Tuesday, April 7, 2015

What's under the label




Hey listen.  I have nothing against kids who have major problems "getting help". But what's the help? How competent is it? How medicalized has it become? Isn't it true that (especially in the age of split-second information-sharing) diagnoses can become faddish and even trendy? 

In my day, in the dark ages, we had a few labels too, and they were judgemental and not helpful at all: "slow". "Retarded". "Disobedient". "From a broken home." "Problem child." Now all these have been splintered into multiple diagnostic categories, but instead of having kids sit in the corner, we diagnose and prescribe for them.





This won't be a rant. I'm not against psychiatry or drugs. I'm not against saying, here and now, that when I was finally diagnosed bipolar at FIFTY years of age, and finally put on the right meds (lithium, the most basic treatment for BP) and found a decent shrink, probably the last one in the world, it was nothing short of a breakthrough for me. Decades of painful, sometimes agonizing confusion and pain and being chewed up by a heartless system were finally over. 

I think I began to get well when I began to object. Hey, wait a minute. This drug is making me sick. Hey! I don't think I have a personality disorder. ("How would you know? You have a personality disorder!"). I can argue with my shrink, who by the way is highly critical of the medical/psychiatric community and the way it operates. (This is the only reason I keep going back.) But kids aren't in a position to do this, and their parents are usually completely intimidated by "experts".





I so often hear, in any treatment of any sort of mental illness, how important it is to "get help". The person giving this sage advice, usually a non-professional, can then wash his/her hands of the whole thing. There.  I've said something helpful, haven't I? How could it be wrong to "get help"? Haven't we settled the matter? Why don't you go away now? Your pain and distress are making me extremely uncomfortable. Go get help. Goodbye.


(This could be a whole post on its own, but have you noticed how many articles giving expert advice on psychiatric matters are written by Joe Shmoe, some hack with NO qualifications whatsoever, only misguided opinions and a space to fill on a quasi-medical web site? But people lap this stuff up! It absolutely amazes and appalls me how many people believe practically everything they read. It's as bad as that meaningless phrase, "Statistics show." WHAT statistics? Show me! And even if they do exist, how skewed are they?)





But I digress. There's this term, iatrogenesis, and I like it not only for all those syllables (six!) and its odd look on the page, as if it's starting in the middle, but for its meaning: a condition caused or at least driven by the "cure". After a while it is self-causing and self-perpetuating and attains an awful autonomy. It goes around in endless circles, causing medical people to label it "hypochondria", or maybe even something worse that requires a new kind of medication.

Good help is hard to find.

I won't go into all of my history - I don't go in for that sort of thing, as I think it inspires vampire-like lust in readers, the "oh-poor-thing/thank-God-that-never-happened-to-me" syndrome. I'd rather be wildly admired for my brilliance than felt sorry for any day. It was a mess, a battlefield, one war after another, with long stretches of vibrant life - years, in fact - so that when I had to go back and "get help" once again, the unspoken subtext was, "Didn't you straighten all this out already?" What - you mean you're depressed AGAIN?





I remember seeing a piece in Psychology Today in the early '90s which had a revolutionary article in it with an idea so daring, so controversial that they almost never printed it at all.

Depression is a recurrent condition.

Recurrent?! Meaning: part of the human condition? Meaning (like most things) ongoing? Something you have to deal with each time you get up in the morning?

I thought that was called "life".





Prior to this earthshaking announcement, depression was supposed to be cured "by the book": by reading asinine pop-psychology books, most written by (again) non-professionals. I'm OK, You're OK. How to Be Your Own Best Friend. And (my worst pick of all) The Down Comforter, strongly implying that we really do enjoy wallowing in our depression and don't want to give it up. But I used to think these were sort of like diet books. If it works so goddamn well, why is there another one along a few months later that sells even better?

Anyway, I no longer give a fuck about most of this. I've had to learn to be selfish, though if I had not found real "help" after decades of horrific damage to my self-esteem, my identity and my soul, I might not be here to write this. It was not so many years ago I was seriously planning to jump off a bridge after taking all my meds. (It's always a good idea to commit suicide twice.)  What brought me to this state of despair was not my disease, but the appalling lack of understanding in the medical community of the nature of my problems. The abyss of loneliness was harrowing. As for the "help", there was a sense of "whaaaaat? You're back here again?" (Didn't we just see you fifteen years ago?) 







I really like the way this video is presented: simple, yet incredibly effective. And I am NOT "against" diagnosis or treatment or even drugs, when they are used prudently (and only when the response is positive and helpful. Dump the crappy drugs that don't work and make you feel sick!) But I begin to feel that the medical community is getting farther and farther away from its own humanity. It's convenient to box kids, dump them in a category, dose them. They will trudge into adulthood with their spirits dampened, the label still stuck to them, even if in tatters. Their hopes of ripping off that label to reveal the shining spirit beneath are starting to look depressingly dim.



"You had me at hello"

Visit Margaret's Amazon Author Page!

Sunday, April 5, 2015

Gershwin Blingees: I have to do something with these




I don't know why it is, but out of all the subjects I've tried to bling, GG blings the best. I learned a long time ago that old b & w photos work better, with the background filled in and the subject left alone. That gives it a certain 3D quality.




I do these late at night, accounting for the nightmarish quality of some of them. I had no idea the dancer would duplicate like that, as a kind of weird backdrop for GG's conducting.




Maybe a little too pretty, but I had to include it. It looks like his hands are moving, which of course they're not.




Maybe the strangest and wildest GG Blingee I've done to date. Even the original was pretty frightening. I think he was a killer at the piano, at least. And a ladykiller.




Another very odd one. Somehow the Jesus/lamb figure fit there, and the pulsing inside his head is eerily prescient. Pretty icky, too.




A rather sentimental portrait of GG with Kay Swift.  Not much animation here at all. The oriole is supposed to be moving. There was too much complicated detail here to make the figures stand out the way I wanted.




Just bleepin' weird. I had to try out the other animated dancer and see if he'd make a backdrop. He does. But who the hell IS he?




These never end, do they? A little Disneyesque, perhaps. But I love how George signed the music.

GG FACT: did you know that for the initial performance of Rhapsody in Blue in 1924, GG left one page of the score blank? That cadenza, completely improvised, was never heard before that concert, nor has it been heard since. Like some of his best stuff, it just flared brilliantly, then dissipated into the air like a shower of sparks. So Ozone's version isn't so controversial after all.



Stairway to Paradise


 


One of those Facebook Brane Twizzlers. Is the cat going up or down the stairs? When I first looked at it, it was definitely up. Now it looks like it's definitely down. Five minutes from now it won't matter at all.




OUTTAKE: misfired screen saver. Still, I like it.



Wednesday, April 1, 2015

A serious George Gershwin problem





Believe me when I say, I did not create this fascinating powerpoint/slideshow presentation (transcribed awkwardly here, as I didn't want to just post a link, I hate that!). I just stumbled on it when looking for more morbid stuff about GG's brain tumor. God, there is a lot of morbid stuff about George's brain tumor, including an incredible amount written about it in actual medical journals. More about that later (can't wait, eh?). But I also found this. I didn't really find a name to attach to it however, except a username for Tumblr, astairical (great name!) "who has a George Gershwin PROBLEM".  I didn't even know such creative slide shows existed, but now I do. And since I, too, am developing a serious George Gershwin PROBLEM, I could not help but become seriously involved.




The presentation/piece/display/paean/jeremiad/threnody/rhapsody is written in the tone of wild admiration I would normally save for Harold Lloyd, but hey. It becomes apparent that poor dead George still wields quite an influence. It's done in a kind of verbal jazz style that I liked more and more as I read it, and the photos are pretty dreamy too. GG photographed well, maybe looked a little too smooth or Godlike to seem real. But whoever this is, and it must be a female, "got" George at least as well as some of his biographers. She gets all the highlights of his life right, anyway, and captures that great heady surf, the ozone in the room exploding, that people remember about him. Such fascinating rhythm George got: Are you out there, musical man?

And astairical: have you heard the Cuban Overture? How'd you like to rumba with George? It's the next best thing. Give it a click.
























Transcript

1. a guide to George Gershwin did u mean: SEXY TALENTED STUPIDHEAD like look at that face who even gave you the right to be so handsome just stop right there okay i do not want 2 deal w/ it HELLA fine by: tumblr user astairical, who has a George Gershwin PROBLEM

2. he was born in Brooklyn and was the second of four children. his older brother ira is kinda important but omg his sis frances was also rlly hot like how??? the hot gene runs in the family apparently LOOK AT BBY GEORGE HE’S SO HOT OMFG coMIN FOR THA BOOOOOOTYY he was a WILD CHILd LIKE he would skip school and get into fights on the street and poor ira had to explain to the teachers and to his parents lmao lbr he was well on his way 2 becomin the next mob boss of new york like bang bang motherfuckers but then by chance he heard a classmate playin music and he was like “MUSIC!! YASSSSS I HAVE FOUND MY TRU CALLING” (well not really but u get the idea) he was an amazingly talented pianist (go listen 2 his piano rolls) and also a musical genius like hell yea he brought jazz into the concert halls also did I mention he was the hottest thing since Hot Pockets??? yeah man just look @ that facE decided school was a waste of time so he dropped out at 15 lmao




3. wrote some crazy-ass sheet music!!! wtf even is this supposed 2 be like George us mere mortals don’t understand it “lmaooo are u havin trouble playing my music? all y’all are basic bitches.” he became rlly rich and rlly popular bc ppl loved his music even tho no one could actually PLAY IT bc it was harder than climbing the himalayas  literally his idea of sheet music lmfao he wants ppl to play legato and then he writes an essay on not using the sustaining pedal wtf

4. the biggest dork in the history of ever in other words he would bring ice cream and then eat it all by himself omFG this man once during rehearsals for his opera the lady kept singing off-pitch and kept correcting her but he finally got so tired of it he left the theatre LMFAO went 2 paris and composed “an american in paris” and brought back actual FRENCH TAXI HORNS TO USE AT THE PREMIERE OH MY g O D but he looked super hot while doin it so like YEAH MAN tha bomb diggity yo (also what did i tell u? he looks totally gangsta here) he kicked out a piccolo player who couldn’t get on-key either after five attempts hAHA this man had so many misadventures damn it would warrant another powerpoint “yes hello my name is George Gershwin and I am better than u”




5. “Why should I limit myself to one woman when I can have as many as I want?” actual legitimate quote from this man omg he was a MANWHORE YO went out w/ every pretty girl in nyc and had countless one-night stands GET IT GEORGE GET IT but with those looks and that talent??? who could blame him or the ladies??? apparently he lost his virginity when he was nINE so his theme songs are “womanizer” by britney spears and “talk dirty to me” by jason derulo “got lipstick stains on my passport, think I need a new one ayyyy” continues 2 attract the girls even 2day (myself included obvs)

6. but his tru love was a girl called kay swift!!! the dumbz met at a dinner party and kay thought he was interesting bc he played a lot of jazz and she’d only been exposed to classical and he was talented as hell ok she was married but when did that ever stop George lmfao, her husband was a banker and went out of town a lot and George and Kay would go spend the weekend in the countryside and ride horses together, play tennis, and swim





the dumbz met at a dinner party and kay thought he was interesting bc he played a lot of jazz and she'd only been exposed to classical and he was talented as hell ok se was married but when did that ever stop George lmfao, her husband was a banker and went out of town a lot and George and Kay would go spend the weekend in the countryside and ride horses together, play tennis, and swim idk how/why she put up w/ his womanizing but damn it means she loved him look at the lovesick idiots she rlly liked opera too so he took her to a lot of them. one afternoon they got bored of it so they snuck out at intermission and went Christmas shopping - he bought her bracelets and she bought him a good luck charm aw bbie he dedicated the show oh, kay! to her and that song "someone to watch over me" was 4 her also LET ME CRY they worked 2gether a lot on musical stuff, and he encouraged her 2 write popular music too. she became the first woman to write a broadway score all by herself. LIKE LET'S GO KAY!!! YEAH MANanother time they went out, they raced each other out of the theatre like lil kids and they fell out the door into the snow bc they were running w/ so much momentum and their expensive clothes were ruined and he wouldn't stop laughing omg pls don't to this to my feelings 

7. but sad stuff started happening!!! critics wouldn’t take him as a serious composer and ppl didn’t appreciate his work as much as we do now and it got to him and like NOOOOOo don’t be sad George look we all love u also his relationship w/ kay started going downhill and ugh it upsets me so much let’s not even idk I don’t rlly wanna talk about it so here have some hot pics instead yo pls god let me be that girl pls pls pls PICS OF HIM AT THE BEACH MAKE ME CRY OK OKAY BUT HIS HAAAANDS





8. super talented @ other things too yo he played a mean game of tennis and table tennis and oh that’s ira on the right hi there ira DEAR LORD DELIVER US FROM EVIL AMEN mortal kombat champion George Gershwin but omfg he frickin failed spelling like once he spelled “they were” as “they where” and “who’s got the last laugh” as “whose got the last laugh” I told u this man was a major dork omg nbd just painting a friend like a PROFESSIONAL ARTIST he also liked photography like damn how do u fit it all into ur schedule george

9. this man was rlly special ok bby angel lemme kiss u basically he was a musical GENIUS and helped American music move forward and a lot of things I can’t even put into words how much he means, not just to America or the world but just solely to me I’m sorry I’m getting sentimental omfg sorry a lot more sad stuff happened that hurts my soul but he died at the age of only 38 (so young ) of a brain tumor and oh god it must’ve really hurt oh god I cry just thinking about it honestly he deserved to do so much more and live so much longer and actually die HAPPY and fulfilled and nope I should shut up the tumor was a size of a grapefruit ok do not touch me HAVE MORE HOT PICTURES AND FORGET THAT THE ABOVE TEXT EXISTS **also he was best friends with fred astaire (another major bae) and I’m convinced he and frederick made a best friend pact to ruin my life well let me tell u IT’S WORKING CONGRATULATIONS BOYS**

10. in conclusion… george gershwin was a super talented and super hot composer and we all wish he were alive today bc honestly omg the love for him is infectious u better run while u can yo MY LIFE MOTTO THANK U BEKAH 2 hot 2 handle p.s. he has a rlly sexy voice OKAY




The continuing saga of the Munsingwear Men




HOME FRONT: The only thing well-knit about you, muscle man, is your underwear! The way that outfit clings to even your hideous frame is a tribute to the maker, Munsingwear?

MUSCLES: Sure it's Munsingwer. Nothing lesls is fit to grace the manly beauty of this grizzled vet. It's knit for fit and easy give and. . . say! Where'd you get that playboy suit you're wearin'?



HOME FRONT: Who's wearing a playboy suit? Why, you beautiful hunk of look, can I help it if I look fetching in these stylish Munsingwear "Slumberalls"? Can't be beat for all-knit, all-night comfort and head-to-toe warmth.


MUSCLES: Okay, my over-age destroyer. Now let's get down to fundamentals. . . like Munsingwear's "STRETCHY-SEAT". Pipe the way this boon to mankind brings up the rear. No creep, no crawl, no bind. Is it any wonder they say. . . wear Munsingwear. . . and have that well-knit look?



The seat alone is worth the price of admission. MUNSINGWEAR STRETCHY-SEAT underwear for men

"IT STRETCHES"



Monday, March 30, 2015

An Easter classic





Though this video is primitive, it does have a certain charm. Saran-wrap-mounted paper eggs descend like curtains, then disappear; hamburgers fly through the air, and at one point, Peter Cottontail walks right out of the screen. We've been enjoying this one ever since Caitlin was little. By the way, it has garnered a quarter of a million views.

"GET ME OUT OF THIS!": an Easter vision of hell


In case I didn't post this before. . .





. . . here it is again. This is one of the most brilliant interpretations of a contemporary piece I've ever heard. A good part of it is improvised. When I first heard Ozone go off-road I wasn't prepared for it, and my first reaction was somewhere between "woah" and "how dare he?". But stay with it. It's the kind of thing Gershwin might have done himself, had his sadistic SS doctors not allowed him to die in agony in his 30s.Some of the playing is so brilliant that you can hear the audience gasping.

I've just listened the spots off this and can't stop listening. Now in checking, I see that I DID post this before and it got next to no views. This is a horrible age, you know? It's all about numbers, and getting attention. It's absolutely dehumanizing. If my posts don't get a certain quota of views, they're no damn good or have to be re-posted. So OK, here it is again, people, and this time LISTEN! It will transform your life for 25 minutes. Aren't you interested in that???