Don't Stay Too Fat! and other stupid Friday things

OK, Corpula. Now comes something even more strange. . .

Ew. I don't know what's more creepy: "toilet mask" or "face glove". To be Worn Three Times in the Week, it says. Just don't wear it in public, particularly not when banking.

Throw your truss away! Get cured for $15. Farmers and Teamsters. "Cured My Rupture Without Cutting". THESE HUNDRED MEN insist, but I can't see how this wouldn't hurt. 

The flesh brush might be one of those vibrator-thingies they used on Victorian women to cure their "hysteria". If it was me, I think it would CAUSE hysteria, or at least some sort of sexual spasm. But maybe that was the cure. The flesh brush sends out little pinpricks of electricity. This was seen as a cure for everything. I can't read the rest of the copy, unfortunately.

This is so great that I must transcribe it word-for-word (though I hate doing that!):

"JOY'S CIGARETTES afford immediate relief in cases of ASTHMA, WHEEZING, and WINTER COUGH, and a little perseverence will effect a permanent cure. Universally recommended by the most eminent physicians and medical authors. Agreeable to use, certain in their effects, and harmless in their action, they may be safely smoked by ladies and children."

This one is even creepier: "Comfort, health and fashion demand right physical proportions. You can reduce the flesh on your entire body, or any part, by wearing one of Dr. Jeanne Walter's famous rubber garments for men and women a few hours a day."

Sorta like this, I guess. You'd lose weight, all right, and keel over from dehydration.

This Smedley guy is "THE KING" of CURES, and claims to be able to cure just about anything with his famous Chillie Paste. I can't read the ingredients, which probably aren't listed anyway, but could this be ordinary chili pepper extract of some kind, something that merely brings a sort of glow to the skin?

Kind of like when you rub your meat.

POST-POST: It's nearly Saturday now, and here I sit. What is the purpose of life? Surely not to sit on your ass blogging at midnight. There HAS to be more to it than that. But I can't afford romantic vacations or thrilling international adventures. Such things will be forever out of my reach. 

I do like ads, though - have always liked them, and the older they are the better. As a sort of caboose to the last bunch of them, I found some extremely gruesome corset ads that nevertheless boast of "ease", "comfort" and "fit". 

Is that a cellphone in your pocket, or are you just from another dimension?

This is a little piece I borrowed from a site called Waffles at Noon (link below). Who knows where I saw the original photo, probably when I was looking fruitlessly for something else.

Though the article debunks the photo, I think they're just a bunch of killjoys who are not worthy of their waffles. But as with all these controversial/conspiracy-theory-oriented topics - you decide.

Classic Urban Legend: The Time Traveling Hipster

WAFFLES        http://wafflesatnoon.com/time-traveling-hipster/

DECEMBER 10, 2015

A photo allegedly shows a modern hipster who traveled back in time to the 1940’s. Is the photo real or fake?

The photograph has been circulating since around 2010, with suggestions that the casually-dressed man’s appearance is too modern to fit into the a 1940’s setting. Here is one caption which has circulated with the photo in 2013:

In 1940, a mysterious man was photographed in Canada wearing what seems to be modern clothing and carrying a camera. Its authenticity was proven by NTV in Russia in 2010.

Is this a man with incredibly modern style? Or evidence of time travel?

THE PHOTO

The image is not Photoshopped, and the original can be found at the Bralorne Pioneer Museum in British Columbia, Canada. The people in the photo were attending the re-opening of the South Fork Bridge in British Columbia.

CLOTHING

The logo on the “modern” shirt worn by the man in the image is probably that of the Montreal Maroons hockey team, an NHL team which existed until 1938. Thus, it would be more likely to see someone wearing that shirt in 1940 than in the 2010’s.

One would expect to see this shirt in 1940.

The man’s knitted sweater also doesn’t indicate anything out of the ordinary for the 1940’s.

THE CAMERA

The “modern” camera in the man’s hands is not clearly shown, but Kodak did produce cameras of this size at the time. Another man in the image is also holding a camera.

NTV VIDEO

The caption above is correct in stating that the photo was deemed authentic by NTV in Russia, as seen in the video below:

SUNGLASSES, AND THE ERRONEOUS STANWYCK COMPARISON

Sunglasses with side shades were common in 1940, so these would not have been unusual.

In their attempts to debunk the time traveler theory, some writers have used a photo of Barbara Stanwyck wearing sunglasses in the 1940 film Double Indemnity. If you look closely, however, the glasses are not the same. Stanwyck’s glasses are actually casting a shadow on the side of her face, which – from a distance – resemble the side shades in the sunglasses worn by the man in the 1940 photo.

Barbara Stanwyck’s sunglasses are merely casting a shadow which resemble the man’s side shades.

GOOGLE TRENDS

In chart below shows search interest in this story. As you can see, it was around December 2011 when the story first went viral online. It has had several peaks in interest since that time.

OH, FUCK THAT! WE still believe in the Hipster Time Traveller! WE still believe that such a thing is possible! WE still believe a man from 1970 (or whenever) could appear in a crowd in 1940, doing whatever! WE still believe - no, the Stanwyck thing is just too ridiculous to believe.

But this! What about this??

This is a few seconds of authentic footage taken on Blackfriars Bridge, London, around 1900. The man walking casually with his coat open, pulling his hand out of his pocket, with no hat, does not fit anyone or anything around him. Look at the people walking behind him, in their stiff Edwardian garb. People did their coats up then, and ALWAYS wore hats when outside - it was considered extremely vulgar not to. Newsboys and stableboys and prostitutes wore hats. This guy is bareheaded as he swings along, perhaps tucking something (his cellphone?) into his pocket before walking casually out of frame.

I call this the Time Traveller on Blackfriars Bridge, and I got a couple of good posts out of it back when people were still reading this blog, so why not try to get a bit more juice out of it now? On the subject of hipsters, I was going to riff on this but could only think of two hipsters in all the world:

Edward Snowden, and (of course)

Still a hipster, after all these years.

Oh, you know what? It's fake. No, I mean it isn't fake, it just isn't a hipster. Look at the guy closely. He's a 1940s Joe College sort, wearing a frayed sweater (not a hoodie, as it first appears). He has a nerdy wavy slicked-back hairdo, I mean combed straight back like nobody does, and the glasses are like the glasses of a semi-blind person. I don't know what it is about the hair of men back then - you just never see it now - it was bumpy, not curly, not even wavy really, it had these bumps, and he has them. Some day someone will figure out who he is - or was, because surely he's dead by now! End of story, don't you think?

But then again. What were all those people so eager to get a glimpse of? An alien invasion, perhaps. What else would stop traffic like that?

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Louie Louie: This really IS a dirty song!

You know, not every day is a good day. Some days are crap-ass, and this is one of those days. Not that anything bad has happened. It's just that nothing has happened AT ALL.

So I look around for things to post, but mostly they look around for me, because I'm always bumping into stuff. I found a great photo, from the 1940s I think, with a modern-day time traveller in it. No doubt a masterpiece of photoshopping, but I've seen that sort of thing before, even in films, and have posted on it (see Time Traveller on Blackfriars Bridge).

time-traveller-on-blackfriars-bridge.html

This, well. If you lived through this, and let's hope you didn't, there was a great to-do about "obscene" lyrics in the song (because the words were basically indecipherable). We used to say there was a "dirty" version and a "clean" version of  Louie Louie, but I doubt that because no one ever found any evidence. I think the whole thing was a sublime example of the mondegreen, or misheard lyric, which I recently posted about. It's possible to see things, hear things, and probably even taste and touch and smell things that aren't really there: thus Finding Bigfoot and all those ridiculous ghost-hunting TV shows. But for some reason, this seems to be particularly true of hearing things.

The urban myth that the FBI spent years pursuing an investigation of the song is true. They played it forwards and backwards, upside-down and sideways, and couldn't find anything obscene (though the Kingsmen still turned out to be one-hit wonders. Just a coincidence? I. . . DON'T. . . THINK. . . SO!) I was going to post all of the FBI's smudgy, blacked-out typewritten correspondence about this, but it bored the piss out of me, so I didn't. It's even more boring than all that blacked-out shit about Roswell.

BUT! Listen to this again, and at exactly 0:55, the drummer (having fumbled his drumstick) yells "FUCK!"

Well, it might be fuck, or it might be something else. But it's Thursday, the week is dragging ass, and it should be Friday, so here it is at last, proof that Louis Lou-EYE really IS an obscene song.

POST-IT-SCRIPT: In 1972 The Kingsmen were found at the bottom of the Hudson river wearing cement overshoes, right next to Jimmy Hoffa. Just a coincidence?

You decide.

POST-POST. Oh all right. This thing would be incomplete without at least SOME examples of the kind of bullshit that went on with the FBI or the CIA or whatever (because obviously, Louie Louie posed a serious threat to national security). The reproductions of these documents are so plug-ugly that I tried to find a way to dress them up a little, paste flowers on or turn them pink or something, but it just didn't work.

This one is obviously a complaint from a citizen sent to the FBI. J. Edgar Hoover got a lot of fan mail back then, which he enjoyed reading while dressed in women's clothing. (See related post: Was Herman Goering a Transvestite?): 

was-hermann-goering-a-transvestite-you-decide

Can y'all read this? It makes for some boring reading. But this was the kind of dirty-minded thinking that led to the fracas around Louie Louie. People were hearing whatever they wanted to hear, and whatever they wanted to hear was filthy, I tell you. . . filthy!

This is sort of like, kinda-like, what they thought they heard, or maybe some people thought they heard. I can only imagine the salacious delight of these FBI agents as they listened to the thing 500 times while drinking martinis, carefully deciphering those filthy, dirty lyrics which included such words as "girl" and "park" and "awaiting". 

But as usually happens (eventually), sanity prevailed. The FBI had to admit they couldn't make out a damn thing in those lyrics, that it was just one big mush-mouthed jumble.

We could have told them that, right from the beginning! But no, J. Edgar was having a slow day and needed a project. Should've gone out and bought a hat with a veil and a new pair of heels.

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Midlothian Man: an evolutionary throwback

Midlothian Man sees Donald Trump in bathroom floor tile

POSTED 2:24 PM, JUNE 8, 2016, BY SCOTT WISE, UPDATED AT 06:26PM, JUNE 8, 2016


MIDLOTHIAN, Va. -- Clayton Litten was sitting on his toilet, admiring his newly tiled bathroom floor when he first saw it.

"This cannot be. There's no way," Litten said when he saw the image -- "clear as day."

An image of presidential candidate Donald Trump, standing with arms folded, emerged from the tile floor.

 

VIEW GALLERY (4 IMAGES)

"What are the odds?" Litten asked. "One in a trillion?"

When Litten asked the workers remodeling his bathroom if they too saw Trump in the tile, he said they all agreed -- they saw the Donald.

"It's a perfect image of him!" Litten said.

Litten, a Republican who planned to vote for Trump this fall, said he sent the image of his floor to the Trump campaign.

He said he hoped the man himself would stop by for a visit when he arrived in town to campaign Friday.

"I have not yet heard from anyone yet," Litten said.

Workers for the company that installed the floor said people can see all sorts of images in tile, "sort of like when people see objects in clouds."

We sent the photo to the company for further analysis and will update this post when we hear back.

In the meantime, Litten, who said he was dying of lung cancer, is holding out hope that Donald Trump would see this story and pay him a visit.

Follow

WTVR CBS 6 Richmond
✔@CBS6

Do you see @realDonaldTrump in the floor tile?

I can't unsee it, thanks

No, I can't "magic eye"

No, I see Hillary

Whatever happened to that Blue's Clues guy?

Who cares? But he was pretty creepy. I only remember this vaguely from when my grandkids were toddlers, which I call the Poop n' Pampers years. Later, the Poop n' Pull-ups, then the go-sit-on-the-potty-or-I'll-kill-you years, or - etc. etc. The Blues Clues Guy drove me crazy because he shoved his face right into the camera with these big, blank, staring eyes. He's no different now, but I'll spare you the six-minute YouTube update from which I made this gif. The significant thing about the gif is the Amazing Self-Erasing Windowpane! Look closely, and you'll notice the pawprint is actually coming off BEFORE the Blue's Clues guy takes the rag to it. He should have patented this instead of going on to a failed career as a rock musician. Still, he lives in a penthouse in New York, and my guess is some very rich guy is keeping him, and they "do it" to reruns of Blue's Clues. Oh, sorry - that was a really horrible joke, but then, that was a really horrible show. Except for the self-erasing windowpane.

Didn't quite turn out the way I had hoped

 

This gif is made up of TWENTY separate images which I photoshopped onto paper, then ran as a gif sequence. Hmmm. I thought the facial  expressions would be more graduated, but they aren't. I really couldn't tell.  It took a while to do this, it was absorbing, but as with all these animations, I have no idea how they will turn out until I actually see them. 

I will admit I like the slower one better, but since these can run at any speed I want, I also did one double-time.

And here are the images! I want to post them one at a time to try to impress you with how much work this was, but the reaction would probably be, "what a stupid thing to spend your time on", or (the same thing, really) "Jeez, I wish I had time to do that sort of stuff." Waste my time on it.