Tuesday, April 11, 2017

Donald Trump's film debut in STARCRASH (1978)







Long-suppressed by Trump's advisors, profoundly censored by the White House, seen by practically no one: it's STARCRASH! In 1978, Donald Trump decided that though he was rich and famous and excelled at everything, he had not yet tried movie acting. His agent Bugsy Siegel signed him to this tawdry low-budget sci-fi picture, sight unseen. Co-star Marjoe Gortner was a famous fake evangelist with a 5-minute movie career, though whether or not he was actually green (or actually an evangelist, or actually an actor) is still hotly debated in sci-fi circles. 


The following Highly Secret Conversation was tape-recorded via hidden microphone by a spy hired by George Lucas:

I gotta tell ya, it's a mistake to put me under that dome.

(director) But Mr. Trump. This is the only special effect we can afford in the picture. Besides, you won't be under the dome. It'll be added later.

Because I don't wanna look like some kid's birthday cake or a pheasant under glass. Nobody told me about all this shit, the green skin, the lobster hands.

But Mr. Trump. Isn't it an honour to play the most formidable movie villain since Darth Vader?

My guy will call your guy.

PRODUCTION NOTES. The Wizard of Oz atmosphere in this scene is only partly intentional. It just kept turning out that way.

Those lobster arms are actually asparagus spears being overcooked in a microwave, another dazzling special effect.

The backdrop for the globe/"cake dome" is a defective lava lamp that Marjoe had lying around.


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