Tuesday, July 17, 2012

Why not blow your brains out?





Public Health Care Option 

Crackling in Ear

November 13, 2011  Posted by Julian

Blogger's note: Since coming down with the Virus from Hell in San Francisco - where I left my heart, my wallet and my health - I've had a residual effect that's driving me crazy. I get a crackle in my left ear - actually, it's more like cannon-fire - whenever I swallow. I realize this is probably due to a bit of infection lingering in the eustachian tube and won't clear up except with antibiotics. But last time I tried to get antibiotics out of my doctor I had to get down on my belly and grovel. She simply does not dispense them any more.




Ever.




It doesn't matter how sick you are. She won't give them to you. From handing them out like candy, a way to quickly dispatch nuisance patients and cycle them out of the office without listening to them, the pendulum has swung violently the other way. Doctors have been "told" (by whom? The Big Brother of Doctorhood?) not to do it any more because, as the snappy little TV jingle puts it, "not all bugs need drugs".

But I know why this happened, and it's ALL OUR FAULT. People came in sick, and because they wanted to feel better (and because doctors had been telling them to do this so they'd feel better), they'd ask for antibiotics. So because of  all that overprescribing, which is our fault, NOT the doctors', over time the drugs lost their potency (though that's probably due to all the antibiotics pumped into fish, chicken and carrots to make them grow faster and bigger and to have a shelf life of approximately 100 years).  So all of a sudden it's NOT cool to prescribe antibiotics, meaning doctors have had to find a whole new way of getting rid of patients fast.

They do this by shaming them for even thinking of asking for antibiotics, no matter how sick they are.
One of the more disgusting features of this bug was an eye infection. Pus was running out of my deeply-bloodshot eyes, which were stuck together when I woke up in the morning and had to be pried apart.
"They look fine to me," she said.



I begged; I pleaded. I could not see. Things swam before my eyes, which felt like they were on fire. Finally, with a purse-mouthed look that seemed to say, "well, OK, if you want to be a total hypochondriac about it", she dispensed a tiny bottle of drops that cleared it all up in two days.

But the ear problem, it goes on, along with a raw patch in my throat that migrates around like a storm system. At the height of this illness, which my doctor describes as a "summer cold", it was lodged in my larynx and I could barely swallow or eat.

Too bad it didn't last long enough for serious weight loss.



Anyway, looking up the billion or so foolproof home remedies on the internet, I found lots of wonderful things such as drinking apple cider vinegar and painting iodine on the inside of your wrist. It seems anyone and everyone can assume the demeanor and expertise of a doctor on the net. When I got reading this one, I had a "huh?" reaction followed by a "Jesus God" one.

This essay, which turns out to be written by some guy named Julian, is posted on a site called Publc Health Care Option. Sounds good, eh? Sounds reputable. So why not just get a Q-tip and start rooting away inside your infected ear? Never mind that any doctor worth his or her salt would say you should NEVER try to clear up an ear infection with a Q-tip or anything else that is smaller than a baseball bat. It pushes wax and debris deeper into the eustachian tube and may even rupture the eardrum.

But hey, this Julian guy. . . I like his confidence, not to mention the fact that he doesn't tell us to pour iodine in our ears or wave a dead cat over our head at midnight. Instead, he gives us the Valsava Maneuver, which apparently is at least three different things, none of which make any sense. 


I honestly don't know what language this was in originally, as obviously it's one of those automated internet "translations" that completely destroys meaning and syntax. Or maybe it's in English after all, which makes it even worse. In any case, it sure is repetitive, as if Julian is trying to pound his medical points home.

WARNING: DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME! But do read it as sheer entertainment, and as a cautionary tale about trying internet home remedies. I'm thinking of making one up myself, a warm horseshit compress maybe, to see how many people respond with, "Hey, this really works!"


(Please note. I have encountered English even more badly-fractured than this in medical doctors who were foreign-trained, not that it makes any difference now that  medical schools require a course in Indifference 101.)



Listening to a consistent crackling sound in the ear might be a trigger for concern. A lot of of us usually disregard modest afflictions like ear challenges in the hope they will just go away, or because they are not debilitating enough to disrupt a everyday regimen. Nonetheless, it can be constantly superior to handle a symptom rather then a affliction, and arrest it in advance of it gives rise to supplemental problems.
 


Crackling in Ear – Leads to Listed beneath are some triggers that could bring about a crackling sound inside your ears. Ear wax This is certainly amongst one of the most common brings about for listening to a crackling sound in your ear, and quite possibly the easiest to solution. Use an ear wash from the neighborhood drugstore to get rid of the excess ear wax and unclog ears.


You could possibly even use a Q-tip to remove any wax buildup within your ear. The ideal time for you to use a Q-tip is immediately after a sizzling bath, if the warmth and steam have had a softening effect within the ear wax. Keep in mind to get very watchful when inserting a Q-tip into your ear, taking care not to push also deep as this could induce severe damage like a ruptured ear drum.




Congestion/Sinusitis You could possibly experience crackling sounds inside your ears if you have inflamed sinuses or chest congestion. These signs often display up together along with the quickest approach to get relief is always to use decongestants. Often, it’s possible you’ll hear a crackling sound in your ears when swallowing, which can be the consequence of fluid create up as part of your ears. Untreated, this may lead to ear infections.


Steam inhalation might also offer some reduction, and is also advisable for folks who may have weak chests or simply a tendency to endure from congestion. To the right way inhale steam, use hot, although not boiling water.



Valsalva Maneuver


Area the bowlful of drinking water on a secure floor, cover your head having a towel and inhale through your nose. In case your nose is blocked, you might come across it less difficult to inhale by your mouth. Once you will get some relief from congestion, you might discover that the crackling in your ears when chewing or swallowing has ceased. Eustachian Tube Dysfunction (ETD) It is a ailment wherever blockages build while in the eustachian tube. The eustachian tube is actually a thin tube which connects the center ear to the throat. For clarity, have a search at a human ear diagram.


Construct up of fluid while in the ear can cause Eustachian Tube Dysfunction, among the indicators of which can be hearing a crackling within the ear with loud noises. ETD could also come about as an extra situation if you have a cold, and the signs or symptoms of crackling sounds in the ear will proceed till the chilly has run its course. It’s possible you’ll acquire a blocked Eustachian tube like a end result of fluid or mucus, which prospects into a assemble up of pressure on a person aspect in the ear. This strain will get released once you stretch your jaw, yawn, chew or swallow.



Valsalva Maneuver

It is an additional cause you may listen to a crackling sound or a popping sound within your ear whenever you conduct these steps. Crackling in Ear – Solutions Some simple approaches to tackle crackling seems within your ear are as follows. Yawning or stretching your jaw: Often this uncomplicated motion can cause a popping sound within your ear and put an close into the crackling sound you hear. Chewing gum/sucking on the lozenge: It really is widespread for the ears to receive blocked or to hear a crackling sound when you are in the substantial velocity elevator or with a flight. Some individuals also knowledge ear soreness when with a plane for the duration of consider off and landing. This can be as a result of stress fluctuations that occur. Chewing on one thing can assist relieve this ache.



Valsalva Maneuver

This really is to assist release any pressure made up in your ear. The Vasalva Maneuver includes pinching your nostrils collectively when your mouth is shut after which attempting to exhale with power. Properly doing this workout will crystal clear your ears and stop any crackling seems. The Valsalva maneuver is very powerful in conditions the place higher altitude results in the sensation of blocked ears. In case you find that the solutions over will not offer considerably relief, it truly is suggested that you stop by an ENT professional, who’ll be greater equipped to diagnose your difficulty. Though ‘crackling in ear’ could be a significant irritation, quite a few usually dismiss it or postpone seeking help. Nevertheless, correct care may offer substantial relief and assist in arresting it easily.




Post-post-script. I don't know what I did wrong, but it appears that I have stepped on an internet minefield. I never in my born days wanted some sort of obnoxious pop-up ad on my blog - I didn't willingly make it happen. Maybe it was that link to the Valsalva Maneuver (which, by the way, was a severe warning not to do it), or the fact that Julian's medical treatise came off a bizarre and totally shitty site featuring people who have about as much medical training as Abbott and Costello. Never mind: I just want this OFF me! I tried going on the net for information about this and got so much gibberish and arcane bafflegab that I became totally depressed. I don't know what any of it means. Makes me feel like an obsolete old horse.

If this is a one-time thing, then fine, I will bite the bullet. But perhaps my blog's immune system has been violated by some virus: ironically, in a post about trying to get rid of viruses.

Hosting these things is spozed-ta earn you all sorts of money, isn't it?, but you can't do that if you don't even know it's there, can you? If you have it forced on you? Someone else is making all the money, obviously.

Now I have TWO viruses to get rid of.

14 comments:

  1. Earwig? Google it if you want to scare the bejeebies out of yourself. I have tinnitus, which is like having a plague of locusts singing to each other in my ears. CONSTANTLY. Ever since I shot my rifle too often in the Army without earplugs. Only thing I can do for it is ignore it. I hear it only when I remember I have it. It's how I deal with a lot of unpleasant things. Not quite denial, but close to it. I just focus on other things.

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  2. Dunno, I can't hear that ringing.

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  3. My phone rang the other day. Wrong number.

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  4. Too much ringing, too little singing.

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  5. What if everyone in the world abstained from all electronic devices for a day?

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  6. MY GAWD, YOU'RE A REVOLUTIONARY! I HAD NO IDEA!!

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  7. Wait. . . I have a ringing in my ears. . . who could it be?

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  8. My ear is still bothering me after 5 weeks and I STILL don't want to trundle in to see my doc and be told to go home.

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  9. But if the infection gets worse, not doubt I will be blamed for being "negligent".

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    1. The Norwegian proprietess of a local health food store has some kind of voodoo ear-cleansing procedure that involves putting a glass tube up to the ear and burning a small candle at the other end that creates a suction and all sorts of gunk comes crawling out. I haven't tried it, but the kids did and they can still hear their heavy metal rock OK.

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  10. Oh, yeah, it's called ear-candling. Then there is the dreaded neti pot. You lean over a sink, and with this thing shaped like a little watering can, you pour water in one nostril and it comes out the other. How you avoid drowning or choking to death is anyone's guess. People also drink their own urine.

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  11. When I lived in a rooming house with students from India, a couple of Sikhs (they're all arrogant assholes) would "clean" their tongues before retiring for the nite. They used some kind of scraper made from the jawbone of an asp, or something, and we'd hear these godawful gagging sounds coming from the bathroom. In the morning we'd find evil-smelling clumps of green slime in the sink and adhering to the asp jawbones lined up behind the faucets...oh! Time for lunch - be back shortly.

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