Showing posts with label Robin Williams. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Robin Williams. Show all posts

Thursday, August 14, 2014

Robin and Terry: the two




All morning, still in mourning, still unable to figure it out, but I found this lovely photo of two of the greatest, craziest geniuses of our time. No doubt understood each other better because of it.

I cannot believe it, but no one on Facebook is saying anything about the fact that Robin Williams was coping with a Parkinson's diagnosis when he died. Already he was showing the wasting and masked face that come with it, indicating it may have been progressing very quickly. And oh, imagine a man like that imprisoned in his own body, unable to speak. Did he do this while he still could?

Some time later today, DUH, someone might say GEE, there's a thing on the news on Robin Williams! But by then I will have sunk pretty deep, and felt pretty much alone.



Wednesday, August 13, 2014

I wasn't going to write about Robin Williams




. . . because I did so already, angrily, because waste makes me angry, as does grief . . . because I wrote something last night that was so off-the-wall and extreme that I deleted it this morning. . . because I have some sort of medical thing that has me in extreme and excruciating pain in waves, so I tell myself, soon be over. . . soon be over. . . 

I had a thought. Everyone's having thoughts about these things now, because there it is, out in the open. It isn't just his endless need or requirement to be entertaining every second. It was the sheer volume of work, the movies, so many of them classics, back to back to back - WHO could maintain that level of intensity and not crack and drain out the bottom? That last photo of him was horrifying. He stood in the Dairy Queen, his face grey, probably twenty or thirty pounds underweight. There was no expression on his face. The staff in the Dairy Queen did not recognize him. What happened?




No one uses the term "burnout" any more. It's an expression that was popular oh, some time in the '80s, was it? It means - well, I don't need to explain what it means, do I? Frazzled wires, blown fuses, so much energy forced through the system, so far beyond its carrying capacity, that one day the whole thing blows up or melts down.

He was simply done. Or thought he was. The vessel was empty. I remember a line from Bob Dylan: "as you stare into the vacuum of his eyes". He was in the minuses now, so tapped out that you could see through him. He could walk through walls and haunt people before he was even dead.

Several times since the news, I've flipped into a frilly and frizzled state that I recognize all too well, the gaiety of grief, a mini-mania that can actually be quite enjoyable. Except that it isn't, and just under it is an exhaustion so profound that you can't begin to describe it. Times a million, and maybe you've got his plight. No one could do what he did, and then, at the very end, he couldn't either.




O Captain! My Captain! our fearful trip is done;
The ship has weather'd every rack, the prize we sought is won;
The port is near, the bells I hear, the people all exulting,
While follow eyes the steady keel, the vessel grim and daring:
But O heart! heart! heart!
O the bleeding drops of red,
Where on the deck my Captain lies,
Fallen cold and dead.
O Captain! My Captain! rise up and hear the bells;
Rise up—for you the flag is flung—for you the bugle trills;
For you bouquets and ribbon'd wreaths—for you the shores a-crowding;
For you they call, the swaying mass, their eager faces turning;
Here captain! dear father!
This arm beneath your head;
It is some dream that on the deck,
You've fallen cold and dead.
My Captain does not answer, his lips are pale and still;
My father does not feel my arm, he has no pulse nor will;
The ship is anchor'd safe and sound, its voyage closed and done;
From fearful trip, the victor ship, comes in with object won;
Exult, O shores, and ring, O bells!
But I, with mournful tread,
Walk the deck my captain lies,
Fallen cold and dead.





Monday, August 11, 2014

The cure for depression


 The Cure for Depression

(or: “Can’t you just. . . ?”)







NOTE. Whenever mental illness pushes its way to the public forefront, a thing we all seem to want to shove back as hard as possible, for one brief shining moment people have all sorts of good intentions about being sensitive, being compassionate, listening, etc. I am here to tell you that it is ALL BULLSHIT and that practically NO ONE practices any of it. Instead, the depressed person is bossed around, due to the non-depressed person's primal terror of their friend's perceived weakness and loss of control. When Robin Williams destroyed himself, I saw things on Facebook that made me want to howl: "Oh well, he was just a whack job anyway. It was only a matter of time." Our free use of terms like "nut job" and "whacko" reveal the horror and contempt we feel for anyone suffering from ANY form of mental illness.(At the same time, we mouth certain pre-recorded words such as, "We need to reduce the stigma around mental illness.") As with the Black Plague, we fear contagion. We'd rather put these people in the stocks in the public square and throw rotten apples at them. But since that is "uncivilized", instead we tell them "helpful" things like the following - and it is, of course, all for their own good.



“It’s all in your mind.”

“You just need to give yourself a good swift kick in the rear.”

“No one ever said life was fair.”


“I think you enjoy wallowing in it."

"Depression is a choice, you know."


“Pull yourself up by your bootstraps.”


“Stop feeling sorry for yourself.”





"There are a lot of people worse off than you.”


“But it’s a beautiful day!”


“You have so many things to be thankful for!”


“You just want attention.”


“Happiness is a choice, you know.”

"Just read this book. It'll fix you right up."


“Everything happens for a reason.”





“There is always somebody worse off than you are.”


“You should get off all those pills.”


“You are what you think you are.”


“Cheer up!”

“Have you been praying/reading your Bible?”

"People who meditate don't get depressed."


“You need to get out more.”






"Don't you have a sense of humour?"


“Most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.”


“Get a job!”


“Smile and the world smiles with you, cry and you cry alone.”

"Just read this book. It'll fix you right up."


“But you don’t look depressed. You seem fine to me.”


“You can do anything you want if you just set your mind to it.”








“Snap out of it, will you? You  have no reason to feel this way.”


“I wish I had the luxury of being depressed.”


“That which does not kill us makes us stronger.”

"Just read this book. It'll fix you right up."

"Do you want your family to suffer along with you?"


“Can't you at least make an effort?"







“Believe me, I know exactly how you feel. I was depressed once for several 

days.”


“Turn it over to your Higher Power.”


“I think your depression is a way of punishing us.”


“So, you’re depressed. Aren’t you always?”


“You’re always so negative! Look on the bright side.”



“What you need is some real tragedy in your life to give you perspective.”


“You’re a writer, aren’t you? Just think of all the good material you’re getting 

out of this.”


“Have you tried camomile tea?”

"I TOLD you to read that book."





“Go out and help someone who is worse off than you and you won’t have time

 to brood.”


“You have to take up your bed and carry on.”

“Well, we all have our crosses to bear.”

"I was depressed until I tried yoga."


“You don’t like feeling that way? Change it!"


Robin, we hardly knew you



Suicide a risk even for beloved characters like Williams


That a "universally beloved" entertainer like Robin WIlliams could commit suicide "speaks to the power of psychiatric illness," mental health experts say.
Robin Williams, who died Monday at age 63, had some of the risk factors for suicide: He was known to have bipolar disorder, depression and drug abuse problems, said Julie Cerel, a psychologist and board chair of American Association of Suicidology.
People who are severely depressed can't see past their failures, even if they've been as successful as Williams.
"With depression, people just forget," said Cerel, also an associate professor at the University of Kentucky. "They get so consumed by the depression and by the feelings of not being worthy that they forget all the wonderful things in their lives."
They feel like a burden on their family and that the world would be better off without them.
"Having depression and being in a suicidal state twists reality. It doesn't matter if someone has a wife or is well loved," Cerel said.
Williams was certainly beloved, as shown by the outpouring of grief and sympathy on social media outlets last night.
Ken Duckworth, medical director of the National Alliance on Mental Illness, agrees the impact is "shocking" when it involves a "universally loved character" like WIlliams.
He caught the news while watching TV with his children. "They all said, 'Nooo, not Robin Williams.'" It's hard to hear that successful people like Williams, who was a genius of comedy, could also have this vulnerability, Duckworth said. "You'd like to think they're immune from the heartache and suffering of mental illness and that isn't true."
"It speaks to the need for better treatments and the need for society to be more welcoming to people who have these conditions," he said.
About 90% of people who commit suicide have some kind of psychiatric illness that's typically untreated or "undertreated," he said.
Cerel said the impact of suicide ripples far beyond immediate family members.
"Friends, people in our social network, even when it's people on TV, it really affects us all," she said. "Even though most of us don't know him directly, he's someone who's entertained us, and (his death) will have an effect on us and will make us think of others who've died."
The fact that someone as successful as Williams could kill himself shows that suicide is "not about objective markers of happiness and success," said Dost Ongur, an associate professor of psychiatry at Harvard Medical School and chief of the psychotic disorders division at McLean Hospital outside of Boston.
The deep psychic pain that drove Williams to suicide, "must have been part of his experience all along," Ongur said. "It was part and parcel of his gregarious, funny, so intelligent, so special outward persona – but on the inside it seems like it wasn't always happiness."
In addition to previous problems with mental illness, Williams was also in a demographic that is particularly vulnerable to suicide, Ongur said.
White, middle-aged men with medical problems are at the highest risk for suicide, he said. It's not entirely clear why that is, but Ongur said "this idea of control and virility and being able to deal with the world in a certain way – as that starts to slip away, there's often a sense of loss of control and threat to one's manhood, and that seems to be associated with higher rates of suicide."
Although depression can last for years, suicidal thinking is "a temporary state of mind and it will pass," Ongur said. If someone is deterred from a suicide attempt, they are likely to get over their urge to kill themselves, he said, so it is crucial that people who are suicidal get help.
Advocates for people with mental illness say they hope Williams' death will motivate more people to get help for depression, and spur the USA to treat suicide as a public health crisis. Suicide claims more than 38,000 American lives each year -- more than the number killed by car accidents, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention -- and the rate hasn't budged in decades, says Jeffrey Lieberman, professor and chairman of psychiatry at New York's Columbia University College of Physicians and Surgeons
"We know what to do to prevent suicide," Liebeman says. "We just don't do it."
Williams could put a human face on a problem that often gets little attention, Lieberman says.
"He was such a charismatic and beloved figure, that if his death can galvanize our society to act instead of just grieve, it will be a fitting memorial to him."