Tuesday, May 12, 2020

I! CUT! MY! OWN! HAIR!!




I! CUT! MY! OWN! HAIR!

It was madness, I know. But it made me even more mad to look in the mirror  at the sticking-out-in-every-direction MESS which could not be combed, styled or even flattened down. 

I had a razor comb (not scissors, God forbid) so began carefully, gingerly thinning out the flapping wings at the back. Gradually I grew more bold as the bits of hair accumulated in the sink. Hey, why not – go for broke! It can’t look any worse, can it?




 When I thought I had taken off enough, I ran downstairs, all excited, and said to Bill, “Notice anything different about me”? He looked at my face, then at my blouse, and said, “Yeah?” and I said “WHAT DO YOU MEAN you don’t  see anything different!” and he made a “shrug” expression with his mouth and said, “You look nice.” 






Then I made him take my picture, which he never does because I hate it. This mad impulse came after I read a four-page manifesto from my stylist (likely a generic one from Health Canada or somewhere) which basically described the salon as a police state. The tone of it was: things will never be the same, and you will never enjoy a trip to the stylist again. So I thought: how long is this going to be, and how could it look any worse than it does now? 

I don’t think it does – I think it looks better – my head is lighter – and though I’m definitely greyer, I can more or less look at myself without alarm and have SOME hope I can keep it in shape until, gowned, masked, in full hazmat suits, my stylist and I will meet again, don’t know where, don’t know when.


Wednesday, May 6, 2020

Elizabeth Holmes Cures COVID-19!





Elizabeth Holmes is at it again! With one prick of a finger (or finger of a prick,), she will CURE the coronavirus and win the Ignobel Prize for ignorance.


Friday, May 1, 2020

The Star-spangled Banner by Bob Dylan




It was a dark day in Dallas, November '63
A day that will live on in infamy
Good day to be livin' and a good day to die
President Kennedy was a-ridin' high
He said, "Wait a minute, boys, you know who I am?"
Being led to the slaughter like a sacrificial lamb
Then they blew off his head while he was still in the car
"Of course we do, we know who you are" 

Shot down like a dog in broad daylight
Was a matter of timing and the timing was right 
You got unpaid debts, we've come to collect 
We're gonna kill you with hatred, without any respect 
The day they blew out the brains of the king
We'll mock you and shock you and we'll put it in your face 

We've already got someone here to take your place
Perfectly executed, skillfully done Thousands were watching, no one saw a thing 
It happened so quickly, so quick, by surprise
Greatest magic trick ever under the sun Right there in front of everyone's eyes 
Wolfman, oh Wolfman, oh Wolfman, howl 
Rub-a-dub-dub, it's a murder most foul
 

Hush, little children, you'll understand 
The Beatles are comin', they're gonna hold your hand 
Slide down the banister, go get your coat 
Ferry 'cross the Mersey and go for the throat 
There's three bums comin' all dressed in rags 
Pick up the pieces and lower the flags 
I'm goin' to Woodstock, it's the Aquarian Age 
Then I'll go over to Altamont and sit near the stage 
Put your head out the window, let the good times roll 
There's a party going on behind the Grassy Knoll 
Stack up the bricks, pour the cement 
Don't say Dallas don't love you, Mr. President 
Put your foot in the tank and then step on the gas 
Try to make it to the triple underpass


Blackface singer, whiteface clown 
Better not show your faces after the sun goes down 
Up in the red light district, they've got cop on the beat 
Living in a nightmare on Elm Street 
When you're down on Deep Ellum, put your money in your shoe 
Don't ask what your country can do for you 
Cash on the barrelhead, money to burn 
Dealey Plaza, make a left-hand turn 
I'm going down to the crossroads, gonna flag a ride 
The place where faith, hope, and charity died 
Shoot him while he runs, boy, shoot him while you can 
See if you can shoot the invisible man 
Goodbye, Charlie, goodbye, Uncle Sam 
Frankly, Miss Scarlett, I don't give a damn 
What is the truth, and where did it go? 
Ask Oswald and Ruby, they oughta know 
"Shut your mouth," said a wise old owl 
Business is business, and it's a murder most foul


Tommy, can you hear me? I'm the Acid Queen 
I'm riding in a long, black Lincoln limousine 
Ridin' in the back seat next to my wife 
Headed straight on in to the afterlife 
I'm leaning to the left, I got my head in her lap 
Hold on, I've been led into some kind of a trap 
Where we ask no quarter, and no quarter do we give 
We're right down the street, from the street where you live 
They mutilated his body and they took out his brain 
What more could they do? They piled on the pain 
But his soul was not there where it was supposed to be at 
For the last fifty years they've been searchin' for that 
Freedom, oh freedom, freedom over me 
I hate to tell you, mister, but only dead men are free 
Send me some lovin', then tell me no lie 
Throw the gun in the gutter and walk on by


Wake up, little Susie, let's go for a drive 
Cross the Trinity River, let's keep hope alive 
Turn the radio on, don't touch the dials 
Parkland Hospital, only six more miles 
You got me dizzy, Miss Lizzy, you filled me with lead 
That magic bullet of yours has gone to my head 
I'm just a patsy like Patsy Cline 
Never shot anyone from in front or behind 
I've blood in my eye, got blood in my ear 
I'm never gonna make it to the new frontier 
Zapruder's film I seen night before 
Seen it thirty-three times, maybe more 
It's vile and deceitful, it's cruel and it's mean 
Ugliest thing that you ever have seen 
They killed him once and they killed him twice 
Killed him like a human sacrifice 
The day that they killed him, someone said to me, 
"Son The age of the Antichrist has just only begun" 
Air Force One comin' in through the gate 
Johnson sworn in at 2:38 
Let me know when you decide to throw in the towel 
It is what it is, and it's murder most foul


What's new, pussycat? What'd I say? 
I said the soul of a nation been torn away 
And it's beginning to go into a slow decay 
And that it's thirty-six hours past Judgment Day 
Wolfman Jack, he's speaking in tongues 
He's going on and on at the top of his lungs 
Play me a song, Mr. Wolfman Jack 
Play it for me in my long Cadillac 
Play me that "Only the Good Die Young" 
Take me to the place Tom Dooley was hung 
Play "St. James Infirmary" and the Court of King James 
If you want to remember, you better write down the names 
Play Etta James, too, play "I'd Rather Go Blind"
 Play it for the man with the telepathic mind 
Play John Lee Hooker, play "Scratch My Back" 
Play it for that stip club owner named Jack 
Guitar Slim going down slow 
Play it for me and for Marilyn Monroe

 
Play "Please Don't Let Me Be Misunderstood" 
Play it for the First Lady, she ain't feeling any good 
Play Don Henley, play Glenn Frey 
Take it to the limit and let it go by 
Play it for Carl Wilson, too 
Looking far, far away down Gower Avenue 
Play "Tragedy", play "Twilight Time" 
Take me back to Tulsa to the scene of the crime 
Play another one and "Another One Bites the Dust" 
Play "The Old Rugged Cross" and "In God We Trust" 
Ride the pink horse down that long, lonesome road 
Stand there and wait for his head to explode 
Play "Mystery Train" for Mr. Mystery 
The man who fell down dead like a rootless tree 
Play it for the reverend, play it for the pastor 
Play it for the dog that got no master 
Play Oscar Peterson, play Stan Getz 
Play "Blue Sky," play Dickey Betts


Play Art Pepper, Thelonious Monk 
Charlie Parker and all that junk 
All that junk and "All That jazz" 
Play something for the Birdman of Alcatraz 
Play Buster Keaton, play Harold Lloyd 
Play Bugsy Siegel, play Pretty Boy Floyd 
Play the numbers, play the odds 
Play "Cry Me a River" for the Lord of the gods 
Play Number nine, play Number six 
Play it for Lindsey and Stevie Nicks 
Play Nat King Cole, play "Nature Boy" 
Play "Down in the Boondocks" for Terry Malloy 
Play "It Happened One Night" and "One Night of Sin" 
There's twelve million souls that are listening in 
Play "Merchant of Venice", play "Merchants of Death" 
Play "Stella by Starlight" for Lady Macbeth 
Don't worry, Mr. President, help's on the way 
Your brothers are comin', there'll be hell to pay 
Brothers? What brothers? What's this about hell?
Tell them, "We're waiting, keep coming," we'll get them as well



Love Field is where his plane touched down
 But it never did get back up off the ground 
Was a hard act to follow, second to none 
They killed him on the altar of the rising sun 
Play "Misty" for me and "That Old Devil Moon" 
Play "Anything Goes" and "Memphis in June" 
Play "Lonely at the Top" and "Lonely Are the Brave" 
Play it for Houdini spinning around in his grave 
Play Jelly Roll Morton, play "Lucille" 
Play "Deep in a Dream", and play "Driving Wheel" 
Play "Moonlight Sonata" in F-sharp 
And "A Key to the Highway" for the king on the harp
 Play "Marching Through Georgia" and "Dumbarton's Drums" 
Play "Darkness" and death will come when it comes 
Play "Love Me or Leave Me" by the great Bud Powell 
Play "The Blood-Stained Banner", play "Murder Most Foul"



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