Tuesday, June 21, 2016

Mocking - and kind of shocking

(I don't usually post journal entries here, but this one was so strange that I wanted to, for reasons unknown. These are among the less-bizarre dreams that I have, though they're kind of shocking. The strangest was when I was going to a train station to meet myself.)

Had really horrible dreams all night, turbulent. Don’t know why this happens sometimes. Sometimes they involve my sister. This time they were completely bizarre. I only remember one vividly. I was upstairs in a house or apartment (not a familiar one) and heard loud, maniacal laughter, just cackling in a way that sounded unhinged. I went downstairs and saw my sister watching TV, and an opera singer was performing, a young woman lying down. She had a lovely voice. 

My sister was very loudly, raucously mocking her with this laughter. It was so completely over the top. I told her, “Listen, this woman has a beautiful voice.” The mocking was obviously my sister's way to obscure and deny her complete inability to risk anything (as a singer) by disdaining and showing contempt for everyone else's efforts, a chronic pattern with her. When I confronted her she seemed to back down, or at least I thought she did. In another scene we were physically fighting, as we often do in my dreams (but never in life). Sometimes I even wish I could kill her.

I had a whole lot more dreams – oh! I was making something for my daughter Shannon out of a huge cardboard box and polyester stuffing, and I was going to make (probably knit) a sort of grey skin for it – an elephant, but then it turned into a whale. I was partly done making it, but needed another bag of stuffing (or ten!), then left it in my old church – sort of, it didn’t look like my old church, but a person I knew was there, or someone sort of like her. I thought my work in progress would be safe there. 

Then when I came back, they had thrown the box out and then pretended to be sorry. They said they didn't recognize it and thought it was garbage. I was angry and devastated that they had just thrown it away and sure that they had done it deliberately. I know there were other dreams, one about a restaurant serving sandwiches that at first seemed good but later turned out to be horrible and slimy, but it was sort of disgusting. Bill was involved with this one, but as with most dreams it has melted into vapour and disappeared. 

I doubt if these things mean very much except to represent feelings about a person or an institution. I remember trying to fashion some sort of tail for the whale.

Normally I don’t remember dreams, and that’s fine with me.

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