Don't stop smoking! SMOKE SPUDS!

Without a doubt, this is the most bizarre ad compilation I've ever seen. And I've seen some doozies! This is from the video description:
Have you ever heard of SPUD cigarettes? Why is their mascot a SNOWMAN? Why is that guy smoking Spuds in the shower? Why is that weirdo trying to hypnotize us? And what the futz is "mouth happy"? The answer to these and many other questions cannot be found in this bizarre ad compilation. And friends - DON'T STOP SMOKING! Switch to New Spuds! 

NEWS FLASH! There is a Wikipedia entry explaining Spud: "Menthol cigarettes were first developed by Lloyd "Spud" Hughes of Mingo Junction, Ohio, in 1924, though the idea did not become popular until the Axton-Fisher Tobacco Co. acquired the patent in 1927, marketing them nationwide as "Spud Menthol Cooled Cigarettes". Spud brand menthol cigarettes went on to become the fifth most popular brand in the US by 1932, and it remained the only menthol cigarette on the market until the Brown & Williamson Tobacco Company created the Kool brand in 1933." 

NOTE: This explains a LOT, from the bizarre name to the "cooler than KOOL" (i. e. far superior to that OTHER menthol cigarette). I believe this campaign was last-ditch, as the guy smoking in the shower says, "SAY! I used to smoke Spuds years ago, but they sure didn't taste like THIS!" This is an admission that they used to taste like crap. The reference to "new Spuds" is misleading, if the cigarette was first marketed in 1927! Makes you wonder how many times they "rebranded" these things to try to make them successful. The fact that nobody has ever heard of them is telling. These ads look like 1950s-'60s, especially that last, really creepy one, so "old Spuds" from the 1920s were probably pretty atrocious. But at least you can smoke them when you have a cold!)

CLASSIC! Perry Mason opening theme

 

I never watched this show, but the opening theme scared the hell out of me! I wasn't allowed to watch it because it was "too adult" (and, no doubt, too boring anyway). But from my bedroom, where I lay straining my ears while I was supposed to be asleep, I could hear the gaunt, stark opening trills on the strings, followed by the DUM! DUM! - then the dark, bluesy, film noir-sounding theme, like something from an old Warner Brothers movie with a score by Max Steiner. Max Steiner didn't write this, but he could have.

POP goes the COMMENTS SECTION!

 

Is BLOGGER dying? Who knows, at this point. For some reason, when I was having problems with Google, the page suddenly changed and many features were dropped, and I have not been able to get them back. My son the techie said Google probably isn't supporting Blogger any more BECAUSE IT'S SO OLD! I resented that, mainly because I too am "so old" and not technically proficient at all. 

At the moment, I can only use workarounds. The comments will no longer be visible under the posts, which INFURIATES me because I used to love the long threads of comments which were easy to see. Now you have to click on "comments" and a box comes up. Oh yes, you CAN see the comments, kind of, sort of, but it looks like shit. I don't know yet if I will get an email copy, so I may not even be able to monitor them. Worst of all, I can't edit or delete comments that may be dangerous to leave up. 

It takes something away from the blog that you can't just view the conversations, which sometimes have gone on for years and years. The rare posts that got over 100 comments now don't display them at all. It is all supposed to be there somewhere, but it won't show. A big chunk of Blogger has been cut off and thrown away. If Google does in fact bail on this, it will be the end of a 12-year experience - nay, an ODYSSEY taking me from the callow optimist of 2011 to the cynical, world-weary, but far more realistic person you see today.

SO, if you want to leave a comment and see all the pre-existing comments, click "comments" at the bottom of the post and a box will come up. I hope. I think you have to fill in some idiotic thing like "I am not a robot" (OH REALLY?? I was certain you were!). But for now, that's the best I can do, and the other features missing will have to be worked-around as well. So, beloved readers, hang in with me and I will try not to have a nervous breakdown over all this. Phoooey!

Why is Harry obsessed with SAUSAGES? (And I don't mean his wee-wee).

 

Could SAUSAGES be behind the royal rift? Diana's former butler Paul Burrell claims 'Harry felt less important than William as a child because he got fewer bangers with his breakfast' - and the rift between Fab Four widened over 'house envy'

• Princess Diana's butler says Harry would get upset as a child at breakfast times
• Paul Burrell says the Duke of Sussex wondered why William got more sausages
• He said the nanny would tell Harry that William needed more as he would be king

By Matthew Lodge For Mailonline

Published: 20:53 EST, 15 January 2023 | Updated: 21:39 EST, 15 January 2023

Princess Diana's former butler has pondered whether William being given more sausages for breakfast when he was a child played a part in their played a part in their fractious relationship as adults.

Paul Burrell claims the Duke of Sussex would become confused and complain when he was young that his older brother got bigger breakfasts.

The 64-year-old claims after the young prince asked why that once, a nanny for the pair told him the now-Prince of Wales needed 'filling up more' as he would be 'King one day'.

Mr Burrell, who acted as butler for the Princess of Wales for 10 years, said it could have been an early display of the dynamic between the two feuding siblings that dominates today.

Mr.  Burrell, who was present during William and Harry's childhood, said there were signs of an early rivalry between the princes.  

'When I look back now, I think maybe I was glimpsing the dynamic at play,' he told the Sun.

'One time I saw the nanny give William three sausages at breakfast and Harry had two.

'And Harry would look at his plate and say, how come he gets three? And I only get two.' 

Mr Burrell added that when the nanny responded about the pecking order between the two brothers the now-Duke of Sussex would 'fall quiet and suck it up'.

The former member of the Royal Household said despite Diana seeing the boys as 'absolutely equal', he believes the hierarchy within the Firm that puts William first has caused resentment from Harry.

He said that the Duke 'found it tough living up to the standard set by William' and that this became more stark when he attended Eton against his mother's wishes.

Mr Burrell said Diana had felt Harry would be unjustly compared to his older brother if he went to the independent school, and that this turned out to be the case. 

The father-of-two said that William was 'brighter' than his younger brother, and that while the future King was 'measured and stoic', Harry took to playing the clown to get noticed.

He added that he no longer recognises the Harry who is in the public eye today to the young boy he saw grow up in the Royal Household, saying: 'He's clearly hurt and angry at being "the spare" and so he's lashing out from that place.'

 Meanwhile, Mr Burrell claimed that the relationship between the Fab Four - the Sussexes and the Cambridges -  worsened over 'house envy'

He claimed that Meghan, who was then living in Nottingham Cottage while the Cambridges were in Kensington Palace, 'got a sight of everything Kate and William enjoyed... she realised she wasn't in the top tier'.

It comes after the Duke of Sussex lashed out at Mr Burrell in his recently released memoir, Spare, which also saw him launch vicious attacks on his brother and the monarchy.

In the book, which was released in the UK on Tuesday, Harry accused Diana's former butler of 'milking' her death for money by publishing his 2001 book A Royal Duty.

The novel contained a raft of private revelations, although in his memoir Harry called it 'one man's self-justifying, self-centring version of events'. 

Harry said he learned of the book while working as an unpaid farmhand in Australia at the age of 19, adding that it 'made my blood boil'.

He wrote that he wanted to fly home to 'confront' Mr Burrell for his 'cold and overt betrayal', but his father and brother talked him out of it.

Speaking last week after the publication of Harry's memoir, Mr Burrell said Diana would be 'appalled' by her youngest son's behaviour, and accused Harry of making 'personal, vindictive revelations'.

 He added that he saw Meghan, the Duchess of Sussex, as the driving force behind the Duke's behaviour. 

He told Australian television: 'She [Meghan] is beside him steering him on his path. You can't just blame Harry. You have to blame the both of them. 

'I don't like to see the rug being pulled beneath the feet of our King and Harry's brother, who is on his way to being King. And the snipes that have gone forward about Kate [the Princess of Wales]...

'Kate has never put a foot wrong. But the other side of the story will never be heard because the royals believe there's great dignity in silence.'

Watch the birdie!

 

SURREAL: Fred and Eleanor in extreme slow-mo

 

Oh how I love making animations! This is a small excerpt from Fred Astaire and Eleanor Powell's classic tap number, Begin the Beguine. Even at this slowed-down speed, their grace is incredible. The music syncs up better than I had hoped! 

Still working on blog problems. . . I hope someone can see this, at least. I can't be sure.

HIDE THE TV! Why people hid their TV sets in the '50s

 

I have always puzzled over why all the old advertisments for television sets showed people closing cabinet doors on them to hide the screen. It seemed unthinkable to allow that ever-open eye to sit there nakedly in your living room. But this reluctance to reveal that you even HAD a TV has another explanation. Just as you could see into the TV, as if all the actors and news people and kids' programs were taking place right inside the set, people back then believed that THE TV COULD SEE THEM. No, I'm not kidding! There was a widespread panic about this insidious development that would have made George Orwell order another pint of Guinness. You even saw newspaper editorials about this horrifying violation of privacy. But when the thing wasn't turned on, it had to be shuttered in, pushed down, HIDDEN. Some years later, TV consoles became more elaborate, and eventually the TV set was seen as just another highly-functional but not terribly decorative piece of furniture. 

P.S To my unending annoyance, I have not yet found out what's wrong with the disabled features on my blog. The comments section has been weirdly blanked out by Google, which is weird because I've never seen another reference to Google on this blog. My son the techie just claimed Google has given up on Blogger and no longer supports them, but why then am I still able to post? I have even done some copy-and-paste to republish old posts. Some things work, some don't. And I am not even sure how it started. DAMN, this is just like Real Life!

P. P. S.: Since I can no longer upload videos directly from YouTube, they now look pretty shitty, but I would recommend you click on "Watch on YouTube" at the bottom. No black bars there.

Let it steep a while! Edward G. Robinson for Maxwell House coffee

This is one of those great old ads I remember from my childhood. I wasn't old enough to remember Edward G's gangsterish heyday in the '30s and '40s, so by the time this ad came out, he was a retired gentleman with an aristocratic, if Bronx-ish manner of speaking. For some reason the part I remember most is "let it steep a while to develop the full flavor" - not knowing what "steep" meant, of course, and even at that age wondering why he was using INSTANT Maxwell House to "brew" a pot of coffee. Of course, no one makes a pot of coffee out of instant any more, just as no one "percs" their coffee - which is too bad, because the wood-block theme for the Maxwell House coffee percolator was a classic. And it did smell good, though tasting it was another matter. Anyway, I have a poignant memory of Robinson's very last movie role, performed while he was frail and terminally ill with cancer. Soylent Green is one of my favorite dystopian movies, in no small measure because of the rapport between Charlton Heston and Robinson. He was also in a bizarre but moving death scenario where his body was soon to be transformed into FOOD. "Soylent Green is PEOPLE!" Heston cried, almost as memorably as "Get your stinking paws off me, you damn dirty ape!"

We're all in Crimbo Limbo. . .

 

It's that time of year again - or rather, that weird non-time between Christmas and New Years. Myself, I am glued to my chair, when not eating macadamia nuts and Purdy's chocolates and feeling sick.

It is raining too hard to go outside. It is raining too hard to do anything.

I had never even heard of Crimbo (some sort of weird contraction of Christmas, probably British or maybe even Australian) until a few years ago when I stumbled across it on some site or other. Crimbo is also related to Crimbo pressie, Crimbot, Crimbus, Crimcheck, and no doubt thousands of others, many of them defined below. Some of them are nasty. Looking them up will give you something to do.

TOP DEFINITION

Crimbo Limbo

The period after Christmas Day and before New Year's Eve, mainly spent sitting down and eating leftovers. Many find it extremely dull.

I'm so bored. It feels like crimbo limbo's been going on forever...

ALTERNATE DEFINITION

Crimbo Limbo 

Crimbo Limbo is the time in-between Christmas Day and New Years Day, where you feel fulfilled, eat lots, and give yourself alcohol poisoning.

Ryan: Dude, I haven't done anything productive in three whole days, yet I still feel great!
Lewis: Well, that's Crimbo Limbo for ya!

RELATED TERMS (in alphabetical order)

Crimbo Limbo
crimbo pressie
Crimbo (short for Crimbabwe) 

also known as the Heart of Darkness
crimbot
Crimbus
Crimcheck
Crim Cram
Crimdalf
crim de la crim
crim della crim
Crimder
Crime
crimea
Crime-A-Dozen
Crime against Humanities
Crime against nature
crime-a-lator
Crime-Alert
Crime and Punishment
crimeaversary
Crime Bluff
Crimebo
Crimeboss
crimebridge
crimecation
Crime Community
crimed
Crimedale
Crime Dawg
Crime Deturent
Crimedicts
crime dog
Crimedotte
Crime-dotte County
Crimee
crime essam

It's also a game.

BLOGGER'S UPDATE. Still haven't solved the bizarre problems I am having with Blogger. Some of the features of my blog have been mysteriously disabled (most significantly, the comments section, though posting videos is now quite difficult and doesn't look right). This seemed to happen when I briefly could not go on my Google account, but once that problem was solved, the blog deficiencies remained. My son the techie genius said "Blogger must be broken. Maybe they'll fix it. I'm amazed Google still supports something this old." But hell, I'M old myself - the blog celebrates obsolete technology, among other things, so I don't have any desire to render it slickly updated. No bells and whistles, which I loathe on any website.  So I'll keep working on this, trying to get answers. My Amazon Author Page is now nearly disabled, through no fault of my own, so anyone  following the link I generally post will see something pretty amateurish and pathetic. I was so proud of that page, encompassing my author profile, my blog posts, and a photo gallery which included images of the covers of my books (kind of important for recognition!). Amazon has dropped all these features without explaining it. So there's not much left but bare bones. I may have to set something up myself, but I'm still wondering why they would do this. It won't sell any books for THEM if they put up shitty webpages for authors that do more harm than good. But anyway, have a happy new year! May 2023 be COVID FREE.

Isaac Asimov falls asleep during interview

One of the greatest science fiction writers of all time falls asleep during an interview.

Victorian Chrismas Cats: to bring you cheer!

 TO BRING YOU CHEER. . . 

. . . THIS TIME OF YEAR!

Flickers and jays, oh happy days! Return of the Back Yard Birds

Every Hallmark Christmas Movie. . .

 

OH YES.

🌹BRIDAL TRANSFORMATIONS: The Magic of Camay!🌹

There's something magical about Camay soap! It instantly transforms you into a Camay Bride. This sounds alarmingly like some polygamous group. I also think that guy at the end looks just a little TOO pleased. 

Harry and Meghan: get me the sick bag!

MEGHAN MCCAIN: Kiss America goodbye, Harry and Meghan, you've finally lost us: We're covering our eyes, plugging our ears and screaming -please God, make it stop

By Meghan Mccain For Dailymail.Com

Published: 14:01 EST, 16 December 2022 | Updated: 14:01 EST, 16 December 2022

Harry and Meghan have lost America.

That's the spectacularly clear conclusion after two volumes and six hours of a mind-numbingly deep dive into the Netflix saga of the world's most miserable (ex)royals.

Again, I watched, so you didn't have to.

Strikingly, the criticism is not just coming from loyalists or the old-school, conservative, anti-woke crusaders – it's the left that is unleashing.

Congrats H&M, you've done something Biden and Trump couldn't. You've brought America together.

Almost everyone is plugging their ears, covering their eyes, and screaming: Please God, make it stop!

The New York Times reheated the 'second serving of reviews' of the Megflix opus. 'Some critics have had their fill of the couple's account,' they write, detailing a laundry list of critics who found it to be a 'grudge-rehashing,' a 'gussied-up reality show' and 'out-of-touch, self-absorbed and cornier than a Hallmark movie.'

Left-leaning The Atlantic ran the headline, 'The Cringeworthy End of 'Harry & Meghan' on Netflix'… 'The ex-royals insist they're moving on. Viewers should be so lucky'. Far-left Salon ran the hilarious headline, 'It's okay to admit Harry and Meghan are annoying.' Yes, we know it's 'okay'.

The royally aggrieved couple's bestie, CBS News anchor Gayle King, who attended Meghan's baby shower, called the finale, 'very dicey'. Whoopi Goldberg said she had better things to do than watch it at all. Liberal shock jock Howard Stern was calling them 'whiny bitches… like the Kardashians but boring,' even before the series ended.

Harry and Meghan have lost America. That's the spectacularly clear conclusion after two volumes and six hours of a mind-numbingly deep dive into the Netflix saga of the world's most miserable (ex)royals. 

I could go on and on. But what do ordinary Americans think?

The current 'audience score' on the crowdsourced rating site Rotten Tomatoes is 14%. Honestly, it's hard to find something lower, so I gave up scrolling.

What happened? Not too long ago, it was completely taboo and could get you kicked off US and UK television - see Sharon Osbourne and Piers Morgan – for even questioning Harry and Meghan.

Well, that has clearly come to an end. And I'll tell you why:

First, no one likes clickbait.                                                                                                 

After the infamous Oprah interview and Volume I, everyone was expecting some bombshells. But it was all duds. The most explosive headline from Volume II was that Harry's brother screamed at him when H&M decided to ditch the family and pursue fame and fortune abroad.

But we're not told what William said. Harry receives a text from William after the Oprah sit-down, but we don't know what he wrote.

That's their style - all tease and no payoff.

We still don't know the identity of the 'royal racist' who allegedly questioned 'how dark' their son Archie's skin would be. We don't know the details of how Princess Kate allegedly made Meghan Markle cry before the wedding. We have no tangible proof that the royal family is institutionally racist.

This is what I spent six hours of my life waiting for? Instead, we are shown them crying during emotional hypnotherapy sessions – whatever that is.

Not to mention what they put their family through. How trashy to shame your own flesh and blood and for what? It was all smoke and no fire.

Second, and most importantly, Americans want to root for the underdog, but you've got to give us something – anything – to root for.

Never once in the entire series did Harry and Meghan show a scintilla of introspection. Never did they ask to be forgiven, or show personal accountability and growth.

According to them, there's nothing they could have done differently. They're perfect angels, blameless. In their telling, it was the Queen and the rampantly racist royal family who felt threatened by Meghan's incandescent star power. She's a super-mega-ultra-star. No one could possibly compete with her and she was punished for it.

Instead of anything resembling reality, we get a front row view into their home in one of the wealthiest areas in America, Montecito, California. It looks like a Nancy Meyers set, impeccably decorated, including one scene where Meghan is sitting on a chair with an Hermes blanket behind her that costs a cool $1,650.

Not to mention what they put their family through. How trashy to shame your own flesh and blood and for what? It was all smoke and no fire. 

They have horses, chickens, idyllic views of the coast. They ride in black SUV's with full security escorts. They take refuge in Tyler Perry's house and on private islands off of Canada, they stay in enormous penthouses in New York City, their dogs fly on private beds in their private planes with their team of assistants and nannies. But there's nothing redeeming about being ex-royals?

It's painfully obvious to everyone that they wouldn't be living this life and Netflix wouldn't be paying them $100 million dollars if they were not related to Queen Elizabeth. But again, there is no acknowledgement of this at all.

Finally, Meghan and Harry say they're ready to move on after their gruelling 17 months (oh my!) as working royals. But they're not moving on, not even a little bit. Harry's book 'Spare' drops in January and Meghan says her podcast series is not done yet. I'm sure both will serve up more painful memories and flimsy cheap shots at their relatives. They are oversaturating the market and they are not evolving. At some point, they are going to have to come up with a new act.

Maybe the greatest mistake that Harry and Meghan made was taking Americans for fools. Millions gave them the benefit of the doubt. They watched their watched interviews and shows with open minds and at the end – nothing. It remains to be seen whether Americans will buy their book and whatever other grievance porn they create next. But judging from what we're reading and hearing today – America has moved on, even if they haven't.

Please note! To my loyal fans (all 37 of them): I'm still working on my problems with Blogger and so far haven't come up with a way to bring my comments section back, along with posting videos from YouTube and other things. I am TRYING not to freak out about it! I hope this is the very last thing I post about H & M, who are coming across as self-absorbed, petty, angry, and overall sickening.  Meantime, I'll have to try to get some help from Blogger, as my son the tech genius claims that Google isn't the problem - though I have had unending problems with Google lately with both the blog and my YouTube channel, Stay tuned for the solution! 

PLEASE STAND BY!

I am having numerous problems with this blog, having somehow lost touch with Google and having to sign in every time I even look at the home page. As it stands, there is a lot in this blog that has been mysteriously disabled, and so far I can't get it back. I am fairly certain the comments section is disabled, as I only get a blank white square where the comments box should be. 

I will likely have to contact Blogger, but last time I did that I got nowhere because I don't "speak computer", and when I try to put it in plain English, they act as if they don't know what I am talking about, or even take shots at me for being ignorant. There are a lot of things that are supposed to show on my home page which now don't, as I can only get the generic home page that other people see, making me sign in 15 times a day and STILL not have the features I need. 

The little symbols on my home page, i. e. the little pencil through which I used to be able to easily edit, is gone, along with all the rest of them. All I can say is, they looked like little wrenches here and there. I don't know what to call these things, but if I refer to the "little editing pencil" or "the little wrenches",  I am told they don't exist and I am speaking gibberish. It is extremely disheartening, not to mention brutal on the self-esteem.

The upshot of it is, I may have to try to manage with a partially-disabled Blogger, with a lot of features vanishing for no discernible reason. The settings are rudimentary (yes, I HAVE tried the settings, Blogger! Don`t  tell me what a "setting" is, because I know!), and most of them are greyed out and can't even be changed. The worst heartbreak for me is apparently losing my comments section, or at least the ability to receive them via email, which I can no longer set up in a blank white box. I very often get comments on ten-year-old posts, but now, if I get them at all, I will never know it, as I can't set up the email feature. It's no longer there.

I love this blog and have kept it for twelve years without any major mishaps. The site has been updated several times, so no, it is NOT a "dinosaur" which is actually obsolete, as I am so often told. I don't want to switch to a more sterile, streamlined blog platform. I like it the way it is. My blog celebrates obsolete technology, along with silent films, old ads, etc., so a slick format would not work at all - and besides, I HATE "slick"! 

I feel pretty obsolete myself right now, and I have no way of telling how to get these features back, if it is even possible. I don't even know why they went away, except that I lost touch with Google for some unknown reason, and my son the techie had to help me get it back. The worst of it is losing my comments, but the box that comes up is now completely blank except for a "SORRY!" Hey, THEY'RE sorry? I'm sorry I even got up this morning. 

Visit Margaret's Amazon Author Page!

😻WRAP your CAT for CHRISTMAS!😻

An all-time YouTube classic, from back in the days when YouTube was all about sharing the fun. This cat must enjoy the sensation of being swaddled, but given the fact most cats love to cram their bodies into tight spaces (my 16-pounder tries to squeeze into a shoebox), it might not be as remarkable as it looks. I think getting kitty to lie down on the paper and stay there would be the easy part. They don't show the cat being released from his paper bondage, but it might be cute to plunk him under the tree like that just as everyone is coming down the stairs on Christmas morning.

Visit Margaret's Amazon Author Page!

"SMILE, PLEASE!" (Harold Lloyd has a mouse in his pants!)

Harold Lloyd could do a lot with a little (one of the definitions of genius), and completely charm an audience in the space of one minute. His physical comedy had no equal. In this delightful clip, a photographer is trying to get him to hold still as a fly lands on his nose, and a mouse runs up his pants leg. 

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MUSICAL COFFEE POT! Classic Ad for Maxwell House

This is one of those GENIUS ads for Maxwell House coffee. Along with the "cup and a half of flavor", this one was unforgettable, with those simple, effective visuals, the warm voiceover, and the coffee-perk tune on the woodblocks. 

Visit Margaret's Amazon Author Page!

JOKERMAN

 

Jokerman

Standing on the water, casting your bread

While the eyes of the idol with the iron head are glowing

Distant ships sailing into the mist

You were born with a snake in both of your fists while a hurricane was blowing

Freedom just around the corner for you

But with truth so far off, what good will it do.

Jokerman dance to the nightingale tune

Bird fly high by the light of the moon

Oh, oh, oh, Jokerman.

So swiftly the sun sets in the sky

You rise up and say goodbye to no one

Fools rush in where angels fear to tread

Both of their futures, so full of dread, you don't show one

Shedding off one more layer of skin

Keeping one step ahead of the persecutor within.

Jokerman dance to the nightingale tune

Bird fly high by the light of the moon

Oh, oh, oh, Jokerman.

You're a man of the mountains, you can walk on the clouds

Manipulator of crowds, you're a dream twister

You're going to Sodom and Gomorrah

But what do you care ? Ain't nobody there would want marry your sister

Friend to the martyr, a friend to the woman of shame

You look into the fiery furnace, see the rich man without any name.

Jokerman dance to the nightingale tune

Bird fly high by the light of the moon

Oh, oh, oh, Jokerman.

Well, the Book of Leviticus and Deuteronomy

The law of the jungle and the sea are your only teachers

In the smoke of the twilight on a milk-white steed

Michelangelo indeed could've carved out your features

Resting in the fields, far from the turbulent space

Half asleep near the stars with a small dog licking your face.

Jokerman dance to the nightingale tune

Bird fly high by the light of the moon

Oh, oh, oh, Jokerman.

Well, the rifleman's stalking the sick and the lame

Preacherman seeks the same, who'll get there first is uncertain

Nightsticks and water cannons, tear gas, padlocks

Molotov cocktails and rocks behind every curtain

False-hearted judges dying in the webs that they spin

Only a matter of time 'til the night comes stepping in.

Jokerman dance to the nightingale tune

Bird fly high by the light of the moon

Oh, oh, oh, Jokerman.

It's a shadowy world, skies are slippery gray

A woman just gave birth to a prince today and dressed him in scarlet

He'll put the priest in his pocket, put the blade to the heat

Take the motherless children off the street

And place them at the feet of a harlot

Oh, Jokerman, you know what he wants

Oh, Jokerman, you don't show any response.

Jokerman dance to the nightingale tune

Bird fly high by the light of the moon

Oh, oh, oh, Jokerman

Visit Margaret's Amazon Author Page!

Soldier of Fortune: The Ballad of Paladin

Paladin, Paladin, where do you roam? One of the coolest things about Have Gun Will Travel is the end theme, sung by someone named Johnny Western. In the first season the theme consisted of only the first four lines, later expanded, the credits rolling while Richard Boone ambles into the frame on a horse, does that thing with his hat, and then saunters into the distance. 

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"Get down on your knees and BEG!" Paladin lays it on the line

Have Gun Will Travel was not only the coolest Western of the 1960s, but one of the coolest TV shows of all time. The rugged and enigmatic Richard Boone had a certain gravitas, a "thing" he did with his hat which was a signature move, and a way of ambling along with his horse on a loose rein. He was so charismatic that we almost forgot that he was actually a hit man, a hired gun and bounty hunter who was incredibly selfish and egotistical. But OH, he had style! From his ruffled shirts and his quotations of poetry, he was a ladies' man, but in the inevitable final shootout he was as alpha male as they come.

I was delighted to discover that this stark four-note theme was composed by none other than my favorite movie composer, Bernard Hermann, who wrote the score for Psycho, Taxi Driver, and many other classics. He says so much with so little, kind of like Paladin himself.

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"Don't flush that fish!" Man catches 67-pound goldfish

Fisherman catches 67-pound goldfish

Taylor Nicioli, CNN • Updated 23rd November 2022

Angler Andy Hackett lands one of the world's biggest goldfish ever caught. The gigantic orange specimen, aptly nicknamed The Carrot, weighed a whopping 67 pounds, 4 ounces.

(CNN) — Here's a fisherman's story that's no tall tale.

After a 25-minute battle, UK angler Andy Hackett caught a colossal carp, nicknamed "The Carrot," that weighed in at a staggering 67 pounds, 4 ounces (30 kilograms). The giant fish is believed to be the second largest of her type ever to be caught, according to BlueWater Lakes, the fishery in France's Champagne region where the giant lives.

With its striking orange color, the massive goldfish-like creature easily stands out as it swims below the water's surface. The Carrot, however, has proven to be a challenge to catch. Hackett landed the prized fish, a hybrid of a leather carp and a koi carp, on November 3 while visiting the lake site.

"With normal fish, you struggle to see them if they're just under the surface, but The Carrot is obviously bright orange so you can't miss it," Hackett told BBC. "It's a much sought-after fish, not many people have caught it, it's quite elusive."

BlueWater Lakes provides anglers with a private spot to try a hand at pulling in one of its many fish weighing over 50 pounds (22.7 kilograms) — and some even over 90 pounds (40 kilograms).

"We put The Carrot in about 20 years ago as something different for the customers to fish for. Since then it has grown and grown but it doesn't often come out," fishery manager Jason Cowler told the Daily Mail. "It's not the biggest resident in the lake, but by far the most outstanding."

After Hackett pulled in Carrot and had her weighed, she was released back into the lake. The fishery has a "no retention" rule put in place, so anglers never carry the fish onto land. The BlueWater team also noted on its Facebook page that the fish are treated for any injuries before their prompt release back into the water.

The fishery has monitored Carrot's growth fairly often, as she was pulled in nine times by fishermen last season. After breaking the 60-pound (27-kilogram) mark for the first time in February, the carp swam free for nine months until Hackett reeled her in.

The average domestic goldfish weighs less than a pound, but the species can reach much bigger proportions in varying circumstances. If given lots of space, with the proper diet and water conditions, carp species, including goldfish and koi, have the potential for a large amount of growth, which explains Carrot's impressive size.

Often the largest found goldfish are unwanted pets that have been released into the wild by their owners. Discarded animals can negatively impact the delicate balance of a natural habitat. Invasive, football-size goldfish were found in a lake in Burnsville, Minnesota, in July 2021, resulting in city officials pleading with residents to not release their aquatic pets into the lake, as they could harm the local environment.

"A 70-pound carp is a really big, impressive fish," said Dr. Zeb Hogan, research biologist at the University of Nevada, Reno, and former host of the "Monster Fish" show on the National Geographic Channel. "There are actually different kinds of carp that are relatives of goldfish, that get really big, that are found in Europe and Asia — some of which can get up to about 500 pounds."

The growth seen in these hefty fish is referred to as indeterminate growth, a condition in which animals grow rapidly when young and continue to increase in size after reaching adulthood, according to Hogan.

"They just keep growing, the longer that they live," Hogan said. "It'll just keep growing and getting bigger, and maybe in a few years someone else will catch it and it'll be even bigger."

The fishery team said on Facebook that Carrot is "in excellent health and condition," and could even live for another 15 years or more. "Long may her stardom continue," the team added.

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