The sun comes up. . .

 

OK  then, this is probably the last thing I should be doing, but it's a great song, illustrates how immobilizing an obsession can be, and of  course has that refrain, "losing my mind" (somehow, very relevant to this whole glorious mess). That last line, "You said you loved me" is a primal wail of  grief, which could only be expressed by someone who has been there and done  that.

So what do I conclude here? Nothing, except that it's a great song by a great songwriter, and it does  express something I've never heard expressed quite like this before. Sometimes I stand in the middle of the floor, not going left, not  going right. 

I have not yet given up on the return of my own sanity, which has been compromised at various points, but never entirely lost. But that other issue. . . yes, he WAS lost, and lost himself in a way that in retrospect looks like his life's ambition from  the start. Cruel? Yes, but so is this obsession, and I want to be rid of it.  Why can't the dead stay dead? Particularly if it happened 20 years ago, and the meaningful part, FORTY years ago.  That's a long time to be immobilized.