If you knew Suzy, you might be sick

I just didn't know where to begin. All of these clips have something to offer. Nausea, mostly. None of them combine ALL the awfulness, the boredom, the missed high notes, the flat voices and fluffed lyrics. So I just had to pick one.

This one's as good as any, but do try some of the others. I just keep finding new ones. I wonder who KEPT these things?

I CAN'T LISTEN TO THIS!

It's late, I should be in bed as usual - when did my time-clock get turned completely upside-down? Never mind, it's late, my husband is asleep a mere thin wall away and I can't play this video, can't play the audio portion I mean cuz it would wake my poor Rip van Winkle-esque husband up, but I looked at it and thought it was probably original, not some lame un-funny bogus parody thing. I've not only SEEN local cable TV, I have been ON local cable TV and remember how excruciatingly beautiful it seemed at the time. We were simply unappreciated. Soon, very soon, a talent scout would arrive.

I know there are others to explore, such as. . .

This one. This filmy, green, like-it's-going-bad-because-it-probably-is, VHS delight (actually it's probably a Beta). I haven't heard this either. but it looks promising. Smudgy, wobbly video, copies of copies of copies of copies of copies, always appeal to me. I am knitting an elephant now and this is a good distraction. I like the tough  counterculture look of this woman, the late-nights-at-the-doughnut-shop demeanour and Target store nonchalance, that certain je ne sais quoi that whispers low of Walmart house brand and footlong hotdogs guiltily devoured at the Costco.

My husband, mentioned above, came home recently - nay, it was just the other day! - with a bag of dried cranberries that weighed 1.6 kilograms, which is four or five pounds. You could suspend this bag from the ceiling and soon become the next Raging Bull.  We won't eat this many dried cranberries in ten years, but he bought it because it was CHEAPER AT COSTCO.  I am sure he would understand the wild, tumble-haired, untameable spirit of this woman, whoever she is. I've never heard her sing and I may never hear her sing because I can't listen to the audio right now. Jesus. Or I'll forget, or something, but I just had to offer you this, Tender Reader, because I believe you are special.