Men have been shot for less than that!

Uninspired, and feeling more than a little sick, I've dredged up some good vintage ads from the million-and-one sites that post them. Years ago I remembered a lot of those bizarre old comic book ads, but when I talked about them people looked at me like I was crazy. Turns out I was right (you bastards!) This one needs no comment.

This one is, somehow, related. It's an old one, but no stranger than the foot-pumped vibrators doctors used to induce "paroxysm" (orgasm) in "hysterical" women. Before that, they used their fingers. Reminds me a bit of Marvel the Mustang.

I plan to get one of these.

See, I told you the moon landing never happened!

How ARE they, anyway?

Some say this one is a hoax, but I wonder. It might make a hit way down south, where Mountain Dew is the drug of choice for the under-six set.

Handy for those suicidal impulses.

I remember these ads for Midol, used for "periodic pain" which I never quite understood. Did this relate to the periodic table of elements? I am posting two of these because the hair styles are just too gorgeous to omit. The backcombing is pure art.

Self-explanatory.

Ummm. . . 

Just what is the groom going to DO with this?

TOM: Skip the wise-cracks, funny man! I like these "Stretchy-Seat" Munsingwear SKIT-Shorts . . . brief, airy, plus a little support. They stretch up and down. And how come you're so modest. . . you with a pair of nothing-muches right out of the little boys' department?

AL: I resent those words. . . speaking for Munsingwear, and myself, too. These SKIT-Trunks give me everything you've got, including that Munsingwear masterpiece, the exclusive "Stretchy-Seat". . . plus the extra leg-inches that I like.

TOM: Well, I'll ride right over you with this. It's Munsingwear's SKIT-Shirt, and a better shirt was never made. Fits like my skin, and gives with every move, with bottom shaped to avoid bulk.

AL: Mine's the same, too. It's a Munsingwear SKIT-Winger with crew neck. Wear it solo for sport, inside for business. Protects underarm of outer shirt, a go-getter for blotting up perspiration.

"It's the Stretchy-Seat!"

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The continuing saga of the Munsingwear Men

HOME FRONT: The only thing well-knit about you, muscle man, is your underwear! The way that outfit clings to even your hideous frame is a tribute to the maker, Munsingwear?

MUSCLES: Sure it's Munsingwer. Nothing lesls is fit to grace the manly beauty of this grizzled vet. It's knit for fit and easy give and. . . say! Where'd you get that playboy suit you're wearin'?

HOME FRONT: Who's wearing a playboy suit? Why, you beautiful hunk of look, can I help it if I look fetching in these stylish Munsingwear "Slumberalls"? Can't be beat for all-knit, all-night comfort and head-to-toe warmth.

MUSCLES: Okay, my over-age destroyer. Now let's get down to fundamentals. . . like Munsingwear's "STRETCHY-SEAT". Pipe the way this boon to mankind brings up the rear. No creep, no crawl, no bind. Is it any wonder they say. . . wear Munsingwear. . . and have that well-knit look?

The seat alone is worth the price of admission. MUNSINGWEAR STRETCHY-SEAT underwear for men

"IT STRETCHES"

The continuing saga of the Mungsingwear Men!

You truly can't make this stuff up. At a time when homosexuality was persecuted and kept hidden, a major underwear company ran ads like this. There are too many to count, and I keep finding new ones, so I can't put them all in one post (but there are lots more on this one):

http://margaretgunnng.blogspot.ca/2014/02/the-stretchy-seat-paradox.html

All are heavily suggestive, from the dominant/submissive body postures to the titillating captions. In this one, the men are actually touching each other.

How did this ever get through? Was it a case of "oh, surely not"? Was it the same syndrome that allowed comedy teams like Martin and Lewis/Danny Kaye and Bing Crosby to "pass", with no one even thinking there might be more going on?

Just try that now.

Does that mean things are MORE repressive now? In a way, yes. If you ran this ad today, it would provoke howls of laughter. The homosexual connection would be obvious.

Every time I see one of these, my jaw drops. There should be a Munsingwear Hall of Fame. Behind all that joshing around is a passion for men's briefs so sizzling it fairly jumps off the page.

The "stretchy-seat" paradox

There's this weird, oh, I don't know, thing. This paradox. We generally assume, most of us, that being gay in the 1950s was horribly stigmatized, even persecuted, something you had to scrupulously hide in case you were "found out".

You had to be "manly", meaning devoid of any sort of attraction to your own sex. The pressure was enormous. You had to line yourself up with movie stars like Rock Hudson (oops) and Raymond Burr (double-oops), who were then believed to be rampantly heterosexual.

SO WHAT'S THIS SHIT ALL ABOUT?

These are men's underwear ads, presumably from the 1950s, in which men are in such blatantly homoerotic positions that it just makes you wonder. Is this just  "oh, surely not", or a "hey, they're just joshing around" kind of thing?

But think about it. Back then we had male comedy teams like Martin and Lewis, Bob Hope and Bing Crosby. (Crosby and Danny Kaye, later "outed" as gay, even appeared in drag in White Christmas.) We had singing duos who came on Ed Sullivan - what the hell was the name of that duo? I'll have to look it up AGAIN, even though I've looked it up 27 times before. (Sandler and Young.)

But none of them appeared in these kinds of poses, like the one below, with the guy on the left just waiting to be serviced by the other guy, who seems to be getting down on his knees. This ad must have been designed by somebody like Sal Romano from Mad Men, who had to sublimate his illicit passions into his artwork.

Maybe people were gay-blind then. Or they are now, when looking back. Surely it meant something else to bandy about terms like "stretchy-seat"? We just assume everybody was clean-cut and devoid of any non-Doris-Day-humping impulses back then. In fact, if these ads are any indication, it looks like there was lots of very public boy-on-boy action going on, and it was considered completely OK. Stuff that today would make people squirm.

Like this.

These are ads for a sort of one-piece spandex jumpsuit/panty-girdle for men, with legs in it. Presumably there was a fly in them somewhere (there's some mention of a horizontal fly, a bizarre concept if ever there was one, reminding me for some reason of a sideways vagina), or maybe you just wriggled them down like women did. They had a patented "stretchy-seat" in them (no kidding!) that presumably gave a little testicular support during spontaneous wrestling matches on the living room floor. This was strong enough to contain the most explosive fart, and could not (presumably) be penetrated from the outside. I don't know if the one-piece "union suit" design ever caught on - it's hard to believe that a man would render himself that inaccessible, unless dry humping was the preferred method.

(Transcript of dialogue)

"Old Flappy-Pants-Pappy Himself!"

Pete: Can the comedy, will you? These suit me, and I like 'em. . . get it? They're Munsingwear "BREEX". They're bias-cut, with as much room and comfort behind as anybody needs. . . and what about that stingy little number you got on?

Mac: Stingy, my eye! You mean streamlined, modern. . . what a getting-around guy needs. Munsingwear, too. . . these SKIT-Shorts, with the new, easy "Stretchy-Seat" that stretches up and down.

(Transcript of dialogue)

Fred:  Gladiator! Stick to your putting! Nothing could be more comfortable than these SKIT-Trunks! They're brief enough. . . without making you look as if you'd joined a nudist colony!

Pete: Oh, yeah? Well. . . next to my skin I like air. Look at the leg-room here! And these give mild support, too!

It's strange, because I can't imagine the gayest man in the world (Elton John?) discussing "leg-room" and "mild support" (not to mention "stretchy-seat") with ANYONE, even the cutest pool-boy in the world. It's just so. . . not even gay - it's something else - just. . . disturbing.

Yet it's obvious it isn't meant to be gay. I mean, they wouldn't. I mean. . . would they?

I swear, this guy's butt looks like something out of an old Playtex girdle ad from the 1960s. Unless he has a thigh problem, and men don't usually have cellulite, I just don't get the shorts-like design of these. In fact I don't see how ANYONE could wear one of these, except maybe Ed Wood in his Glen or Glenda phase. He might get in a car accident, after all, and the doctor pronouncing him dead would see it.

http://margaretgunnng.blogspot.ca/2013/04/the-glass-character-synopsis.html

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