from invading your thoughts. As far as I can see, it is completely serious. The site hasn't changed since 1991 or whenever-it-was that I began to fumble around and try to figure out what an Internet was.  I had a Tandy 101 computer (which I fondly called Jessica) which used those rolls of paper with holes on the edges that you tore off along the perforations. Oh, and - I had a fax machine. Remember that thin, shiny, curly fax paper, and the way the ink faded away after a while so you couldn't read it?  And just faxing in general? That noise that it made? Screeeeeech! And dial-up, remember that? And having to wait for someone to get off the phone before you went on the computer. Makes my face want to fall off. Anyway, this is just Step A, and a link to the whole gorgeous mess.

Leather helmet before construction

150 foot roll of Velostat from 3M company, part number 1706

3M label on Velostat sheet

Pattern made from newspaper used for cutting Velostat
Make a pattern to cut the Velostat sheets

  1. Hold the hat open and push the paper into the hat. Push the paper against the inside and top of the hat. A newspaper will do.
  2. Take the hat with the paper in it and put it over your head. The paper should be just above your ears and flush with the front and the back of the helmet. Pull the hat and the paper down over your head. Make sure the paper and the hat are secure against your head.
  3. Remove the hat and the paper, taking care to keep the paper with the hat.
  4. Use a marking pen or grease pencil and draw a line on the paper where it meets the hat.
  5. Remove the paper from the hat and cut along the line you just made.
The paper shape is the pattern from which you will cut the 8 pieces of Velostat. (12 pieces if you use 4 mils thick Velostat.)

X Files Football Delay: my sentiments exactly

Yes. Though the reboot of The X Files was about as disappointing as I expected (especially Gillian Anderson's House of Wax/embalmed Botox face), it pissed me off that all the blathering hoopla after the football game, whoever-the-hell-was-playing-or-won, delayed the start of the show by about 25 minutes. I say "about" because it was damn impossible to tell just when it would start, or if it would in fact be one of those "we-now-join-our-regularly-scheduled-program-which-is-already-in-progress" piles of bullshit. Meaning it wouldn't be worth watching at all.

And this after seemingly months of overinflated hype.

I planned to record it and watch it tomorrow or later tonight, but when I saw it wasn't going to start on time, at all, I mean AT ALL, and the screaming and mindless comments went on and on and on, I scrambled around to try to record the next ten hours after the game to try to catch it. I still don't think I watched all of it - it seemed to bleed over several time slots, messily, and kept ending in mid-sentence, so I had to try to find where the next part of it was.

Fox has messed up big-time, but will take no responsibility for this, in spite of a torrent of complaints on their Facebook page, on Twitter, Reddit, etc.(including mine). But it was almost worth going through all that trauma to listen to this guy, whoever he is. I've never seen his videos before, they were posted only tonight, and his accent for some reason makes me want to do backflips. I don't mean that unkindly, I am a connaisseur of accents and this one is a doozy, almost plummy, Elizabethan, like deep-deep-South accents can be. And I totally understand his rage.

BLOGGER'S P. S. : The truth is TOTALLY "out there". All trace of this guy has disappeared. No, I mean it! My repeated  viewings of his video have been wiped from my YouTube history, something which - as far as I know -  can't be done. 

So what is the deeper significance of the mysterious Southern Guy, whose name I now forget?

Damn if I know. But I sure did like his accent.