Thursday, August 14, 2014

The Church of the Holy Sea-Monkey

So it turns out that the bizarre site called The Sea Monkey Worship Page is still up, but hasn't been updated since 2008. Hm. Six years or so. That's a long time for our Sea-Monks to go without sustenance. I was able to enlarge and enhance the tiny little ugly banner, which now doesn't look too bad, and am thinking of trying to use it on my FB page, but we'll see.

There truly are people obsessed with Sea-Monkeys. The creatures themselves are so inexplicably hideous that the whole thing baffles me a bit. Those TV ads were jaw-dropping. OK, they're just little wiggly brine shrimp with no more feeling or intelligence than an amoeba. But does that mean it's OK to force them to swim against currents in these grotesque plastic tracks, supposedly representing fox hunts and cycling races?Yet people must have bought these things. They still do.

The product was initially called Instant Life, a more accurate label because these little wigglers emerge from a packet of dessicated eggs. It's not so miraculous to see this happen, many species can go dormant in the egg phase for a very long time. At first they look sort of like baby guppies, not so bad, until all those furry-looking legs start swarming around, and that brown stuff inside them - God, is it shit, or eggs, or WHAT?

This business about training them, I honestly don't know. If you force them to swim along a track or down a pipe, is that "training" or mere survival? What choice do they have? This is Sea-Monkey enslavement and should be cause for a visit from the Sea-Monkey Police.

(You thought you'd get away without gifs? Really? Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!)

This guy looks like he has a severe case of Sea-Monkey acne. And is there really a site called I'd better check it out.

For some reason the Sea-Monkey gang reminds me of nothing more than Archie, Betty, Veronica, Jughead and Moose.

Or is that Maynard G. Krebbs?

Showing those slimy little bastards in the background represents Truth in Advertising (I guess). But I think the kiddies are still being sincerely deluded.

No comments:

Post a Comment