Perhaps she's ill . . . perhaps she's only "nervous"

"NERVES" Hasten the Coming of "CROWS FEET"

Nervous Women are the First to Lose their Youth and Charm

Leading beauty experts agree that overstrained "NERVES" do more to bring the lines of age to the face and ruin a woman's beauty and complexion than any other cause. When your "NERVES" get beyond control, your beauty vanishes - charm fades - and "crow's feet" and other age lines creep into your face. Headaches, Sleeplessness, Neuralgia, Dyspepsia and similar troubles are frequently caused by overstrained nerves. Any woman who is nervous, blue or irritable soon loses her attractiveness and begins to look old. Don't neglect your "NERVES" if you want to keep your youth and charm. Whenever you feel nervous - 

Quiet Your Nerves This Delightful Way

Just drop a Dr. Miles Effervescent NERVINE tablet into a glass of water and as it bubbles up like sparkling spring water - drink it. See how promptly it soothes and calms you. You'll like the pleasant, refreshing, relief, this delightful drink gives. Get a large package of Dr. Miles' Effervescent NERVINE Tablets at any drug store for $1.00. If they do not give you satisfactory relief, go to the druggist and get your dollar back.

Perhaps she’s ILL. . . Perhaps she’s only NERVOUS

After childbirth, many years ago, I was very nervous and could not sleep nights. My husband got me a bottle of Dr. Miles Nervine. I took one dose and went to sleep. When I woke up next morning, I felt much better. I continued to take nervine until I felt as well as ever.  Mrs. Bedfell

The night you dread re those nights when you are free from pain yet cannot sleep. You toss and tumble; minutes seem like hours; you brood over real or fancied mistakes; instead of a delightful drowsy feeling, each minute finds you more “keyed-up” and wakeful. Next day you are dull and restless. Your eyes burn and your head aches.

Try Dr. Miles Nervine when you are Restless or Cranky, when you can’t Sleep, or have Nervous Indigestion or Nervous Headache.

Get Dr. Miles Nervine at any drug store.

Small package – 25 cents

Large package - $1.00

Dr. Miles Nervine

Liquid or Effervescent Tablets

HE USED TO THROW DISHES AT HIS NURSE

During four months in the hospital, I became so nervous and irritable that I often threw dishes at the Nurse.

He is not nearly so irritable since he started to use DR. MILES NERVINE. Outbursts of temper are, more often than not, caused by "NERVES". The nervous man or woman is a nuisance, not only to himself, but to all with whom he comes in contact.

Tense nerves cause - 

Sleeplessness, Nervous Irritability, Nervous Headache, Nervous Indigestion.

You can't do effective work when you are nervous. You can't enjoy yourself and you are no addition to a party.

DR. MILES NERVINE (Liquid  or Effervescent Tablets) is not habit-forming and does not depress the heart.

Why don't you try it? Your money will be refunded if you are not entirely satisfied with the results.

DR. MILES NERVINE

THE CURE IS IMMEDIATE: patent medicine in the 1800s

The greatest flesh producer of the age

I have nothing to say about this, except that if this pill were available now and did the OPPOSITE of what it was supposed to do, it would be selling millions, if not billions of bottles online. There must have been a lot of skinny people back in the days of patent medicine. Being beefy (forgive the pun) and filled-out was the desirable thing, perhaps to dispel the horror of an untreatable, wasting sickness like cancer or tuberculosis. Then you'd at least have "flesh" to live on. 
"Rounds out the figure and gives strength to the whole system" is the giveaway.

Sex in a can (or, the Secret of Married Love)

After yesterday's extremely depressing fiction, which I only left up because I am sure nobody will want to read it, let's once again return to the land of Ha, Ha, Ha.

Every once in a while I dig one of these up: magazine ads that, while they seemed unremarkable then, now strike us as either ludicrous or downright dangerous.  Many of them originally appeared in vintage comic books - OK, vintage NOW, but then they were brand new, and pretty hot stuff, let me tell you.

As a kid, I wanted to send away for "100 Dolls for $1", "Grog Grows Own Tail", onion gum ("tastes like. . . like. . . onions! It's too funny!"), and the little monkey who sat in a teacup and plaintively asked, "Will you give me a home?" I never had enough saved up to send away for anything, I didn't have American money, plus for some reason I thought my parents wouldn't like me doing it (in particular the monkey).

But these ads still hold power and sway over me. Some of these go much farther back than the early '60s versions I saw when we stayed at the cottage in the summer and my brother and I read the Jimmy Olsen Annual.

Jimmy Olsen was nearly as potent as the sand, the lapping lake, the bullfrogs, and all the magic of being let off the leash for a couple of weeks every year. We consumed him eagerly, along with burnt marshmallows and enormous porterhouse steaks eaten with practically no vegetables.

I remember going to the back of the comic book first. Strange child, I was. "Look at this. Onion gum. I'm going to get it."

There are so many of these ads, hundreds, thousands, that I finally had to pick a general category: Health and Wellbeing. These include some very ancient remedies that would probably send you to the morgue if you actually tried them.

 

 

What startles me is that nobody saw anything wrong with this.

 

 

 

Why does he have a giant shrimp behind his head (or is that the cure)?

 

Three guesses who this steroid-inflated hunk is. (Hint: he had an illegitimate child with his maid, and his initials are M. U. D.)

I'm happy for them. (But what's the Lard Information Council?)

 

 #1 Cure for obesity:  cigarettes!

There's a disgusting story - sorry, I just have to tell you this - claiming that opera superstar Maria Callas discovered this painless reducing method and lost a ton of weight, but one day when she was sitting in the bathtub, something green and slimy began to "emerge". That's all I want to tell you.

.

 

 

 

 

Ball cozy. Purpose unknown.

                                                                

 

Note they call it "periodic pain", which must have something to do with the Periodic Table of Elements. There's a version of this ad still on TV: the "poor Sue!" one, where she's out gleefully shopping her period away. The product is now called Midex or Midexatron or something, but it's probably the same stuff.

That bulge??

 

Oh, THAT bulge.

 

 

 

And here it is, that mysterious secret of marital happiness. It appears to come in a spray can and only costs 98 cents. A lot cheaper than a divorce.