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Monday, May 9, 2016
Sunday, May 8, 2016
The Secret Revealed: Amazing Weight Loss in SECONDS!
I keep thinking I've come to the bottom of the barrel of evangelical fakery, and then I find something like this. Lately I've seen hundreds, if not thousands of religious videos featuring astonishingly transparent acts of dishonesty and deception, eagerly embraced by not only the disciples shown in the videos, but by people posting in the comments section. These all seem to be of the "praise Jesus", "praise the Prophet of profit" variety. None of the comments are critical at all, and that scares me.
But no. Things are about to sink still lower. Michael will never row THIS boat ashore, because it's sitting on the bottom of the lake. Worse than useless prayer cloths mass-produced out of craft felt, more deceptive than "manna" made out of stale crackers, this guy's claims of INSTANT weight loss - I mean, dramatic weight loss that makes people's clothes fall off - are beyond astounding. They are ludicrous, but frightening at the same time. It's an example of the power of one man to bring everyone into line and get them all believing the same thing, even if the "thing" is a stupid, nonsensical act of trickery.
This is the "Prophet" Emmanuel Makandiwa and his amazing "Fat Burn" prayer rally, in which middle-aged black women (who seem to make up practically his entire audience) claim to drop multiple kilograms while standing on the scale. This miracle happens with the usual histrionics and hysteria while Makandiwa yells "shrink! Shrink!", much the way Oral Roberts used to bellow "Heal! Heal!"
Women's skirts get loose, not in minutes, but in seconds, and even fall off. The entire audience screams its approval. No one knows if these floppy-skirted women are "plants" or not; presumably they are, and the scale is obviously rigged. But no one seems to doubt this guy. Probably he has several dozen Cadillacs parked on his estate, like most of these predatory fakes.
This is my favorite! The amazing descending scale. Is this astounding weight loss permanent, one wonders, or will it fall apart once you stop praying/handing over your dollars to Big Mak?
Yes, God humiliates. He's referring to a woman whose skirt fell off from instant weight loss, but I'd be a little humiliated just to be in that audience.
Please forgive my frequent use of gifs (which sometimes take a minute or so to smooth out: they have to download or something); the video this travesty was embedded in was a long compilation, and I am sure when I post videos, very few people watch them (or at least not all of them, if you're like me). This had convenient captions, though strangely enough, the man speaks in English. Perhaps this is meant specifically for export to YouTube. There has got to be a financial pipeline in there somewhere.
"God does humiliating acts." Oh really. God?
Friday, May 6, 2016
Found, lost, and found
This spring was Paradise rediscovered: we stumbled on a place we found years ago, then lost. Then found again. It's a wildlife magnet called Piper Spit on Burnaby Lake, with a boardwalk, a huge expanse of warm shallow water, marshland for nesting, and birds.
I find birds restful and spiritually soothing. Their song seems to pour balm on the rawness in my soul. We used to have tons of them in the backyard: jays, juncos, chickadees, wrens, thrushes and nuthatches, even the odd flicker. We're not sure why they're not hanging around any more, unless it's the cat staring out the window at them. But Bentley didn't seem to scare them last year.
When we stumbled on this place again, I had a feeling I've experienced only a couple of times in my life: that I had found a sort of heaven on earth. The birds here are so tame that they walk up to you (no doubt because they've been human-fed, a practice I don't believe in, though it leads to some amazing close encounters.) Every time we go there, we see new species. I'm also posting video of our incredible encounter with two magnificent sandhill cranes. For some reason, red-winged blackbirds love the place, and I had my hand less than two inches away from one of them. Now I'm tempted to try to get one of them to eat out of my hand, which I know I shouldn't.
I need this. I always feel frazzled in my brain somewhere, and often feel I can't really express myself on this blog, so I result to satire and silliness. I hate the wildfires in Fort McMurray, I fear that we are next, and am sure we at least contributed to causing it with our brutality to nature. I feel completely powerless, and the homilies on Facebook and the "hey, get involved" exhortations ring hollow.
So I have this.
I have this, which was there all along, but we somehow never knew about it. Except that we did! We went there once, years and years ago. Then the area was closed by construction and we got distracted and never went back.
Do things happen at the right time? No, they don't. Humans impose that idea on reality, to reassure themselves that (a) we are in charge of everything, and/or (b) the Universe wraps itself around our own particular whims.
None of this is true.
But I have Piper Spit, and I have just begun to explore it. I get that strange heaven-feeling I've had maybe twice before in my life. It's an enchantment that lies very close to the source of life.
HOLY SHIT! It's those Pentecostal guys - IN 3D!
Hey, y'all! It's Friday, so I thought I'd post something idiotic that I made last night.
A few years ago, somebody came up with a Revolutionary New Idea for gifs: 3D! Basically, the figure stands there moving minutely back and forth while the background shifts slightly, and to be honest, my Grandma Smith's old stereoscope gave me a better 3D image than this.
Then came the NEW, IMPROVED 3D gif. This is being touted as a revolution in giffery, but I don't see it. I hate those white lines, for one thing. This is almost as bad as the "improved" MP4 gif with sound. Imagine a 3-second, irrelevant sound bite repeating over, and over, and over again. What people don't seem to realize is that you can watch a repeating image ad infinitum, but chunks of nonsensical sound are about as pleasant to listen to as a parrot on speed. Anyway, those lines just don't seem to do it for me, but the other night, lost in yet another late night YouTube labyrinth, I discovered. . .
PENTECOSTAL PREACHERS IN 3D!
These are every bit as primitive, and wobble back and forth just as stupidly, with lots of distortion. Distortion is what I live for. These gifs were taken from a 21-part (no kidding - each video running for half an hour) denouncement or annunciation of the Toronto Blessing, also called Holy Laughter. I've explored this phenomenon in past posts, as expressed by Kenneth Hagin and many other equally idiotic types. But as much as this gospel of lunacy has its proponents, it also has many (MANY) detractors who seem to believe that laughing and rolling around on the floor is demonic.
I think this is Kenneth Copeland, or maybe it's someone else - I think they're all interchangeable. Most of this video was shot in the mid-'90s (how I love mid-'90s video in all its flickering, grainy glory!), but the commentator, while debunking these Pentecostal practices as demonic, keeps on freezing the frame. Well, ALMOST freezing the frame. This is as frozen (speaking of!) as a frame got back then. I can't reproduce the sound here, thank God, but the debunker kept running the "speaking in tongues" (a lot of nonsensical blather) slower and slower to make out words like, "I love Satan!" "Fuck you!" and "I buried Paul!" I'm surprised he didn't play any of it backwards. Hey, The Donna Reed Show would sound demonic if you slowed it down that much.
The guy on the right is supposedly responsible for all this hell-on-earth: Rodney Howard Browne. He comes from South Africa, which is suspicious in itself, isn't it? All that voodoo. One day in the mid-'90s he showed up at the airport church in Toronto and unleashed all this rolling-on-the-floor mayhem, and soon it caught on, contagious, like some ludicrous brain-suspending religious disease.
Uhm. The freeze-frame portions of these (21!) videos were rather limited, focused mainly on the evangelists themselves. But this has got to be the strangest manifestation of the Holy Ghost I've seen.
I'm really not sure what's going on here. Dirty little secrets? Manifestations of Satan? Sweet nothings?
This one isn't quite as 3D as the others, but it gets the feeling across. This is one of the more sedate manifestations of the Toronto Blessing.
Can't you just see the Holy Ghost shining forth in this dude? . . . You can't? YOU just try making yourself appear and disappear like that.
This Toronto Blessing thing has apparently made a much-more-modest comeback, after being fiercely denounced as demonic by Christian conservatives for years and years. It has now been "rebranded" and given a new spin as Catch the Fire. There are slickly-produced videos with testimonials from fresh-faced, attractive individuals who have been paid to insist how this loony laugh-fest (now, presumably, somewhat toned-down) has changed their lives. Someone has been hired to give all this a much more sanitary spin.
But I'm not buying it. It's all the work of the Devil. In 3D.
Wednesday, May 4, 2016
WE HAVE THE PROOF: This is actually just a big ball of tin foil!!
Tennis-ball sized diamond found by Canadian firm could fetch $70M
A Sotheby's employee holds Lesedi La Rona Diamond on May 3, 2016 in New York City. (Donald Bowers / Getty Images for Sotheby's, via AP)
The Associated Press
Published Wednesday, May 4, 2016 7:07AM EDT
Last Updated Wednesday, May 4, 2016 11:48AM EDT
LONDON - A London auctioneer says a diamond the size of a tennis ball that was unearthed by a Vancouver-based mining company could sell for more than $70 million US.
Sotheby's says it will offer the Lesedi la Rona diamond in London on June 29.
The diamond was unearthed in November in Botswana at a mine owned by Lucara Diamond Corp. (TSX:LUC). It measured 1,109 carats, the second-largest gem-quality rough diamond ever discovered.
RELATED STORIES
Canadian company unearths tennis ball-sized 1,111-carat diamond
PHOTOS
An 1,111-carat diamond is shown in this undated handout photo. (Lucara Diamond Corp., Lucian Coman/THE CANADIAN PRESS)
Its name means "our light" in the Tswana language. It is the largest discovered in more than a century.
The auctioneer said Wednesday that the rough gemstone could yield the largest top-quality diamond ever cut and polished.
Last year, Lucara sold a 341.9-carat diamond of the same type for US$20.55 million.
NEWS FLASH! Weekly World News reporter Horatio von Fraudster has peeled back the myth of the Lesedi diamond once and for all. And you're not going to believe what he found. . .
11 Beautiful Japanese Words That Don't Exist In English
Image Credit: Wookmark.com
11 Beautiful Japanese Words That Don't Exist In English
Untranslatable words from Japan, the polite and nature-loving country.
Marie Sugio in Lifestyle on Feb 16, 2016
Once, when I asked my friend from a small tribe in Burma how they would say “breakfast” there, she told me that they didn’t have a word for it because they only ate twice a day--lunch and dinner. I happen to have a lot of friends who speak English as their second language and that made me realize that a language has a lot to do with its culture’s uniqueness. Because of that there are some untranslatable words.
In Japanese culture, people have a lot of appreciation towards nature and it is very important to be polite towards others. That politeness and the nature appreciation reflected on to its language and created some beautiful words that are not translatable to English.
いただきます Itadakimasu
"Itadakimasu" means “I will have this.” It is used before eating any food to express appreciation and respect for life, nature, the person who prepared the food, the person who served the food, and everything else that is related to eating.
おつかれさま Otsukaresama
"Otsukaresama" means “you’re tired.” It is used to let someone know that you recognize his/her hard work and that you are thankful for it.
木漏れ日 Komorebi
"Komorebi" refers to the sunlight that filters through the leaves of trees.
木枯らし Kogarashi
"Kogarashi" is the cold wind that lets us know of the arrival of winter.
物の哀れ Mononoaware
"Monoaware" is "the pathos of things." It is the awareness of the impermanence of all things and the gentle sadness and wistfulness at their passing.
森林浴 Shinrinyoku
“Shinrinyoku” ("forest bathing") is to go deep into the woods where everything is silent and peaceful for a relaxation.
幽玄 Yuugen
"Yuugen" is an awareness of the universe that triggers emotional responses that are too mysterious and deep for words.
しょうがない Shoganai
The literal meaning of "Shoganai" is “it cannot be helped.” However, it is not discouraging or despairing. It means to accept that something was out of your control. It encourages people to realize that it wasn’t their fault and to move on with no regret.
金継ぎ/金繕い kintsuki/kintsukuroi
"Kintsukuroi" is the art of repairing pottery with gold or silver joining the pieces and understanding that the piece is more beautiful for having been broken.
わびさび Wabi-sabi
"Wabi-sabi" refers to a way of living that focuses on finding beauty within the imperfections of life and peacefully accepting the natural cycle of growth and decay.
擬音語 All the onomatopoeia
English has onomatopoeia, but Japanese has far more. For example, we have “om-nom-nom” for eating and they have “paku-paku” for eating normally, “baku-baku” for eating wildly, “gatsu-gatsu” for eating fast, “mogu-mogu” for chewing a lot, etc. Doesn’t it make your head spin? The onomatopoeia for that kind of dizziness is “kurukuru” by the way. The image above is showing some of those onomatopoeia. As you can see, Japanese onomatopoeia is usually a repetitive sound. Although it might be a very difficult concept to understand, it adds a melody and an emotional meaning to a word. Japanese sounds poetic because of the onomatopoeia.
11 Beautiful Japanese Words That Don't Exist In English
Untranslatable words from Japan, the polite and nature-loving country.
Marie Sugio in Lifestyle on Feb 16, 2016
Once, when I asked my friend from a small tribe in Burma how they would say “breakfast” there, she told me that they didn’t have a word for it because they only ate twice a day--lunch and dinner. I happen to have a lot of friends who speak English as their second language and that made me realize that a language has a lot to do with its culture’s uniqueness. Because of that there are some untranslatable words.
In Japanese culture, people have a lot of appreciation towards nature and it is very important to be polite towards others. That politeness and the nature appreciation reflected on to its language and created some beautiful words that are not translatable to English.
いただきます Itadakimasu
"Itadakimasu" means “I will have this.” It is used before eating any food to express appreciation and respect for life, nature, the person who prepared the food, the person who served the food, and everything else that is related to eating.
おつかれさま Otsukaresama
"Otsukaresama" means “you’re tired.” It is used to let someone know that you recognize his/her hard work and that you are thankful for it.
木漏れ日 Komorebi
"Komorebi" refers to the sunlight that filters through the leaves of trees.
木枯らし Kogarashi
"Kogarashi" is the cold wind that lets us know of the arrival of winter.
物の哀れ Mononoaware
"Monoaware" is "the pathos of things." It is the awareness of the impermanence of all things and the gentle sadness and wistfulness at their passing.
森林浴 Shinrinyoku
“Shinrinyoku” ("forest bathing") is to go deep into the woods where everything is silent and peaceful for a relaxation.
幽玄 Yuugen
"Yuugen" is an awareness of the universe that triggers emotional responses that are too mysterious and deep for words.
しょうがない Shoganai
The literal meaning of "Shoganai" is “it cannot be helped.” However, it is not discouraging or despairing. It means to accept that something was out of your control. It encourages people to realize that it wasn’t their fault and to move on with no regret.
金継ぎ/金繕い kintsuki/kintsukuroi
"Kintsukuroi" is the art of repairing pottery with gold or silver joining the pieces and understanding that the piece is more beautiful for having been broken.
わびさび Wabi-sabi
"Wabi-sabi" refers to a way of living that focuses on finding beauty within the imperfections of life and peacefully accepting the natural cycle of growth and decay.
擬音語 All the onomatopoeia
English has onomatopoeia, but Japanese has far more. For example, we have “om-nom-nom” for eating and they have “paku-paku” for eating normally, “baku-baku” for eating wildly, “gatsu-gatsu” for eating fast, “mogu-mogu” for chewing a lot, etc. Doesn’t it make your head spin? The onomatopoeia for that kind of dizziness is “kurukuru” by the way. The image above is showing some of those onomatopoeia. As you can see, Japanese onomatopoeia is usually a repetitive sound. Although it might be a very difficult concept to understand, it adds a melody and an emotional meaning to a word. Japanese sounds poetic because of the onomatopoeia.
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