Here they come: those wacky, tacky Screaming Frogs!

As an addendum to my Raise Giant Frogs nightmare post of a few days ago, here is a phenomenon of nature which I hitherto knew nothing about.

When you startle a frog, it screams.

Sometimes it sounds like a prolonged cat-yowl, or a balloon with the air slowly leaking out of the opening.

One wonders at the purpose of the scream, but it would seem to be either self-protective (the people in this video aren't necessarily being very nice to the frogs, and in some cases are actually provoking them) or a general alarm to the whole frog-pond. Human alert - whoop, whoop!

I never knew frogs screamed before, or that frogs could play video games, lunging at screens that have rapidly-moving buglike images on them. Clever? Yes. . . but not TOO clever. Frog might swallow the whole damn thing.


http://margaretgunnng.blogspot.ca/2013/04/the-glass-character-synopsis.html

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Girl on the Clock: Harold is everywhere!

How did this ever happen? Perhaps the YouTube video is now unplayable, but I don't think so. Did I delete this post (or a facsimile of it) about the incredible Sofia Vergara Cover Girl makeup ad in which she dangles from a huge clock just like You Know Who?

Anyway, it was here, and then it wasn't. And now it's here again, and I have no idea why I deleted it in the first place, except that maybe I was having one of "those days" when I thought that everything I did was pointless and would never get off the ground.

I don't know if it's my imagination, but I don't think it is: Harold Lloyd seems to be everywhere these days. A few months ago I saw this ad and was astonished. Vergara isn't nearly as cute as Harold, and her heavy accent makes the slogan come out as, "Ea-see, grea-see, beaudd-iful Coavr Grrl."

So what is going on here? How much of it is real, and how much is wishful thinking on my part?

The 2 1/2 people who religiously follow this blog (one-and-half of whom are Matt Paust) will realize that my sole obsession over the past five years or so has been Harold Lloyd and my novel centred around his life and career, The Glass Character. After moaning for several years that no one in publishing would give me the time of day, a publisher DID give me the time of day and I signed a contract. To my relief and joy, it will be coming out in the spring with Thistledown Press.

So what will happen then? Will doors swing open for this novel, will I be able to tell my story the way I've longed to for years? Has Harold really penetrated the popular culture the way he did back in 1923? There's something oddly contemporary about him, with his natty suit, specs and neat straw boater. No outlandish makeup, no crossed eyes or facepulling or stony non-expression. Did he have a gimmick? Not really. I think he was merely good.

Make that great.

It's hard to be possessed by something, to not know where it will take you, but at the same time it's incredibly exciting. Some performers don't go away, or else - eerily, we know not how - they come back. It has been a long trudge, with many a twist and turn, and wherever "there" is, I'm not there yet. Do I enjoy the journey? Sometimes. But other times, dear God, I just want to stop for a drink of water.

http://margaretgunnng.blogspot.ca/2013/04/the-glass-character-synopsis.html

http://members.shaw.ca/margaret_gunning/betterthanlife.htm

The day the language (literally!) died

Frogs for Fun and Profit (or: hello, my baby)

Raise Giant Frogs (Jan, 1936)

Raise Giant Frogs
A New, Uncrowded Industry

Good Profits – No Competition

Each pair of “Nufond Giant” breeders lay 10,000 eggs every year. With modern methods, up to 90% turn into frogs.
Giant frogs sell up to $5.00 per dozen everywhere. Think of the profit possibilities! Competition is unknown because the wild supply is practically exhausted.

Backyard Pond Starts You
A small backyard pond 20×25 feed with a little bank space is all you need to start. The pond is very shallow; little water is needed. Expand with the offspring.
Any kind of drinking water is suitable. Running water is not required. Flowers, lilies and plants make the pond very attractive.

Any Climate Suitable
“Nufond Giants” are a hardy breed of “North American” bull-frogs. You can raise them in the North or South, even in Canada.

Costs Little to Start
A frog pond is easy to make. There is nothing to buy except fence! You even raise the food right in the pond with the frogs! What other livestock offers you such advantages?

WORLDS LARGEST FROG MARKET

As originators of canned frog legs, we have developed the largest market for frogs in the world. Our products are on sale in principal cities throughout the country.
Write for our big, illustrated frog book. It explains our money-making proposition in detail.

          AMERICAN FROG CANNING COMPANY

Dept. 119-A New Orleans, Louisiana

This is one of those gasping, jaw-dropping ads from the 1930s. The contradictions in it are  headspinning. "No competition" should tell you something (i. e. nobody in their right mind would want a huge pond full of deafening croakers in their back yard or basement). "Competition is unknown because the wild supply is practically exhausted" is touted as a GOOD thing, not the environmental gut-wrench we feel today. If it's a shallow pond with no running water . . . does the word "swamp" mean anything to you? And what about this "food you raise in the pond right with the frogs"? My God!

Just picture it. . . a pond 20 x 25 feet. . . have you ever heard ONE bullfrog croak, even once? How many of them would be crowded into this "attractive" slime-pit? And all through the reading of this astonishing artifact, I kept wondering: why frogs? Why giant bullfrogs? It wasn't until I got to the bottom of the ad that I knew the sordid truth.

Somebody must have bought into this. I keep thinking of the poor schlubs who, desperate to make a little money during the Depression, actually bought what probably amounted to a slimy bottle of frog's eggs. Either that, or two dead frogs in a box. I wonder if anyone actually made a go of it. And the more I think of it. . . a guy out in his back yard, probably at night, with a shovel. . . his wife doesn't know anything about it. . . then it rains. . .

I would love to send away for their "big, illustrated frog book", but I think by now that the offer has probably expired.

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I hate posting links, but you've got to see this one. . .

http://www.waitbutwhy.com/2013/07/7-ways-to-be-insufferable-on-facebook.html

Here is Truth. Faceboob/Fakebook laid bare.

Stephen Fry, Stephen Fry

Since this is a lovely and balmy day,
Let's look at a certain man today.

Not just any man, you see
But a man who is funny, ho ho ha hee.

Stephen Fry, Stephen Fry
When you come on public television,
it's almost like I die.

When you talked about Wagner
and Hitler and such,
I saw your green jacket
and just liked it so much.

You lost a lot of weight there,
you great big kermudge,
But I'm glad you found a shrink or
your brain might now be sludge.

Stephen Fry, Stephen Fry
When you go off to Bayreuth it just makes me cry.
When you sat down to play that piano so great,
It made my heart kaboom and palpitate.

And you surely got my sympathy vote
When you tried to hit one key and got the wrong note.

And when you did that show on bipolar disorder,
It made me just pack up and run for the border.

Stephen Fry, Stephen Fry
You drive me all nutty, I don't know just why.
Maybe you're crazy, that's part of your myth,
And even if you're gay I just wait for your kith.

I found out at last why girls like you so,
And boys of course too, vo-do-de-o-do.
Your face is all craggy, it looks so unique
Like Easter Island or a great mountain peak.

Yes, you have that Stonehenge look, you know
That makes the women moan very low.

I don't know how you do it, so effortless it seems,
So forever, silly person, you will dwell in my dreams.


BLOGGER'S NOTE. This is a summer repeat, but for a good reason: we've been seeing a lot of Stevie in the news these days, sounding off about the wretched goings-on in Russia. And well might he rave. The Russians suck at tolerance and compassion and just throw whatever rocks they want to, and their attitudes are worse than the assholes in that Oscar Wilde movie he was in,  so somebody had to get up there and sound off! And who better than our Steve. Besides which, I think a lot more people listen to him than to that boring old Putin. Russians! Remember when Brezhnev opened the Olympics and went up to the podium and said "O, O, O, O, O"? It was the most original thing he ever said. P. S. the formatting is really weird in this one cuz that's how I used to do things before I knew how to blog - I think it looks better actually - good night.



http://margaretgunnng.blogspot.ca/2013/04/the-glass-character-synopsis.html

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Harold Lloyd: it's play-time!

If I may repeat the obvious, this blog, formerly titled margaret gunning's house of dreams, has been renamed after Harold Lloyd's famed movie character. For reasons unknown, Harold called his screen persona the Glass Character, which is nice because it sounds so romantical-like and is also a great title for a novel.

Which I have written. Which came out in spring 2014 with Thistledown Press. Watch for it!

Meantime, the search for Lloyd curiosa is endless. I just keep finding things. He was the Star Wars or Sponge Bob of his day, spawning an entire industry of Harold "stuff". Back then the stuff was mostly tin, plastics being pretty much uninvented. These are toys that you just don't see any more, toys that in fact baffle me because I don't know what they frickin' ARE.

Harold Lloyd Long-Leg, Long-Arm Sparkler

 Description

Harold Lloyd Long-Leg, Long-Arm Sparkler Moving arms and legs. Still emits sparks when plunged. Made by Isla in Spain. Circa 1925. Very rare. From the collection of Gary Selmonsky. Tin. 9". (Excellent).

About this, I can only say *WTF!?* a few hundred times. I have no idea what a sparkler is, so I've had to come up with a guess. Judging by its arms and legs, which appear to be jointed, this thing must have had a sort of seizure while you "plunged" it. Plunging implying a sort of pumping up and down, as with those old spinning tops. Why would it throw sparks? No doubt the grinding of metal on metal, meaning it might also have made a hideous noise. In the wrong hands, this thing seems dangerous, perhaps a forerunner to the cigarette lighter or barbecue starter. Certainly it should never have been given to children. As for the eyes, or lack of them, I'm glad I don't have one of these around the house because it might turn out to have "powers", I fear of the wrong sort.

Harold Lloyd Bumper Car

Description

Attributed to Gunthermann, c. 1926, clockwork driven, famed character sits at amusement bumper car, very colorful tin lithography, extremely hard to find, scarce version. 51/4" h x 3 1/2" dia.

Now THIS is cute, and I wouldn't mind having one, especially if it still functioned, twirling all over my desk. The depiction of Harold in tin is nicer than most. It reminds me of the movie Speedy and various others in which he hangs out at Coney Island. Imagine if you had a whole lot of them: you could play Harold Lloyd bumper cars all over your desk! 

Harold Lloyd Mechanical Bank

Description

Tin. Saalheimer & Strauss, Germany. Circa 1920s. Pull the lever down. The mouth opens and the tongue sticks out. Place a coin on the tongue and release the lever. Provenance: F. H. Griffith, Stephen Steckbeck. Condition Near Mint.

This is also cute, and very fine because Harold looks a whole lot more like his sweet self, except that the eyes are brown which is wrong. Harold had black-Irish or Welsh/Celtic coloring, very black hair, blue eyes and fair skin with copious freckles, which never completely faded with time. No one got it quite right in tin. But  this contraption seems all very charming, until you read the description of what it does. 

It eats money. Pull a lever down and he sticks out his tongue, and you put a coin on on it and he - oh I don't know, I guess a lot of mechanical  banks worked that way back then, and a child might find it enchanting. But it bizarres me out big-time. I hope they didn't have to smash him like a piggybank when he was full. 



Harold Lloyd Scissor Toy

Description

HAROLD LLOYD SCISSOR TOY Die-cut tin scissor-hand held and operated toy with great lithography

Oh Lor', oh Lor', I'm going back to bed now. This is a NIGHTMARE. Harold has a frog on his hat and looks like a dead thing. He isn't even scissors, not actually, though you stick your fingers in those round things (I guess) and work them like scissors. Maybe he lifts up his frog hat or something?

Harold Lloyd Whatever-it-is

Description all written in German, but presumably it's one of those wretched walking windup toys that grimaces and rolls its eyes. 

POST-BLOG. While scrounging around for Harold toys, I found this. It's not a toy, and not even an antique, but a darling little glass Christmas ornament made for "the new millennium" (remember that? The big date that completely fizzled?). Probably worth gazillions of dollars, because extremely fragile. My cat used to knock glass ornaments down off the tree and play cat-hockey with
them, stick-handling them under the sofa where they would moulder for years, or (more likely) batting them against the wall and breaking them. Let's just be
grateful he never got his paws on Harold.






ITEM DESCRIPTION


Collect this Golden Age of Hollywood, Christopher Radko "Millennium Clock" Harold Lloyd, mouth-blown and handcrafted Polish glass Christmas tree ornaments, 1999, 99-980-0, 99980.

Produced only for 1999 as one of the millennium exclusives, this European hand blown gl ass ornament promises to endure through the generations! Hard-to-find and sought-after!

The depiction of Harold Lloyd holding on to the clock handle draws upon the famous scene in 1923 film, "Safety Last". Classic ornament that combines the famous clock hanging scene with the onset of the new millennium!

Wearing a green check jacket, brown pants and his trademark hat, Lloyd hangs precariously from the hands of a clock, high above the street where spectators gasp with surprise and horror. Will he fall? And how did he get there?

The death-defying scene, one of the most famous in silent movie history, is taken from "Safety Last", released in 1923. After taking one dangerous step after another to scale the department store in which he works as a low level clerk, his straw hat falls away as he desperately holds on for dear life. However, he wins the $1000 prize by attracting the most ever attention and business to the store, fulfilling his promise to his girl to make good.

On the back of the clock, written in white and surrounded by confetti, is, "Happy New 2000 Millennium". Almost a century later, Lloyd continues to be remembered as one of the great Golden Age of Hollywood greats!

More information about Harold Lloyd:

Along with Buster Keaton and Charlie Chaplin, Harold Lloyd revolutionized screen comedy, becoming one of the most respected stars of Hollywood's Golden Years, He began his film career after tossing a coin that pointed him towards Hollywood and became the lead in over 200 films from 1915 to 1947. He was the #1 box office attraction from 1927 to 1928 and won an Honorary Academy Award as "master Comedian and Good Citizen" in 1952.

Approximately 4 1/2 inches tall, the ornament has outstanding promise and is a "must have" for the Hollywood Golden Age collector.

CONDITION OF ITEM:

Mint collectible with original Radko hangtag and Radko gift box in excellent condition. Stored in a smoke-free environment.

Listing ID: 64681





(Imagine finding THIS under your tree!)

POST-BLOG BLATHER: I nearly forgot the best part! There's a YouTube video of one of the best Harold windup toys of all. It's pretty hideous, as they all are, but damned if I didn't make them into gifs anyway.

 

Dear Sir or Madam, will you read my book

    It took me years to write, will you take a look

Order The Glass Character from:

Amazon
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Barnes & Noble

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Thistledown Press

http://www.thistledownpress.com/html/search/genre/Fiction/the_glass_character_p580.cfm

Chapters/Indigo
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Harold Lloyd: the graceful ghost

Like so many things, this piece has a history.

God knows how many years ago it was - could have been 15, could have been 20 or more. It was on the radio, so I didn't know who was playing the piano. It was one of those scenarios where I was stopped dead in my tracks. The armload of books I was carrying slid onto the floor, and my knees unlocked.

This first performance of a piece that I didn't even know the name of was something that grabbed my gutstrings and never quite let go. It was a long, long time until I heard it again and could put a name to it. I just sat there in a strange altered state, wondering how mere chords could stir emotion from the very bottom of the glass.

I never heard the piece played that way again. That first version was played smokily, stealthily, the chords impossibly elongated, with mists rising from it, a black cat sneaking along a midnight fence, or some melancholy gent in an expensive, rumpled suit walking home alone from empty revelry in a nightclub.  

Yes, and years and years and years blew by, as years always do.

When I found it again and found the title and the composer (Graceful Ghost Rag by William Bolcom), I was unsatisfied with every version I heard. Everyone played it too fast, too jauntily, almost player-piano-style, when the original was (I thought) meant to be interpreted with indigo sadness. At one point I found a YouTube version with a kid playing it, and it was bloody good, if lacking polish. For a while, it was my touchstone. Then I found this one, beautifully rendered by Barron Ryan. Not quite like the first, smoky midnight version, but lovingly approached with a tender melancholy that evokes a certain familiar presence.

When I began to write The Glass Character, my lovesick paean to Harold Lloyd, this piece became its theme song.  It somehow perfectly captured Muriel Ashford's hopelessly-fated passion for a man she could never have, a genius who did not portray so much as embody his character and evolve, quicksilverish,  from "knockabout" comedian to superb tragicomic actor. While Muriel watches in blissful, agonizing erotic thrall.

I like to say I loved writing this novel, and that's true. But it was also anguish. The writing took 18 months - and just about every day, I couldn't wait to get to the computer. But that, as they say, was the easy part. Getting any attention for it at all took three years. Three years of being told it was too melodramatic, too boring, too irrelevant. I've heard many a comment about my work and have learned to roll with it all, but the fact nobody wanted Harold was a misery to me. Why had I been lifted so high, only to be dropped with such a sickening thud?

The truth is, at some point I had become Muriel. The more I watched those incredible movies, the more enthralled I became. There is a surrealism in some of his earlier films in which he becomes a sort of cartoon cat-figure, impossibly agile and fast. Then as time goes on, his plots become infinitely more complex, deeper. Those who criticize his work for being too surface or "mechanical" haven't seen him weep in Girl Shy or The Freshman, haven't seen his tender yearning as a male Cinderella in The Kid Brother, haven't even seen his clock-climbing epic, Safety Last!, in which he does everything for love.

And he does. Everything. For love. He singlehandedly invented the genre of romantic comedy, and indeed, there is something romantic about him, the tightly-wound, impossibly agile body, the thick black head of hair, the eyes a little bedroomy behind the glasses with no glass in them. This is why Muriel's heart gets torn apart, and why she keeps coming back for more. There was an eleven-month period during the three years that it took me to get a contract that I just stopped. I quit Harold altogether. I stopped watching my favorite YouTube videos and perusing Google images for choice photos and even watching those DVDs I had become so addicted to.

I just stopped. I couldn't stand it any more - I was dying inside. Perhaps part of me hadn't quite given up, but I was trying to. I knew the novel was good. Why would I waste my time (or theirs) if it wasn't? But even when The Artist won Best Picture, editors were telling me things like, "The public isn't interested in silent movies."

Well.

I have a contract now, I'm with Thistledown and I will publish in spring 2014. I wanted to do it the traditional way, because to be honest I don't have a clue how to self-publish and hate taking "writer's courses" (when I could probably teach most of them, so there). I'm too old to go back to square one, and besides, I still believe in the process. So I told myself, "Just get the book out there. Then we'll see what happens." Would Harold back me up on this?

I have written before about Lloyd synchronicity, the eerie way in which the name Lloyd would come up four or five times in a day (and I devoted a whole post, which I might re-post along with some of my other Harold pieces, about "the church at the corner of Gloria and Lloyd", a huge brick tabernacle standing in the middle of nowhere). There is much more, of course, but I have been hesitant to put it out there, some of it is so odd and unbelievable. Throughout my life I've known mediums and spiritualist healers, and while I do not quite ascribe to all of it, I don't throw it all away either. 

So if any of it is true, I have been in touch with a ghost who is graceful indeed, and his music still plays in  my head on a continuous loop that might just last forever.

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