Wednesday, August 8, 2012

WHERE did this goddamn thing come from?

Good morning, children of the universe! It's time for a Psychology Test. 

Do any of you remember this from a Long Time Ago? Did maybe your pretentious sister, home from university and spouting her usual boring neurotic bumph, start gassing on and on about her answers to this test and her friends' answers to this test? as if they had some sort of Great Existential Significance and/or revealed something Great and Existential about themselves? Did the whole thing strike you as an exercise in total narcissism?

Have any of you ever wondered what sort of ninny actually WROTE this thing and why everyone fell into lockstep and decided it must Mean Something because SO-AND-SO wrote it and decided it must be important, therefore WE must think it's important too?

OK then, let's begin. . .

A Psychological Test

The Test:

First picture yourself in a FOREST. Describe the forest.

Its ah, got treesn' stuffinnit? And I'm like, I'm really scared cuz I'm like, lost or something or maybe it's an animal?

Next you come upon a KEY. Describe the key and what you do with it (pick it up, leave it there, look at it, etc.).

Look at it first cuz I'm like, I like them cuz they're cute, specially those little ones?

Uh I think I'll leave it there cuz it's a donkey? and I'm like not strong enough to carry it.

Next you come upon a BEAR. Describe the bear and what you do in reaction to it.

Bears are cute and stuff, and they wave their like paws? I wave back at them. Some of them are pandas, way cute like a stuffy. But don't walk backwards when you see them, you should run fast instead.

Next you come upon a CUP. Describe the cup and what you do with it.

Um. I don't know what to do with a cup.

Next you come upon a HOUSE. Describe the house and what you do with it.

I'm like scared of this house because it's falling down? So I can't go inside of it.

Next you come upon a body of WATER. Describe the body of water and what you do with it.

Am I spozed to do something with a body of water cuz I don't know what. Pull the plug or something.

Next you come upon a WALL. Describe the wall. If you can see it, describe what is


Is it lunch time yet?

What It All Means:

The FOREST represents YOUR LIFE.

The KEY represents OPPORUNITY.

The BEAR represents OBSTACLES.

The CUP represents LOVE.

The HOUSE represents MARRIAGE.

The WATER represents SEX.

The WALL represents DEATH and

BEYOND THE WALL represents the

ummmm. . . . . does that mean I like failed?


  1. Don't remember this, and if it was presented to me I probly fell asleep before it could be administered. The only forest riddle I can recall is the one that asks if a man is alone in the forest, faaaaaar from earshot of any woman, and he says something. Is he still wrong?

  2. This kept popping up. My sister dredged it home from university, then my nuts brother got it from somewhere and made me take it and told me I was sick, then later in high school a guidance counsellor dragged it out and dusted it off. Nobody got it right.

  3. I remember once somebody asking, probly at a party, if you were a tree what kind of tree would you be? I think I got up and fetched another beer at that point.

  4. I really would like to know who started this, who invented it. Maybe that psychology guy? - can't think of his name now. Jesus, "that psychology guy"??

  5. Mr. Feelgood, the high school guidance counselor in the comic strip Funky Winkerbean.

  6. FAIRGOOD! FAIRGOOD! Dr. Feelgood was in R. Crumb's strip, the one with the cat in it, whatever-the-hell. . .Fritz the Cat, I think. Or was he on Dr. Kildare?

  7. Damn,you're good! Of course. Feelgood was the British version Crumb.