Thursday, April 19, 2012

A fairy tale from hell

There once was an ugly duckling
With feathers all stubby and brown 

And the other birds said in so many 
Get out of town

Get out, get out, get out of town 
And  she went with a quack and a waddle 
and a quack 
In a flurry of eiderdown 


That poor little ugly duckling 
Went wandering far and near 

But at every place they said to her face 
Now get out, get out, get out of here 

And she went with a quack and a waddle 
and a quack 
And a very unhappy tear 

All through the wintertime she hid herself
Ashamed to show her face, afraid of what 
others might say 

All through the winter in her lonely 
clump of wheat 

Till a flock of swans spied her there and 
very soon agreed 
You’re a very fine swan indeed! 

A swan? Me a swan? Ah, go on! 

And they said yes, you’re a swan!

Take a look at yourself in the lake and 
you’ll see 
And she looked, and she saw, and she said 
I am a swan! Wheeeeeeee! 

I’m not such an ugly duckling 
No feathers all stubby and brown 
For in fact these birds in so many words said 
I'm. . . 
The best in town, 
the best, the best 
The best in town 

Not a quack, not a quack, not a waddle or 
a quack 
But a glide and a whistle and a snowy white 

And a head so noble and high 
Say who’s an ugly duckling? 
Not I! 
Not I! 
Not I! 


  1. Another of your masterful poem/picture shows.

  2. I didn't want to leave her there, I wanted her to escape at the last minute and go back to being a duck. But it didn't evolve that way. When a girl ends up in prostitution, there is very seldom a happy ending.

    This was originally a cheery little ditty by Danny Kaye, who makes me want to hurl.

  3. I never like Danny Kaye. Even hated his name.

  4. Nah, like. His ghost just materialized in the corner of my office. His real name was Kaminsky. His wife was Sylvia Feinstein (Fine). Famously closeted gay. Apparently he was a real shit.

  5. I imagine most closeted people take out their claustrophobia on those who know their secret.