Wednesday, March 18, 2015

Facebook status quotes: suicide is painless

People stick these up because they love to tell other people what to do. Notice that, like most of these things, they're written in the imperative. Do this, do that, do, do, do. Not "I tried this once and it worked", not "I love this philosophy and you should try it".  That's because they are WAY more interested in pushing their philosophy down other people's throats than even trying to live it out themselves. They love to project a certain bold, flaming image with gigantic rainbow-colored phoenixlike wings lifting them to a higher plane of existence, when the truth is they're just like the rest of us. Timid, anxious, downtrodden most of the time, bitchy and irritable the rest of the time, then abandoned. And unemployed.

Try this at work!

It's nice, even true, but who can do it? It's one of those things people say to make themselves nod mentally. Yes, that's just what we have to do! Then the crisis hits, and 95% of your most loyal friends edge away, make themselves unavailable because they "don't know what to say". Or perhaps they give you a self-help book, or otherwise tell you what you should be doing to stop grieving (because your grief makes them so uncomfortable). Your attitude must be corrected, obviously, or you'll never "get over it" (which is obviously the goal of grief). Not only that, it must be corrected to match all the imperatives of the Facebook status quote, which nobody ever follows anyway.

This is a favorite, or a reverse favorite. I once attended a group that promoted this sort of philosophy. Once. The first thing they said was "you chose absolutely everything that ever happened to you". I asked if that applied to childhood and they said "Of course.' I asked if that applied to sexual abuse and psychological torture, and they said, "Your soul draws to itself the lessons it needs to learn in this lifetime". I was out of there so fast the exit suddenly turned into a revolving door.

Hey, universe: I have a request. If I emit the right kind of vibrational attitude, will it help my book sales?

Get me the Tums. No, really. Thunder inside? Another one of those "I am a hero" statements to make you at least look (but not feel) like some sort of epic spiritual voyager. Instead of a schmo like all the rest of us. Anxious, weary, depressed.

And why, you  may ask, do we have to explain why we're sad?

"You had me at hello"

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