Wednesday, June 25, 2014
Tuesday, June 24, 2014
Just a bunch more funny signs
I used to think this as a child, but not in those words.
Kind of crude, but the shoes are really pretty, so. . .
Ewwwwwwww.
So is that a leprechaun standing there? They do say "shite", after all.
Personally I prefer the "soured vegetables" (these are vegetables that started out with high ideals, but slowly, almost imperceptibly, over the years, over the decades, their idealism was squeezed out of them by a pitiless world) and "the water fries the potato" (a nice trick). And what about "deep-fried bean-curd with odor"? Appeal to you?
I like the honesty here.
Have you ever seen a SMART bean sprout?
Mixed messages here. Does this mean it's GOOD to pee in the pool? or what??
Yes!
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Sunday, June 22, 2014
Jesus, what a coincidence!
Quite a few posts ago, I did a photo essay on the religious art phenomenon I call "Laughing Jesus". These are mostly tacky paintings or depictions of Jesus either laughing or looking jocular. About the only one I liked was this blow-dried look by Greg Olsen, an artist who specializes in painting Jesus in contemporary settings (i. e. sitting next to a kid with a backpack - runaway?).
Then I was waiting for a bus outside a classical record store, and saw. . . this.
I honestly wonder if this could be a coincidence.
Does Greg Olsen paint "from life", or "from CD covers"? There's no law against it, it's not really forgery, it's just using an album cover as a model for your picture.
I guess.
But I still think it's weird.
Friday, June 20, 2014
Softness in his eyes, iron in his thighs
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OLYM-PI-AAAAAAAAAAAA!
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Nature's mistakes: oops, I did it again
Be aware that I don't choose these things. In my never-ending thirst for knowledge, they come to me, attracted, no doubt, by a mixture of curiosity and disbelief.
This thing, this, I don't know, this whatever-it-is, like a shrimp shell with fur, or a hamster trick-or-treating in a lobster suit, it scares me to think that these things are scampering around, apparently cute except for the four-inch talons that could probably rip your throat out if you looked at it wrong. It was hard for me to believe it was real, so I had to dig around for more images, sort of like turning over rocks in your back yard to see what slimy things you can find.
This looks like a sea monkey, only bigger. It looks like a sea monkey might look if it actually stayed alive and grew into something, rather than dying in the first week and turning to stinky brown scum on top of the water. Bleahhhhhh.
The larval form. Just not possible, whatever it is. Then I found one that moved. . .
These must actually exist, then, or else animatronics has been taken to a level far beyond what I imagined. This primitive, struggling, fur-clogged thing, this thing that looks like it should have died out millions of years ago with the trilobite (in fact it even looks like a trilobite) is an animal so primitive, so small-brained, so stupid, that when you lift it off the ground it keeps working its feet because it thinks it's still walking.
OK, so having proven it exists and isn't just some taxidermic nightmare, I had to Wiki it (my main source of knowledge because I am incredibly lazy), and found the following:
Pink fairy armadillo
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
| Pink fairy armadillo[1] | |
|---|---|
| Conservation status | |
| Scientific classification | |
| Kingdom: | Animalia |
| Phylum: | Chordata |
| Class: | Mammalia |
| Order: | Cingulata |
| Family: | Dasypodidae |
| Subfamily: | Euphractinae |
| Genus: | Chlamyphorus Harlan, 1825 |
| Species: | C. truncatus |
| Binomial name | |
| Chlamyphorus truncatus Harlan, 1825 | |
 | |
| Pink fairy armadillo range | |
The pink fairy armadillo is approximately 90–115 mm (3.5-4.5 inches) long, excluding the tail, and is pale rose or pink in color. It has the ability to bury itself completely in a matter of seconds if frightened.
It is a nocturnal animal. It burrows small holes near ant colonies in dry soil, and feeds mainly on ants and ant larvae near its burrow. Occasionally, it feeds on worms, snails, insects and larvae, or various plant and root material.
The pink fairy armadillo spends much of its time under the ground, as it is a "sand swimmer" similar to the golden mole or the marsupial mole.[citation needed] It uses large front claws to agitate the sand, allowing it to almost swim through the ground in a manner reminiscent of swimming through water. It is torpedo-shaped, and has a shielded head and back.
It took me a long time to figure this one out. This isn't a pink fairy armadillo, or any sort of armadillo. AT ALL. This is some sort of Peruvian jello mold. Take a look at those feet - they're made out of cantaloupe spears. Carmen Miranda could wear this thing on her head! Such internet hoaxes should be outlawed, as they only choke my evenings with dross.
Worse horrors awaited me. Salamanders. Giant salamanders. Giant salamanders that thrashed violently in people's arms. Salamanders that attacked. This one looks like a mammoth Chee-toh or a pizza gone terribly wrong. Except it seems to be made out of some sort of vinyl.
These things are so primitive they haven't changed in a few gazillion years, and were already sliming around (why??) when the dinosaurs roamed. One does wonder, at times, how all this stuff happens, all the different species, some of which are so damned odd, if it's really all due to natural selection or some kind of sorcery.
A giant salamander on the dinner table.
There's even a corporation looking after these guys.
When I was a kid, I always wanted a newt, a toad, whatever I could catch that crawled or slithered. I would have loved to collect a salamander, but I never saw one, just read about them. Now I realize I was saved by the grace of God, by a divine Providence that snatched me out of the path of the Behemoth. What would these things eat? Why do they exist at all? What is evolution all about, and why is ANY of it here, when we started off as nothing?
If the salamander knows, he's not telling us.
Order The Glass Character from:
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Amazon.com
Chapters/Indigo.ca
Thursday, June 19, 2014
FOUND (Keaton Laughs!)
I have to thank Annette Lloyd for posting this on Facebook. I found this photo (taken in 1955) long ago while researching Harold Lloyd for The Glass Character, then completely lost track of it. In fact, for a long time I wondered if I had imagined it. I've never seen a picture of Buster Keaton smiling, let alone laughing. And Harold, at age 62, looks as dishy as ever. He never really lost those good looks.
Wednesday, June 18, 2014
Just a bunch of funny signs. . .
(This one is so gorgeous that I must transcribe it: "Do not fuck the gum, defend the false trademark,PP ,PE,PVC...etc.packing bag,Honored guest's card,the card of gold,copper,aluminum quality mark card,gift box,laser,have no the spinning cloth etc.Handbag." Got it!
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