Monday, August 12, 2019

Trapped in amber: a very weird dream




(From my journal, August 10/19)

I had the weirdest dream about Sternthal (ed. note: a doctor I went to for years, who used to dismiss, demean and bully me). I don’t usually remember dreams, but this one was so strange. I was fiddling around with an amber necklace with huge stones in it, golf-ball-sized, and very ornate. I was taking it apart for the purposes of re-stringing it in different designs, and huge rocklike beads were suddenly loose in a sort of rock pile, along with a lot of smaller ones. But then I found myself standing in some sort of mysterious lineup of people. 






When I got to the front, I could see that Sternthal was sitting there by himself on an elevated chair, not saying anything. I didn’t know what the other people were doing there, but when it got to be my turn I presented him with an exact duplicate of the original necklace, only it was much smaller for some reason. He took it and I don’t think said anything, but just stared at me with big creepy unblinking eyes. Didn’t say thank you or acknowledge me or the gift, as if it went without saying, it was only his due, and it was about time I delivered on it. Even that I should be grateful for the rare and (of course) undeserved chance of being able to do this. Then I moved on, and that was the end of it.







I DO have a lot of amber jewelry, because years ago I went through an amber phase (amber was wildly popular then), and I DO often dismember jewelry, particularly necklaces, to make doll jewelry. It hasn’t been worn in years and years and is just sitting there. But the Sternthal thing is weird. Lining up seems like people paying some sort of weird homage, or presenting him with something, but I couldn’t tell. Except for staring at me with huge dark creepy unblinking eyes out of The Fly, he didn’t even acknowledge me or what I gave him. 







He was obviously the most important person in the room, and all the others were just whack jobs or nut bars or whatever-it-is you call chronic mental patients nowadays. They're just people who go around shooting up shopping malls and schools for no reason. (Their huge gun collections have nothing to do with it.) They were paying obeisance, because that was what they were supposed to do – in fact, it went without saying, you just “did that”. It was not a choice on anyone’s part, but neither was it something they did not want. They simply had no will, and “did that” because they “did that”. They had been erased.

I couldn’t see the others really, never saw any faces but just identical bodies, though I was aware they were there and moving. I thought of futuristic movies like 1984 and Metropolis, but that comparison may have come after I woke up. People trudging mindlessly forward in a line. He looked like a cult leader that you had to go up to and pay homage to, and in fact you were supposed to think (if you thought at all) that you were very fortunate to be able to do so. It was a bit like coming up to the front at a fundamentalist church to be "saved". I also thought of Scientology for some reason. Strange. 





I just had the thought that it’s interesting I gave him jewelry, which seems personal because in the past I had worn it many times, but I gave him a DUPLICATE of the original necklace which was much smaller and would be worth less. Big amber beads were “a thing” then, ugly as they seem now. So while I gave him the necklace, I still had it, and a more valuable version of it to boot. 





If you want to dig deeper, well, the amber necklace (which looked like something out of The Flintstones, though some of the beads were much smaller) has connotations of being “trapped in amber” and thus frozen in time. The faceless people lining up with no will is pretty obvious, and extremely creepy. But I did not have totally negative feelings, and felt sort of – what? Again, the feeling I should feel privileged to be able to be in this lineup and present him with gold, frankincense and myrrh.






Giving him a duplicate without the larger stones was weird. I used to prize amber jewelry, but have lost interest in it and never wear it, or any other jewelry, especially not rings since my hands became such a ruin. But it used to interest me a lot, and I spent a small fortune on it. It was worth something to me. (Was I handing him a version of myself that I no longer wanted or needed? Now there's a thought.)






What it means isn't exactly clear, but it seems loaded with symbolism. Though I no longer see that destructive doctor, I felt trapped in the relationship for over twelve years, and in fact was told by multiple sources that he was the best in the business, I was extremely lucky to be able to see him, he had a waiting list a mile long, and there was no other option for me anyway because of the nature of my illness. I should be grateful to have all that understanding from someone so competent. I can't erase my history, which I long to erase so very often, but just try to go forward without an amber noose around my neck.




Monday Morning Insight. I just remembered something so appropriate, it's almost funny. My subconscious having me on? My relatively-new family doctor, who is the only doctor I have ever had with whom I feel listened to, is named Amber. Amber Jarvie. It's just too strange to NOT be true.


Friday, August 9, 2019

God gifs













These are fun. Some of them even have a certain aesthetic appeal, a strange beauty peculiar to the artistic form of the gif. I am sure God has a sense of humor, or he wouldn't have got so mixed up with conditions on earth (??). Or is it this way? A friend of mine insists God has a flat forehead from (strike forehead dramatically with palm of hand). Has he washed his hands of us, after all?


Monday, August 5, 2019

Beam me up!




The camera weighs only six pounds!



He's taping that thrilling number, "Serenade in Peep Major" with the new portable, battery-operated Sony Videocorder.

It records both picture and sound. (The camera weighs only 6 pounds. The recorder pack just 12.) Needs only you to operate it. And costs only $1250.* Yet it can do just about everything one of those gargantuan mobile video units can do. Maybe even more.

It doesn't have yards of power cable to tie it down. (One thin cable connects the Camera and Recorder. That's all.) So it can go up in a plane and tape aerial views of potential factory sites. Tag along on an archaeological expedition. Or on a trip to the zoo with a bunch of first graders. Or it can even wiggle into tight places and crawl beneath machinery to record damage. (So only one person has to get his clothes dirty.)

Anyone can operate this Sony Videocorder. All its level controls are fully automatic. And there's a TV monitor right inside the camera. So it's almost impossible to botch things up. (If you manage to do it anyway, no sweat. The tape is reusable.)

The nicest thing about the Videocorder: when you come back with everything behind you, it instantly lets you have it all in front of you.

SONY PORTABLE VIDEOCORDER


Friday, August 2, 2019

David, I miss you so!






David, my closest friend, to whom I had to say goodbye many months ago. I do not closely know anyone who knew him, and it looks as if there will be no memorial service, which baffles and wounds me. It seems unfair that such a rich life should go uncelebrated and unmarked, and it has made my grief infinitely harder to deal with. It ambushes me at certain vulnerable times, like right now when my husband has been hospitalized and the outlook is uncertain. And I don't want to let him go, for it means the end of a huge chapter of my life. Maybe a whole book. The story is too large to tell right now, thirty years' worth of memories, and I don't know where to begin. I found this bit of him on his Facebook page, in which he sings in his inimitable fashion, and some pictures from my album.

























A fluffy white mystery: the Korean crow-tit



Blogger's note. What baffles and pleases me about this blog with its modest-but-loyal following is how I get comments, sometimes quite a few, on posts that are several years old. Though I've continued to post here, I sometimes think, "oh, nobody's reading this," and even try to avoid looking at stats, because it's too easy to get caught up in it (and that's not why I do this anyway). Unfortunately, the internet has become one big competition for views, likes and subscriptions in recent years. 

Strangely enough, the biggest reaction in recent times was to a small, satiric piece about a fluffy little bird called the Korean Crow Tit. It started out life on the internet as a  cute 'n fluffy meme which was soon posted and reposted everywhere:



I had my misgivings. The name  "Korean crow-tit" did not seem to match this creature, if in fact it existed at all. It looked more like those fake baby chicks you used to get at Easter, usually stuck onto cardboard. Could this in fact be Fake Bird News? I tried to find out more. 

Here's a sampling of comments and responses I received, some of which are fairly heated for this fluffy little topic. I've removed most identifying remarks, but alternated font colours for (I hope!) clarity.


Hi, Margaret! I love a good internet-"meme" mystery!

So, as near as I can figure, the bird that is colloquially referred to as a crow-tit in Korea is the Parrotbill - the Vinous-throated Parrotbill Sinosuthora webbiana.

The picture that comes up if you google "Korean Crow-tit" appears to be some kind of actual tit-but possibile leucistic. Not the parrotbill, though I see some superficial resemblance.

I will have to investigate further to see if I can figure out what that mostly white bird is that is coming up in the search.

Marc Devokaitis
Public Information Specialist
The Cornell Lab of Ornithology


The bird appears to be a Long-tailed Tit (Aegithalos caudatus).

As a korean its really uncomfortable to see googles first result on korean crow tit is your page. U have never seen birds in korea yet when im so happy that our crow tit is getting some attention and love from people all over the world u say its fake??? What evidence do u have to say its fake??? U have none... because they r true...i grew up with them. This page is offensive

I was very curious myself if this bird actually existed... That should not be taken offensively.. it's such a beautiful little bird it almost does look fake due to its sweet and perfect appearance....

I know this is probably not relevant anymore, but I wanted to try giving insight even if it's late. As far as I can tell from asking my friends and relatives who grew up in Korea, the word "baepsae" (뱁새) is typically used in conversation to refer to both the Vinous-Throated Parrotbill and the Japanese Long-Tailed Tit (which is colloquially called the Korean Crow-Tit). I think the Parrotbill is the more official/proper translation, but the reason the Long-Tail appears so often when you search "Korean Crow-Tit" seems to be because most Koreans think it's the cuter of the two and the word is used to refer to the Long-Tail far more often than the Parrotbill as a result. (But that's just what I've learned from people around me. I can't confirm anything for 100% certain.)

This is the Japanese Longtailed tit! :) Probably the cutest bird to ever exist imo

This is Aegithalos caudatus



Absolutely true....This is the right name. ..checked everywhere ...On YouTube too..Thanks so much .

Hello! I came across this post by accident but wanted to add that here in Europe we have a variant which is called Codibugnolo (meaning long tailed) - it's a tiny white bird with black stripes (pretty similar to the 'Korean Crow Tit'). Also about the cotton-like appeareance, like someone already said, it could just be the bird fluffing up its feathers from the cold.. my budgies sometimes look like that when they clean themselves, other times they completely puff out and look like starving pinschers haha! Hope I didn't intrude with this comment

It is a species of long tailed tit that mostly resides in Hokkaido, Japan known as Shima Enaga and the white floofy balls are only native to japan. Other variants have different colours

Adding onto the information above, the bird is not a Japan-limited bird. it's habitat extends from Asia to Mediterranean. One reason why the photo shows white colouring is because it is a migratory bird that changes its colour depending on the season. I just wanted to correct the misinformatin about the bird being Japanese.


For everyone saying this is a Japan-only bird, it's actually widespread all across Central/East Asia and Europe and (gasp) even Korea! They're a migratory species and change the color of their plumage from pinkish-gray to the winter black/white. Yes, the adorable white cotton ball can also be found in places like Germany. As for the 'fake' Korean crow-tit, Aka the Baepsae - Vinous-Throated parrotbill. It looks very similar to the long-tailed tit and also lives in places like Korea, Vietnam and Japan.

Yes finally, we have them here in Sweden too! Here they're called stjärtmes in Swedish. Lovely small bird. All this 'controversy' about this bird just shows how easy people trust what they read online, kindly source check please. :)

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PLEASE NOTE! This is a link to the original article, entitled FAKE BIRD NEWS: The Korean Crow-Tit, from 2017. I'm STILL getting comments on it. COOL!


Thursday, August 1, 2019

Moose in the sprinkler




 A cooling moose!

P. S. I feel suddenly compelled to say something about my lack of longer written pieces on this blog. To be honest, at this moment we're going through a family health crisis involving several people - none of us is getting any younger - and this involves multiple trips to the ER and the hospital that I find more than disconcerting, given the fact that the chaos in the ER triggers every bad memory/nerve cell in my body. This on top of not knowing exactly what is going on medically. The wheels grind very slowly, and information is scarce and has to be squeezed out of medical staff at 1:00 in the morning.

I find it's not a very good idea to share  deeply on a blog like this, as people feel uncomfortable with it, and I always wonder if I should have  done that and usually delete it anyway. I don't like those many attention-getting videos that dramatize battles with serious disease, some of which turn out to be total  fraud. My world view is just not very positive now, so I can't share that either. So I try to pass along fun stuff, mostly, because that's what I can do right now while I wait out  some pretty worrying  things. 

Meantime, here's that moose!