Tuesday, April 16, 2013

Justin Bieber and Michael Buble have a stupid contest

We don't need Justin Bieber to remind us how inane celebrities can be. Not only that - they actually go on the record with it.

Claiming the legendary holocaust writer Anne Frank would have been a "belieber" (and does anyone under 50 even know who Anne Frank was?) is just the tip of the iceberg. This guy has no street smarts at all and has not thought it through in any area of his life and/or career. Why do I get that sickish creeping feeling that all-too-soon it will do him in?

But soft: what's this? Michael Buble has been around a long time now - he has almost 20 years on Bieber -and he's STILL saying inane, stupid things and everyone goes "selah, amen,  give me a ticket" because he's a "star". 

This is only an excerpt (because I can't stand the whole thing, and besides, this kind of sums it up) from an interview that I found particularly painful. I've got nothing against singers who can mimic a sort of melange of Sinatra, Torme and Vic Damone and bilk seniors out of their pension money. I just wish they'd THINK before they open their cavernous tonsil-baring singer's mouths. 

Singer, songwriter and lifelong ham, Michael BublĂ© lives his life through music. Through the ups and downs, breakthroughs and breakdowns, the 37-year-old, one of the world’s most recognizable artists and host of Sunday’s Juno Awards, has grown (up), thrown (up) and blown (up) (parentheses mine) to a soundtrack. While pop music fans await the release next week of his new disc To Be Loved, with tunes by artists including Randy Newman and Smokey Robinson, BublĂ© recounts (one of) the singles that have kept him comfort through his radical changes.

Seasons in the Sun, Terry Jacks, 1993

“I’d turned 18 and was working on my father’s commercial salmon fishing boat and we’d sing that old Terry Jacks song. At that time, I wasn’t thinking about melody or voice, I was having fun. We’d sing: ‘We had joy/we had fun/we had salmons up our bum/but the pain was too strong/because the salmon was too long.’ I thought that was hilarious — salmons up our bum! It was silly and stupid, but what do you expect? I was 19.”

(Salmons? Is that sort of like trouts or basses or pikes, or other assorted fishes?)

On his other interest, family life: 

 “Even though I’m in love with my new record, I have bigger fish to fry. In a few months, I’ll be a first-time dad and that means everything. I’ve waited my whole life for this and when I see my wife next, the first thing I’ll do is sing to her belly with my little boy or girl in there. ”

Boy salmons or girl salmons?