A fine bromance

A fine romance, my good fellow
You take romance, I'll take jello
You're calmer than the seals in the Arctic Ocean
At least they flap their fins to express emotion

A fine romance with no quarrels
With no insults, and all morals
I've never mussed the crease
In your blue serge pants,
I never get the chance, this is a fine romance!

A fine romance, with no kisses
A find romance, my friend this is
To lack half the thrills that a healthy crime has
We don't have half the thrills
That the march of time has

A fine romance, with no clinches
A fine romance, with no flinches
You're just as hard to land as the Ille de France
I haven't got a chance

My heart isn't made of plastic
You're too sarcastic,
This is a fine romance!