Monday, February 25, 2013

Renee Zellweger at the Oscars: it's only three words!

Lordy, Lordy, look who's. . . well, something. You have to feel sorry for someone who just isn't aware of how she is coming across in front of a billion people. I have to admit this was one of the strangest Oscar moments I've ever seen, right up there with Vanessa Redgrave's "Zionist hoodlums" speech, the naked man and Sacheen Littlefeather. 

I can't remember the last time I saw an adult who was unable to read three one-syllable words. It was LIFE OF PI, for God's sake, not the Gettysburg Address! I often have problems with so-called actors who completely fall apart when they have to ad lib something in front of an actual audience. They either read off cards in a stilted manner, not looking up, or bumble and fumble and make bad jokes that fall flat.

But this. She didn't really have to do anything, didn't have to set up the award, just had to remain standing and spit out three syllables, which was apparently too much for her. I myself am incredibly near-sighted, so much so that an optometrist once looked at my prescription and exclaimed, "WHOAHHHH!"  But I can still read fairly small print without my glasses and don't have to hold it right up to my face. Even if I had to, it'd only take half a second to read Life of Pi. 

So why couldn't she read? Surmise is that she was drunk, stoned, or Botoxed to the point that her eyes were pretty much sealed shut.

Actually there were two awards, Best Song and Best Musical Score, and she bombed out on both of them, but everyone seems to be focusing on the first one because it was just so unbelievable. Queen Latifah saved the moment, which could have been an absolute fiasco if Gere had taken the card back. If I remember rightly, she was supposed to read the Best Musical Score winner and, unable to do so, just handed the card to someone else.


I am waiting  for her handlers to come out with an "explanation" for her weird behaviour last night: she has a sinus infection and was high on Dristan; she was "overtired"; she had a migraine that gave her a blind spot (then why go up there?). She was too vain to wear her glasses. She missed breakfast, and lunch, and dinner, so she could fit into the gold-paint gown, and mistakenly thought that the glass of wine on the table was water.

Wine into water? I'd call that a reverse miracle.

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