HEALTH UPDATE: So I got sick. . . . Now what?🤔

I went back and forth on this a lot, then decided: hell, I can share all sorts of other things on my channel, and I've been at it 12 years and have 23,000+ subs. . . so can't I share this? Yes, I can, but part of me is sure it won't lead to anything good. I often criticize people for "oversharing", and let's face it, the internet is forever. But this has been hard, and it has been lonely. I don't want to alarm my kids and grandkids, so they have to get the short (sanitized) version of things. But a couple of times in the hospital, I came close to dying, and I would have without timely intervention. 

That changes you. It really does. These days, just getting out to birdwatch is a blessing, but I also tire a lot more easily and have to parcel out my energy. I just got home from a needle biopsy that was most unpleasant, but I got through it fine and now have to wait the usual week-to-ten-days to find out if my thyroid is malignant or not.

If so, what's next? I'm trying not to anticipate or go on the internet too much. My other fear is that, even though the surgery seemed to resolve the problem, my bloodwork was all over the place, and the problem could easily recur somewhere and not be so treatable.

Another thing that made me NOT want to post this was that it will likely get the dozen or so views I seem to be getting these days. Not sure why, as YT is SUPPOSED to notify my subs if I post, but they aren't as usual. They get after me for things that are absurd or nonexistent.

I don't need the stress, and I have to say, I wonder at how I have stressed myself all my life - is that a factor in my health suddenly caving in like this? I saw another YouTuber giving health updates, and in his mid-30s he had heart failure, open heart surgery and a stroke. I don't know much about his medical history, but I saw myself in him somehow - the way I never feel I've done enough, achieved enough, or gotten enough recognition for the things I HAVE done. I wondered about all that stressing and striving, and saw myself doing the same thing. 

But right now, I have to rest and eat (it can be hard to eat when you're not hungry), and wait it out. Minus  a quarter of my colon, my digestion will never be the same, nor will my energy levels. This is a permanent condition, and will likely get worse. Not a cheery thought, but I did decide to go ahead and make/post the video for my own sake - I watched the video 3 or 4 times before posting it, and the main thing that bugs me now are those little lights dancing around my glasses from the light on my ancient camcorder. 

But maybe they're magic fairies sent to protect me! I also felt Bohdan's presence during the procedure, as if he was somehow watching over me.  Losing him has hit me harder than I realized, as it brings home to me once again how everything can change in an instant. I did see him about a year ago, and there was no way of knowing then that it would be for the very last time.