Tuesday, February 7, 2017

Triumph of the Will: as seen by Busby Berkeley





Come out, come out, come out and get your lovin'
Now don't you keep me in suspense
Come on, come on, we'll do our turtledovin'
Sittin' on a backyard fence

Come on, come on,
The little stars are peekin'
They're waiting for you to commence
Uh-huh, uh-huh, I kind of thought I'd weaken
Sittin' on a backyard fence






It may be just another little backyard alley
Off the avenue
But I can see a willow tree, a moonlit valley
In the dreams I share with you

Meow, meow, the kitty cat is cooin'
He shows a lot of common sense
He knows, he knows, there's always something doin'
Sittin' on a backyard fence!






This is only one of my favorite numbers from Footlight Parade, a classic Busby Berkeley musical from 1933. Pre-code, obviously, though this number is extremely mild compared to the hilariously charming Honeymoon Hotel, in which almost every line is full of double-entendres. But the tune is so lighthearted and the players so delightfully comedic that they get away with it. I can't find a whole version of HH, so can't post it here, and lyrics alone don't begin to get it. This little cat number, much simpler than the other three Berkeley blockbusters in this film, is a sort of warmup for the orgasmic bliss of the movie's last half-hour. And believe me, it IS orgasmic, even though I've had a few revelations about Berkeley lately that have opened my eyes.

I've seen his choreography, of course - anyone who likes old movies has, and my impression of it was always "classy kitsch". But then I couldn't help but notice the grace and precision of his dancers as they played phony violins or pianos in exact unison, or performed water ballet so perfectly synchronized it was a little bit frightening.






It IS a little bit frightening to see all this intentional, mass uniformity, and it fascinated me to find out a bit about Berkeley's background. He wasn't a dancer or a choreographer at all, wasn't even in show business. He was a drill sergeant in the army during World War I, an expert at forming precise military patterns with human bodies. This was some sort of mad genius drill sergeant, of course, and some of his visions are much darker than I realized.

I've just sent away to Amazon for a boxed set with some of his best-known stuff in it, but the one I'm looking forward to the most is Gold Diggers of 1935. His version of Lullaby of Broadway is so spooky that it's hard to see it as part of a musical at all. It's almost like a horror movie, with the singer's face starting as a tiny white dot in the middle of total blackness. Then like some toxic death-lily it gradually blooms and blooms until it dominates the screen in a way that is nothing short of macabre.




The dancing in this number is not like normal dancing, believe me. This isn't tap. I don't know what it is, but it includes aggressive arm-thrusting movements that at first look weird, then violent, then - like something out of the Third Reich. I am not exaggerating.

Hitler was well on his way by 1935, as was Leni Riefenstahl, chronichler of Hitler's rise in the infamous propoganda film, Triumph of the Will. But I was astonished to learn that, fascist as his choreography looked, it was not Berkeley who was influenced by Riefenstahl.

It was the other way around. Riefenstahl idolized American film, and American musicals in particular. She could not have failed to be dazzled by a choreographer who could get a couple hundred identical human beings to move around a stage in exact unison.








Berkeley didn't have a happy life. He married and divorced six times, killed three people in a drunken car accident, and at least once tried to commit suicide. For all that, he lived to be 80 years old. Such longevity is not always a great blessing in a person like that.

But he left these weird artifacts with their disturbing overtones. This little backyard fence number is nothing - except for a dwarf running around in a bizarre rat costume, and the inexplicably weird "thing" that Ruby Keeler rises out of and  dances around, a leering, winking, open-mouthed something that might be the moon, or something else.





KILL THEM!






I wanted to make an animation with that horrible little symbol on the "kill them!" notice that I keep getting. Though I've had it explained to me over and over, I still do not understand what "kill them" means. Do they mean "delete"? Why not SAY "delete"? If a page is unresponsive, WHY delete it in the first place? So I assumed "kill them" meant to nuke them absolutely, to wipe them off the face of the earth as if they had never existed. I could see a miniature mushroom cloud rising from my Facebook page and my blog (nurtured along for SEVEN years now!). I would be left with nothing but blankness, a terrible void. And I didn't even DO anything.





Well, what else COULD "kill them" mean? It had to mean wiping them out completely, or they would not call it that. And why, when the page's only crime was being "unresponsive"? I've gone on various sites that supposedly explained the "kill them" notice, and all they do is repeat, "if it's unresponsive, kill the page". There is software that keeps the notice from coming up that you can buy. But if you hit the wrong button - 

What happens??

As with almost everything else to do with computers, you're supposed to already know.They talk over your head in glib jargon that makes you feel like a pile of ignorant shit in seconds.

I am still convinced that if you hit the wrong button, you are screwed. You will no longer have any trace of existence on Facebook, your blog or anywhere else. You will have "killed" the page or pages. 





OK then, if it isn't that, explain it to me! In English! Don't just say, "well then, kill the file", expecting me to KNOW what it means, and whether or not I can bring it back from the dead!
But dead means dead. Doesn't it?

My animation is the usual jumping-up-and-down-on-each-other thing, but it's hard to do anything else with such a hideous malformation. When I first saw this notice, I literally gasped. It was EVIL and seemed to come out of nowhere. No one else I knew had ever even heard of it. The little symbol on it scared the living hell out of me. It was a whole new definition of ugly, and menacing.

Why would would I WANT to kill my pages? Why? And if I do, can they ever be resurrected?

I don't see what else this command could mean but total and permanent annihilation. You can't just kill something or someone for a little while. Killing is forever.




Bentley's abandonment issues






Bentley is the opposite, When we're going out, he dives into his carrier and looks out at us beseechingly, as if to say, "Take me with you!" All right, not beseechingly. He just looks out at us.




Monday, February 6, 2017

Scientology: living the nightmare






Bentley hates the vacuum cleaner!










Warning: this will scare the shit out of you





This is a sound you know, but you don't know that you know it. After this, you will wish you had never heard it at all.


Bentley and bird tracks





Bentley has enough trouble figuring out snow. But what are these teeny-weeny tracks? Perhaps we have been visited by small dinosaurs.

Bentley has a very nice closeup in this one. He specializes in the sombre, liquid-eyed, enigmatic closeup.




Sunday, February 5, 2017

Two pussies in love




My latest animation. Disney it ain't - I don't know how to do 24 frames per second. This is more like stop-motion. But it took me long enough!


Thursday, February 2, 2017

Oh gee! Oh joy! He's Cupid's toy





One big yawn





The Office: a drama in 14 frames



Baby koala: cutest video I've ever seen!


Dick, Jane and Puff: killer kitten




One of my more sadistic animations. As usual, people jump and down on each other a lot. Bambi it ain't, but it was still hard for me to do. Took forever.



Pettin' in the dark: pre-Code Hollywood




Gorgeous, in a pre-Code sort of way. The "little boy" is really a dwarf named Billy Barty.


Wednesday, February 1, 2017

Girls just wanna . . .





A partial list of recent books with "girl" in the title

The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo by Stieg Larsson
Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn
Girl with a Pearl Earring by Tracy Chevalier
The Other Boleyn Girl by Philippa Gregory
The Girl on the Train by Paula Hawkins
Twenties Girl by Sophie Kinsella
The Girl of Fire and Thorns by Rae Carson
The Goose Girl by Shannon Hale






The Girl You Left Behind by Jojo Moyes
Don’t Judge A Girl by Her Cover by Ally Carter
The House Girl by Tara Conklin
The Girl with All the Gifts by M.R. Carey
This Girl by Colleen Hoover
The Windup Girl by Paulo Bacigalupi
The Girl Who Chased the Moon by Sarah Addison Allen
The Girls by Emma Cline 

Vinegar Girl by Anne Tyler 
Local Girls by Caroline Zancan 
The Second Girl by David Swinson 





All the Missing Girls by Megan Miranda
The Girl In the Ice by Robert Bryndza 
Girl In the Afternoon by Serena Burdick 
The Girls In the Garden by Lisa Jewell 
The Girl Before by Rena Olsen 
Little Girl Gone by Gerry Schmitt 
Sarong Party Girls by Cheryl Lu-Lien Tan 
Radio Girls by Sarah-Jane Stratford 
The Lost Girls by Heather Young 
Girl In the Blue Coat by Monica Hesse 
The Girl In the Red Coat by Kate Hamer 
If I Was Your Girl by Meredith Russo 
Nowhere Girl by Susan Strecke 
The Girl From the Savoy by Hazel Gaynor 





Beware That Girl by Teresa Toten 
The Crow Girl by Erik Axl Sund 
Girl In the Shadows by Gwenda Bond 
Girl Against the Universe by Paula Stokes
Girl About Town by Adam Shankman and Laura L. Sullivan
Girl In Pieces by Kathleen Glasgow 
Girl on a Plane by Miriam Moss 
The German Girl by Armando Lucas Correa 
Girls on Fire by Robin Wasserman
Girl in the Dark by Marian Pauw







MY list of books with "girl" in the title"


Girl on a Spit
Girl on a Stick
Girls! Girls! Girls!
Girls Galore
Girls in Titles
More Girls in Titles
MORE Girls in Titles
Girls in Titles Trilogy: Part Six
Title Girls
Cash-Grab Girls
Movie Adaptation Girls
Film Option Girls





Girl in the Purple Coat
Girl in the Pink Coat
Girl in the Maroon Coat
Girl in the Tartan Mackintosh
Girl in the Black Rubber Wellies
The Goose Girl
The Cow Girl
The Gorilla Girl
The Various-Species-Because-It's-So-Popular Girl





Concubine Girl
Kinkubine Girl
Slutty but Somehow Still Classy Girl
Sexual-Favors-Performing But Only To Save Her Life Girl
Girl Whose Sexual Escapades All Work Out In The End Because She Gets Married And Rich
Bondage Girl
Bandage Girl
Nurse Girl
Cursed Girl




Literary Girl
Library Girl
Galloway Girl
Ghomeshi Girl
Tie-Me-Up-And-Hit-Me-Because-I-Like-It Girl 
What's The Name of That Teddy Bear? Girl
Road Kill Girl





Never Mind Why We Need It In The Title, It Sells Books So Just Shut Up And Buy It Girl
Call Girl (Anything You Want)
The Fortune Cookie Girl
The Fortunate Cookie Girl
The Unfortunate Cookie Girl
The Girl Guide Cookie Girl
The Vaguely Asian Girl
The Blatant Exploitation Girl






The Strangely Enigmatic European Girl With Rosy Cheeks And A Weird Accent Who Turns Out To Be A Man (Not A Boy)
The Anything But WASP Because It's Boring Girl

(and oh, I'm so tired now and must lie down).

POST-POST. I must stop researching this subject, because I just keep finding dozens and dozens more. The following list may or may not be satiric. Some of them sound just plain DUMB. The Girl With the Caterpillar Eyebrows? The Girl with the Funny Buttons? Jesus. Why didn't MY books get anywhere? I guess I'm just too old to be a whore. And too honest. 

This is, by the way, only a tiny fragment of the full list. Do ALL of these sell, I wonder? They must sell a hell of a lot better than my stuff. 




The Girl Who Lived on the Moon, by Frank Delaney The Girl Who Couldn’t Smile, by Shane Dunphy The Girl Who Could Silence the Wind, by Meg Medina The Girl Who Dreamed of Ships, by Beverly Scofield The Girl Who Wears Gumamela Flower, by Heidy Ramos The Girl Who Loves Horses, by Diana Vincent The Girl Who Fished With a Worm, by Harry Groome The Girl Who Fell From the Sky, by Simon Mawer The Girl With the Dove Tattoo, by Brian D. McLaren The Girl With Hair Like the Sun, by Claire Mix and Aaron Miller The Girl With the Killer Heels, by Freddy Hansen The Girl With Borrowed Wings, by Rinsai Rossetti The Girl Who Would Be King, by Kelly Thompson The Girl Who Fell Beneath Fairyland and Led the Revels There, by Catherynne M. Valente The Girl Who Swam to Atlantis, by Elle Thornton The Girl Who Fell to Earth, by Sophia Al-Maria The Girl Who Gave Her Wish Away, by Sharon Babineau The Girl With the Golden Hair, by Greg Scarlett The Girl Who Was Blue, by Sally O. Lee The Girl With Chipmunk Hands, by Binks and Ruby Begonia The Girl Who Cried Wolf, by Robert Ferrigno The Girl With the Yellow Dress, by Giancarlo Gabbrielli The Girl With a Brave Heart, by Rita Jahanforuz and Vali Mintzi The Girl With No Name: The Incredible Story of a Child Raised by Monkeys, by Marina Chapman with Vanessa James and Lynne Barrett-Lee The Girl Who Blamed the World, by Cindy Mackey and Shirley Chiang The Girl Who Married an Eagle, by Tamar Myers The Girl With the Iron Touch, by Kady Cross The Girl With the Golden Parasol, by Uday Prakash and Jason Grunebaum The Girl Who Cried “Wolf!,” by Nancy Jensen with Nathan Swink The Girl Who Can’t Say No: Bound to the Billionaire, by Ashley Spector The Girl Who Was Supposed to Die, by April Henry The Girl Who Stole My Holocaust: A Memoir, by Noam Chayut The Girl Who Loved Camellias: The Life and Legend of Marie Duplessis, by Julie Kavanagh The Girl Who Got Out of Bed, by Betsy Childs The Girl Who Wrote Erotica, by Angela Jordan The Girl With the Funny Buttons, by Roberto Di Falco and Silvia Hoefnagels The Girl With the Caterpillar Eyebrows, by Lisa Ditchkoff The Girl Who Bit Back, by E. Earle The Girl With the Sandwich Tattoo, by Dragon Stiegsson The Girl Who Wouldn’t Brush Her Hair, by Kate Bernheimer and Jake Parker The Girl Who Heard Colors, by Marie Harris and Vanessa Brantley Newton The Girl With the Cinnamon Twist, by Stephen Dennis The Girl Who Grew a Galaxy, by Cherie Dimaline  The Girl Who Sang to the Buffalo: A Child, an Elder, and the Light From an Ancient Sky, by Kent Nerburn The Girl Who Soared Over Fairyland and Cut the Moon in Two, by Catherynne M. Valente The Girl With the Werewolf Tattoo, by Alexia Wells The Girl With the Electric Sunglasses, by G. Dawe The Girl Who Danced in a Blood Soaked Dress, by Craig Campbell The Girl With Nine Lives, by E. Earle The Girl Who Was Loved, by Annabelle Peep The Girl With the Thistle Tattoo, by Patricia Green The Girl Who Thought Too Much, by Rosa Edwards The Girl With the Pink Bandanna, by Roberto Di Falco and Silvia Hoefnagels The Girl Who Never Came Back, by Amy Cross The Girl With the Curves, by Iris Deorre



This is the way the world ends


\

A horse named Blue


Tuesday, January 31, 2017

How Scientology ruined my life





It happened again this morning.

I say "again" because it was "again", the second time I've run into this problem - a problem so bizarre that no one I've asked seems to know anything about it.

I was tooling through Facebook as usual, trying in vain to skip the ubiquitous Donald Trump articles, when bung. The thing froze, I mean Facebook. I thought: fine, it happens, I'll just wait it out, it'll unfreeze in a second.

Then.

It came up again, a warning so ominous it hit me in the pit of the stomach.

It was a little box at the top of the page, and it went something like:

WARNING. Your files are unresponsive. If you wish to wait until they are responsive again, click WAIT. If not, click KILL and the files will be KILLED.





They listed the three most recent files I had opened. At the top was my Facebook page.

There were two rather large, strange-looking buttons: on the right, a WAIT; on the left, a KILL. Beside the KILL was the most bizarre graphic ever seen: it looked like a cartoon "file" (a paper file, literally) that had been nuked and was now dead. It was lying in a heap, and its eyes were two black x's. Smoke, or something, was coming out of it.

I cannot tell you how ominous and horrible it looked.





What do you do when you see a thing like that? Everything was frozen, I couldn't get out of there. I had no idea if the "kill button" would really work if I clicked on it. I was even tempted to click on it, to find out. But I knew that it could be catastrophic.

So I clicked WAIT, and eventually the box went away and things went back to "normal", or as normal as they could be after a Facebook hijacking.

What gives me the queasies is that nobody, but nobody knows what this is. I couldn't find anything close to the nasty little "killed file" graphic. I did find some information, after some digging, about what it means to "kill" on the internet. It's not quite what I thought, fortunately. To fix it, there's some sort of program you can buy online:

A simple-to-use program that offers support for context menu integration for helping you removes files securely from the computer

File Kill is a lightweight software application that helps you delete data permanently from your computer.

If you opt for a normal deletion process, you should take into account that your sensitive data may be retrieved using recovery tools, so you are still exposed to data leakage issues.

This is why you need dedicated utilities, like File Kill, for making sure the information is wiped out securely from your system.




File Kill offers support for context menu integration, so you can easily select the files to be processed.

The file deletion process can be carried out using of the multiple pass methods (e.g. one, three, thirty-five). What’s more, you are allowed to stop, pause, or resume the wiping task.

File Kill needs up to several minutes to complete a deletion operation with a high number of passes, and it stresses up the CPU and memory, so the overall performance of the computer may be burned.

Since it doesn’t require much computer knowledge to work with this tool, even rookies can set up the dedicated parameters with minimum effort.




However, more experienced users may find it pretty inconvenient to work with a tool that doesn’t offer support for powerful deletion algorithms, such as Gutmann, which is able to securely overwrite the contents of files, and the well-known sanitization algorithm, DoD 5220.22-M, just to name a few suggestions.

To sum things up, File Kill seems to be the right choice in case you are looking for an easy-to-use program that helps you delete data securely in just a few steps. Thanks to its straightforward approach, it can be mastered by beginners and professionals alike.

Secure shredder Shred file Secure deletion Shredder Shred Erase Eraser
File Kill was reviewed by (X)
DOWNLOAD File Kill 0.8 for WindowsCHANGELOG for File Kill 0.8

TOP ALTERNATIVES FREE
Windows Installer Clean Up Utility
Autorun Eater
Direct X Eradicator
Nero General Clean Tool
Pocket Killbox

TOP ALTERNATIVES PAID

Driver Cleaner.NET
DirectX Happy Uninstall
Webroot SecureAnywhere Internet Security Plus (DISCOUNT: 50% OFF)
Powerful Cookies
Raxso Drive Magix



                                                                 "Short as Shit"

And blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. 

And oh, yes. Give me File Kill any day. It just sounds so friendly! My ass. It's about as friendly as an organized Scientology harassment campaign. The kind where they never let you see your mother again. Such terms: Autorun Eater, Direct X Eradicator! Not to mention the Pocket Killbox (nice and portable, they should do an infomercial on it for KVOS), Direct X Happy Uninstall, and Powerful Cookies. What do they put in those cookies, do you think?

I thought it was called "delete". I really did. If you wanted to get rid of something, you deleted it! Oh, the police could retrieve it if they needed to, but I didn't need to worry about that. I assumed that if it was still around, it was up in the "cloud" somewhere, wherever that is, but it didn't bother me because I had no criminal record. I'm too boring to bother with.





Now this. For the second time. And I did nothing to bring it on.

Or. . . 


I said some bad things about David Miscavige, I admit. I said he was short. REALLY short, which he is. Short as shit. Which he is! Tom Cruise is five-foot-six, and look at how he TOWERS over that little dickweed. 

He's a prick, but everybody says so. They wouldn't come after me. Would they? Would they really kill my Facebook page?





But this cannot be from Facebook. The warning even looked weird. Not Facebookian at all. And that cartoon! What a piece of shit THAT was. Is it a prank? A virus? A particularly nasty form of clickbait? Just a way to scare the jeezus out of me on a Monday morning?

I wish I had a screenshot of this thing, it was so evil you wouldn't believe it. Why would this even come up? Why would I want to kill ANYTHING, let alone my (I assume) entire Facebook page? All it did was freeze for half a minute or so. 

Stuff freezes. It doesn't mean you DID anything. 







I rebooted, but felt nervous that this could come up again. It had kept some kind of record of the other two pages I had recently gone on. But so fucking what, Google keeps records on ALL that shit! Come to that, how could you "kill" a webpage that exists, that is still there? It's not possible. 

Sounds like something the CIA might do, or Kirstie Alley or John Travolta, or someone worse. If there is anybody worse. 







ANTICLIMACTIC UPDATE. After working on it literally all day, I did finally find out what the hell this is. It's something to do with Google Chrome, not Facebook, but it's too technical for me to begin to describe.

These things are called Kill Pages, which sounds like Mafia rather than Scientology.  The thing that came up looked something like this:





That's pretty much what I remembered. I don't know why I wasn't able to find this up to now, but I may have used the wrong search terms. "Unresponsive" seemed to be the key word.

Nothing to do with Scientology. Damn! It's Google Chrome. What an anticlimax. I was pretty much right about that poor nuked file, however, the asterisk-like eyes and smoke or steam floating in the air. It's toast.

I found all sorts of instructions as to how to fix this. I'm going to ask my son. I never again want to read the instructions "KILL THEM" while I'm trying to enjoy my morning coffee and a bit of Facebook.